CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
LIFE SUCKED.
Just when Brook Lynn had started to get things together, to step through the heaven-on-earth door, fate had closed in behind her, tied a blindfold around her eyes, forced her to turn in a thousand circles and step through the hell-on-earth door.
How could she have been so wrong about Jase? How could she have pegged an ex-con as a cop or a soldier?
“Okay,” she heard Jessie Kay say, “you’ve moped enough.”
Brook Lynn cracked open her eyes. Her sister was stretched out on her bed. When had that happened?
“I’m not moping. I’m brooding. Big difference.”
Since the breakup— No, no, they hadn’t broken up. Since the decision to take a break—better—she’d left the house only once, when Kenna had dragged her to another dress appointment, hoping the change of scenery would cheer her up...but after she’d sobbed all over the salesgirl about the unfairness of life, her friend hadn’t asked her out a second time.
“Just go away.” Brook Lynn rolled to her other side—and came face-to-face with Kenna.
The redhead smirked at her, all it’s not over.
They’d surrounded her!
“Go away, both of you.” She tried to pull the covers over her face, but her sister ripped the material out of her hands...and kicked it to the floor.
“It’s nine o’clock at night,” Kenna said.
“So?” she demanded. “Your point?”
“So. You haven’t gotten up yet.”
“You and Jase broke up and—” Jessie Kay began.
“We didn’t! We decided to go on a break,” she corrected, depression and guilt settling over her like another blanket.
She’d just run out on him like a scared little rabbit. Because that’s what she was! And it hurt, knowing she wasn’t the woman he needed. Accepting. Comforting. Maybe he knew it, too. Maybe that’s why he hadn’t come after her. Why he hadn’t done anything to convince her that her fears were unfounded.
Not that the blame fell fully on his shoulders. She could have called him, but hadn’t.
If only her mind weren’t at war. On one hand, she knew that while he’d committed a crime, he’d been a teenager at the time and had since paid the price. And really, he’d paid far more than a few years behind bars. Obviously, he’d paid in blood and pain.
On the other hand, she’d seen glimpses of rage in him and now didn’t know if she could trust him in such a state.
Still...part of her wanted to be with him.
Part of me?
Ha! Most of her. But it wouldn’t do either one of them any good if she flinched every time he raised his voice or his hand. Or if she ran and hid every time he got a little irritated with her.
Casting stones? She had a temper of her own, one the whole town feared. But she’d never really hurt anyone. Well, besides her annoying sister. Even at her worst, Brook Lynn had never done anything seriously damaging—and Jessie Kay had ensured she got hers in return. But a temper like Jase’s?
How would he react the day she pushed him past the limits of his control? And she would. That was a guarantee.
Why couldn’t she be like the women in books and movies and just trust him?
Easy. Because she was real, with real reactions.
Being real sucked.
“Dane says Jase is miserable.” Kenna smoothed hair from Brook Lynn’s brow. “Though he won’t give details. Bro-code or something like that.”
“You won’t go see him. You won’t talk about him. What’s going on?” Jessie Kay asked.
She didn’t want to reveal Jase’s secret, but she desperately needed advice. She’d been agonizing for days with zero results.
“I just found out... I mean, Jase told me...” The rest of the words snagged in her throat. Was she really going to do this? Betray him? Because that’s how he’d see it. He’d trusted her enough to share the most painful part of himself.
Dang it! She couldn’t do it. She was on her own. “I plead the ho-code and will remain silent.”
Jessie Kay snorted. “Did you just refer to yourself as a ho?”
“Did he cheat on you?” Kenna demanded.
“No, nothing like that.”
“Did he lie to you? Steal from you?” Jessie Kay asked.
“No and no.”
“Dude. Did he hit you?”
“What? No!” she gasped out.
But...would he? It was a question she couldn’t shake, a fear she’d never before entertained. The only way to find out how he would treat her while enraged was to, well, enrage him.
A frisson of distress swept through her. I’m miserable without him, but too unsure about what the future holds to go to him.
She couldn’t afford to make a mistake. But...she couldn’t let fear make her decisions for her, either. After all, she might actually be in love with Jase Hollister. All the signs were there. A need to give him everything she had...to protect him from further pain. And she treasured her time with him, delighted in teasing him, laughing with him. She thrilled in breaking through his icy demeanor to find the heat that swirled inside him.
But, dang it, the fear remained.
“I need a new job,” she muttered. “Just for a little while. Just until I figure some things out.” But what could she do? Who was hiring? What wouldn’t destroy her soul, little by little?
Off the top of her head...nothing. Cooking was the only thing she truly enjoyed, but none of the local restaurants or bakeries were hiring. Maybe they’d make an exception for her, though. She’d never forgotten the way those guys at the auto shop had reacted to her sandwich. Name your price, they’d said, as if they’d pay anything. Even...ten dollars? Fifteen? Just for a sandwich!
She would have tried opening her own shop, but it would have required too much overhead on her part.
Although...did she really have to open a shop to sell her sandwiches?
Buds of excitement unfurled within her, giving life to a tide of eagerness. What if she operated on a delivery-only basis? People could place their orders every morning, and she could make deliveries every afternoon and evening, making casseroles for working moms and dads to easily heat and serve to their families. That wouldn’t be enough to sustain her, but she could always expand into catering.
My own business, she thought, awed. She would be in control of her hours and her schedule.
She had to try.
“The job search can wait another day,” Jessie Kay said. “You don’t want to tell us what’s going on, fine, but we’re not letting you wallow a second longer. We’re going dancing, and that’s final. You deserve a good time. And a new man, if that’s something you’re interested in exploring.”
“I’m not. I only want Jase,” she muttered.
“I bet I can change your mind.” Jessie Kay tugged her out of bed and herded her into the bathroom. “Shower. Wash the stank off.”
“Fine. I’ll wash the stank off, as you so elegantly put it,” she said. You’re welcome, world. “But that’s it. That’s all I’m doing.”
Kenna grinned at her. “I’ll be in the closet, looking for your sluttiest dress.”
“I mean it,” she insisted. “I’m staying in tonight.”
“Sure, sure.” Jessie Kay riffled through her underwear drawer. “Do you want to wear a thong or go with something lacy? Definitely lacy,” she answered for her. “It’ll drive all the guys you meet wild.”
“I’m. Staying. In,” she said and slammed the bathroom door.
* * *
TWO AND A HALF hours later, the girls flanked her sides, guiding Brook Lynn into the club. Of course, nothing in Strawberry Valley had been good enough for Jessie Kay, so they’d driven into the city.
“I can’t believe you forced me into this,” she muttered, waving a hand in front of her face. Smoke thickened the air, tickling her throat and making her cough.
Jessie Kay grinned. “I know! Isn’t it great?”
Strobe lights flashed a million colors in every direction, spinning, spinning. Bright white lights pulsed in sync with the music. A thousand bodies overflowed the small space, men and women crowding the bar, standing around the occupied tables, bumping and grinding on the dance floor. She expected the seams of the building to split at any second.
I think I’ve walked into hell.
She switched her implants to silent, the noise simply too loud for her to function. Still she could feel the vibration of music bouncing off the floor and the walls.
Jessie Kay disappeared for a few minutes, only to return with a drink and two guys. She thrust the shot glass at Brook Lynn, saying to the guys, “This is my sister, y’all. As pretty as I promised, right?”
They looked her over as if she were a piece of meat on display at the butcher block.
One of them said something but she had no idea what. While she’d had no trouble reading her sister’s lips, these boys were strangers and the lighting dim—when it wasn’t exploding like fireworks.
The lack of understanding was probably a good thing.
One guy continued to leer at her, as if she were already a sure thing. The other smiled a smile he probably thought was charming but that merely creeped her out. It said: I know how to bury a body.
“Excuse me,” she said and pushed her way into a dark corner.
Kenna wasn’t far behind. Her features contorted into a grimace as she looked around. “I wasn’t expecting...had no idea this was what your sister enjoyed.”
“The sad thing is I knew, and yet here I am.” She missed Jase. The way he looked at her—as if she were special. The way he touched her—as if she were a gift to be unwrapped.
She just had to find out how he’d react to being furious with her. Then they could be together.
“You gonna drink that?” Kenna motioned to the shot glass she still held.
The last time Brook Lynn had imbibed, she’d texted the most insane things to Jase. Every “what not to do” in every women’s magazine.
Lightbulb! Maybe, with a little alcohol, she’d work up the courage to push his hot buttons and finally learn the answer to the question plaguing her.
I’m a sick, sick girl.
“Bottoms up,” she muttered and drained the glass in a single gulp.
Oh, the burn! Just as bad as before. She sputtered, trying to catch her breath.
Jessie Kay arrived with a new crop of hopefuls—and two more shots. Brook Lynn downed the drinks without a word.
Considering she hadn’t eaten much that day, just a few chips left in the bag on her nightstand, dizziness hit her fast and strong. She giggled, and Kenna wrapped an arm around her waist to hold her steady.
“You okay?” her friend asked.
“Better than.” Maybe. Probably. She was going to make Jase soooo mad. He had no idea the storm about to be unleashed. “Hey, you,” she said to the guy who wouldn’t stop playing with the ends of her sister’s hair. “Can I have your number? I lost my own.”
He just blinked at her.
Jessie Kay rolled her eyes. “What she meant to say is... Here she is. Now, what are your other two wishes?”
His friend clasped Brook Lynn’s hand. When she focused on him, his lips were already moving. “—scale from one to ten, you’re a nine...and I’m the one you need.”
He expected her to do a little mathing? Now?
Who cared! “Selfie time! Me and Numbers.” This had to be the best...idea...ever. Jase would see her with another man and sink into a black pit of rage; she’d discover how he handled the emotion. In a word: foolproof.
Brook Lynn sidled up to Numbers and threw her arms around his shoulders. “I know what you’re thinking. Yes, I did sit in a pile of sugar—because I’ve got a pretty sweet bee-hind. Now smile for the camera.”
Warm breath fanned her ear, making her shudder. She snapped the photo and bolted out of reach. Surely creepy and creepier was not the caliber of male on today’s market.
Or maybe they wouldn’t have been so bad if she’d stopped comparing everyone she met to Jase.
“You’re so hot,” the other one said to Jessie Kay, wiggling his brows, “even my zipper is falling for you.”
Jessie Kay slapped him on the back. “Dude. That’s a good one. I know! I know! Did you buy your pants on sale...because at my house they would be one hundred percent off.”
The guys laughed. Jessie Kay gave Brook Lynn a look that said having fun already?
No, but soon. Brook Lynn scouted the room for her next photo partner. Perfect! Young and cute. The mustache wasn’t to her taste, and he was a bit on the thin side, but beggars couldn’t be choosers and all that.
“We’ll be back in a bit,” she told her sister. “You. Come on. I might need an interpreter.” She dragged Kenna out of the corner, away from the circle of bad pickup lines, and bounded over to Mustache. “Let’s take a picture together.”
The guy furrowed his brow with confusion, but eventually consented.
Over the next half hour, Brook Lynn took a total of sixteen pictures, each more provocative than the last.
“Jase is going to flip out,” she said, opening a text to him, selecting all of the images—and pressing Send.
Kenna moved in front of her. “Are you sure that’s wise? What if you lose him for good over this?”
She frowned, not liking the thought and rejecting it. “We’ll be good as gold after this. I’ll have my proof.”
“Proof? And, Brook Lynn, I wanted to jolt you out of your funk, maybe even to get you to talk about what’s going on with Jase, but I didn’t want to help ruin your life!”
“You’ve helped make it better. You’ll see.” And now, the moment of truth. She opened another text to Jase.
Come over 2nite. Let’s discuss the pix.
Send.
Someone bumped into her, pushing her forward. She stumbled and bumped into someone else. “Sorry, sorry.” The room began to spin faster and faster, and her stomach rebelled. She tried to move toward the bathroom—where the heck was the bathroom?—but she made it only two steps before hunching over and vomiting all over the floor.
* * *
BROOK LYNN WASN’T sure how she made it home. She woke up in bed, alone, with a splitting headache and a terrible taste in her mouth. Had rodents crawled inside it and died?
Grumbling, she stumbled into the bathroom, where she brushed her teeth and showered, dressed in a tank and a pair of panties and brushed her teeth again. As memories of last night’s escapades invaded her mind, she decided to go back to bed—and stay there forever.
My picture should be next to idiot in the dictionary.
She turned the volume up on her implants, just in case her sister decided to make another surprise visit, and curled up under the covers. Lesson learned. Alcohol only made everything worse. She’d actually sent pictures of herself draped over other men to Jase. Of course he was going to rage.
A weight settled at the end of her bed. Her eyelids popped open, and she gasped. Jase! He’d flipped on the lamp, and golden light spotlighted him. Rumpled dark hair, eyes that were bloodshot but not spewing fire. He didn’t seem to have shaved since she’d left him, his stubble dark and thick.
She sat up, her body already heating...burning. Readying. The man who’d pleasured her so perfectly, so many times, was here, once again within reach. His masculine scent filled her head, at last chasing away her headache.
“Wh—what are you doing here?”
He frowned, and she had to battle the urge to brush her fingertips over his lips. “You invited me. Remember?”
She did, and she had to swallow a moan. The final text.
Jase withdrew his cell phone. “Let’s chat about these.” He showed her the screen. “This one is of a strobe light. This one is of a crowd. This one is of a dirty table. This one is of multiple pairs of feet.”
Mission fail.
Why not tell him the truth? Get everything out in the open? “I was trying to make you mad.”
“You...what? Why?” He set his phone on the nightstand.
“Okay, fine. You got me. I was trying to make you more than mad. I was trying to enrage you.”
“Why did you think these random pictures would enrage me?”
“They were supposed to be pictures of me with other guys.”
A terrible stillness came over him. “I see.”
She covered her face with her hair and peeked at him through her spread fingers. “I wanted to find out what you’d do.”
Several beats of silence. Such oppressive silence. “I see,” he repeated.
There’d been hints of anger in his tone, but nothing else.
“I’m sorry,” she said, miserable.
“Did you do anything with these men?” he asked quietly.
“No! Gross.”
He studied her features, still masking his own, before he stood. “I better go. I wouldn’t want to frighten you with my temper. I’ll see you around, Brook Lynn. Or not. Yeah, probably not.”
That was it? All he had to say? “Now just hold on a sec.”
“Why?” He pushed a hand through his hair. “You’re afraid of me, even though I would rather die than hurt you. There’s nothing else to discuss.”
A part of her melted. A part of her panicked. “You think this is easy for me? Being apart from you? Not trusting you?”
“Certainly seems that way.”
There was a hint of bitterness in his tone. She deserved it, even welcomed it. He felt! “You’re so cold so much of the time, Jase. You hold everything in. Then, apparently, you have times when you boil over and can’t return to a simmer.”
His eyes narrowed. “This is true, but have I ever harmed you?”
“You pushed me once.”
“I didn’t know what I was doing.”
“Exactly my point!”
He closed his eyes for a moment. “That won’t happen again. I won’t let it. I know to be on guard now.”
“But, Jase...I don’t even know what happened that day. You’ve never told me.”
Tensing more with every second that passed, he said, “I saw blood and flashed back to prison, to the times I’d been ambushed and...stabbed. And worse things.”
She flattened a hand against her churning stomach. Knowing he’d endured such horrors was one thing. Hearing about it was another. “I’m sorry.”
“I’m not going to hurt you,” he insisted. “You mean too much to me. Just give me time, and I’ll prove it.”
“But...if I mean so much to you,” she whispered, “why didn’t you come after me?”
His laugh was bitter. “You can’t have it both ways. You can’t run and expect me to chase you. I’m an ex-con. Do you know what a stalking charge would do to me?”
See Brook Lynn’s resistance begin to crumble. “I would never accuse you of stalking.”
“Will you give me time, then?” He seemed to stop breathing, as if her response mattered more than anything ever had.
Tremors skated through her as she realized this was it. Decision time. There’d be no going back after this. He’d take her at her word and proceed accordingly.
“I’m never going to be the guy who displays every emotion,” he said. “I can’t be. But I’m telling you, stating it plain, I want to be with you. I don’t care how I get you—I just want you in my life.”
How am I supposed to resist him?
“O...okay,” she said. “I’ll give you time.”
He stepped toward her, only to stop. “Be very sure. I won’t live through another separation.”
“I wouldn’t, either,” she admitted. “I’m sure. I want to be with you, too.”
His relief was palpable, his desire more so. His eyes hooded, making her tremors redouble. “I hope you’re ready to cross another item off your fun list.” His tone...from stoic to simmering, tentative to determined.
“Always sometimes,” she said with a nod.
“Good enough.” He placed a knee on the edge of the bed, then the other, and urged her to her back. “Because we’re about to solve the mystery of the missing orgasm.”
She half laughed, half moaned in sublime surrender. “I believe I specified a mystery dinner.”
“Oh, don’t worry,” he said, bending down. “We’ll be dining.”
Her heart kicked into a wild beat, her insides immediately flashing white-hot when he crashed his lips into hers, his tongue thrusting with brutal force, and she lost track of her surroundings.
He took her mouth with the same sense of possession he’d first taken her body. It was as if a dam had burst inside him, and only passion spilled free. He began pulling at her clothing, ripping the material in his haste. By the time he had her naked, a glorious madness had overtaken her, his name the only word her fragmented thoughts could form.
“Jase...Jase...” Oh, how she’d missed him. At times like this, when they were intimate, she feared nothing.
Their tongues parried and thrust in a sensual dance of dominance, and she realized this...this was what she’d thought she’d be getting when they’d first decided to commit. Raw carnality. A passion unlike any other. Almost...savage, with absolutely nothing held back.
He kissed and nipped his way to her breast, kneading the plump flesh. He sucked her nipple so hard a cry parted her lips, her back arching—to get closer to him or put distance between them, she wasn’t sure. It was a mix of pleasure/pain she’d never before experienced, and she was instantly addicted.
“More,” she commanded, fingers fisting his hair to hold his head in place.
He sucked one nipple then the other, giving them the same fierce treatment, until both were swollen and throbbing with ecstasy, a mimic of the constant throb between her legs. She didn’t think she’d ever been so aroused or so wet—until he anchored her feet on his shoulders and knelt at the edge of the bed, dragging her over and placing his mouth directly between her spread legs.
He...utterly...devoured...her.
Like a starving man who’d just discovered a banquet. Like a man who’d had too many treasures stolen and thought he would lose this, too. He was ferocious, almost like an animal. Nipping and growling his approval as she writhed against his face. She came once...twice...lost in an ocean of rapture and never wanting to be found.
When she could take no more, her body so sensitive even the slightest breeze from the air conditioner tickled her, she used her feet to push at his shoulders. He raised his head, his eyelids heavy, hooded, and his eyes devoid of color, his pupils so large the green had been completely eclipsed. Tension branched from the corners, as well as from his mouth—a mouth wet with her pleasure.
He straightened slowly. As she watched, he licked his lips, savoring every drop she’d ceded.
“Not done,” he said and slowly undressed. “Not even close.”
His every movement was now measured, as if he knew he’d reached a breaking point and had to make an effort to regain control. But as more and more of his beautiful body was bared, desire was stoked inside her all over again, as if she’d never reached completion.
“Are you on birth control?” he asked.
“Yes. I got a shot soon after I met you.” She trembled, and she burned, and she ached. Empty, she thought. I’m so empty. Have to be filled.
“You want me to wear a condom or do you want me bare?”
“Bare.”
As she watched, he stroked the long length of his erection. “There is no one more beautiful than you, angel. Have I told you that?”
Her trembles came faster. “Jase. Please.”
Maybe it was the needy edge her voice held. Maybe it was the plea itself. Either way, the frenzy hit him once again—only with more force. He grabbed her knees and pried them as far apart as they could go. He positioned himself at her entrance and slammed all the way home.
She cried out, stretched and filled as she’d so desperately needed to be. Knowing there was nothing between them, that the hardness of his flesh glided along the wetness of hers, somehow shredded her control. The pleasure was incredible, accompanied by a rush of adrenaline every time he thrust...and thrust...harder and harder, faster and faster. She bucked against him, her hips lifting off the bed, causing him to sink deeper every time he pushed in, as deep as her body would allow.
The headboard slammed against the wall again and again, the pictures anchored over it rattling. Jase never paused, just hammered inside her with greater force. She would still feel him tomorrow, in every cell of her body, and she would love it.
When he pulled out of her completely, she shouted a denial, even reached for him. He dropped to his knees and licked the heart of her until she began to climax against his tongue. As the first spasms swept through her, he straightened and pushed back in her. His mouth met hers in a kiss that would forever blister her soul. Her spasms intensified, the pleasure too much...more than she’d ever experienced at once...
“Brook Lynn,” he roared, the harsh sound of his voice bringing her back down to earth. He gave one final shove before shuddering and coming inside her, hard.
He sagged against her, and all she could do was hold him close as her mind began to return to earth...to the fears she hadn’t yet shaken. Not completely. She trusted him implicitly in bed, but she was still a little nervous about everything else.
She said she’d give him time, and she would—and she’d never been gladder about something. One thing she’d learned while apart from him: she couldn’t breathe without him.
A dangerous way to feel, but just then, she didn’t care.