I drag myself to the wheelchair ballerina class on Tuesday, not sparked even by the chance to see Gabriella. Everything feels blunted and dull, like the world is drained of its color. I skipped Monday practice. It doesn’t matter. Nothing matters. My dad is right. Boys make me stupid. I should stay away.
The girls come in, one by one. Marissa is better today, and I’m relieved to see it. Gwen is on time, Gabriella beautiful in a bright red leotard and sparkly tutu. “Where’s Benjamin?” she asks as soon as she’s in the room.
“He’s with another group now,” Janel says, starting the music.
Danika did say she was taking him out of my class. She was right all along. Maybe she had seen something I didn’t. Flirting with Suze or some of the mothers, more than just accepting their attention. Maybe she’d even caught him with someone.
I picture him kissing one of the other instructors and I want to throw up.
“You okay, Livia?” Janel asks.
I shake myself out of it. “I’m fine,” I say. I move forward to line up the girls.
About halfway through the class, the door opens and a woman enters.
I’m less necessary today, so I’m just standing in the corner watching the dance as she looks around the studio. She’s definitely not from around here.
Her suit is red, tailored, and fits her like it was custom made. The skirt hits just above her knee. She’s got killer red heels and her ash blond hair looks like she just came out of a magazine shoot. She’s older, maybe fifty, but her skin is as radiant as a girl’s. Her makeup is perfect, her lips the exact shade of her dress. She puts on a fake smile as she looks around.
Janel keeps the motions going to cue the girls. “Can I help you?”
“Where is Blitz?” the woman asks.
“He isn’t in this class,” Janel says. “Check with the front desk. They can help you.”
“The front desk sent me here.” Her eyes light up as she watches the girls. The song comes to an end. “Was Blitz here before?”
Gabriella turns her chair to her. “Do you mean Benjamin?”
The woman blinks for a second, then says, “Yes. Was he here?”
“Last week!” Daisy says. “He’s a dreamboat.”
Her wistful expression makes the woman laugh. “Did you all have fun with Benjamin?”
The girls chorus, “Yes! Yes!” and “Where is he?”
Daisy rolls forward. “Is he coming back?”
“Do you want him to?” the woman asks.
Another loud “Yes.”
Janel and I glance at each other. A new song begins. Janel calls out, “Back to positions, girls. Livia, can you show the woman the front desk? Maybe Suze didn’t know about the change. She can track down Danika.”
Great. I don’t know who this woman is, but I’m not pleased to meet yet another Blitz worshipper. She might be older, but who knows? He’s probably into all ages.
I head toward her. When we’re back in the hall, she says, “I haven’t introduced myself. I’m Hannah Stanton, Blitz’s manager.”
At least I’m not having to escort one of his conquests. “I’m Livia,” I say. “I’ll help you find Danika. She owns the place and sets Blitz’s schedule.”
I head to the front, but Hannah doesn’t follow. She lingers by the window, watching the girls work on arm movements. “They sure seemed taken with Blitz,” she says.
Marissa’s mom pops up her head. “Do you know where he is?” she asks. “Marissa was crushed when he wasn’t here today.”
“Are you one of the mothers?” Hannah asks.
I lean against the wall, my arms crossed. This woman seems slippery.
Marissa’s mom stands and extends her hand. “Yes. Mine is the one in the middle.”
“Beautiful girl,” Hannah says. “Such gorgeous coloring.” She looks at the mother. “Gets it from you.”
The mom’s smile is enormous.
So slick. I stand in awe of how she’s working her.
Hannah looks around. “Any other mothers here?”
Gwen turns to them, and so does Daisy’s mom. The others aren’t in the hall, probably out running errands.
Hannah shakes their hands. “I’m so excited Blitz is here. He’s very devoted to inspiring new dancers. Your girls are exquisite.”
She watches them again for a moment through the window as if she’s just getting an idea. “I would love, and I do mean love, to have your girls do a segment with Blitz for television. I think the world needs to see the incredible work your dancers are doing. It’s so inspiring. Anyone can dance. They are proof.”
She turns back to them. “They could be like little ambassadors, showing all the children that they can be anything they want to be.”
I want to snort with derision, but I can see all the moms are totally buying into it.
“What would they have to do?” Gwen asks. She’s skeptical, and I’m so happy about that I want to hug her.
“Just do their dance,” Hannah says. “I can bring Blitz back. That will make them happy, right?”
The moms nod.
“I have a little waiver that just says you approve them being on the air. Naturally we won’t say who they are, for their privacy.” Hannah signs an invisible page in the air. “And we’ll bring two, maybe three, cameramen to capture their beauty next week.”
“What should they wear?” Marissa’s mother asks.
“Just have them in their favorite outfit,” Hannah says.
“We have their recital costumes already,” Daisy’s mom says. She turns to me. “Livia, is it okay if they wear them next week?”
“We’re missing the hats,” I say, but I can see that they don’t really want to know what I think. It’s practically a done deal. “But you can check with Janel.”
Hannah claps her hands. “I’ll speak to Blitz about it. And the owner. It will be amazing.” She passes out cards to the mothers. “I’ll be in touch through the studio. Tell the other moms!”
She walks past me, her heels clicking on the floor. She doesn’t seem to need my guidance or help, so I just let her go.
Seriously slick. So this is how Hollywood works.
The moms are abuzz, their heads together over their cards.
Gwen says, “Are we sure we want our girls on television?”
The urge to hug her strikes again. I’m glad she’s hesitating. I don’t want Gabriella to have anything to do with Blitz.
“I’m thrilled,” Daisy’s mom says. “I can’t wait to tell everyone!”
They are going to push it through, I can tell. Their energetic chatter fills me with dread.
Janel is doing fine with the girls, so I head to the foyer to see where the manager shark has gone. When I get to the end of the hall, I peek around the corner to see if she is near the front desk.
Suze and Jacob are there, talking in hushed tones. They get quiet when they see me.
“Hey, Livia,” Jacob says. “How are the ballerinas?”
“Good,” I say. “Suze, I guess you figured out that Blitz isn’t with our group anymore.”
She nods and glances at Jacob. Something is up. I give them a friendly wave and keep walking, past the desk to the other side where glass doors separate the studios from the recital hall.
I hear voices immediately. Danika’s office is to the right. I scoot past the half-closed door and duck inside the auditorium, perching against the last row of chairs so I can still hear.
It’s dark, but if I’m caught, I can easily say I was checking to see if anyone needed help with the stage setup for the recital.
I sit very still and listen.
First is that Hannah woman. “This is a brilliant opportunity! Those wheelchair girls are precious and it’s good all around. Of course we want that one.”
“Blitz is not welcome in that class,” Danika says.
“Nonsense,” Hannah says. “They love him. They were heartbroken that he wasn’t there.”
When Blitz speaks, I nearly jump out of my skin. I had no idea he was even here! “Hannah, there are plenty of classes we can use for the video.”
Hannah’s voice takes on an edge. “The dancing elderly will be good for a laugh, but let me assure you, those ballerinas are what you need to get back in the producer’s good graces.”
Nobody talks for a moment. It’s a stalemate. My fingers squeeze the back of the cushioned chair. This is all my fault. If Blitz and I had just stayed apart, he could have had his video and nobody would be fighting right now.
I push down the seat and plop into it, sinking down low. Maybe I am the one who should leave.
But Gabriella! I can’t. I just can’t.
Tears threaten. I’ll tell Danika I will skip next week. They can do their video. I wasn’t going to be in it anyway. I won’t see Blitz again. It’s not like I really want to. I was just one of a half-dozen San Antonio conquests. His most naive and pathetic. The others were so glamorous, so sure of themselves.
The stage is dark other than a few safety lights along the edge. It has a hallowed glow to it, as if it is illuminated by ghosts.
The voices in the office drop down, talking in quiet tones. I wonder why, but my curiosity isn’t strong enough to get closer to hear. I just sit in the chair and feel sorry for myself. I won’t regret that kiss. And remembering how we danced onstage is a choice. There isn’t any reason to make it an ugly memory.
For a little while, I got to teach ballet to the most famous dancer in the world. That was something. Really something.
I sit up. Time to go. Class is probably about over and I might as well hug the girls good-bye before I head home.
But the shadow of a figure crosses the pale light onstage.
Blitz.
He’s come inside and gone up the stairs in the dark without my even noticing. I hunker down in the seat, wondering what he’s up to.
He takes a few leaps, turning, legs scissoring. His form is lean and true, striking and powerful. He drops to the floor and pops back again in a back flip, so unexpected that I almost gasp out loud.
Then he runs and attempts a grand jeté. It’s not bad. His arms still aren’t quite right, but then, I’m not really an instructor. Just a two-year ballet student with a crush. He really should get Betsy to fix his form. I picture him doing one on Dance Blitz when he returns and my heart glows. It’s a little bit of me he will take with him.
He does another grand jeté but when he gets to the floor, he drops to one knee, head down. It’s like he’s broken, struck by grief.
Without thinking, I jump from my chair. “Blitz! Are you okay?” My feet carry me up the aisle to the stage.
He quickly stands, resuming his easy posture. “Livia?” he asks.
I hurry up the stairs. “Yes. Why are you dancing in the dark?”
“Why are you sitting in it?”
I want to run up to him and throw my arms around him. But I stop short, the image of all those women, all those nights, running through my head.
Blitz moves forward to reach for me, but I take a step back. He drops his arms. “What’s wrong?” he asks.
I don’t want to ask about the other girls or admit I cyberstalked him. But it isn’t really in me to lie to him. And I have no explanation for my behavior today compared to Friday if I don’t say it.
“How is Avery Hines?” I ask.
He lets out a long rush of air. “Nicer than people give her credit for,” he says. “And madly in love with another girl. She just won’t go public yet.”
My legs wobble, so I plop down on the stage. “Really?”
Blitz sits next to me. We both look out to the shadowy seats, the entrance, how close Danika and his manager are right now. But we’re just two people sitting on a stage.
He must feel the same, because he kicks his legs out in front of him and leans on his hands like this is any ordinary conversation. “I’m guessing if you saw one, you saw them all.” He doesn’t wait for a confirmation, but goes on. “Jenna is someone I knew from high school. She’s about to get married, but after those pictures came out, her fiancé is not speaking to her. I really screwed that up. I’m hoping she can fix it.”
“Oh, no.”
Blitz stares up into the dark canopy above the stage, the mass of stage lights and curtains invisible in the blackness. “Yep. And then there were two women with the network. I’m pretty sure one was testing to see if I would act like a man-whore to justify them killing my contract without even paying me.”
He shakes his head. “The other was just — God, I don’t know. Bitter, I guess. It was a difficult dinner to force myself through. There were two other men with us but of course the photos cut them out.”
Somewhere deep in my chest, a tiny glow of hope starts to light up around my heart. I want it to go away, to take me back to the safe place where I knew it was over. But it refuses.
“I guess it was pretty tough seeing all that,” Blitz says. “I didn’t go anywhere this weekend, though. I turned everything down. Just spent time with my parents.”
His eyes shine in the low light. He’s watching me earnestly.
My chest rises and falls with each breath. I refused to wear the light blue leotard, so it’s the white and yellow today, glowing in the dark. I pull my knees up to my chest. “It was definitely hard,” I manage to say. “But I didn’t do a Burn Blitz Burn Tweet.”
His laugh rings in the silent hall. “Oh my God, Livia, this was the longest weekend of my life.” He shifts close to me and pulls me into his arms. “All I could think about was my princess. Even my mother noticed.”
My face snaps around to his. “Really?”
“Really. She asked why I acted like I was walking on a cloud.”
He shifts me onto his lap. I sit sideways on him, my head on his shoulder. It’s frighteningly intimate, closer than we’ve been before. My heart thuds wildly.
His fingers trail along the nape of my neck, my back, my shoulders. “I don’t think I’ve ever gotten so worked up over a kiss before,” he says. His breath tickles my jaw.
I turn my face to his and our lips meet. The kiss is tender, conciliatory, a reconnection. His hand moves to the back of my head. His mouth covers mine, increasing the urgency, his tongue seeking entrance.
I taste him, no mint gum today, but a hint of coffee and cream. My body is less hesitant, more eager to move in close, to feel his muscular body tight against mine.
I shift to face him, my legs straddling his waist. His dance tights are form fitting and sleek. I move against him, feeling our bodies connect. It’s slippery and smooth, so easy to shift into place.
His hands grasp my ribs. His thumb slides up, flirting with the underside of my breast.
I suck in a breath against his mouth. Fire licks through me. It’s way beyond what I felt in the storage room. It’s needy and unquenched. I break away, my breathing rapid.
“We should probably be careful,” Blitz says.
I nod and shift away from him. I don’t want to, but my brain is buzzing. So many reversals in the past few minutes. Hating him, feeling despair, then hope, and now fire.
“Why is Danika against us?” Blitz asks. “I mean, I know I have a horrible reputation, which I totally deserve.” He stands up and reaches for my hand to help me rise as well. “But she’s the owner, and you’re a student. Is she a close friend of your family?”
I shake my head no. I don’t want him to know my situation, how sheltered I’ve been, how abnormal.
“Then let’s see each other away from here,” Blitz says. “We can go anywhere. Will you do that?” His eyes implore mine, flashing in the dark. “Tonight? Tomorrow? I can’t wait any longer than that.”
I think about my time, how to get away, searching for possibilities. I could lie again, say I’m coming here, say Danika has a work session and lunch planned for the staff. I’ll make it work. I can always just walk away. Dad won’t be home. Mom can’t exactly lock me in my room.
“Yes,” I say. “Tomorrow. Away from here.” I think frantically. “I’ll meet you at the park on this street, a few blocks down. By the swings.”
“That’s adorable,” he says. “And a date. When?”
“When do you have a class here?” I ask.
“Ten. Done at eleven. Tappin’ Grandmas, remember?”
Right. “Okay, eleven-fifteen at the park.”
He pulls me to him fiercely. “It’s a date, Princess.”
We scurry off the stage and go separately out of the hall.
Class is long over, so I don’t talk to anyone, but just head outside and into the bright fall day. I’m halfway home when it hits me, and I grand jeté on the sidewalk.
I have a date with Blitz!