Chapter9
One year later…
“I hadn’t been very honest with you while we dated,” she had told him as they sat down in a quaint café. It was an exquisite Cali-French inspired place that was devoid of other customers, just a little past two in the afternoon.
David sighed. “We came here to talk about the past?” The niceties had flown by quickly, hadn’t it?
He didn’t want to, but she begged. Amanda Thorley had begged to meet up, for ‘closure’ of sorts. It had been a bad breakup, he knew, but he didn’t need this. It had been how long? It had been four years already, right?
“I came here to ask for your forgiveness.”
“We didn’t have to meet,” he told her, harshly. “You could have just sent an email or text. Look, I can’t be here for long--”
“Who hurt you, David?” Amanda asked him all of a sudden.
“What?” David looked confused.
“We dated for three years, I know you better than you think.”
“People change, Amanda,” came his simple reply.
“Someone did this to you,” she told him in a quiet voice. “I know it wasn’t me, or Charles, or--”
“I don’t need to hear the names of my former college best friends, or any of those who stole my company from me,” David told her. “The past is the past, and it stays that way.”
“You already won the case, David. Everyone else lost money, a lot of money.”
David shook his head. “It’s not about that. And it’s not like you lot are on welfare. You still have a few million left, right? Enough for a start-up.” “Charles isn’t as brilliant as--” David shook his head. “Stop. I don’t want to hear about Charles, or your relationship. I’ve heard what you have to say, now I have to go, excuse me,” he told her, getting up from his seat.
“David,” she called out as he took two steps forward.
David paused and looked at her again. “Yes?”
“Have you ever thought of second chances?” Amanda said.
David shook his head. “I don’t know what you mean. Goodbye, Amanda.”
Walking away from the restaurant and into his car, David felt a frown form between his brows. Who hurt you? Amanda’s voice echoed in his head, as he drove down the winding road, and back into the bustling city. No one’s hurt me, he told himself. He was 28 years old, he had won back his company, and was in the process of overhauling all the idiotic things that his former colleagues did.
It wasn’t easy, but he got there. He had gone back to California just a day before New Year’s, after that fiasco with Caryn, and a few months later, his legal team had pulled through for him, along with a hefty multi-million-dollar price tag for the fees.
What kind of idiot was he? That was what you got if you built everything on trust alone. That was what you got for refusing to do a background check on her, for reasons of chivalry, or for reasons of intimacy.
Never again, David had told himself. Who hurt me? My ego hurt me. I expected too much, I’m partially to blame. But he couldn’t help but hate her for what she had done. He felt played, when he had thought he was the smarter, more mature one. He had tried to find her, and gave up as soon as a week had gone by. He could run his facial recognition database, but she had no criminal or public records (the criminal free records, he was thankful for).
Caryn Porter didn’t exist. She was a journalist who had no face, no name, and he had scoured various magazines and journals, and random books, just to check if her face or name was there. There were none. It had helped that a year had gone by already, at least he knew he was on the process of getting over it completely. He didn’t even bother hiring a detective to find her, just for his personal peace of mind. It’s better not to care.
The first few days, it almost drove him insane, the thought that he wasn’t even worth a farewell from her. He had invested emotionally, and that was how she had repaid him. The only good thing to come out of it was that she had given him that driving need for vengeance, and it didn’t have to be directed at her. David had funneled it into getting his reputation and his company back. Time Magazine had written an article about him entitled “The King gets back his Crown”, and his company’s stocks soared after news of his reinstatement broke.
He buried himself back into neck-deep work, enjoying the sleepless nights and long hours, knowing he was back in his element. He didn’t need anything else, and he highly disliked the increasing press releases about him being a ‘hunky nerd’. He was inundated with flirtations, which he ignored, knowing his true purpose was to keep his company intact and well-received.
He didn’t need a person to ruin the pace and peace he had gotten back, ever again.
*
Caryn’s eyes snapped open as soon as the train came into a screeching halt. It was past ten in the evening, and she quickly got out of it, running up a dingy flight of stairs and out into the cold air. She walked three more blocks to get to an old, but serviceable looking apartment building, where an Asian grocery stood at the first floor, apart from a laundromat.
She reached the second floor, and rang the bell to the first door on her right. “Mrs. Chao?”
“Coming,” an elderly woman’s voice said. “You’re early today,” her landlady remarked, as soon as she opened the door. She stepped into the apartment that smelled of soy sauce, and baby’s milk, among other things.
“I’m sorry, it’s late again.”
“Nonsense,” Mrs. Chao said, “I said I’d help you around, besides, she’s a good girl, isn’t she?” the old lady said, bending a little to grab the baby on the little wooden cot. “Very pretty too. You ate already? We have left over dumplings.”
“Oh, no thanks, Mrs. Chao. You taking care of Emilia’s more than enough, really,” Caryn said, taking the sleeping baby from her. She grabbed the baby bag as well, and walked up another flight of stairs to get to her single bedroom apartment.
Emilia stirred in her sleep, and Caryn tiptoed for the cot beside her bed, gently placing her down. She looked at her baby, an unexpected miracle, and realized she was beginning to look like her father, with her bluish eyes- except for the hair, Emilia had her hair.
Caryn grabbed a macaroni soup pack for dinner, popping it in the microwave. While she waited, Caryn quickly spread her work on the table. It wasn’t easy, and she could only work part-time, and the newspaper she had worked for, let her go as soon as they found out she was pregnant. She was hired as temp office staff for some congressman who was running the third time, and at night, she wrote articles for online newspapers. Lack of sleep was evident, but Caryn never complained. She was doing this for Emilia, her darling Emilia.
She hadn’t expected she would be maternal, she hadn’t expected that she would love someone so fiercely, and she hadn’t expected pregnancy at all. It had come as a shock, and she was scared like crap, afraid of what to do, how to handle it. She had briefly contemplated abortion, but when she pushed through with her pregnancy, and finally held Emilia in her arms, she was filled with deep remorse for such ugly thoughts.
Her baby was the most beautiful baby, and no one knew, except for a handful of her acquaintances and newer friends. Even her father didn’t know that he was now a grandfather. She was the constantly tired and constantly overworked single mother who enjoyed doing what she did. She was glad she didn’t even have to leave Emilia to unknown people in a daycare center.
Her landlady was a sweet old woman, whose kids had left for college. Her husband enjoyed managing the Asian grocery below, and she was a bored housewife, who gladly took on daycare duties while Caryn worked. She didn’t pay Mrs. Chao enough, but Mrs. Chao loved Emilia too much to even demand for pay. Caryn slipped what she could spare along with the rent.
Caryn’s eating habits had become a bit healthier, but she couldn’t help with the instant food once in a while, but while pregnant, she was determined to shove in more greens and fruits than she had ever had in her life. Emilia was sound asleep, and she quickly ate her late dinner, hoping to finish two articles, so the paycheck would be constant. This was how her mother had struggled before, and the situation mirrored her present. It wasn’t easy, but she was determined to live until Emilia bore her grandkids of her own.
“We’ll pull through this, Emilia,” she thought, looking at her baby once more, before she sat down for work.
*
David woke up from his nap, glad to escape from a bad dream. Sometimes, he still dreamed of that storm in the island, that terrible storm, where a house almost collapsed entirely…
“Sir, would you like anything to drink?” the flight stewardess asked him.
He disliked flying premier, and preferred the anonymity of economy, but the company he was doing business with had bought him a ticket already. He didn’t tell them he had his own jet, of course, lest he waste their money.
“Water,” he replied, “Thanks.”
He hadn’t been to New York in a while, and cross-country flights weren’t his thing, but work was work, and he was passionate with what he did. He worked on the plane, knowing he had a couple of hours more to kill, and one man in the same premier class shook hands with him, telling him his database format was brilliant. That part made him happy. He wanted to be recognized for work, and not for the magazines and newspapers that portrayed him scathingly, or praised him like he was some sort of tech-messiah.
Two hours later, his plane landed, and a limousine was waiting for him at the airport, much to his chagrin. He was sent off to his five-star hotel, a hotel he hadn’t been to since he had been a fledgling ‘techpreneur’.
As soon as he got to his room, he set about making a few calls. The meeting was still tomorrow, and he had an entire night of rest and recreation, if he wanted to. He didn’t want to party, of course, and he decided to take a walk around the city. Christmas was in the air, and New York was filled with unlit Christmas décor and snow flurries, and people shopping and carolers singing. He paid no attention to them, and he set off to find a good snack for himself.
The limousine was at his disposal. but he demurred, preferring to walk. The next day was a Saturday, and he figured a walk in the cold would bring about an appetite for a few shots of whisky later at the hotel bar. He was walking down a block filled with restaurants, and he enjoyed the smells that lingered in the air. He needed coffee, he figured, it was only two in the afternoon. He took a pause, seeing a small bookshop that reminded him of Shakespeare and Company in France. Cute, friendly, and filled with vintage books. He couldn’t resist and went inside. . There were a few people there. and a bit cramped, but he loved the atmosphere all the same.
He heard a baby cry a bit, and he rolled his eyes, disliking the noise to his personal downtime. A woman hushed the baby to quiet, in her slightly husky, but sweet voice, and he stopped in his tracks, taking a deep breath. There was the shuffling of feet and what sounded like a stroller, and it entered the same path he was in. He held his breath, seeing Caryn, with a stroller in hand.
“Jesus,” he breathed out.
Caryn looked up, her mouth agape, her eyes as wide as his. He heard a loud gasp from her, and saw her knuckles whiten from the sudden grip on the stroller. “D-David?” she whispered.
David looked at her, and then back at the stroller, comprehension dawning on him. This was her baby wasn’t it? It wasn’t his, right? They hadn’t seen each other in years. She must’ve dated someone right after she had left him! Jesus, she had a baby! Caryn was right in front of him!
“How- how have you been?” he quickly said, unable to say anything else.
She looked at the baby, and then back at him, as if he was the stupidest person to ever grace New York. David was apprehensive to take a step forward, afraid to see the baby. There was a small voice telling him that she couldn’t have dated anyone else right away. She wasn’t that kind of person… but then again, what did he know about her? For all he knew, she was already married or divorced or hung up over a guy and they had recently gotten back together. How recent was this?
“I’ve been okay…” she responded, her voice trailing off.
Neither took a step forward. David took another breath in. “Is that- is that yours?”
Caryn held a breath, and she nodded. “Yeah, she’s all mine.”
“Congratulations,” he stammered, feeling awkward. He realized he was losing self-control, he was losing face. Gone was his practical, no-nonsense and business-like demeanor. He didn’t know what else to say. “It’s been too long--” “A year,” Caryn said, “well almost a year…”
Yes, they last saw each other on the December 25th… He shook his head. “Where are my manners?” he gave a short, nervous laugh. “You wanna pass through?”
“Yes,” she replied, tightlipped.
He cleared this throat. “Are you- busy?”
She shook her head. “I’m just walking around with Emilia.”
Of course, the little thing had to have a name. He still didn’t want to look at the baby, but he had to face the inevitable. He saw that there were two couches behind her, and a table. Word vomit came out. “Can- can I see her?”
Caryn looked surprised, but she nodded, backing away for the corner. David let her take a seat first, after she maneuvered the stroller around to face him. He took a seat, feeling relieved his knees didn’t buckle while he stood. His eyes flickered over to the baby, who was holding onto a bottle of milk.
He stared at her, paying attention to the details. She was wrapped in a little sweater, and she even had a little beanie on her head, but he could see that her hair was wavy and dark. She had bright eyes, eyes that were a darker blue, darker than his at least. She gurgled, finishing her milk, and Caryn took it from her little chubby fingers. He couldn’t say anything at first, and Caryn was silent as well.
David tentatively reached a hand out, hovering it over the baby’s face. Emilia was her name, wasn’t it? Emilia grabbed a finger of his, and she was surprisingly strong. His gasped and withdrew his hand away, and the baby cooed and smiled, showing off her gums.
He couldn’t stand it any longer. He cleared his throat again. He had to know. “Who’s the father?”
Caryn’s lips pursed, and she blinked and closed her eyes. She took Emilia from the stroller and put the baby on her lap. “You are,” she simply said, looking at him straight in the eye. “And don’t give me crap about me sleeping with someone else after I left. I’m not in the mood to defend my chastity, whatever is left of it.”
Well, he wanted to hear it, and he had an inkling he was the father, but to hear her say that, to hear her admit something he didn’t know about until moments ago- and this was something she should have told him the moment she found out she was pregnant! He wasn’t there for the pregnancy, she was alone. He wasn’t there when she gave birth, he wasn’t there when Emilia first cried her lungs out, he wasn’t there for her first smile… He was a father! Damn it, he was a father! He had a baby!
“How old is she?” he asked, not fully acknowledging what she had said, that he was Emilia’s father. “Is Emilia her full name?”
“She’s turning 4 months in a few weeks. Christmas day I think,” Caryn responded, wiping a little dribble of milk from Emilia’s chin. “It’s Emilia Alexis.”
He didn’t know how to calculate when she had gotten pregnant. Shouldn’t he have had Sex Ed classes like this in high school? A fear gripped in him, and he felt like an irresponsible fool. Wasn’t he too young for this? But then again, his mother had been too young, far way younger than his 28. He couldn’t come into terms with it, how could he? There he was, just minding his own business, and now fate had to intervene, and they had to meet in New York, in a small bookshop, and she had to have a baby in tow. A baby that was his.
His eyes narrowed, knowing Caryn hadn’t given him her full name, or maybe it wasn’t even her real name. “And her family name?”
“I didn’t place your name on the papers,” she replied quickly.
She didn’t look like she was sorry. His temper flared a little, but he took a deep breath and forced himself to calm down. “So, I’m the father, and yet you never reached out to me? You never once thought of calling me?”
“What was I supposed to say to you, David? Hey, you’re a daddy now? Hey, guess what, I found out my periods were as effed up as I thought it’d be, and here I am, carrying your baby?”
David was silent.
“Would you have believed me? No, you wouldn’t. You’d want tests, a paternity test or something. Emilia is mine, and mine alone, and you bear no responsibility to her. This is a different kind of commitment, one I thought I never had, and one I could never and won’t ever get from you,” she breathed out.
David realized she was frustrated about the situation, but then she loved the baby too much to admit it. “What’s your real name?” he found himself asking her. “Are you really Caryn Porter?”
She nodded. “Partially. I’m Caryn Porter Marshall,” she said, “My father’s name is Walden Marshall.” “Of the Marshall Group of Companies?” his brows rose.
“That one. The one with a shock of white hair. My mother’s Tamara Porter, used to do modeling, before my father married her in secret, and then he left her after he was threatened to be cut off from the family business, you know, for shacking up with a black woman. My grandmother didn’t like me much. I wasn’t the pedigreed blonde grandchild they wanted to have. And now here I am,” she added with a laugh, “Emilia could just become their favorite, if they knew about her.”
He shook his head. Jesus, she was from a family that owned majority of the buildings in New York and where else, and he didn’t even know. He had done business with the Marshalls, just not her father, thank god for that… “They don’t know you have a baby?”
“I haven’t seen my father in years. They probably think I’m dead, for all I care,” she took a deep breath in. “What matters is, I have Emilia. She’s all I need.”
It stung him, for some reason, that she saw him as an insignificant part of her life, and that he wasn’t needed as a father. The baby cooed again on her lap, her head bobbing back and forth. She looked like a doll, a much too adorable doll…
“Now that I know that I’m the father, what do you want me to do about it?”
“Nothing,” she replied, “You’re not part of our lives, David.”
“If I’m the father, then I should be.”
“My father was a perfect example of why you shouldn’t be.”
He grew quiet. Did he have the capacity to be a father to the baby? He couldn’t even acknowledge Emilia as Emilia. She was just a little human, who happened to have his features. Besides, Caryn was being her usual obstinate and liberated self, something that annoyed him still, after a year of not seeing her. Had she always been this stubborn? She wasn’t this stubborn when her cottage collapsed around her…
“I don’t know your father, but he and I are two different people.”
“You couldn’t even be bothered to look for me.”
“You left without telling me,” he told her with a frown. She had no idea how it made him feel.
“Look,” she breathed out, “It was rude, and I’m sorry, but work happened.”\-“
“I gave you my trust, I didn’t even use my database to look for you, and I didn’t ask anyone to help me look for you. You wanted to be left alone--”
“I didn’t want to be that alone,” she said in a quiet voice. “But we’re here now, and now you know you’ve got a child, and I’m not asking you for child support-“
“Cause your pride is getting in the way? Why? Did you get to make your novel? I’m guessing it wasn’t even a novel. You moved there to be closer to me, you wanted to make a story about me.”
He saw her eyes flinch. “I tried, and I couldn’t write anything about you, at least not on paper.”
“So, it’s true then? It wasn’t a novel or some autobiography bullshit you--”
She looked scandalized. “Emilia can hear you,” she snapped.
David shook his head, momentarily distracted. “You moved there, to a remote Hawaiian island, to spy on me?”
“I researched on you for months,” she said, her voice raising, “I was curious about you, and convinced my editor to let me write a piece about you, and I ended up losing my job because I couldn’t give them the results they wanted.”
He shook his head. “You lost your job because you’re not as valuable as a mother. How has life been treating you since? Where do you work?” He knew he was getting irritated, and he couldn’t help but ask her sarcastic questions.
“Stop asking me so many questions,” she told him, her lips quivering. “You think you can assume the worst about my life? Because yours is so much better? Congratulations on winning the case, by the way. The article they wrote about you on my former paper was crap. They couldn’t humanize you at all.”
He stopped in his tracks. She was that kind of writer. It wasn’t some tell-all she had planned, but she had intended to portray him in a different light. He changed his tone. “How have you been?”
“I’ve had steady work so far. I guess it comes with being a single mom. Why should life make things harder, huh?” she told him, then she looked at her plastic watch. “We have to go.”
“Where?”
She shook her head. “Somewhere. How do I say this? It was nice seeing you again?” she told him, placing Emilia back into her stroller.
“Where do you live?” he pressed on.
She shook her head. “Whatever happened to us back then, it ended, alright? It’s best we move on with our lives.”
“No,” he said, surprised how it came out so strongly. “Where do you live? Where are you going? When can I see you and the baby again?”
“No,” she said flatly. “You can’t even say her name. It’s Emilia.”
“Don’t I have the right? I’m the father.”
“Not on paper you aren’t. It’s just within my personal knowledge that you are. And like I said, I don’t need any support from you. We do fine on our own.”
“Who’s taking care of Emilia if you’re at work? Your father?”
Caryn’s eyes clouded. “It’s none of your business, but Em is safe when I work.”
“I don’t like the sound of that.”
“You don’t have to like it,” she said standing up. “This conversation’s gone far enough, don’t you think? Let’s get back to our lives and pretend we never met.”
“Like what you did back then?”
She frowned. “I had my reasons, and I’m sure you weren’t interested in anything long term.”
He closed his eyes, remembering what had transpired. It was surprisingly fresh in his mind, perhaps, that was what pain did.
He knew that he couldn’t live without her around. He was prepared with a bunch of hurriedly picked flowers to surprise her…
“I went there the day after, because I wanted things to move up, you know,” he said uneasily, disliking how emotions like these made him feel vulnerable. This whole thing caught him off guard. How in the hell was he supposed to respond to this?
Caryn breathed in and out heavily. “I can’t- I can’t do this right now, I have better things to worry about.”
“I have to see you again. I need your number, that one at least,” he said, ready to beg for it. He had lost his restraint, and his superiority as well.
“Forget it, David,” she told him, sounding tired. “I have to go, before Emilia gets cranky-“
“I have to see her again,” he insisted, looking at the stroller.
She took a deep breath, one that was filled with regret and exhaustion. “I didn’t want for this to happen. I didn’t want for us to meet. I didn’t want you to know about Emilia.”
“So you can deprive her of a father?” he snapped.
“So she can grow up with lesser issues than the both of us,” she told him, her face contorting.
“You can’t do this alone.”
“I already have. Now, if you’ll excuse me,” she said, making her way past him with the stroller in front of her.
His hand reached out to grab her arm, quickly and surprisingly. Caryn’s eyes widened, and then he loosened his grip. “I won’t let you go. This is a game changer, Caryn. I’d like to discuss her future, and yours.”
He saw her roll her eyes, as if she knew he was going to say that all along. “Look, David,” she began, “I don’t need you in our lives, she doesn’t know you exist, even. We were fine without you, and we’ll be fine even after you’ve seen us.”
“I won’t be,” he said, tightlipped. “I’m not going to end up like my birth mother, who abandoned me for crack.”
Caryn’s eyes narrowed. “I thought your mother was Dr. Pierce.”
“I was adopted,” he said heavily, “but that’s another story, and it’s one not many know about. So you see why I won’t let you or her go without knowing where you live? Or get your number, at least?”
He saw the change in her facial expression, the moment he had admitted he was adopted, and he knew it had shifted her opinion of him this time. He didn’t do it for pity. It was all true. Why let a child grow up without a father? He was here, alive and well, perhaps in need of some attitude adjustments- but, he was here.
She took out her phone, and David could only breathe a quiet sigh of relief.