REN

* * * * * *

2013

 

 

 

I LOST HER for two full days.

The first few hours, I wasn’t worried.

I figured I knew her enough that she’d head to one of her friend’s from school, follow the main road, get tired, and rest along the verge.

That theory was dashed by the time I arrived at the friend’s house in question, and her mother informed me with sleepy frustration that there was no reason to get her out of bed at four in the morning because Della wasn’t there.

I’d waited until dawn, sitting in their deck chairs on the lawn, waiting to see if Della would turn up, hoping she would, begging her to.

But by the time the sun warmed the world, I had to accept defeat.

She hadn’t come this way.

By midmorning, fear crept over my anger, and I no longer thought about her with a thinning of my lips and discipline on my mind but with an ever-fledgling panic. She was no longer the bold girl who’d kissed me without permission. She was a child lost and alone and at the mercy of all manner of creatures.

Most of them men.

Heinous, horrible men who would gladly accept a kiss and so much else.

My heart never fell below a steady race as I jogged through downtown, visited her local familiar hang-outs, and racked my brain for her favourite places and people.

By the time another evening rolled around, I hadn’t eaten or drank. I raged on terrified adrenaline. I didn’t need fuel because the urgency to find her before another night fell kept me pumped and focused.

I’d exhausted all my options in town.

The next place I had to search was the first place I would’ve gone but not somewhere I’d expect her to find sanctuary in.

Especially on her own.

Doubling back toward the outskirts of town and keeping my eye on the horizon where Cherry River Farm had once been our home, I traded paved roads for bracken paths and shed off the city veneer I’d worn while living around people.

The forest.

My real home.

I relished in letting the wildness inside me take over and lengthened my stride until I covered miles upon miles, ducking around trees, listening for any animals complaining at having a human amongst their midst, doing my best to track her like any good predator would his prey.

But as another night fell, slicing me from Della for a full twenty-four hours, I had to rest.

I slowed to a walk, let my eyes adjust to the crescent moon glow, and padded as quietly as I could, hoping against hope to hear the girl I would die for.

* * * * *

Another morning.

No rest.

No luck.

No Della.

My stomach growled, and my thirst had gotten the better of me around two a.m., making me drink like a beast with hands cupped to my face from the river.

I’d followed the meandering water for a while, hoping Della would be smart and do what I’d taught her.

Anything was survivable as long as you had an abundant water source.

If she wasn’t near the river, and she wasn’t hiding with friends…where was she?

How would I find her?

How would I keep her safe?

My legs had turned to jelly hours ago, and I half-stumbled, half-jogged forward, always seeking, never finding.

I had no food.

I had no time to find food.

I had a waistband full of money, but it was utterly useless out here in a world of trees and woodland.

If I didn’t find her soon, I’d have no choice but to return to civilization and gather supplies. I would turn the pointless dollar bills into practical belongings and never rest until we were back together again.

Another lunchtime and still no sign of her.

No noise.

No hint.

No clue.

I kept pushing forward, calling her name, peering into the hazy green foliage while stripping off overheating jackets and jumpers in the spring heat.

Another evening and still alone.

No progress.

No success.

No reunion.

And by midnight, when darkness thickened to its blackest and day-dwellers traded places with nocturnal, I had no choice but to put myself first, no matter how much it killed me.

My body needed help.

I had to be smart and feed the snarling emptiness in my belly, so I could find a way to repair the howling emptiness in my heart.

It took a few hours to switch direction and leave the river behind.

I cut through small tracks made by mammals and weaved around knobbly trees. I fell over at one point, almost too exhausted to stand, but I found my final reserves, hauling myself onward into an energy depleting march.

And lucky I did.

Because at the point when I was closest to giving up, that was the moment I found her.