CHAPTER 22
JULIAN
“What in the hell got into Xander?” I asked Micah as I flopped onto his living-room couch.
Tessa had gone to bed, and I’d texted Kristin to tell her I was stopping at Micah’s for a short time before I made it home. I assumed my wife had probably gone to bed, too.
It was pretty damn late, but Micah and I were both still wide awake after our trip to town to help Xander.
Micah dropped into a chair. “Hell, I can’t really blame him for this one. If somebody tried to drag Tessa off, I’d probably want to kill the guy, too.”
“I get that,” I agreed, knowing I’d feel the same way if it was Kristin. “But since when has Xander shown enough emotion to get into a fight with a drunk?”
“Wouldn’t be the first time,” Micah said with a smirk. “Xander might have the kindest heart in the Sinclair family, but he was always up for a fight if there was something wrong. Remember the time he was just getting into high school, and he beat the crap out of a guy who was bullying a nerd? He spent a lot of time in detention, and he was still pissed when Mom came to pick him up.”
I laughed, remembering the incident now that Micah had mentioned it. “Dad was actually proud of him. He could hardly keep a straight face when he was lecturing Xander about not getting into physical fights at school.” My father had talked to Xander after the incident, but I knew he never really faulted his son for fighting back against a bully.
“He’s never hesitated if he thought something was wrong,” Micah mused.
“It didn’t stop after he left high school, either,” I answered. “He stepped into physical fights between his band members or roadies. And I’ve seen him all beat up from trying to stop some guy from hitting a female. He was never afraid to fight against something he thought was wrong.” Xander and I had been in California at the same time, and even though I rarely saw him because of our schedules, I usually knew when something happened.
“This is the first time he’s actually gone to jail,” Micah pointed out.
I grinned. “And he was put there by his own cousin.”
“I think Dante just wanted Xander to cool off. He was pretty pissed.”
“Samantha’s good for him. I hope she sticks around,” I answered.
“You think she’s good for him because he busted some guy’s ass?” Micah asked in a confused voice.
“No. Because she’s able to reach places inside our brother that we can’t,” I said. “It’s not that I want to see him in jail, but in a way, I’m glad it happened. Xander cares, Micah. He’s starting to give a shit about things outside his own personal prison.”
My older brother nodded. “He’s changing. I could tell when we saw him at dinner the other night. I can’t believe that he blamed himself for Mom and Dad’s death for all these years. Jesus! Why didn’t we see that?”
I shrugged. “He didn’t want to talk about it. And our minds weren’t working the same way Xander’s was. It’s not something I could even imagine he’d think. I guess I get where he’s coming from now, but it sucks that he spent that long keeping himself closed up with guilt.”
“I just want him back, Julian,” Micah said huskily. “There were so many times I really thought he’d never recover. I felt sick every time I got a call about him.”
“Yeah . . . well . . . you could have shared some of that burden with me.” I still wasn’t over the fact that Micah had felt like he had to deal with Xander’s issues alone. We’d talked about it, but I still felt like shit that I had known very little about what was happening with my youngest brother when I was out on location shooting movies.
“I handled it,” Micah said gruffly. “And you went when I needed you.”
“I don’t want any of us to go through shit alone again.”
Micah nodded in agreement. “We won’t. You handled the situation with Sam almost on your own while I dealt with Tessa’s upcoming surgery. I appreciate that.”
“I never knew she lost her family like she did. No wonder Xander relates to her. She lost everyone. I did an extensive background check, but it never came up. But I wasn’t exactly looking for bad things that happened to her when she was barely out of high school. I was mostly looking for criminal records, job history, and educational history.”
“It’s almost like she was supposed to come here,” Micah mused.
I grinned. “Like Beatrice’s predicted fate?”
“I’m starting to wonder,” Micah grumbled. “Hell, how could she know about Samantha, and that she was on her way to us?”
“I’m not going to question it,” I said hurriedly. “She’s obviously helped him.”
“I know she said she wasn’t here to treat him, but are you sure you never hinted about it?” Micah asked curiously.
“She promised to try to be a companion and a confidante, but she told me straight out that she couldn’t make any promises, and he could never be an actual patient. She isn’t licensed in Maine, and after I dug into what happened, I get why she actually came here.”
Micah looked at me in surprise. “Why? Did you find out something?”
I nodded. “The asshole who killed Mom and Dad was actually a patient of Samantha’s in New York. He stalked her. He knew Samantha liked Xander’s music, and that she was a big fan, so he went gunning for him. Mom and Dad were collateral damage.”
“Seriously? That’s fucking twisted,” Micah answered angrily.
“He was a damn murderer. Of course he was twisted.” I paused before continuing, “I just found out everything earlier today. When I remembered that there was something connected to their murders in New York, I wanted to know exactly what happened. I don’t think any of us cared to hear about it back then because the guy was dead. We were mourning, and still holding out hope that Xander would live. Samantha got a call from Walls after he gunned down everybody in the house, and then sliced up Xander so bad that he should have been dead. She was actually the one who called the police and got them to haul ass to find the murderer and get to Xander. Everybody always thought it was Xander who had managed to call, but he didn’t. My guess is he was unconscious and doesn’t remember all that much, so we all just assumed he managed to call, or maybe a neighbor reported it. In reality, Sam probably saved Xander’s life.”
“Does Xander know?” Micah asked grimly.
I nodded. “Samantha said she told him right after the dinner that almost made her walk away from him. I talked to her when she called about Xander being in jail.”
“Christ! How does any woman survive that much damn trauma? First her whole family gets wiped off the face of the Earth, and then some psycho stalks her and tries to kill a guy she’s never met.”
“I think she felt guilty. I think that’s why she initially came here,” I guessed. “Her involvement, no matter how small, made her come find Xander.”
“You think she knew he was in trouble?”
“Yeah. I think she knew. She said her reasons for being here were personal. When I heard the whole story, it just made sense. Apparently, she’s been following Xander’s recovery, and knew he wasn’t doing well. Sam just wanted to help. I don’t think she came here as a psychologist. It seems she really did come here to try to be his friend.”
“Being a psychologist certainly didn’t hurt,” Micah muttered.
“Obviously not,” I agreed. “But this goes deeper than her just wanting to help a guy who needs to recover. They both need to heal. Maybe the only way that could happen is if they were together. Maybe Sam still carries her own guilt, just like Xander. Oh, she definitely has it more together than Xander, but she’s human. It’s hard to see things logically when you’re personally involved.”
“How do we help them?” Micah asked earnestly.
“I don’t have those answers,” I told him regretfully. “We just need to be there in case they need backup. The two of them are doing just fine. Samantha hung in there even after what Xander said to her. She’s tough, and obviously able to see right through Xander’s bullshit. He was fucking afraid. I think he’s in love with her.”
“I hope to hell she feels the same way, or he’s going to be in for a pretty hard fall,” Micah said grimly.
“I think she does. I doubt she’d still be here if she didn’t really care. Putting up with Xander isn’t exactly easy.”
“I can see glimpses of the brother he used to be. He came to the hospital, and he learned sign language just to make Tessa feel better. Hell, my wife fucking adores him for that.”
I nodded. “Kristin feels for him, too. I know how badly she wants him to recover. Probably nearly as much as we do. But Sam once told me that he’d probably never be the same guy. That he’d have to find out who he was now, after the trauma.”
“I think that’s true,” Micah agreed. “I think the bubble popped for all of us when Mom and Dad died. I realized that even though we’d led a pretty charmed life, we’re still going to have our share of unhappiness and grief.”
“Fame and fortune don’t necessarily make a person happy,” I confirmed. “My happiness came in the form of a curvy redhead who has one of the kindest hearts I’ve ever known.”
Micah grinned. “Mine was a petite, gorgeous ex-champion figure skater.”
I stood up as I thought about Kristin. “I better get home.” I paused as I asked Micah, “Don’t you think it’s rather ironic that Xander’s happiness very well might come from a psychologist?”
My older brother grinned as he stood up to see me out. “Considering how much he hates anybody who supposedly messes with his head . . . yeah. It’s pretty weird. But what we think we want and what we really need are two different things. He needs Sam. He has to accept her for what she is.”
I headed toward the front door. “He will,” I said confidently. “I think he already has. We know he’s willing to go to jail for her.”
Micah chuckled. “I don’t know about you, but that gives me hope.”
“I think he’s going to be okay, Micah,” I told my older brother as I opened the front door.
“I’ve missed him,” Micah said gruffly.
I nodded, understanding exactly what he meant. It had been a long and fucking terrifying road for Xander. We both wanted him back. “Me too.”
He clapped me on the back as I left the house, calling out, “Stay safe!”
I was used to Micah being a typically protective older brother by now. “You know it,” I called.
I held a hand up in good-bye as I nearly jogged to my own vehicle. I’d picked Micah up, so I had an incredibly short drive home.
All I wanted was to crawl into bed with my warm, cuddly wife. Knowing Kristin, she’d still be awake, wondering what happened.
As I settled into the car, my chest ached, and I hoped with everything I had that someday, Xander would look forward to the exact same things that Micah and I did.
I knew my little brother was so ready, and so close to finding his way. All I could do was be there for him if he needed me, and hope that Sam hung with Xander for the long haul.
Remembering the tormented look on Xander’s face as he’d carried Samantha to his car, I was buoyed about the fact that my little brother was finally looking outside himself.
He was able to care about somebody, and he damn well looked like he was learning to love.