CHAPTER THIRTEEN
JASE REMAINED IN place long after Brook Lynn walked away, trying to put the pieces of what had happened together. He’d been removing weeds from the side of the house. That’s right.
He’d thought he’d heard a noise behind him and jerked, cutting his hand on the hoe as he glanced over his shoulder. He’d thought he spied a man dressed in brown darting behind the bushes. Jase had stepped forward, intending to give chase, only to realize it had to be a deer. He caught glimpses of wildlife every day.
He’d glanced down to see a well of blood in his hand, and he’d flashed back to all the times he’d been jumped. Sometimes with fists, sometimes with shivs. In nine years he’d endured a total of twenty-three stabbings across his torso and a few more scattered over his legs. He’d lost count of the number of fights he’d participated in, only knew he’d won more than he’d lost. He’d endured several broken bones and had suffered...other things. Things he rarely ever allowed himself to remember.
Held down...too many hands to knock away...
A knee in my back...
Clothing being ripped.
His breath sawed in and out faster, hotter. Brook Lynn must have come upon him while he’d been trapped inside his head. He remembered the softest of touches on his shoulder, the softest of voices saying his name. Soft—when soft was the last thing he’d ever gotten in prison. The contrast had been enough to pull him out of the abyss. At least partway.
He’d...pushed her.
The image of his bloody palm marring her shirt would forever plague him.
He stumbled to the side until he came into contact with the house. He leaned his forehead against the brick. Little tremors slipped down his spine, dislodging beads of sweat.
He couldn’t face Brook Lynn, and he certainly couldn’t let her help him. He deserved castigation, and she deserved better.
West and Beck were right. Jase had judged her from the first as someone too good for him—because she was.
Something else his friends had nailed? Jase had feelings for her. Feelings he could no longer deny.
With the admission, a bright light suddenly shone inside his mind, chasing away the darkness, causing the monsters of his past to hiss and run for cover, letting him confirm what he’d suspected. His armor had indeed been cracked, and Brook Lynn was the cause. She had somehow burrowed deep, deep inside him, and he might not ever be able to pry her loose.
Panic rose, swift and sure. One day, he would lose her. That was just plain fact. If she didn’t meet someone else, she’d have questions about what just happened. Even if he managed to omit the worst of the details, she would eventually find out about his prison stint, about what he did to Pax. She could grow to fear him...hate him.
He could have lost Brook Lynn today, even. He could have done serious damage to her, without even realizing it. Still could, if ever he lost control again.
Can’t take that risk.
He managed to pull himself together and stomp inside the house. Now wasn’t the time for brooding. It was the time for action. He found Brook Lynn in his bathroom, standing by the sink.
She’d anchored her mane of pale hair into an adorable ponytail, two tendrils hanging over her ears. She’d washed her face and changed into one of his shirts.
How was she more beautiful every time he saw her?
You know what you have to do. He did, but first things first. “I’m sorry I scared you, honey.”
“Don’t worry. I’m over it,” she said.
At least she hadn’t tried to deny her fear. “Good. That’s good.”
“I hear a but.”
Just do it. “I hate to say this, but...you’re fired.”
“No, I’m not.” She motioned to the closed toilet seat. “Sit.”
“I’ll still pay you,” he said.
“Of course you will. Because I’m still working for you.”
“Brook Lynn—”
“Jase.” She anchored her hands on her hips. “You don’t like what just happened. I don’t, either, but now we know it’s a possibility. We’ll be on guard against it and handle it better if it happens again.”
So that was it? No questions about what had caused it to happen in the first place?
Far, far too good for me.
The ache he’d by now grown used to intensified, sharper than ever before, as if it had sunk deeper inside him, spread and taken up more space—but he sat.
She cleaned the wound with soap, water and then peroxide. Blood continued to leak from the long slit that stretched from his index finger to his wrist, and though her touch was gentle, every bit of pressure stung. He’d endured worse countless times before, so maintaining a neutral expression wasn’t difficult. He’d never allow her to feel guilty about hurting him.
The fact that she’d stayed to help baffled him. Thrilled him. Even humbled him. He felt as if she might actually...care for him.
How was that possible?
After she squeezed antibiotic cream on the injury and wrapped a bandage around his hand, she studied her handiwork and frowned. “I’m clearly not a medical professional. You probably need stitches.”
“Nah. The cut isn’t that deep.”
She met his gaze with a gentleness that confused him. “How do you know?”
“I just do.”
“Jase.” She crouched between his legs. “We need to talk.”
Words every man dreaded, but she was so close he could smell the sweetness of her scent, feel the sensual heat of her, and both short-circuited his brain waves. He had to grip the sink on one side of him and the tub on the other to keep his hands away from her.
Tension grew between them, sharpened, until it was utterly unbearable. He imagined his mouth on hers and had to cut back a groan. He imagined his fingers trailing over her curves and had to cut back a plea.
He was clean. He even had the paperwork to prove it. He could take her, thrust inside her and—
“Be honest with me,” she said quietly.
Reason returned, and he tensed. Here came the questions.
“Were you a cop?”
Wait. What? “A cop?”
She nodded, the ends of those pale tendrils caressing his thighs.
“Why would you think that?”
“Okay, I’ll take that as a no.” Her mouth tugged into a frown. “Were you in the military?”
Understanding suddenly dawned, bright and devastating. She thought he had PTSD because he’d defended his country. She wanted to think the best of him, probably couldn’t even conceive the horrors that had led to the incident outside.
How disappointed she would be when she learned the truth.
Another reason to get rid of her.
“Brook Lynn,” he said and sighed. “It’s time for you to go.” He’d beg her if necessary.
She shook her head, stubborn. “No way. I’m staying until either West or Beck return. I’m not leaving you on your own.”
The ache...so much worse. “It’s just a cut.”
“And it could open up again, and you could pass out, bleed out.”
“It won’t. I won’t.”
“Jase,” she said, raising her chin with more stubborn determination. “The only way you’re getting me out of this house is if you carry me kicking and screaming.”
* * *
BROOK LYNN SETTLED on the plush leather couch in the living room. Jase had not been happy with her refusal to leave and had muttered, “If you’re going to stay, fine. But I’m going to work, and you’re not, because you’re still fired,” before stomping into the kitchen to peel wallpaper. He’d admitted he eventually needed to open up the walls and replace all the wiring and pipes, but he didn’t want to be without a kitchen while she was the chef.
He didn’t peel long. From the sounds of it he’d noticed the sandwiches she’d prepared and dug in. A short while later, he called, “You’re rehired, effective immediately.”
She was worried about him. Not about the cut on his hand. He was right—it wasn’t that deep and probably wouldn’t open back up. But he was so closed off right now. It scared her even more than the push. And the fact that he hadn’t flinched as she’d doctored him, when it must have stung like an SOB...there was something wrong with that. Though it had been sexy.
But mostly wrong. And sexy.
Why did he go to such lengths to keep his emotions hidden? Because he did have them. She knew that now. The intensity of his rage...
If he’d served in the military, he could be having flashbacks.
She remembered how Beck and West had mentioned “six months” the night of the party. Had Jase been discharged six months ago? Well, no wonder he hadn’t yet acclimated.
“Need any help in there?” she called, knowing he’d finished his meal and had restarted his newest task.
He came barreling into the living room, pointing a sheet of wallpaper at her as if it was a weapon. “You’re on a break. You shouldn’t be offering to help.”
She leaned against the arm of the couch, getting more comfortable. “Good friend that I am, I’m willing to cut the break short just for you.”
“I’d rather you—” His gaze landed on her midsection, and he sucked in a breath. The muscles stretching from his shoulders to his fingers flexed as he stepped closer to her.
She glanced down. The hem of her shirt had ridden up, baring her midriff—now quivering under the heat of his masculine attention.
Her eyes flipped back up, locking on his. The whole atmosphere of the room seemed to change in an instant, the air sizzling with sudden awareness. Of him. Of her. Of what they could do together...
“Jase,” she said, the neediness of her tone almost enough to make her cringe. Let me make you forget your inner wounds. Let me feel what I haven’t felt in years: pleasure.
“Brook Lynn, I can’t—I shouldn’t. I—”
He turned abruptly and stalked back into the kitchen.
She pushed out a shaky breath. Despite what had happened outside—or maybe because of it—her fascination with this man hadn’t lessened. She imagined his warrior hands all over her, his mouth following in their path, and nearly slid off the couch.
He was a puzzle. He was damaged by his past. He had secrets, and he would die before he admitted he needed her. He may not have realized it, but he’d leaned into her every time she’d put her hands on him, his body telling her what his expression and tone had not.
But...there was Jessie Kay. There was also the date she had with Brad, the one she’d thought to firm up later today. However, they hadn’t actually set a date, so she could get out of it pretty easily.
Should she?
And what about Jase’s stance on happily-ever-afters?
The guy was clearly more of a fixer-upper than she’d ever realized, and she’d sworn off fixer-uppers for all of eternity.
The end result might make all the work worth the effort.
She rested her head on the back of the couch and closed her eyes, picturing Jase and Brad side by side. What she wanted versus what she thought she needed. Passion against compatibility.
She imagined Brad trying to kiss her and shied away from the image.
She imagined Jase trying to kiss her and moaned for more. Fire ignited in her veins as her nipples drew up tight and arousal dampened her panties.
A few minutes later—surely that was all the time that had passed—she felt as if she was floating...floating...gently stretching over a cloud.
“Sleep, angel.”
“Jase.” A breathy sigh escaped her as she realized he had carried her to bed. “Want,” she admitted, hovering somewhere between awake and asleep, where nothing but sensation existed.
“You’re going to be the end of me, I know it.” Strong but gentle hands smoothed over her brow, warm and callused, comforting, but just as she leaned into the heat, it vanished.
Her eyes popped open. The bedroom was dark, all the lights out, and though there was a crack in the blackout curtains, no sunlight seeped through. Hours must have passed. But even in the gloom she could make out the strength of Jase’s silhouette—he hadn’t walked away.
“Come back,” she begged, reaching for him.
She heard a soft curse before he shucked his shirt and pants and climbed in beside her, surrounding her with his heat once again. She snuggled close, loving the feel of his skin against the exposed parts of her. Warm, mint-scented breath tickled her scalp. The scent of soap and musk filled her nose. Tingles danced over her, driving her to move against his hard-as-stone body. She couldn’t not move, a week’s worth of pent-up desire desperate for an outlet.
A broken moan sounded in her ears. “Brook Lynn, honey. You have to stop...what you’re doing... You have to...”
“Can’t.” Her limbs were heavy, achy, her body writhing, writhing of its own accord, searching for release.
He gripped her hips to still her with his strength.
Every bit of willpower she possessed was needed to roll to her other side, away from him—before she started up again, despite his grip. Even that innocent action was too much for her sensitized nerves to tolerate, and she moaned.
“Go to sleep,” he said.
“Yes. Okay.” But how could she with him so close? She needed to leave, and she would, just as soon as her body was under her control again. Deep breath in, out. In. Out. Good. Gradually, the ache eased, but rather than hopping up and driving home, she found herself drifting off...
...and dreaming of kissing Jase, writhing against him, touching him...
...and waking up however long later facing him yet again, panting, his hand draped over her rib cage, just under her breast. She went still. The heat and ache were back—only stronger.
He was awake, his expression tight with tension. His body tense.
“Jase,” she said. Why wouldn’t this stop?
“I tried to resist,” he rasped, the ragged quality of his tone making her shiver. His hand inched up, coming closer and closer to cupping her breast.
Would he do it?
A blush heated her cheeks. She remembered writhing against him...and couldn’t blame it on a dream. “I don’t... I mean, I...” Her voice was so breathy. “Jase.”
His gaze hooded and his hand finally conformed around her breast, his thumb brushing over her nipple. His voice lowered. “Do you want me to take the edge off, honey?”
He meant...he wanted to...
Her blush deepened. “I...”
“Let me.” He cupped her backside with his other hand and pulled her closer. As he wedged one of his legs between hers, his tongue thrust inside her mouth.
Every cell in her body melted, practically fusing her against him. His erection— Oh, oh! Long, thick and right where she needed it. She arched into him, rubbing. He grunted his approval, swiping his thumb over her nipple a second time before he tangled his fingers in her hair, fisting the strands. He angled her head to kiss her deeper, harder.
Sweet sensation poured into her and filled her up, chasing away the loneliness that had always seemed to plague her.
She wished the room were brighter. The need to see Jase’s chest, to explore every ridge of muscle, every design etched in the skin that so fascinated her, proved overwhelming.
As her fingertips rode the hard ropes in his stomach, sliding lower...lower still, tunneling under his underwear...he thrust against her, mimicking the motions of sex. A hot flood of liquid pooled between her legs.
She swiped her thumb over the moist slit of his erection. As he gave another thrust, she released him to reach up and suck the taste of him into her mouth.
His nostrils flared as he watched her. “Not sure how much more I can take. Ready to spill already.”
“I guess we’d just have to start all over again,” she rasped.
“You are...perfect.” His mouth returned to hers, actually slamming down, and it was hot. Wild. She met his tongue with her own, the two rolling together, hinting at what was to come...hard and dirty. He kneaded her breasts and plucked her nipples as he slowed to a lazy grind against her, stoking the ache inside her higher and higher.
Never been this good...and he hadn’t even moved past her clothing yet!
Jase knew exactly what he was doing. Fueling a fire deep inside her, making her want to burn.
“You feel so good,” he said.
She couldn’t think of a reply. Her thoughts were fragmented, each broken by a single need: more. More of Jase. More of his taste. More of his touch. More of his hardness. She rolled her tongue against his, even bit his bottom lip, passion driving her every action. Her fingers played with his hair, roved over his back. He was strong, even there. Especially there. His muscles were as hard as granite. She raked her nails over his shoulders, all the way around to his nipples, only to caress those beaded tips gently.
His shudder rubbed him against her all over again, and she finally found the right words to say. “I’m so close. Need...”
“Let’s get you closer.” He traced a fingertip between her breasts, down her stomach and dabbled at her navel before playing at the waist of her shorts. He tugged at the button, pulled at the zipper. “You wet for me, angel?”
Angel. It wasn’t the first time he’d used the endearment, but it still caused her heart to skip a beat, delight going head-to-head with...a sudden wave of suspicion.
Had he called Jessie Kay angel?
Brook Lynn froze. She had yet to tell her sister about the first kiss she and Jase had shared.
“Wait,” she whispered. “We can’t do this.”
Jase reacted as if she’d bellowed. He stiffened from head to toe. And then...then he withdrew from her and scrambled from the bed, standing at the side to peer down at her. He scrubbed a hand through his mussed hair. “You’re right. We can’t.”
“I just need to call Jessie Kay and—”
“No, you don’t.” The frost returned to his eyes, seeming to grow colder, thicker, by the second. “This was a mistake.”
Pleasure still coursed through her, and he considered what they’d done a mistake?
“I don’t understand,” she said, trembling inside and out.
“You want more than I have to give.”
“No. I don’t.” Except...
I do. I really do. Once would not be enough. Not even close. Two kisses, one touch, and he’d already addicted her.
“You deserve more,” Jase said, sounding tortured. Looking it, too.
“Why can’t you give me more?” she asked softly. Maybe, if she knew his reasons, she could—
No, no. I don’t try to change a man’s mind. Either I’m worth fighting for, or I’m not.
He offered her a smile so sad it broke her heart. “It’s like I told you. Relationships between men and women become toxic. Always. I don’t want that with you. I want to enjoy the time we have together.”
The time we have together... To him it was inevitable that they’d part.
“So that’s it?” she asked. “You’re not even going to try?”
Who am I, pushing like this?
A girl who wanted this man more than anything.
“If you knew half the things I’ve done...” He shook his head, adamant. “One day you’ll thank me for this.”
He feared her reaction to his past? “Tell me what you’ve done. Let me prove you wrong. Please, Jase. Give me a chance.”
He opened his mouth, and for one tormented moment he looked as if he would fulfill her request. Then he said, “Go home, Brook Lynn. When you come back tomorrow, I’ll be the boss, and you’ll be my employee. Nothing more, nothing less. For your safety and my peace of mind, that’s the way things have to stay.”
* * *
TRUE TO HIS WORD, Jase treated Brook Lynn like a distant employee twice removed the next morning...and the next and the next. Each time she arrived at the house, he gave her a new list of chores that involved cooking, cleaning, keeping house and even finding a venue for a “Congrats on the GED!” party for a girl she’d never met.
Also, Brook Lynn was tasked with those stupid daily affirmations. So far she’d offered gems like I will assume full responsibility for my actions, except the ones that are someone else’s fault—which will be all of them. And Every part of me is beautiful and brilliant...even the ugly, stupid parts.
At first, she simmered at midlevel anger over his treatment. Mouth-bag her and push her away? How dare he! But it wasn’t long before the anger began to slip away, leaving her with curiosity. What had shaped this man? The father he’d never known? The mother who’d allowed her boyfriends to hurt him before he was put into the system? The many foster families he’d gotten to know...only to lose? The job he hadn’t named?
A past as volatile as his had probably caused major attachment issues. Her eyes widened, and she gasped. Finally! Answers. Brook Lynn and Jessie Kay battled their own attachment issues, determined to hold on to everyone, while Jase must have veered to the other end of the spectrum, determined to hold on to no one, fighting with everything he had to save himself from further hurt.
Which meant...I have the power to hurt him.
He cared!
Her sudden flood of joy was tempered only by concern. Not just a fixer-upper. He’ll have to be torn down and put back together if we have any hope of lasting long-term.
No question, he would resist any attempt on her part to win him over. But if she could just breach his first line of defense—those frosty walls—she’d have a shot at him.
After what had happened in his bed, she knew beyond a doubt the end result would be worth every wrong turn, every inconvenience.
I will have him. One way or another.
But first things first. Her sister.
After she had dinner with Beck and West—Jase had taken off without a word—she drove home to await Jessie Kay’s return. Miracle of miracles, the girl had gotten a job plucking wild strawberries at a nearby facility, and she’d kept it all this time.
An eternity seemed to pass before the front door’s hinges creaked. Brook Lynn jumped up as her sister trudged into the house.
“Strawberries suck.” Jessie Kay groaned with fatigue as she threw her purse on the coffee table. When the bag slid to the floor and the contents spilled out, she flipped it off and left it there. “I’m moving to someplace called Blueberry Fields. Or Pineapple Cove.”
“And they’d be lucky to have you,” Brook Lynn said, her palms beginning to sweat. “I baked your favorite carrot and apple casserole today. Though I had to fork Beck’s hand, I managed to come home with half of it.”
“Thanks, but I snacked on my dignity on the way home.”
“Too bad. Kitchen. Now.”
Jessie Kay sighed. “Warden is in the house, I see. Are you fixing to start counting?”
Gotta take it down a notch. “Sorry. No.” Brook Lynn warmed a plate of fried chicken, mashed potatoes and gravy and the coveted casserole.
As Jessie Kay pretended to eat, Brook Lynn drummed her fingernails against the table.
Finally, her sister asked, “You trying to tell me what’s wrong in Morse code?”
Maybe. It’d be easier. “I’m just going to say it. Blurt it out and live with the consequences.”
“Great. That’d be a nice change.”
Brook Lynn pursed her lips. “When did you become so snotty?”
“When did you lose your lady balls?”
Good question. Okay. So. “Are you ready?”
“Been ready.”
“I...well.” She closed her eyes, drew in a breath. “I want Jase.” And now there was no taking the words back. She peeked through her lashes. “I want him for me, not for you. And I think...I think he wants me, too.”
Jessie Kay paused with her fork midway to her mouth. She peered at Brook Lynn with wide blue eyes underscored by dismay. “You...and Jase? My Jase.”
Her stomach twisted, a single word screaming through her head. Mine! She bit her bottom lip, nodded. “Do you love him? Please, please tell me you don’t love him. Because we kissed. He and I. While I was in the hospital, and then again while I was at his house. There might have been some grinding the second time. And I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. I know you want him, too, and know you had him first, but...”
“Wait. He kissed you? As in, mouth to mouth?”
Her brow furrowed with confusion as she said, “Yes...”
Bemusement and sadness warred on her sister’s face. “He slept with me, but he didn’t kiss me. Not on the mouth.”
“No, stop,” Brook Lynn said, slapping a hand over the mouth in question. “I don’t want to hear this.”
Jessie Kay pried her fingers loose. “I thought it was a Pretty Woman thing, that he didn’t think he was good enough to give alms at the door of my temple.” Her shoulders slumped. “Dude. He didn’t think I was good enough for him.”
This. This was what Brook Lynn had hoped to avoid. “He’s clearly a moron.”
“And yet you still want him.”
“I have bad taste.”
Her sister rolled her eyes.
“You are good enough for him. You just aren’t right for him. There’s a difference.”
“True, but somehow I’m never the right one for the guys I sleep with. But that’s my problem, not yours.” Jessie Kay pegged her with a hard stare. “Are you sure Jase is the one for you?”
“Yes.”
“Then I guess you need to know what to expect. Being with him was—”
“No! Don’t say it.”
“—weird,” Jessie Kay finished, and Brook Lynn frowned.
“Weird?” Not pure ecstasy? “What do you mean? You appeared so satisfied afterward.”
“Oh, I was. But anytime I touched him, he stiffened, and not in a good way. He constantly looked over his shoulder, as if he expected someone to sneak up on us. After a while, I just had to lie back and let him do all the work. You know, every girl’s dream.”
He’d stiffened? Looked over his shoulder? She thought back, but couldn’t remember if he’d done either of those things while they were in bed together. She’d been too overwhelmed with pleasure.
“He won’t commit afterward,” Jessie Kay said. “You told me so yourself.”
“I know that,” she said with a sigh.
“But you’re going to sleep with him anyway, aren’t you?” Jessie Kay leaned back and crossed her arms. “Even though you’ve denied every other guy you’ve ever dated.”
“I haven’t denied every one.”
“Your short-lived romance with Conner doesn’t count.”
Conner, the boy who used to live next door. He’d moved away for college, met the love of his life and had never come home. “Why doesn’t it count?”
“He only ever lasted a minute. Two, tops. And yes, I heard you guys. Well, I heard him. You were as quiet as a mouse.” Her head tilted to the side. “I wonder if Jase will be able to make you scream.”
A white-hot burn in her cheeks. She already knew the answer to that.
Conner had been kind and sweet, but Brook Lynn had never reacted to him the way she’d reacted to Jase. All in, nothing held back. Attuned to his every nuance.
“I want Jase no matter what,” she said, realizing it was true. Even if he ended things after one night. With him, she would take what she could get. “Are you mad at me? Please don’t be mad at me.”
Jessie Kay leaned over and kissed her on the cheek. “If I was mad, my nails would be scratching out your eyes. You know this. Besides, I guess a part of me saw this coming. The way you talk about him. The way he looks at you. The things he does for you. But for once in my life I have to be a voice of reason. I don’t think this is a good idea, Brook Lynn. He’s going to hurt you, and then I’ll have to kill him dead.”
Maybe he’d hurt her. Probably.
Okay, definitely for sure—there was a chance. She couldn’t bring herself to commit to the idea that she’d fail to win him. “I’ve been saying the same thing to you for years, and it’s never stopped you.”
Jessie Kay arched a brow at her. “Look at you. Doing the whole role-reversal thing. It—and you—suck seriously hairy balls right now, but okay. If you want him, he’s yours. I just hope you don’t end up regretting it.”