CHAPTER FIVE
What little I’m able to sleep is fitful, and the boys have essentially blown up my voicemail with calls pleading for me to answer them. I’m caught in a position that most girls would kill to be in, but I can’t help feeling dismayed over the hole I have dug for myself. My phone rings again, and this time it’s Jason. Reluctantly, I steel my nerves and answer the phone.
“Hi, Jason, listen…” I begin, only to be cut short by a startling laugh.
“Oh my god. You went out with me, and Ricky!? At the same time?” He blurts, and the color drains from my face. “That’s pretty funny. You manage to keep surprising me, Parker. Listen, I know last night was probably to get back at us for our bet, but…” He starts, and I’m the one to cut him off this time.
“How did you find out I knew!?” I demand. He chuckles, and I can hear him chattering with someone else before he draws the phone back to his mouth.
“Ricky and I couldn’t help but put two and two together. He and I have agreed to call off the bet. He said it was juvenile, and considering…” Jason pauses. “I’ll let you talk to her in a minute, hold on!” He hisses, and my eyes widen in confusion. “Well. The bet is off. But Ricky and I have decided that we don’t care about the bet anymore. All we care about is you. The thing is, I can treat you a hell of a lot better than this dirty dingus-- hey!” Jason cries out. I can hear the sounds of a scuffle on the other line, and the sounds of angry shouts.
“He has no idea how to treat a girl!” Ricky blurts through the phone, and I can hear Jason cursing him in the background. “Jason’s right about one thing, and that’s that I want you too. We called off the bet, but I’m determined to prove that I’m the right one for you. We’ve had chemistry from day one, and-- dammit Jason!” He cries out, and the phone goes dead. I stare at my phone in confusion for a moment, but it begins to ring again soon after. Ricky’s phone number displays this time.
“Since we’re taking each other’s phones now, too!” I hear Jason shout snidely and I can’t help but giggle at their antics. “What’s so funny?” Jason inquires, and I can only laugh harder.
“The two of you are adorable.” I admit, and Jason chuckles. “But… I need some time to think. In spite of how stupid we’ve all been, I genuinely care about… well, both of you. I can’t decide, just put on the spot like this.” I admit. Jason hesitates for a moment, but I hear him sigh on the other line.
“I guess I can understand that. But I won’t be so easily dismissed,” Jason begins, and I hear another scuffle.
“Me either! We’ll fight for you ‘til the end!” Ricky announces. I roll my eyes at how melodramatic they’re being. I look to the clock, realizing with a start that I’m late for class. I try to interrupt their bickering to tell them I have to leave, but they seem too distracted to hear me. I hang up my cellphone with a snort, silencing the ringtone before moving about getting dressed for class. Back to my usual conservative outfits, and natural makeup. I once again examine my reflection, realizing that I like the reflection much less than I had the night before. There’s little to do about it for now, however. Even if I decide to pursue one of the boys, it will have to be in secrecy. I can’t go around embarrassing my father and shaming the college name.
I exhale a sigh, stepping away from the mirror and shouldering my backpack. I step out into the brisk morning air, and it feels as if there is some sort of buzz, a thrum about campus. As I walk away from my dorm, I pass two girls I can’t recall ever speaking to. They’re whispering among themselves, but as I approach, they silence their whispering and stare at me through wide eyes. Then, confusingly, they erupt into laughter and walk past me.
“What a slut.” One of them announces, and I stare after them in confusion. While girls being jealous of Jason’s interest in me was nothing new, the outright insults were sudden and confusing. As I continue to make my way towards class, the whispering continues, growing louder and more pervasive as the sound seems to wash over me like a tidal wave. As I walk past one of the other basketball players, whose name I can’t place, he smacks my rear as I pass. I squawk indignantly, turning to face him and give him a piece of my mind.
“What, little princess Parker? You’ll take two for the team, why not one more?” He grins lewdly. My heart drops into my gut, and before he can walk away, I grab him by the collar of his shirt, pulling him down to my level.
“What the hell are you talking about? Who told you anything about me and--” I cut myself off, blushing angrily but holding firm. He grins casually, seeming none too threatened by the closeness of our faces.
“The towel boy’s boyfriend can’t keep his mouth shut for anything, princess. It’s only a matter of time before daddy dearest finds out what a deviant daughter he has.” He smirks. I release him, but he does not move away, instead tensing a hand in my hair and forcing out lips together. I struggle against him, attempting to scream and bolt away, but he holds firm. Suddenly, a body slams into his side as someone simultaneously pulls me free of his embrace. I choke out a sob, trying to get free of my new potential assailant, but they guide me into facing them. I see Jason staring at me through wide eyes, and he cups my cheeks, gently stroking his thumb to the side of my face. I hear the shouts of the basketball player who had assaulted me and I turn to see Ricky beating the living hell out of their teammate. He rains punch after punch down upon the screeching man’s face, and a loud crack echoes as he slams his fist slam into his teammate’s nose. His teeth are bared almost animalistically, and Jason looks me over briefly before stepping over to the squabbling pair and dragging Ricky off of the other man. Ricky struggles in Jason’s grip, straining to get his hand on their teammate once again.
“I’ll kill him!” Ricky snarls, and Jason simply keeps a firm grip on his rival as the other basketball player scrambles to his feet and darts away from the scene. The other man clutches his bleeding nose as he flees the scene, little droplets of blood making a trail behind him. I stare uncertainly after him, a feeling of nausea settling in the pit of my stomach. “Why’d you stop me!?” I hear Rick demand, and I look towards them in time to see Jason gesture towards me. I’m all too aware of the tears streaming down my cheeks, and it feels as if my lips will bruise from the force of the kiss that had been forced upon me. I’ve never felt so violated in my life. Jason slackens his grip on the other basketball player, and the two of them approach me hesitantly. I look between them, wanting to throw myself into one of their arms but unsure of who to pick. They seem to sense my unease, exchanging a glance. The decision is made for me as they step up on either side of me, forming an small and intimate group hug. I press my face against Ricky’s shoulder, and can feel Jason gently rubbing my back from behind me. I choke out sobs, trying to find some small measure of comfort in their embrace. For a moment, I feel as if I can calm down, as if the world is slipping away all around us. Then, realizing what our position will look like to anyone who sees us, I abruptly shove away from them. Tears continue to spill down my cheeks, harder than before this time, and I sputter helplessly, keeping them both at an arm’s distance.
“Listen, Jenny, me and Ricky decided, you don’t have to choose-” Jason begins, and I choke out a sob, stepping away from the pair. The sincerity in their eyes is enough to bring me to my knees, but I know that I have to put a stop to this. I have no choice. This is only going to bring hurt to everyone involved.
“I don’t have to choose? I can’t choose! Do you know what it would do to my father’s reputation if I dated either of you!?” I demand, and they exchange uncertain looks.
“Well who’s gonna know…?” Ricky starts, and I laugh bitterly, gesturing at the crowd forming around us.
“Oh I don’t know. The entire campus, at this rate!? I…” I pause, lowering my voice. “I care very deeply about both of you. And I appreciate you putting aside your differences for my well being, but… I can’t be with either one of you. Let alone both.” I say quietly. The two of them look stricken, and I straighten up, ready to put the final nail in the coffin. “As long as you two are in the spotlight, I can’t… I can’t do this. My father is all I have.” I announce. I turn my back on the two of them, taking long strides in the direction of my next class. The murmuring continues, and I hear the two of them calling after me. I don’t pause, as much as I want to look towards them and take all of my words back. I know I’m doing the right thing. I have to be the good girl. I have to be a good reflection on my father’s dignity. There’s no way that this could have any other outcome.
Then why do I feel so awful?