Chapter Seventeen
Olivia
The hot water eased the pain that seemed to be everywhere in my body. I closed my eyes and soaked in Cash’s tub for nearly an hour as I listened to him exact his revenge on Jake in the March way. Anywhere he tried to go, he’d find he was suddenly unwanted, from Club X to virtually every one of the best restaurants in town. Cash left nothing of his social life to enjoy, and I knew this would devastate Jake most. Other men might have been hurt by another man beating the hell out of them, but not Jake. More than anything else, he lived to be that player he’d always been and Cash took that away from him with an hour’s worth of carefully placed phone calls. From this point on, Jake Richfield would be persona non grata everywhere he turned.
Opening my eyes, I looked down my body at the evidence of Jake’s rage. Purple bruises dotted my breasts where he’d grabbed me, and all down my stomach scratches marked me. Marked. Bruised. How could Jake had done this to me?
I struggled to fight back the tears, hating the idea that I was so weak that he could get to me again. No. I wouldn’t let that happen. I wasn’t some helpless girl. I’d trusted him, and that was a mistake, but he wouldn’t get any more than that from me. At least I could control that.
After an hour, I knew I couldn’t hide out in Cash’s bathroom anymore. I had to face him. I’d called him because I needed someone to save me, but now I felt embarrassed and unsure I’d made the right choice. We weren’t at that point in our relationship. What if he felt obligated to help me? I didn’t want a man who felt obligated to be with me because I was some broken bird.
Slipping back into my shirt and yoga pants, I walked out through his bedroom to find him sitting on the couch. Something between us felt awkward now, and I hated that. It was nothing he meant to do, but I saw the look on his face. He pitied me.
“Come here. Sit down with me.”
I didn’t even want to face him, so I looked away. “I think maybe I’ll go stay at Josie’s. I don’t want to impose.”
Cash walked over to me and took my hand. Raising it to his lips, he kissed it and led me to the couch. “Olivia, you’re staying here. I want to make sure you’re safe. Now sit.”
I did as he commanded and sat down next to him. “You’re pretty bossy, aren’t you?”
“I am your boss, remember?”
“I think we’re past just being boss and assistant, aren’t we?” I didn’t know why I asked that. I sounded needy, and I hated sounding that way. Looking down so I didn’t have to see his face, I said, “Forget I said that, okay? I’m not thinking clearly.”
Cash lifted my chin with his finger and stared into my eyes with a look that made me forget everything else in the world but him. “We are past just being that. I hadn’t realized until last week just how much past that we were. Then when you called me today and I heard the fear in your voice, I couldn’t think of anything but racing over to your apartment and protecting you. I’m not sure where this will end up, but we’re way past you just being my assistant.”
“So what happens now? You make Jake Richfield’s life a living hell?”
“He’ll be lucky if I stop there.”
The threat in Cash’s voice was real, and for a moment I felt bad for Jake. Cash was about to make his life an empty shell. “Just don’t do anything you can be hurt from.”
He gently tucked my hair behind my ear so my bruise was visible. “I’m not worried about me. You’re the one he attacked.”
“I’m fine, Cash. I’m not some piece of precious China that breaks easily.”
I had no reason to get defensive. He was just showing me he cared. I knew this, but my gut was sending all sorts of red flags up, even though I had no idea why. Something in the way he’d become so affectionate made me think it was just a matter of time before this all fell apart.
“Olivia, I’m not saying you can’t take of yourself. All I’m saying is I can take care of you too.”
“Well, it’s not necessary. I’m sure you have other things to do on a Saturday afternoon.”
Cash frowned, like what I’d said hurt him, and shook his head. “Nothing more important than you.”
I moved toward the end of the couch, putting some distance between us, even though part of me wanted him to hold me in his arms and never let me go. “I’ll probably head out in a little while. Josie has a spare bedroom.”
“What’s this about, Olivia?”
“Nothing. I just don’t want to be in the way if you have something planned.”
“What would I have planned that wouldn’t involve you tonight?”
“I have no idea. Maybe work. Maybe some other plans you might not want to tell me about. I don’t know.”
“What are you talking about? Did Jake say something?”
I turned and stared at him, seeing him as Jake had described. A player who’d slept with more women than he could remember. Lying, I said, “No. Why?”
“Because you’re acting like I did something wrong. What did he say?”
I quickly stood to move away, not wanting to have this conversation. “Nothing. He said nothing.”
“You’re lying. I can see it in your eyes. Tell me so at least I can explain.”
Something exploded inside me, and I screamed, “Explain what? That you’re just like him? That you’ve slept with more women than you can remember and I likely don’t mean anything to you?”
The look on his face crushed me. I hadn’t meant to say any of that, but somehow it all came flowing out of my mouth from somewhere deep in my mind. I couldn’t do this with him. Even if he was who Jake claimed he was, he didn’t deserve this.
Quietly, I said, “I’m going to lie down for a bit.”
And with that, I went to hide in his bedroom and hate myself for what I’d done. Somehow what Jake said had triggered that fear I’d had about Cash since the moment I realized I liked him. There were leagues, and he was out of mine. He came with a past that intimidated me and made me feel insignificant. I’d hoped my insecurities wouldn’t ruin this thing with him, but Jake’s words had brought them all front and center.
I didn’t know how long I lay there alone in Cash’s bed, but the moment he opened the door my stomach twisted into knots. I’d dropped all that emotional shit in his lap and there was no way we were ever going to move forward if we didn’t talk about it.
Talking about it was the last thing I wanted to do, though. Masochism wasn’t my thing, and hearing about all the women he’d been with before me sounded like the purest form of emotional torture.
My back turned to him, he slid in under the covers and pulled me close. I’d expected to feel him hard against my ass, but nothing pressed against me. This wasn’t about sex. If it had been, maybe I could have kept it together. No, this was about him being there for me and me being the kind of emotional wreck who’d actually brought up his past because I felt inadequate.
Fucking Jake! I’d been so happy with Cash. Maybe my insecurities would have reared their ugly heads at some point, but they hadn’t yet. Now that happiness was gone, replaced by the ugliness Jake had forced on me. The physical attack I could get past. Bruises faded and scratches healed. Words never went away, though. They replayed in the mind haunting until they became truth.
“Olivia, you up?” he asked in a voice that flowed over me like silk.
I pretended to be asleep, but it was no use. I had to face him. “Yeah, I’m up.”
“Let’s talk.”
His soft tone unsuccessfully disguised what I knew to be a command. Weaker men might have let me explode like I had and then wait for me to calm down. Not Cash. Used to having control, he’d given me time only because he wanted it, not because I demanded it. Dominant men were like that. It’s one of the reasons I’d fallen so hard for him. Now, though, it made for an inconvenient conversation I wasn’t really ready for.
Rolling over, I avoided his gaze. He wasn’t going to let me get away with that either. Gently but firmly, he turned my face so I had no choice but to look at him. “I want us to talk, Olivia. The least you can do is look at me. After what you said out there, I think I deserve some answers.”
“I don’t know what to say.”
“Then I’ll talk. Jake Richfield wasn’t wrong when he told you I’d been with a lot of women. I’ve never denied that. I won’t apologize for my past. I don’t expect you to apologize for yours. But that has nothing to do with you and me and what we have together.”
“I know. I don’t know why I said that before. I know what your past is, and even though it scared me a little, I hadn’t given it much thought until…” I let my sentence trail off, not wanting to say Jake’s name.
“I’ve never pretended to be anyone but who I am, Olivia. If the fact that I’ve been with a lot of women before you is a problem, then there’s nothing I can do to change that. I can only say that since I began to care about you there hasn’t been anyone else.”
His words sounded so final they scared me. “Are you saying you don’t want to see me anymore?”
Leaning in, he kissed me softly on the lips. “No. I’m saying there hasn’t been anyone for a while and I don’t want anyone else.”
“Oh.” I couldn’t look at him staring at me with those gorgeous blue eyes so close that I worried he could see inside me. “I’m sorry, Cash. I don’t know why what he said got under my skin, but it did. I hate that. I’m not some pathetic girl who can’t handle the man she’s with having a past. That’s teenage girl nonsense. That’s not me.”
“I do want to tell you something about my past, though.”
I shook my head and stopped his talking with a kiss. “No. No more about your past tonight. Tomorrow you can tell me anything, but tonight I just want it to be you and me.”
He hesitated, and I kissed him again, not wanting to hear any more about other women. He was here with me. That’s all that counted. Reaching down, I stroked his quickly hardening cock, needing the closeness that sex with Cash would give me.
I climbed on top of him and tilted my hips to feel the full length of him against my wet pussy. His hands slid down my sides and cupped my ass, even as his eyes showed me his concern remained. “I don’t want to hurt you if you’re still sore.”
Sitting up on him, I pulled on his boxer briefs to reveal his thick, stiff cock. I wanted to feel that stretch me as he made love to me. “I want to feel sexy—the way I always feel when we’re together. Please don’t let him take that from me. I’ve never had that before. I love that feeling.”
Cash eased me onto my back and slowly slipped my T-shirt and panties off, his mouth following wherever his hands touched with kisses that made me feel adored. For the first time between us, our bodies joined not in lust so much as something more meaningful. Gentler than usual, he cradled my face in his hands as he entered me, staring down into my eyes with a look full of sweetness.
Slowly thrusting in and out of me, he filled my body with his, stretching me to fit him. I wrapped my legs around his waist to bring him closer. I wanted his skin on mine, to feel each movement of his muscles as he made love to me. My hands slid over his back, and I reveled in his body’s power even as he could be so tender and attentive.
We said nothing as we gave one another everything we were. I was bruised and hurt, but he soothed me by showing me I could still be that sexy woman he wanted when we were at the club. More than anything else, he made me feel safe and adored.
My release rushed through me, and I clung to him as it made my legs quiver in ecstasy. He came soon after, filling me once again, and we remained there in each other’s arms, silent and sated. I could have stayed there in his hold forever, protected and worshipped and for the first time in my life wanting that.
He rolled off me and pulled me close so my head rested on his shoulder. In the dim light of his bedroom, I traced my fingertip over the tattoo that stretched across his chest. LUCK HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH IT. Curious, I asked, “Why did you get this tattoo?”
Cash smiled one of those thoroughly sexy grins I loved. “I wanted to get one that meant something to me. As the oldest brother, I often seem to be luckier than Stefan and especially Kane. People think because my father left me so much that it’s luck. It’s not luck. I was the son I was expected to be, unlike Stefan, who was the son who gave my father nothing but trouble. Kane was just the son my father never publicly recognized until right before his death.”
“What about the ones on your arms?”
He extended his right arm above me and looked up at it. “Each one was important when I got it. Now they just remind me of times past.”
“I like the dragon with the green and black. Do you plan to get more?”
“Probably.”
I ran my finger over his chest to the right nipple pierced with a silver hoop. “And this? Planning on getting anything else pierced?”
He laughed. “No. Got anything in mind?”
“I once dated a guy who had his tongue pierced. That was pretty cool,” I said with a giggle.
Squeezing me tightly to him, he growled in my ear. “A tongue piercing? I don’t think I could stand all that metal against the back of my teeth. Stefan’s damn near drives me out of my mind sometimes when he talks.”
“I had no idea he had his tongue pierced. How did I miss that?”
Cash growled again. “Enough about Stef.” Then he kissed me and I heard him sigh as he pulled me close to him again. Finally, we’d reached that sweet place I’d never believed could happen with Cassian March.
I woke hours later with Cash still next to me. He lay there silently, his muscular chest moving up and down with each breath he took. Even sleeping, he was stunning. Fighting the urge to touch him, I watched him admiring the man who had awakened feelings in me I’d never known existed before. I considered waking him up, but he looked so peaceful there sleeping so soundly that I grabbed his shirt and my panties to head out to his kitchen for a bite to eat. Famished after everything I’d been through that day, I found a box of angel hair pasta and a jar of marinara sauce in a cabinet next to the stove and some shrimp in his refrigerator. It wasn’t five star cuisine, but with a little culinary love, it could be a nice surprise for him when he woke up.
As the water for the pasta came to a boil, I prepared the shrimp the way my mother taught me by steaming them and then quickly coating them with parmesan cheese I’d found on the fridge door. It wasn’t freshly grated cheese, but since Cash was a bachelor living alone, I considered myself lucky I’d found any of the ingredients for my surprise meal at all.
With the shrimp done and the water boiling, I tossed the pasta into the pot and began looking through his cabinets for some thyme and rosemary, the secrets to my own special spaghetti sauce. Rifling through shelves full of boxes of expired crackers and cereal, I saw a few bottles of what looked like spices all the way in the back of the cabinet. I stretched to reach them and heard a voice say behind me, “I doubt you’ll find anything there.”
Startled, I spun around and saw a woman standing in front of me across the center island. Tall with long jet black hair that shined like hair in shampoo commercials, she looked like a model, complete with bought and paid for boobs that even without a bra seemed to sit up perfectly near her collarbone. Her full lips shined with deep red lip gloss that I imagined never faded or feathered, and as I scanned her face for some flaw or imperfection, I saw nothing but perfectly applied makeup to skin I could only dream of having.
“You must be the girl in Cassian’s life now. I’m Rachel. Nice to meet you.”
She stuck her perfectly manicured hand out to shake mine and I shook hers, meekly apologizing for the shrimp remains that hung from my stubby nails. “I’m sorry. Who are you and what are you doing here?”
“Cassian didn’t tell you about me? Bad boy.” She practically purred when she spoke, but even her smoothness couldn’t make what she said easy for me to hear.
“I don’t understand. Who are you?” I asked a second time as I wiped my hands clean of shrimp guts.
“Rachel, his wife. Well, his estranged wife, but wife nonetheless. I can’t believe he didn’t mention me,” she said with a smile that I was sure was anything but friendly.
“His…his wife?” I stammered out, sick to my stomach after hearing the word wife four times in just seconds.
She flashed me an even broader smile as I listened to her repeat her explanation about her being his estranged wife, but it didn’t matter. He’d never even given me a hint he was married, separated or not. He wore no wedding band, and there was no indication on his ring finger that he hid a ring when he was around me.
Was it possible Cash had been married this whole time? How? No, I couldn’t believe it. A long line of women in his past? Yeah, I believed that. But married? The man I’d grown to love couldn’t be the kind of man who’d cheat on his wife and lead a double life.
Rachel’s description of how close she and Cash were floated in and out of my brain as I tried to understand what was going on. She mentioned something about them marrying young, but after that all her words started to run into one another. My hands began to tremble as the truth of what this woman was saying settled into my brain. Cash was married and he’d been married the entire time. Everything we were was based on a lie.
“Is that food I smell? I hope so because if this is a dream, I’m going to be really disappointed.”
I turned to see Cash standing in the doorway to his bedroom in just his boxer briefs and instantly knew everything Rachel had said was the truth. She looked at him like he was a possession of hers, her eyes sliding over his muscular torso like it was something she owned and appreciated.
She said something to him, but my heart pounding in my ears made it impossible for me to hear anything. I needed to get the hell out of there and away from him. As the water boiled over onto the stove behind me, I stumbled toward his bedroom, pushing past Cash to quickly get into my pants and leave. He tried to explain and held my arm to stop me, but I yanked it away from him and ran as fast as I could with my arms full of my things and still dressed in his shirt. I didn’t know where I was going or how I’d get there, but it didn’t matter. I couldn’t stay and listen to his lies when the evidence of the truth stood right in front of me with perfect looks and a purring voice coming from that smiling mouth of hers.
What I’d always feared had come true. Cassian March and I were in different leagues, and even though for a short time it seemed like I could be the kind of woman he’d want, the reality was the kind of woman he should be with was standing in his kitchen in designer clothes and looking like a supermodel, likely eating the meal I’d prepared for him and me. Rachel belonged in that gorgeous condo with him, not me.
I heard him call my name as I ran down the hall, his voice tinged with fear. I pressed the down arrow like a madwoman, somehow convincing the elevator to come quickly enough that I could escape this place before I had to hear him try to explain again. The last I saw of him he was trying to stop the doors from closing and apologizing again, his blue eyes pleading along with his words, but it was no use.
Whatever we were had all been a lie.