CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
BROOK LYNN WOKE up bright and early—and alone. The spot where Jase had lain was no longer warm, which meant he’d been gone for a while. His clothes were no longer scattered across her floor, either.
She pulled on a robe and checked the rest of the house. No sign of him. She checked the driveway, only to remember he’d parked his car down the street and she wouldn’t have seen it even if he’d been here.
It didn’t matter, really. He was gone, no question.
Should have expected this.
And it was probably for the best. The thought of Jase having breakfast with her and her sister bothered her.
Dang it. She would have to get over that. She wanted them both in her life and—
Sweet! A wealth of happiness hit her when she spotted a note on the kitchen table.
Dude. Thought I’d be safe coming home after midnight, but noooooooo. Could you have been ANY louder? Next time Jase comes over I’m staying with Sunny. Love, Queen JK (Former Miss Strawberry or not, I’m still royalty.)
Her cheeks burned with embarrassment and mounting anger. Not with her sister, but with Jase. She’d expected the note to be from him, and now, knowing it wasn’t, she realized she deserved a note, at the very least.
After his bout of jealousy and his desire to spend the night with her, well...I thought I was different to him.
Clearly, she’d thought wrong.
She showered and dressed for work, doing nothing special with her appearance. No makeup. Not styling her hair. Clothes: a ratty T-shirt that read Zombies Hate Fast Food and jean shorts. Jase could suck it.
As she drove to his house, a car she didn’t recognize pulled up behind her, riding too close to her bumper. No big deal, until the car followed her for a pretty good distance, taking the turns she took, slowing when she slowed. But...she had to be mistaken. Why follow her? Frowning, she took a turn she didn’t need to make, and sure enough, the four-door sedan with the tinted windows stayed right on her tail. Not just right on her tail, but actually giving it a light tap.
A thousand horror stories seemed to play through her mind at once. Namely: a serial killer had targeted her as his next victim and purposely causing car wrecks was his MO. No way she’d stop to exchange insurance info with the driver. Heart speeding up, she debated between leading a potential psycho to Jase—and putting him in danger—or making the longer journey to the sheriff’s office.
Another tap made her decision for her. The sheriff. Definitely the sheriff. But as she took the next turn, the car honked and sped around her, its tires squealing.
She released a relieved breath and made a mental note to be on the lookout for the sedan next time she was out and about. Being in a hurry was no excuse for such aggressive driving.
She backtracked, finally heading into the acreage. By the time she arrived, her shaking had stopped, at least. “Jase,” she called as she stepped through the door.
“He’s not here,” West said.
He and Beck were reclined on the couch. They’d clearly been waiting for her. As she dropped her purse on the coffee table, Beck pressed a button on the remote and turned off the football game, the TV screen going blank.
“I don’t know what happened between you and Jase,” West said, “and honestly, I don’t want to know.”
“But we’re not stupid,” Beck added. “We can guess.”
Limbs heavy, Brook Lynn trudged to a chair and eased down. Their words could mean only one thing, and it calmed her down significantly. “He’s freaking out right now, isn’t he?”
West inclined his head. “He came stomping in at four this morning. Woke me up. I found him in the kitchen, pounding back Red Bull and pacing. We talked, and for hours he watched the clock, waiting for the moment you would arrive. But then something snapped inside him, and he said he had to get some supplies in town. He beat feet.”
Good. A freak-out meant some part of him cared for her more than he’d realized—he just didn’t want to admit it. “Has he never done a relationship before?” she asked.
“One,” Beck admitted. “They were together for two years.”
Hate her already. “Why’d they break up?”
West propped his feet on the coffee table, saying, “Jase will have to give you those details.”
Even as curious as she was, she liked that they were unwilling to share details about their friend. Proved their loyalty. But she needed intel, dang it. “What will you tell me? Because I’ve got some decisions to make. Like how to handle him, how to handle us. If we’ve got a chance for a future, or if I should just throw in the towel now, before either of us gets hurt.” And by either of us, she totally meant I.
The guys shared a look, and Beck nodded.
West sighed and said, “He’s had a hard life. Been betrayed by everyone he’s ever loved. Including us.”
She blinked in surprise. “How did you—”
“Again, those are details he’ll have to give you,” Beck interjected.
She nodded in understanding—or, pretend understanding—then motioned for West to continue.
“I’ve never seen him so worked up about a woman, and I don’t know what to think about it.” West pegged her with a hard stare. “He looks as tough as iron, but he’s actually as fragile as glass. If you want him, you’ll have to fight for him. But if you don’t think you can handle a few internal battle wounds, it’ll be better for him if you let him go now rather than later.”
Oh, she could handle a few battle wounds. She’d never been as intensely attracted to a man as she was to Jase. She’d never before given herself so fully to one’s possession. And she wanted more, definitely. But could a happily-ever-after be based solely on lust and sex? No.
What would a future with him entail? Those rare smiles that lit his entire face...the rusty sound of laughter only she seemed capable of summoning...a quirky wit that perfectly matched her own...unconditional acceptance for who and what she was...
Would he ever be interested in marriage? What about a family? Both were important to her.
But did she really want marriage if she wasn’t sure it was with the right man? Was a family already set up for failure if the right couple wasn’t at its helm?
Being with Jase would be a big-time gamble. He could decide he was done with her at any time and walk away. But so could anyone else. He was her boss, and being with him could backfire and make her feel like a whore. He could fire her if things didn’t work out. Or, even worse, he could keep her on, and she would have to see him with other women.
But he could also fall head over heels in love with her...
How awesome would that be? She could touch him anytime the urge hit...hug him and kiss him, comfort him...take care of him while he took care of her...shiver as he offered her a smile designed for her and her alone...
She squared her shoulders. “I’ll fight for him,” she announced. Jase angered and frustrated her, yes, but he also fascinated and delighted her. “I need you to listen to this next part and heed it. I’ll do it my way. You two aren’t to interfere. No matter what I say or do. Got it?”
* * *
SEVEN DAYS.
Seven miserable days.
That’s how long ago Jase had woken up in Brook Lynn’s bed, her naked body curled around him. He’d experienced such bliss. Such...contentment. Like nothing else he’d ever known. But then the familiar fear that it couldn’t—wouldn’t—last had intruded, and panic had set in.
He’d left her, basically running for his life, thinking a little time away from her would put him back on track, strengthen his resolve to remain alone and detached...but he’d only grown to want her more.
Gritting his teeth, Jase toyed with the strawberry charm she’d given him. The one she’d made. He’d removed Jessie Kay’s photo and now carried it everywhere, a reminder of what he shouldn’t want...but couldn’t resist.
To be honest, it wasn’t just sexual things he craved from Brook Lynn. It was her as a person. He was so much more...complete when they were together. She met needs he hadn’t known he’d had.
If he was fire, she was water. If he was dark, she was light. She wasn’t afraid to tease him, to let down her guard with him, and she actually seemed to enjoy him. But he hadn’t come clean about his past. She deserved to know who he was—what he was—before they went any further. If she even wanted to go further. That damn contract.
He stood in the kitchen, watching as she straightened couch cushions in the living room. The hem of her summer dress was too short, lifting with every move she made, revealing an indecent amount of trim, tanned thigh... One nibble wouldn’t hurt either of us...
She caught his gaze and, with a smile trying to form, said, “Oh! I forgot to tell you today’s affirmation. Are you ready?”
He forced himself to nod.
“I am both dominating and submissive at the same time.”
Taunting me?
He’d take the abuse and then some. He deserved it.
He just couldn’t go on like this. He had to talk to her, admit to his feelings and his past so they could move on—the facts were like obstacles, so many in their way. And if they couldn’t move on, he’d have to come to terms with it; at least the mental torment would finally end.
He stalked toward her, determined to confess all. Maybe.
“I promised I’d help you with your list,” he found himself saying instead. “It’s time to check off another item.”
She stepped back, maintaining a certain amount of distance between them. “I already planned to check something off today,” she said. “I’m attending a wine-and-cheese tasting later.”
“I’ll take you.”
She beamed at him. “Thank you. I’d like that.”
Relief coursed through him as he realized she wasn’t going to yell at him for the juvenile stunt he’d pulled, leaving her house in the middle of the night—or his even worse treatment afterward. One obstacle dodged, at least, and as easily as a blink.
He reeled. He’d always thought his life merely moved from one crap experience to the next, but just then, he couldn’t deny how blessed he actually was. He’d found a beautiful girl with a big heart, and she genuinely seemed to care about him.
He pretended to work as he watched the clock. In just a few hours, we’ll be alone in a car.
Not soon enough.
Time seemed to tick by slower than ever before, but finally the clock did zero out, and they headed into the city. Being so close to her rekindled the fire only she was able to stoke, and he had two choices. Grip the wheel or reach for her. He gripped the wheel.
“Have you ever been to one of these?” she asked.
“No.” The closest he’d come to a “tasting” was the toilet-brew one of his cellmates had offered him. Declining had been a no-brainer. “What made you want to try it?”
“My parents went to one. They came home tipsy, giggling and kissing, unable to keep their hands off each other. My mom even danced around the room, grinning so big, saying she’d never had so much fun.”
Wine and cheese just became my new best friends.
They reached the three-thousand-square-foot warehouse where the event was taking place, and he quickly found a spot in the gravel, parking and racing around the car to open her door for her. He even took her hand to lead her inside the barn where the tasting was to take place, touching her at last, barely stifling the urge to kiss her knuckles. There were several other couples milling around, studying the different bottles of wine on display and countless shelves of cheese. The smell in the room was pungent but sweet.
Multiple tables formed three rows. Candles glowed in the center of each, with trays of bite-size cheese plated in front of every chair. Throughout the room, display cases were lit from within to make crystal glasses glisten like diamonds.
“Rustic meets romantic.” Brook Lynn breathed deeply as she took everything in. “It’s amazing.”
You are amazing.
During the next hour, he was forced to endure speeches from the family of owners, each taking turns to explain every single nuance of the different cheeses and wines. Jase barely tasted the things he put inside his mouth. He wasn’t sure how he stopped himself from pulling Brook Lynn into a dark corner, ripping open her shorts and her panties and taking what he craved more than breath. Actually, that wasn’t true. He did know. She was having such an amazing time, he refused to end it. She grinned without ceasing, listened intently and participated every step of the way, even forgetting her inhibitions and hooking locks of hair behind her ears.
His chest puffed with pride. He liked those implants. They helped her. Why be embarrassed about that? He loved that her confidence had grown by leaps and bounds, and he couldn’t help but feel he’d had something to do with it.
“—poor girl,” the woman to his right said to her companion. She wasn’t quiet about it, either, and she should have known better. She was in her midthirties. “I wonder what’s wrong. To have to live with machines in her ears like that...well, it must be miserable.”
For the first time since they’d arrived, Brook Lynn stiffened. The bright light drained from her eyes. She hurriedly unhooked her hair from behind her ears.
Jase went still and quiet—a dangerous thing. He knew it and tried to temper the storm brewing inside him.
Too late. Lightning struck his mind. Thunder boomed in his heart. The ceramic plate he held snapped in two, sharp stings erupting in his hands, warm trickles of blood dripping to the floor.
His switch had just been flipped.
He stalked toward the woman whose careless words had cut through Brook Lynn’s hard-won self-confidence. He’d never hit a female before, and he wouldn’t start today, but she was with a man and he’d do.
In the back of Jase’s mind, a warning screamed. Don’t do this. You’ll get in serious trouble with your PO. But the scream wasn’t loud enough to overshadow the rage. Someone had to pay.
The couple noticed him, paled and backed away. He kept coming.
Soft fingers suddenly wrapped around his biceps, a touch he recognized. He jolted out of the darkness of his thoughts and stopped.
“Jase.” Different degrees of upset and fear layered Brook Lynn’s voice.
He whipped around. Eyes of baby blue peered up at him with concern.
“I want to leave,” she said. “Let’s leave. All right?”
Leave? Inside him, two needs warred. To punish those who’d hurt her...or to please her.
No contest. He gathered her in his arms and led her outside.
“I’m sorry,” she said as soon as they reached the car. “I’m sorry I ruined everything.”
Confused, he pinned her against the hood. “You didn’t ruin anything. Why would you think you did?”
“My ears—”
“Were not the problem.” Jase cupped her cheeks, his thumbs caressing back and forth. “There is nothing wrong with you, angel. You are the most perfect person I’ve ever met and those implants are a part of you. I think they’re as sexy as you are.”
Her eyes widened with every word, her breathing coming faster.
“I was about to lose my temper in there,” he said. “I wanted to hurt the woman for hurting you. I wouldn’t have hit her, but I would have hit the guy with her. So if anyone is to blame for ruining everything, it’s me.” And he needed to make up for it.
He scanned the distance. Across the street was a barn with a flashing sign over the roof, advertising gourmet desserts.
“Hungry?” he asked.
“Yes, actually.”
“Come on.”
A bell chimed over the door as they entered. There were more customers than he had expected for this early in the day, but he understood why they were there. The scent of coffee and chocolate laced the air, combining into an irresistible summoning finger.
Brook Lynn squealed with delight as she studied the contents of the display case. “Did we pass through the pearly gates and I just don’t remember? This has to be heaven.”
“What can I get you?” the young girl behind the counter asked.
As Brook Lynn continued to study the case, the light in her eyes dimmed all over again. She straightened, cleared her throat and tugged at the collar of her shirt. “Um, just water for me, thanks.”
“What’s wrong?” he asked her. “Don’t you dare tell me you starve yourself to stay thin or I swear I’ll tie you to my bed and force-feed you Twinkies and Ho Hos for a week.” Maybe a few other things, as well.
“Trust me, I never purposely starve myself.” Her cheeks paled as she looked up at him and whispered, “Jase, the desserts are over five dollars each.”
She would deprive herself of a treat over five measly dollars? He’d taken this woman under his care—an angel who should never lack for anything—and yet she still struggled with money issues. He wanted to fall at her feet and offer everything he had, everything he would ever have. She shouldn’t have to scrimp and save and miss out on little pleasures while he had millions he hadn’t really earned sitting in the bank.
“We’ll have one of everything,” he announced.
Brook Lynn gasped and squeezed his wrists. Then she laughed nervously, saying to the salesgirl, “He’s kidding. Of course he’s kidding.”
“I wasn’t fuc—freaking kidding,” he said. “One of everything.”
The girl rushed to obey him, and within minutes, he had Brook Lynn and three large boxes at a table in the back of the shop.
“Eat,” he said.
She peered at the plethora of desserts with ravaging hunger in her eyes. “I shouldn’t take advantage of your generosity.”
“Why? I offered. No advantage will be taken.”
“Actually, yes, there will be. I have a rule. If I won’t buy it for myself, I can’t in good conscience allow someone else to buy it for me.”
This girl and her rules. He pushed a box in her direction. “Eat, or I start buying more.”
“That’s blackmail.”
“I’m glad you recognize that. But, Brook Lynn? I’m capable of much worse.”
“Well...” Trembling, she reached out only to curl her fingers and draw back. “No. I can’t control you, but I can control myself.”
With calculated intent, he withdrew a warm brownie square and bit off half. She watched him, licking her lips, her pupils dilating. When he held the dessert out to her, she opened her mouth to rebuke him, and he fed her the remaining half. Her eyes closed in surrender, and she moaned in delight.
His body reacted instantly, hardening, readying—always readying for her. He had to touch her, even in the smallest way. He grabbed the edge of her chair and scooted her closer to him, until their thighs brushed together. Contract burned oh, so good.
She swallowed. “Jase.” Her tone was firm.
His eyes narrowed. “Brook Lynn.”
“Your actions right now are confusing me,” she said, her trembling intensifying. “You had your one night. What is it you want from me?”
I want to keep you at a distance, yet hold you close. I want to give you everything and yet nothing.
I want a right to scare every other man away from you.
I want to tell you my secrets.
“I want another night with you.”
* * *
BROOK LYNN DID her best to hide her elation. Her efforts to tempt and hook Jase had finally paid off.
He was trying to take care of her and had just admitted he wanted to be with her again. Both were steps in the right direction. He had feelings for her—he must. But he wanted only one more night, which sliced into her happiness. She couldn’t settle for so little when she knew an entire future with him was possible.
Although...he’d certainly raised a red flag today—that temper of his wasn’t just tethered to the past. He would have fought a stranger for no real reason. It concerned her, especially considering what had happened in his backyard the day he’d cut his hand. But he’d calmed himself down, so it wasn’t as if he couldn’t control it. And it wasn’t as if she didn’t have a temper of her own.
“I want you, Jase, I do, but I have to decline your offer. I’m no longer interested in a short-term fling.” Her aching body shrieked in protest, the hussy. Have some self-control! “I’d like a commitment from you.”
His features blanked in an instant, hiding his emotions. “I see.”
No, no, he didn’t. But he would—she would make sure of it. “If you ever decide you want something meaningful, we’ll talk. Until then, I consider you a dear friend.”
“A friend,” he repeated.
“Yes.” She sipped her water, watching him through the shield of her lashes—want more for me and yourself. Please.
He ran his tongue over his teeth, peering at her as he gripped the edge of the table, his knuckles leaching of color.
She let herself imagine he was thinking the things she prayed he was thinking. Don’t reach out. Don’t grab her and carry her away to do naughty things to her. Do something to change her mind.
A girl could dream.
Fight for me, Jase Hollister. Fight for us.
He released the table and settled back in his chair. “How are plans coming for Tessa’s party?” he finally asked, and once again it was business as usual, his emotions well hidden.
Disappointment proved as swift and brutal as a tidal wave—made a play, got shot down—but somehow she found the resolve to forge ahead as if she hadn’t a care. “As well as can be expected, all things considered. But I’ve been wondering. If Tessa is gone, why are you guys throwing a party for her?”
He pushed his chair to the other side of the table, creating physical distance between them again. A metaphor for the emotional distance he hoped to obtain? “We’d like to give her the celebration West promised her just before she died.”
Ohhhh. How amazingly sweet and yet utterly heartbreaking.
Brook Lynn toyed with the edge of the dessert box. “How did you, West and Beck meet her?” The few times she’d asked about his past, Jase had given her the bare minimum or shut her down completely. But they were closer now. Had she breached at least one of his many walls?
He looked past her, saying, “We were in foster care. Me, West and Beck. We ended up in the same house, and she lived down the street.”
“How long were you in foster care?” Brook Lynn had known about his time in the system, and more and more she hated the thought of him being shuffled from one home to another, losing everything he’d managed to build: friendships, family, even clothes and toys.
Tone deadened, he said, “From the age of six to the day of my sixteenth birthday, when I returned to the house I’d been staying at and found my stuff packed in a garbage bag, waiting on the porch. I was supposed to go to a new home but got myself emancipated and found a place with West and Beck.”
Oh...hell. She reached out, wrapped her fingers around his.
“Don’t feel sorry for me,” he snapped, jerking back to sever contact.
Proceed with caution. “There’s a difference between pity and sympathy,” she said softly.
“You’re right.” The fire in his eyes gradually cooled. He drew in a deep breath, slowly released it then reached out and took her hand. “A lot of kids had it worse. At least I had food, shelter.”
“But what of love?” Brook Lynn had enjoyed her parents’ love, not to mention Jessie Kay’s love, and both had been necessary for her survival.
“You have a soft, tender heart,” Jase grumbled.
“Yes, but I also have a mean streak,” she reminded him.
His beautiful mouth curved into a smile, making her heart skip a beat. “Don’t worry, angel. I’ll never forget. But I should probably ask around town, find out what else you’ve done while worked into a temper.”
“Don’t you dare!” They’d tell him about the time she and Jessie Kay fell into a vat of strawberry jam—and kept fighting. The time they’d both stood at the top of the courthouse and shouted humiliating facts about each other.
Jessie Kay sometimes laughs so hard, she farts.
Brook Lynn thought a vibrator was Harry Potter’s magic wand.
“Oh, honey. You shouldn’t ever dare me like that. Now I have to know what else you’ve done.”
She leaned toward him, saying, “Why aren’t you defending my sweetness? It wasn’t too long ago that you praised me for it.” In bed. Did he remember?
His gaze dipped to her lips and heated. Oh, yes. He remembered. “You are sweet, that’s for sure.”
Shivers drifted through her, and she had to force herself to lean as far away from him as she could get without actually running out of the store. Eye on the prize.
“The mean streak really only shows up when I’m dealing with Jessie Kay,” she said, getting them back on track, “so I guess you’re safe enough.”
He rubbed two fingers over his jaw. “You care about her more than you care about anyone else.”
“Yes. I don’t want her to end up like our uncle Kurt.”
“Tell me about him.”
If I want him to open up to me, it’s only fair I open up to him. “He was a con man to the max, but I already told you that. He was charming and yet awful. He would teach us terrible things but make us laugh all the while. At the end of the day, nothing mattered more than money to him. He lived and breathed it, every word and action meant to get more of it. And now, looking back, I can see Jessie Kay and I were extremely blessed that he left. One day he would have run out of cash, and I don’t think he would have hesitated to use us in a worse way to get it.”
“Do you hate him?”
“No. You know the saying? Hating someone is like swallowing a mouthful of poison and expecting them to die. It’s a wasted emotion. But that doesn’t mean I’d want anything to do with him if he were still alive. He was a criminal... He was poison.”
“I’m glad he’s gone.” Jase went quiet, stiff. His motions were clipped as he gathered the boxes of desserts. “We should go.”
“But why?” she asked, baffled. Why the abrupt change in him?
He said nothing more as he left the shop. His stride was longer than hers, and she had to run to keep up.
“Jase?”
Again, nothing. He held open her car door, and she slipped inside. When the slam registered, sealing her inside, she had the sinking feeling the action was as symbolic as what he’d done with the chairs. That he hadn’t just shut the car door; he’d shut the door on their relationship.