BING SAM
I shove the front door open, kicking it shut with too much force. I storm past the front room, and Mum appears in the doorway.
“Sam? What’s wrong?” she asks, her eyes following me.
“I can’t, Mum. I can’t.” I shake my head, moving towards the basement.
“Sam?”
I shake my head again, like it’s the only thing my body can remember how to do, and fly down the steps into the basement gym. I head straight for the old punching bag in the corner, forgoing any gloves, and slam my foot into it.
Anger. I don’t know if I’ve ever been so pissed in my life. The way she just walked away. The way she just stood there as if our relationship was water running between her fingers. Like there was no possible way she could hold onto it, no matter how hard she tried.
Like she didn’t even fucking care. And that’s bullshit. Because she does care. And that’s why she can’t do it – she cares more than she’s ever admitted.
What if I’d admitted it? What if I’d come out and just said “Hey, remember when I said I was falling for your crazy ass? Well, here’s an update: I’ve fallen for you,” would she have admitted it?
‘Cause that’s the truth. I’ve fallen so far for her I don’t know which way is out. For some reason I’m in love with her, and I have no idea how to deal with her walking away.
“Fuuuuuuuck!” I yell, slamming the punching bag into the wall. It swings back to me and I grab it, leaning my forehead against it and breathing heavily.
“Something has your boxers up your ass,” Lexy says from behind me.
“Don’t, Lex. Fucking don’t,” I warn, standing up straight and pushing off from the bag.
“This isn’t good,” she murmurs, sitting up on the small table and swinging her legs below her. “Wanna talk?”
“Wanna tell me why some girls are such vindictive bitches?” I throw back.
“What’s she done?”
I sigh, rubbing my hands across my face. “She played her usual tricks. Jen’s had enough. Said she can’t do it anymore. Shit.”
“What did you say?” Lexy asks softly.
“I told her I wasn’t walking away from us. I told her everything except what I should have.” I sigh again, rubbing my eyes with the heels of my hands, and I sink onto the chair behind me. “Shit, Lex. I dunno what I’m supposed to say to her.”
“Sounds like you said everything you could have, Bing.”
“Sam,” I correct. “My name is Sam.” I look up at her, and she smiles knowingly.
“Sounds like you said everything you could have, Sam,” she repeats, patting my shoulder.
“Like I said. I said everything except what I should have.”
“Mmm.”
“Should have told her I love her. Hell, I should have said that at the same time I promised her forever. I should have said it a long, long time ago.” I drop my head down. “And now look. Heidi’s got her claws in and ripped everything down, everything I worked so damn hard to build between me and Jen. It’s gone, just like that, and I have absolutely no idea where to start in putting it all back together.”
“What you need is the romantic version of superglue.”
“Isn’t that a ring?” I raise my head back up.
Lexy’s eyes widen. “I was gonna say roses, but okay, I guess that works.”
“Roses are good.” I look out of the window. “She likes roses.”
“You’re the one that’s supposed to buy them for her.” Lexy smirks. “I just show up with wine and chocolate.”
“Do that tonight. She needs you. She was… I don’t even wanna think about how she was when I left.”
“So why did you go?”
“Because I couldn’t look at her like that. It was easier to leave her than not be able to hold her, Lex. I couldn’t do it. Watching her cry was almost enough to make me cry, and if that makes me less of a man, then fuck it.”
“I don’t think it does.” She picks at a bit of fluff on her jeans. “I think it proves how much you do love her. I think it makes you more of a man if you cry.” She shrugs a shoulder. “There’s nothing wrong with it. Mum told me that. Crying is good for you.”
“I’m not gonna cry, Lex, because then that’d mean I’d lost her. I haven’t – not yet – and if I have my way, I won’t lose her.”