Chapter Eleven
She hadn’t honestly expected him to be so happy. Sure, Lori had been excited to see what Clifford’s reaction to their twins was going to be. She knew he was going to be happy. What she hadn’t been expecting was that he’d hold her so tightly that she could hardly breathe, his face buried into her neck. When he pulled back, his eyes were wet and his smile was so big it almost split his face in half.
Now as they drove back home from the clinic, Tristen in the front driving, both of them cuddled together in the back, Lori felt more relaxed and safer than she had for quite a while. Clifford’s arms were wrapped around her, his hands over her belly. She pressed her palms into his hands as well, resting her head against his shoulder.
“You’re beautiful,” Clifford murmured in her ear when they got home and started to cuddle on the couch. “You know that, right? You are the most beautiful woman to ever live.”
Lori’s heart fluttered but she pushed it down. The conversation she had had with Serena was still strong in her mind, and she knew that she couldn’t let it make her hope for things that weren’t going to happen. Yeah, she liked Clifford. The more she got to know him, the more she liked him. But in the end of it all, sex and pregnancy weren’t enough. She needed more to have a relationship.
The really sucky thing was she wasn’t even certain what that something else was.
A frown crossed her face as she twisted to stare at her lover and baby daddy. The smile on his face faded as he caught her expression and he cocked his head to one side.
“What is it?”
Lori chewed her lip for a moment. Perhaps it was because she was just a notch on his bedpost. The pretty girl he hired and had lots of sex with. How many others had there been?
Did she dare ask? Of course she did–that was who she was. She didn’t just sit back and accept what was happening. She delved into the deepest issues in order to know exactly what was facing her. Or at least, that was what she liked to tell herself.
“I think we need to talk about our past relationships.” Lori held her breath for a moment, then nodded. “We swapped the tests and whatnot, but I think it’s time we talked about the people and the numbers.”
Clifford glanced away. “Ah, Lori. Don’t you think it’s best for the past to just stay there?”
“No, I don’t. I think that we are having a baby together and we’re sleeping together practically every night. We need to know where we’ve been before we can know where we’re going.” She sucked in a deep breath. And hopefully, neither of us gets wildly jealous. “I’ll go first.”
Clifford grumbled under his breath but nodded.
Her palms suddenly felt very sweaty. Lori rubbed them against her knees, considering exactly how to tell him about her history. “Um… Well, I’ve had a few. I’ve had three serious relationships and I’ve been engaged twice.” Her eyes darkened as she considered her ex-fiancés, and the mountains of guilt they placed on her to basically force her into saying yes to their proposals. “I’ve never had a pregnancy scare before, though. I’ve always been very, very careful. There were quite a few one-night stands.”
She chewed her lip. Would he call her a slut, like her last boyfriend, and then go on to sleep with her best friend? Well, not the last part. Her best friend–only friend, if she was honest–at the moment was Jasmine.
However, Clifford’s expression was only accepting. He nodded. “I’ve had many, many flings. I’ll be honest. I don’t recall all their faces. There were a couple of pregnancy scares in my youth, but I got smart quickly. There was one serious relationship, but that was a few years ago. I’ll be honest. I am ashamed of my past. I treated sex like… like a trading card.”
Lori had to stifle a giggle at the description. She nodded. “I did, too. I guess we’re quite a pair, hey?”
Clifford grinned at her. “Yeah, we are. Both experienced pros and yet… you’re the one who made me forget about protection. You’re the one that I got pregnant.”
“With twins, don’t forget that.”
“I won’t.” He took her hand and pressed a kiss to each of her fingers. “You make me forget a lot of things, but that’s not one of them.”
Heat swirled in her core but Lori ignored her growing desire. They needed to talk. There had been enough of making love, now they had to figure out what their futures would be. And she couldn’t do that with her knees around his ears.
“I have never had a job longer than three months. Unless I’m still technically working for you,” she added. “I’ve worked a lot of jobs in my life and I lie on my resume all the time. Once I even considered putting pictures online, but I was never that desperate. I never had a reason to hold a job. It’s not like I spend a ton of money. I was just trying to be happy. But I will get a job. I will be a secretary or something, and I won’t come begging to you for money constantly.”
“I don’t mind—”
“I do. I don’t want to be a kept woman.” Lori sat a little straighter as determination burned through her. Even if she had to work the rest of her life flipping burgers, she was going to show their children the value of hard work. “I know how to do a lot of stuff, it’s just a matter of sticking with it.”
Clifford tugged her back next to him and captured her in his arms. “I don’t think you’re the kind to be satisfied with traditional work. What you need is to start your own business.”
It was a dream of hers, but one she never thought she could achieve. Lori was quiet.
“Come on. Tell me some of the things you’re interested in.”
“Nothing I could make a living at.”
Clifford cocked a brow. “Nothing? You’re good at sewing and you’re taking a fashion design class. You want to make plus-sized clothing. Do you think you can’t reach your target market?”
Lori hesitated. “it’s just… it would take so much work and those babies are being born in three months. I can’t very well support us in dreams.”
“Sounds like you need an investor. Someone who knows how to start businesses, someone with a lot of money… I’ll see if I can get a meeting with Isaias Durant for you. Your sister nannies for his sister, you’ve already got an in there.”
It was more than she dreamed of. Lori started to smile, started to let herself get excited, but shut it down quickly. She didn’t know the first thing about starting a business and was still in the middle of the fashion design program. Yeah, she’d take the meeting and she’d love to have Isaias’ help in starting up. But the fact was, she was going to need something right away to pay for her apartment and put the babies in diapers.
“That would be good, to be able to start getting that organized and to think of what exactly I need to do to be successful,” she said slowly. “But I’ve been relying on you for six months already. Don’t you think it’s time I start being responsible for my own life? I mean… as much as I love being taken care of, I don’t want our girls to grow up thinking that they can expect men to do all the work for them, you know?”
Clifford sighed. “I’m hardly doing all the work. You cook and clean and you’re growing two babies. After they’re born, you’re going to be their primary caretaker. I know that we’re falling into traditional gender roles… but you do know that most businesses don’t start from thin air, right? Many of them get a hand up. When starting my practice, the matriarch invested a lot of money in me.”
“I… I didn’t know that.”
“And if you feel bad about just taking my money… well. We could always get married. Then people would expect you to concentrate on taking care of the babies for the first couple years. And you’d have more time to figure out your creative side.”
“Marry.”
Lori wasn’t entirely certain what to think. Surely he wasn’t suggesting that they just head to the altar right now. They had just barely had their discussion about their pasts and were right in the middle of discussing the future. You didn’t just propose to someone out of the blue, especially when they had just said that they wanted to be responsible for themselves.
She pulled away from him. He grinned at her. Normally it would make her panties melt, but in this case, the spark it lit wasn’t desire. It was anger.
“Where the hell did that come from?”
His smile faded. “Where did what come from?”
“That! You just proposed to me.”
He blinked. “Yeah. I did. Why are you angry about that?”
“Angry? Why am I—” She threw her hands into the air and shook her head. Her fingers shook and she quickly stuffed them under her arms, keeping her elbows sharp and pointed out. “That came out of nowhere. You can’t just randomly propose to people.”
“Randomly?” Clifford moved back a little. His brow furrowed. “You call that random?”
Lori hesitated. “Yes.”
“Then you haven’t been paying attention. I thought it was obvious how I felt. I haven’t been worrying about you constantly just because you’re pregnant. I haven’t been making love to you every time I can because you’re some sexy, available warm body. You’re the one who said we had to talk about our future. I thought you were leading up to it.”
“I… wasn’t.” She hadn’t let herself think that he might want her like that. To have and to hold. For richer and poorer. Forever. Now that he had all but said it, she didn’t know how to take it. He wasn’t the kind of guy that fell in love with her kind of girl.
Clifford took her by the hands. “Lori. I know that it’s been confusing and a little scary, but these past few months… they’ve shown me that I want only one woman for the rest of my life. And that woman is you.”
“But we haven’t even dated. All we do is have sex.”
“We make love. That’s far different than just sex.”
Lori shook her head. What was she supposed to say? Oh God! What was she supposed to do?
Clifford moved back a little and grimaced. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make a whole thing out of it. If you don’t feel the same way, then that’s okay. I will keep a professional distance and we can—”
“No.” Lori swallowed hard. “No. It’s not that at all. It’s… I, uh, I… I have feelings. Deep feelings. They’re not just sexual. I don’t really know what else to say, I’m not ready for… for more than that right now. The only men who told me they loved me were liars. I’m not saying that you are, too, but I’m just… I’m not ready. To hear it or to say it.”
“Of course.” Clifford let out a deep breath and gave her a rueful smile. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”
“Yes… well.” She brushed a hand through her hair. “Thank you for the suggestion, I suppose. I’m not sure what else to say to that. I’m going to need time. I’m sorry, I—”
Clifford cut her off with a gentle kiss. “I’m sorry. You’re sorry. We have nothing to be sorry about. Take all the time you need to make your decision, Lori. And dream about what you want from the future we have time. There’s no rush.” He brushed the hair from her face, his gaze so warm that she had to melt into him again. “I’ll be here. I promise.”