Chapter Nine
Olivia
Swallowing hard, I tried to calm the nerves that threatened to overrun me as I sat there listening to Cash talk to me about how beautiful I was. Oh my God, I was in a fantasy room with my boss and one of the owners of Club X, Cassian March!
When Josie and Erin suggested I take advantage of the fantasy perk of my employment at the club, I never really intended to follow their advice. I mean, living out my fantasies, no matter how tame they may have seemed to others, scared me half to death. I was the type of woman whose mind routinely came up with incredible dreams, but they were just that. Dreams. Nothing more, and certainly not meant to be acted upon. It’s just that after the night of the Godivas party when Cash and I sat together in a room just like the one we were in now, I realized if I ever wanted to have even the tiniest chance with a man like him, I had to shed my schoolgirl fears and begin living those dreams instead of just enjoying them alone each night.
But I’d never thought I’d be acting them out with the very man who filled my fantasies night after night for the past three weeks!
Cassian March. Tall, dark, and stunning with blue eyes I saw every time I lay my head on my pillow. His voice slid seductively over my skin with each word he spoke, and now he was telling me he thought I was beautiful.
But why was he here in my fantasy room helping me live out my fantasy of not having control?
His tongue slowly slid into my mouth to tease mine, making my pussy run wet. The man was driving me insane with desire, and I loved every second of it. I hadn’t reserved a gold or platinum level fantasy room, so there would be no sex between us. Part of me felt relief at that. If Cash and I ever made love, I didn’t want it to be in a room like this one. Another part of me felt disappointed, though. I wanted him now more than ever and to know that this was just some temporary thing between the two of us that would end as soon as we left this room made me sad.
“Olivia, tell me what you want.”
His words were a command I was meant to obey, but fear of rejection tore through my brain, making answering impossible. I wanted him. I wanted to feel him as he eased into me while I dug my fingernails into his back. I wanted to experience what it felt like for a man like him to satisfy me like no man had ever done before.
None of those words happened because of that fear that had always crippled me. Instead, I opened my mouth to speak and nothing came out. God, for once, couldn’t I be as brave with a man as I’d always been in every other part of my life?
“Don’t be afraid. Tell me. What’s your fantasy?”
“I…I want to know what it’s like to not always have control.”
Cash ran his hands up the outside of my thighs to my waist, leaving a trail of heat where his skin touched my clothes. Even through the fabric, his touch thrilled my body. He leaned in toward me, and I felt his warm breath against my cheek. “No, I mean what do you really want?”
Even though I couldn’t see him looking at me, I felt his stare as he waited to hear what my true fantasy was. Closing my eyes behind the blindfold, I prayed that once the words left my mouth that I wouldn’t be left humiliated and alone in that room with only my regret and shame.
Swallowing hard, I said the truest words I’d ever spoken. “I want to experience what it’s like to give myself to someone completely. No fear. No hesitation. No holding back.”
They came out in a rush, like my brain had rehearsed the answer so many times and my mouth and tongue finally rejoiced in the opportunity to say the words out loud. Cash said nothing for what seemed like forever, and I couldn’t help but feel utterly foolish. I sat there exposed and vulnerable, my shame growing with each moment that ticked by until I felt like it would smother me. Somehow, even the fact that I couldn’t see his reaction made things worse as I was left to imagine the cold look in his eyes as he silently judged me. I was everything I’d ever feared.
Pathetic.
Then he spoke and his words made every one of my fears disappear.
“I want to give that to you. You deserve to feel all that and more, Olivia.”
The way his voice dropped to a deep whisper when he said my name made an ache throb in my lower abdomen like an emptiness existed there that only he could fill. I squeezed my thighs together, but that only made the ache more acute, and an involuntary moan escaped my throat.
Never before had I been so aroused by merely being in a man’s presence. He’d only kissed me a few times that night and said so little, but he could have commanded me to fulfill his wildest dreams at that moment and I would have without hesitation.
He slipped my bra strap back onto my shoulder and covered it with my dress. Gently, he brushed his lips against mine and whispered, “Our time is up, but I wanted to tell you my favorite color is black. I hope to see you again here, Olivia.”
Pressing his palm to the front of my panties, he slid his finger through the dampness, making me moan as he reached my clit, lingering there far too briefly before he moved his hand away. It was all I could do to stammer out, “Yes,” but he was already moving toward the door.
I heard him turn the door knob and stop as he pulled the door open. Angling my body toward the sound, I heard him say, “And Olivia, don’t ever believe you aren’t beautiful. There’s nothing wrong with you. Don’t ever forget that.”
The door closed with a click, and I ripped off my blindfold to look around at the room in an effort to convince myself that it all had really happened. I’d just spent time with the man of my dreams, and he wanted to see me here again.
I needed to go shopping for a black bra and panties.
* * *
Josie stood next to me as I stared up at the wall of bras, unsure which one would be the right bra for my next Friday night fantasy date. Date. Yeah, that’s how I’d begun to think of my time with Cash on the top floor of Club X. It might not have been exactly correct to call our time together dates, but that’s what I was going with.
I hadn’t told Josie or Erin what I’d been up to with Cash, so my sudden interest in lingerie seemed odd, at best. Josie must have been a descendent of some world class detective because we hadn’t been in Victoria’s Secret not five minutes before she began asking questions.
“A black bra? That’s not really your style, Liv. What’s going on?”
Twisting my face into a disgusted expression, I rolled my eyes. “Thanks for always reminding me that I’m your Well On My Way To Being An Old Maid friend. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate it.”
“That’s not what I meant, and you know it. It’s just that any time a person begins to act out of character, her friends should take notice.”
“Thank you, Miss Marple.”
Josie arched one eyebrow in her usual fashion when I said something she found odd. “Not an Old Maid? Who says Miss Marple these days? If I’m any detective, it’s Beckett from Castle.”
“Thanks, Detective Beckett.”
“You’re welcome. Now what’s up with the new bra? Who’s checking out these undergarments?”
“Undergarments?”
Josie’s gorgeous smile spread across her lips. “I wanted to use a term you’d be familiar with. See? I’m here for you.”
Turning back to face the wall of bras once again, I stared up at the assortment of black ones. Some would give me cleavage a man could get lost in, while others seemed to have tiny details to make any sex partner happy. Or so I imagined since I couldn’t figure out why a teardrop shaped faux crystal would be hanging between my boobs.
“Well, here for you, which one should I pick?”
Josie looked up at the choices and pointed to one of the deep cleavage bras. “That should make your 34Bs look pretty good. What do you think?”
“I think I might never see my toes again.”
Her head swiveled left and then right, and she pointed at a black lacy one. “What about that? Lace is very sexy. Just ask Miss Marple with the lace doilies.”
Sighing, I shook my head. “No lace then. Next!”
Josie leaned in next to me and said in my ear, “I might be more helpful if I knew why this sudden interest in black bras.”
Something inside me made me want to share my secret with someone, so very quietly I said, “I’ve been meeting Cassian March every Friday night in a fantasy room at Club X.”
“Shut the fuck up!” she announced to everyone within earshot.
I looked around, horrified that someone might have heard her. A middle-aged mother with her young daughter checking out the table of boy shorts shot me a glaring look, and I gave her my best plaintive apology face. Pulling Josie away behind a rack of yoga pants, I worked to stifle her need to know more about my secret. “Josie! Indoor voice!” I whispered.
She looked around and said in her lowest voice, “Shut the fuck up. You’re fucking Cassian March? Jesus, Liv, when did this happen and why the hell didn’t you tell me before?”
“I took your advice and reserved a fantasy room. Nothing big. I just said I wanted to experience what it was like not to always be in control. It was probably the most boring fantasy request they’d ever seen.”
“Then how the hell did you get that incredible piece of man meat to join you?”
I shrugged and shook my head. “I don’t know. The first night the man who joined me in the room ordered me not to speak and didn’t speak to me, so I didn’t know who he was. Then last night I showed up expecting whoever he was not to say a word, but when the man spoke, it was Cash. I couldn’t believe it.”
“How was he? I have to know if I was right. Please tell me he fucks like a wild stallion. I need to know there are still men out there who know how to take care of a woman.”
“I don’t know. We didn’t do anything like that.”
“You didn’t have sex with him? Why ever not?”
Sheepishly, I looked away back toward the wall of bras. “He didn’t want that, I guess. He never even let on it was him.”
Josie walked around me to look at me with eyes wide with surprise. “And you didn’t make a move? Again I ask, why ever not?”
“I can’t change who I fundamentally am, Josie. I reserved the fantasy room to try to be less inhibited, but Rome wasn’t built in a day. Anyway, he seems far more interested in toying with me, now that I think about it.”
“Toying with you? What do you mean?”
“He likes to touch me and talk a little, but nothing else. He hasn’t even tried to have sex with me.”
Josie made a face like she was mulling over everything I’d told her. It wasn’t the wild sex story she wanted. “So why buy the new bra and panty set?”
Hesitating for a long moment, I finally admitted the truth. “He told me his favorite color was black.”
I waited for Josie’s response, expecting her to read me the feminist riot act and accuse me of being little more than a doormat for a man. Instead, she winked and smiled. “The old Livy would have been too afraid to go out and buy his favorite color bra. I think it’s pretty cool that this new you is willing to make that effort, even though you aren’t sure where this is going. Looks like Rome is well on its way to being built.”
“Thanks, Josie.”
“I just don’t understand one thing. If you knew it was him, why didn’t you let him know?”
“I don’t know. I got the feeling he might not want me to know, although I’d know that voice anywhere. He’s got to know I know.”
“Then why wouldn’t he say so?”
“I don’t know. Maybe he doesn’t want to deal with any expectations I might have outside that room we go to.”
I’d tried all last night and all morning not to obsess over that fact, not wanting to believe that our time together meant so little to him. I wanted to think he enjoyed spending those hours with me, even if he didn’t want to be with me like that any other time.
“Do you plan to let him know you know it’s him?”
“I don’t know. There’s something sexy about neither one of us admitting we’re together. Like it’s a secret just between us. We both know but say nothing. I guess I’ll just have to play it by ear, but I’m reserving another room this Friday. That I do know.”
Josie hugged me tightly and pressed her head to mine. “I’m so loving this Livy Version 2.0, you know that? I say let it ride, and if you get the chance, ride that man like there’s no tomorrow.”
“I think I will.” Reaching up to grab a black silk bra with deep cleavage action, I dangled it in front of Josie’s face. “And just in case Cash decides Friday night is the night, I’ll be ready.”
* * *
It was easy to be all bravado in front of Josie, but once I returned to work on Monday, I found walking the walk and talking the talk so much harder. Cash sat in his office, like he always did, and I worked in mine, sure that we’d have to speak at some point in the day. I dreaded the idea of speaking to him and craved it at the same time.
By four o’clock, I was just about ready to burst from anticipation. I’d always heard people say it’s the not knowing that’s the worst, and I had to agree with them. All day my mind had been busy creating a million scenarios as to how things would go when we finally spoke, most of which involved him either ignoring me for the rest of the week or worse, acting cold toward me when we finally spoke. Some of the scenarios weren’t all bad, though. Every so often, my brain let a romantic idea sneak in among the doomsday ones, and it was those few sweet thoughts that let me stay optimistic.
He stopped in front of my open office door just before five, and I prepared myself to be cool. I may have been showing that on the outside, but my insides were doing the jiggly Jell-O dance. Straightening papers on my desk unnecessarily, I sat up in my chair and lifted my chin, hoping to project an air of confidence.
It was all for nothing, though. Instead of coming in to speak to me, he simply turned toward the club and walked away. Disappointed, I sagged in my chair and closed my eyes, exhausted from the not knowing. Perhaps we wouldn’t speak again. That seemed normal for a boss and his assistant. Yeah, right.
“Olivia, is everything all right?”
He said my name just like he had in the fantasy room, his voice low and husky. It curled around me like a tendril of smoke. After a day of waiting, the sound of it thrilled me instantly. Slowly, I opened my eyes and straightened myself behind my desk. “I’m fine. Thank you. Did you need something?”
Cash stared at me intently for a moment and then appeared to relax. “No.”
This man, who with just a word could ignite such passion inside me, stood there staring like he was looking right through me and then with a half-hearted smile, turned away and walked back into his office. Rome was burning down around me.
Worse, by Tuesday afternoon, I’d convinced myself that our time together upstairs meant nothing to him. How could it when he never even told me it was him there with me and then practically avoided me for the next two workdays? It could have been a coincidence that he was either in his office with the door closed or out of the building all Monday and Tuesday. It could be. Or it could mean that he didn’t want to deal with me after our last time in the fantasy room and he was avoiding me.
I couldn’t let the memory of that night go, though, so just before I left on Tuesday night, I made the decision that I’d give it one more try—one more night in the fantasy room with Cash. One more opportunity for him to let me know it was him seducing me. Rather than emailing Kane, I marched myself up the stairs to his domain and found the floor entirely empty. Peeking in room after room, I finally saw him in one at the opposite end of the hallway from the room Cash and I met in sitting behind an enormous, old wooden desk. For the first time since I’d met him, Kane looked comfortable and at home in what I assumed was his office. So different than the first floor offices, it reminded me of the kind of place a private detective worked out of in every old movie I’d ever seen. Much smaller than Cash’s and mine, it was dimly lit and cluttered with books and papers. The desk sat at the back of the room away from the door, and other than that piece of furniture, there wasn’t much else in there but Kane.
He looked up as I raised my hand to knock on the door, smiling for a moment before his expression turned serious again. “Olivia, what can I do for you?”
So much larger than his half-brothers, Kane always unnerved me but not in the same way Cash did. With Kane, his intimidation wasn’t sexual so much as physical. Everything about him seemed hard from his short, cropped hair, to his sharply angular face and enormous frame. Where Cash was lean and cool, Kane was huge and muscular with almost an ice cold way about him. Both men shared the same stunning crystal blue color of their eyes, but Kane’s never softened, at least not around me.
I stiffened briefly and then blurted out, “I’d like to reserve another room for this Friday.”
“Same as the last two times?” he asked casually as he typed something on his laptop.
I began to say yes, but then I had a thought. It was now or never to be brave, so I answered, “No. I’d like to do a gold level fantasy, if that’s allowed.” Embarrassed, I lowered my voice and admitted, “I can’t afford it if it’s not included in my job benefits, though.”
He stopped typing and looked up from his keyboard, his face impassive. “No, you can choose any level.”
“Okay. Thanks.” I turned to head back downstairs and heard him say my name. Stopping short, I turned back. “Yes?”
“Do you want the same person to join you?”
He knew. I saw it in those cold eyes of his he knew I was falling for Cash. I nodded and stood waiting for him to ask me something else, but all he did was smile, and for the first time, it reached all the way up to his eyes and they softened as he looked at me.
I quickly made my way out of the building and out to my car feeling good about my choice. Olivia Version 2.0 was back on track and making progress.