EPILOGUE
SAMANTHA
The following summer . . .
I stopped to watch Xander at a distance as he picked up his cousin’s infant daughter, careful but with an experience that he’d gained from plenty of baby handling over the last several months.
We’d picked a great day for a family picnic, and the amount of Sinclairs that filled up the grassy area of the park was pretty amazing.
Nobody had turned down their invitation, and I was happy to see every member of the Sinclair clan present.
Xander was getting pretty skilled at quieting crying babies, and it was a darn good thing, since every one of his Sinclair cousins now had at least one child, and Sarah had just told us that she was expecting her second.
I sighed as I pulled food out of the ice chest and helped Kristin and Tessa get the picnic tables ready for lunch. Both women were still getting around fairly well considering they were each expecting a child themselves in the near future. Their due dates were within a month of each other at the ends of September and October.
“Are you going to tell him?” Tessa asked curiously as she pulled out some of the lobster rolls she’d made at the restaurant to bring to the picnic.
I had a secret of my own that I still needed to break to Xander. I chewed on my lower lip nervously as I plopped chips on the table. “Maybe today isn’t a good day,” I hedged. “Everyone is so happy, and I’m not really sure how he’ll react.”
“He’ll be ecstatic,” Kristin said.
“We never talked about children, and we haven’t even celebrated our first anniversary yet,” I argued.
I had to admit that my husband hadn’t taken much time to put a big and probably very expensive ring on my finger. We’d been married just before Halloween the previous year, and we were happier than I could have ever imagined since then.
Xander was an amazing husband and partner. He was there for me whenever I needed him. He was still in counseling, but he’d cut back as he’d resolved each of his issues, and was requiring limited time with his therapist now.
Really, I swore that sometimes he had it more together than I did. He’d opened his recording studio to a couple of different artists, and was going through the process of developing his own label.
He performed occasionally, but limited it mostly to benefits to raise money for the charities that his parents had always supported.
Meanwhile, I’d turned my finished book in to my publisher, and was nervously awaiting the launch while I wrote a follow-up title.
Tessa smiled at me mischievously. “I doubt your news is going to wait until your anniversary. You’re already starting to show.”
I put my hands protectively on my slightly rounded belly. “Doubtful,” I agreed. “Xander hasn’t noticed yet, but it won’t be long.”
“What haven’t I noticed?” Xander asked curiously from behind me.
“Oops,” Tessa said with a snicker.
“Here. Let me take the baby. Your wife wants to talk to you,” Kristin said as she cheerily moved to Xander and relieved him of his cousin Jared’s daughter.
“What’s wrong?” he asked me with an anxious look on his face.
“Nothing is wrong,” I assured him as I took his hand and led him across the grass with me.
I automatically reached up and clasped the teardrop necklace Xander had given me. I never took it off, and it was like a talisman that gave me comfort.
He stopped and grasped my other hand, making me let go of my grip on the chain around my neck. “Tell me, Sam,” he insisted.
I faced him, my heart fluttering as his dark eyes surveyed me warily. “I know we never talked about this, and I’m not sure how it happened.”
“What? I swear whatever it is, I’ll fix it,” he said earnestly. “You look worried, and I hate that.”
I smiled up at him, my heart in my eyes from his words of reassurance. He had no idea what I was going to tell him, but he was willing to face down any problem for me. “You can’t fix it,” I told him teasingly. “Especially since you caused it.”
“Then I’ll fix whatever I screwed up,” he promised.
“God, I love you, Xander,” I said with a sigh. He was so loving, and he gave straight from the heart. “I’m pregnant,” I blurted out without censoring myself.
His face turned pensive and maybe a little bit confused. “I said I’m pregnant,” I said with a little more conviction. “I’m on birth control, so it shouldn’t have happened, but I’m that tiny little statistic where it actually failed. But some of it is probably my fault. I forgot my shot a few months ago when I had that virus. By the time I remembered, I was pretty late.”
“You were sick.”
I shrugged. “I didn’t get pregnant while I was sick, but I must have put the shot off long enough to ovulate. Sometimes that happens. Are you upset?”
His expression was still incredulous, so I had no idea how he was reacting in his thoughts. Kids were something we’d discussed as a plan for the distant future. I wasn’t certain how he felt about speeding up our life plan.
“Are you okay?” he asked gruffly. “Are you sick? Is the baby all right?”
I put my hand to his cheek and cupped his jaw. “We’re both fine.”
He wrapped his arms around me and lifted my entire body into the air, then spun me around gently. “Then I’m fucking happy,” he answered huskily as he set me back down.
I wrapped my arms around his neck. “I’m happy, too. Sometimes life doesn’t always go the way we plan, but I’m starting to be okay with whatever surprises come along.”
He grinned. “My little planner has come a long way.”
I kissed the side of his mouth. “How could I not be thrilled about having your child, Xander? I love you.”
“I love you, too, sweetheart,” he answered as he stroked my hair. “As long as you and my daughter are healthy, I don’t care when we have a child.”
“You want a girl?” I asked with my heart in a vise.
He nodded. “I want her to look just like you. She’ll be spoiled rotten.”
I burst out laughing because I knew what he said was true. Boy or girl, the kid would be spoiled. His tiny cousins had already proved that they could wrap Xander around their baby-sized fingers.
“It doesn’t matter which sex it is, you’ll be a good daddy, Xander,” I assured him.
He grinned happily. “I can’t believe I’m going to be a father. I was lucky enough to find you and talk you into marrying me. Now I’m getting a major bonus. I can’t wait to tell Julian and Micah. Hell, all of our kids will grow up together.”
“Should we go tell them?” I asked happily.
“Yeah, let’s go,” he agreed readily.
I should have known that Xander would never be anything but supportive. Deep in my heart, I probably had already known he’d be happy. “In a minute,” I agreed as I pulled his head down to kiss him.
He smelled like soap and temptingly masculine, and my heart still tripped every time we kissed. Xander took his time and explored my mouth before he finally lifted his head. “I love you, Samantha,” he said in a suddenly serious, hoarse voice. “The day you found your way to Amesport was the luckiest damn day of my life. Thank you for loving me. It changed my life. It changed me.”
“Your love changed me, too,” I answered tearfully, touched by his honest admission.
I had thought I was going to Amesport to help Xander, but he actually saved me, too. Maybe I had been successful and driven, but I’d never gotten over feeling like I was all alone in the world.
Xander and I just fit. The reason was unexplainable, but I didn’t question it anymore. He filled every corner of my soul, and his family had become mine, too.
I’d finally found the place where I belonged.
He reluctantly let me go, but reached out his hand.
I took it without hesitation. “Let’s go tell your family.”
“Our family,” he corrected.
I nodded at him, my eyes still teary as I walked beside him, daydreaming about the future.
Our love.
Our passion.
And our new baby who would never know anything except a loving family from the very start.
Tremendous pain had brought Xander and me together, but maybe that was why we were so tightly woven. Through that loneliness and sorrow, we’d learned to love and trust each other.
Xander stopped abruptly, looking at his family gathered together near the now-full picnic tables. “Mom and Dad would have loved this,” he said huskily.
“My family would have loved it, too,” I admitted.
Neither one of our comments was meant to be sad. Xander wrapped an arm around my waist and walked on without saying anything more.
We’d always acknowledge the people we missed, but we’d also learned how to appreciate what we had, and there was a whole tribe of Sinclairs waiting to hear our news.
Through pain comes strength.
I could almost hear my mom whispering those words in my mind. It had been one of her favorite sayings, and it had never been truer than it was for me right now.
“Thanks, Mom,” I mouthed, silently acknowledging that those we love are never really gone.
Xander and I were grinning like idiots by the time we got to the picnic tables to share our news.
Both of us were ready to move on with our new lives, and experience the happiness that had once been so damn elusive.
Xander squeezed my hand. “This is what it’s like to be happy,” he said quietly.
As I looked around at all of the family at the tables, I had to agree with the statement he actually made quite often.
Xander and I had definitely found happiness after a tremendous amount of sorrow. It wasn’t something we’d ever take for granted.
“This is definitely what it’s like,” I agreed with a contented sigh.
I had Xander.
I had our new baby on the way.
And I had family now.
I smiled as I watched Xander break the news, still wondering how I’d gotten lucky enough to be part of the Sinclair clan. Crazy or not, they were mine, my family, and I was never, ever going to let them go.