Three weeks.

It had been three damn weeks since Ryan left to go on his trip, and I missed him something fierce.

Dinner was over, and Grace was putting Edward to bed. In the past three weeks, I’d come to know the little boy and realized Ryan had meant it when he said there were times the boy rarely spoke. Every time I was around him, even when he was playing with his toys, reading, or coloring, he was very quiet. If I didn’t have my eyes on him, I wouldn’t even think he was there, and I couldn’t help thinking just how sad that was.

Little Edward and I had gotten close, but not too close. He at least said ‘hi’ to me when he saw me now, even if it was as quiet as a whisper, but that was pretty much it. I knew he and Ryan talked at least every night before he went to sleep, no matter what time it was where Ryan was. He was such a loving father to the boy, and at times, it made my heart flutter.

Would he treat my child the same way?

The thought had occurred to me a couple of times before, and it came up again.

But, more importantly, Ryan was going to call me after he’d talked to Edward. And not just a phone call; a video chat on the large screen in his bedroom hung up on the wall opposite his bed. He’d shown me how to work it before he left, but we hadn't used it before, though he wouldn’t tell me why when I knew he was definitely on video chat with Edward, who had a laptop all to himself.

I was excited about it, more than I wanted to admit to myself because then I’d have to remind myself why caring too much for this man was pointless.

Once I made it to the bedroom, I checked the time, then went to the bathroom, deciding I could take a shower to waste some time because he’d still be on the phone with Edward. He’d given me an exact time when he would be able to talk to me, and it was what I’d been waiting for since yesterday.

Out of the shower, I went to Ryan’s closet. With him gone, I’d started picking out some of his clothes to fall asleep in. it was probably wrong of me, and he didn’t know I was even doing it. I’d been scared at first because everything in his closet was designer, even simple t-shirts. But there were plenty of clothes just lying around, and I’d found the clothes that looked oldest and used those. It had been a week and a half after he’d left when I caved and put on his clothes to sleep in his bed with for the first time.

“I hope he won’t get angry,” I worried to myself as I hesitated to put on his clothes again.

I knew I would do it anyway, though. Because I didn’t think I would be able to see his face, even over video, and just fall asleep fine afterward. Having his clothes helped just a little bit.

So I found a t-shirt in pale cream with long sleeves and a pair of cotton sweats. The t-shirt practically drowned me, the sleeves swallowing my hands until my fingertips just barely showed. The sweat pants had a cord through the waistband, so I could tie them and they wouldn’t fall. The ends of them fell over my feet, and if I had to run in them, I would probably trip. I walked slowly over to the bed and lay back on it, making sure I was up against the pillows, lying somewhat in the middle.

I picked up my phone where I’d dropped it on the nightstand on my way to the bathroom and fidgeted with it, checking the time every so often until I saw that it was time. Exactly ten p.m. on the dot.

The remote was also on the nightstand, and I leaned over to pick it up. I looked over the buttons, remembering Ryan’s instructions, and I followed them, pointing it at the TV. First, I turned it on, then turned on the video chat feature. Ryan had told me I would know when he called, and he showed me how to answer. When the call came in, a notification appeared on the TV screen, and suddenly, I wasn’t so calm.

What the fuck should I do?

I was having a little freak-out on the bed, wondering whether or not I should take his call. There was a fine tremble all over my body, and when I tried to press the button to pick up the call, at first, I couldn’t. But then I took a deep breath, forced myself to calm down, and pressed down on it.

The screen lit up, and for a moment, there was nothing on it, but then the image changed, and I could actually see something. It looked like a lavish couch in a pale white that matched the carpet, and in the background was a glass wall. I could see lights beyond it, but I couldn’t see clearly. I figured quickly it was probably Ryan’s hotel room, someplace with a nice view, and again, I felt wistful that I couldn’t have just gone with him.

“Ryan?” I called tentatively. “Are you there?”

I waited, holding my breath. I wasn’t even sure if he’d heard me because my voice had been so quiet. But there was no reply, and I could feel disappointment starting to settle in my chest. Then someone came into view of the camera and sat down, and I could finally see him.

“Lexi,” he said with the biggest grin. “Sorry about that, I had to take an important call. I didn’t mean to make you wait.”

“It wasn’t that long,” I muttered. “Oh. Can you hear me?” I asked, making my voice a little higher.

Ryan just chuckled and leaned back in his chair, arms thrown over the back of the couch.

“You don’t have to raise your voice, I can hear you just fine. But don’t speak too quietly either.”

I nodded at the instruction, and we spent a moment in silence. I didn’t know what to say and looking at him, I wondered if I could say anything at all.

Ryan looked as good as he had the last time I saw him, if not so much better. He was dressed in a pair of slacks and a shirt with the first few buttons undone. He looked relaxed, unlike when I’d seen him off those three weeks ago.

“Why didn’t you video chat with me before today?” I asked, tired of the silence, slightly pouting. “Did you not want to see my face?”

The smile on his face was so gentle, I could feel my heart give a little squeeze in my chest.

“It’s the opposite,” he said. “I wanted to see your face so badly I just had to hold back. I didn’t think I’d be able to stay and do what I need to do if I’d gotten to see you before.”

“Does this mean you’re done and can come back now?” I asked hopefully, though he dashed those hopes pretty quickly.

“Not yet,” he admitted. “Everything is almost done, I just need to close this deal, and I’ll be back. I’m not sure when exactly, but it will be soon, I promise.”

I sighed and looked down, hoping he wasn’t just saying that to make me feel better. I tugged on the t-shirt sleeves, not that I needed them to fall any further, but anything to get me out of looking right at Ryan was fine with me.

“Hey, wait a minute,” he said slowly.

I looked up with wide eyes, guessing he’d only just realized what I was wearing. He frowned at me, actually leaning close to the camera and squinting. But then he jumped back, jaw dropped, as he looked at me.

“Are those my clothes?” he asked, voice incredulous.

I nodded, flinching slightly. “Yeah, I’m sorry about that. It kinda just happened…”

I let out a small nervous laugh. Ryan didn’t look angry, though. He just stared at me with this look of consideration before moving on to a different topic.

“How has Edward been with me gone? I talk to him, but I’d like to hear your opinion. Also, did the two of you get to hang out at all? Did he warm up to you?”

I smiled at the rapid-fire words, and I settled back, readying myself for a long chat.

“He’s been just fine,” I said. “Well, he was pretty quiet, but you already told me he was like that, and Grace told me it was normal. Hmm. We spent some time with each other, and I don’t know if I can say he warmed up to me, but we’re on speaking terms now.”

“Really?” Ryan sighed in relief. “Good. That’s a good sign. At the moment he doesn’t talk to a lot of people outside of the family, so it’s a good sign.” He grinned. “I want him to get to know you. I know if he does, he will come to think of you as I do.”

I wanted to ask what he meant by that, my heart fluttering in my chest once more, but I didn’t.

“What’s Germany like?” I asked instead, genuinely curious. “I’ve thought about traveling a few times, but I’ve never really been out of the state. I’m a little sad that you couldn’t take me, you know?”

“I know,” he said, looking contrite. “And I’m sorry about that. Do you want me to describe the place for you? I’ve been here a few times.”

Again, I wanted to ask a question. This time, if there was a possibility he and I could go on a trip together outside of the country. It didn’t have to be Germany, just wherever, as long as he took me. But again, I held back.

“Describe it to me,” I requested, though it came out sounding more like a demand. “Maybe I can picture it, and it would be like I was there with you.”

His answering smile made me think he liked that thought just as much as I did.

We talked. It wasn’t all that different from how we’d spent the past several weeks, with Ryan calling me every so often to check on me. Except for this time I could drink him in as we talked, and I didn’t waste the opportunity at all. Also, it was longer, and the feeling that he didn’t want to cut the call was stronger, too, so the call dragged on for a while.

By the time we hung up, an hour had passed, and I was feeling content with myself. I wanted to feel a little happy, because it looked like Ryan missed me, as well. Then I remembered, and I sobered up.

Shit! Just what the fuck are you doing to yourself, Lexi?

I was this guy’s baby maker, and I was barely thinking about it. Instead, here I was, having fanciful thoughts, like maybe there could be something between Ryan and me. I couldn’t keep thinking that, though, because it wasn’t true.

The contract…

I had it put away in a drawer in my room, and I hadn't looked at it since the day I signed it. Of course, I only had the copy, and Ryan got the original. Still, its existence weighed on my mind in times like these, when I was tempted to get carried away.

I knew I couldn’t let myself. It would be setting myself up for heartache later, and I’d had enough of that to last me a lifetime. I settled in for a restless sleep, feeling worried about my future.

So much more, though, I missed Ryan and wished he would be coming back soon, as he’d said.