Chapter 1: That’s Not What Bestiality Means, Gary

 

 

“HEY,” RYAN Foxheart said, lips pressed against my ear. “You gonna get up anytime soon?”

I hummed low in my throat, not wanting to open my eyes yet. The bed was warm and soft, Ryan a hot line of naked muscle at my back, his legs tangled with mine, an arm thrown over my waist. I stretched slowly, letting my back pop as I arched against him. He grunted softly, breath tickling my cheek. I pushed back again, and his hand tightened on my waist. It’d been a long time since he’d fucked me. Knight Commander Foxheart looked good on his back, and looked even better with me above him. But sometimes I just wanted to get fucked, and I thought maybe now was one of those times.

I tried to think if we had anywhere to be, if I had a meeting or a task Morgan had set out for me. For some reason, though, I could barely think through the fog of sleeplust that cloaked my brain. I couldn’t even remember what day it was, but I figured that was okay, given that if anything important needed to happen, I’d remember it.

This was good. This was very, very good.

His hand moved from my waist to my chest, fingers spreading, anchoring me in place as his lips moved to my neck. There was tongue then, and the scrape of teeth. He rolled his hips, cock moving between my legs against the back of my balls.

“So good,” I groaned, unable to find the strength to open my eyes. “Keep doing that.”

He chuckled darkly. “You like that? You like me rubbing off on you?”

“Pretty much the best thing ever,” I mumbled sleepily.

“I can think of one or two things that would be even better.”

“That right, Knight Commander? What do you have in mind?”

“Here,” he said. “Let me show you.”

His hand stroked down my chest slowly, fingers leaving heated trails in their wake. The muscles in my stomach jumped and fluttered as he scraped his nails against them. He rolled his hips again, and I didn’t even try to stop the whimper that crawled out of me. There was a huff of breath on my neck, and I said, “Stop teasing, come on, come on,” and then he circled my cock, squeezing it tightly. I thrust up into his fist, fucking his tight grip. It was dry and my skin burned slightly, but it was worth it. We’d get the oil in a little bit. For now I wanted to feel it as much as I could.

I said, “Gods, I love you, I love you so much,” and I’d never meant anything more in my life.

He said, “I have awoken, O human child. In this forest deep, in the dark of the wild. And I have seen what is in your heart. Take heed of my warning: you are not ready.”

Gooseflesh rose along my arms. “Ryan? What are you—”

I opened my eyes.

I stood before the Great Doors to the throne room in Castle Lockes.

I took a step back, jerking my head around.

I was alone.

“What is this?” I muttered. “How did I get—”

A low murmur of voices came from the other side of the Great Doors.

A feeling of dread trickled down my spine.

I thought about turning and walking away, trying to find Ryan. Or Gary. Or Kevin or Tiggy or my parents or Morgan or Randall or someone, anyone who could tell me what was going on, why I was standing in Castle Lockes in my best robes, a heavy weight gripping my heart, squeezing until I could barely breathe.

There was something else there, tickling the back of my mind, and I couldn’t quite grasp it to pull it forward into the light.

I pressed my hands against the Great Doors.

The wood vibrated under my fingers.

I didn’t want to go inside.

It felt like pain and grief.

I didn’t want that.

I didn’t want any part of it.

I pushed the doors open.

They groaned as they parted, a loud creak that echoed throughout the throne room.

Which, surprisingly, was full.

It was dim inside, the sunlight through the stained-glass windows pale and muted. There had to be a thousand people standing before me, their backs to me. They all seemed to be dressed similarly, in grays and blacks. The men held their hats in front of them. The women’s black-netted veils covered their faces. Their heads were bowed.

I was late, obviously, but for what? I hoped maybe I could get to the front without being noticed. Morgan would probably chew me out, but I could apologize and tell him I just didn’t—

Oh, Sam. You truly are beyond what I had hoped for. But I must remind you again: I have never lied to you. Can you name someone else in your life that can say the same?

I took a stumbling step forward.

I knew that voice, but I couldn’t put a face or a name to it. It felt important—all of this did—but the lust fog had turned into something darker, something deeper, and it coated my skin, tugging me down, slowing everything about me.

My footsteps echoed against the stone floor.

No one turned to look at me.

I knew what this was. Given the way everyone was dressed, it could only be one thing.

“This is a funeral,” I whispered.

I tried to turn and leave. I didn’t want to be here anymore.

Instead, I walked forward.

The steps I took were deliberate, measured. But my body felt stiff and tired. I ached all over, and I was having a hard time catching my breath.

It wasn’t long before my eyes burned and my face was wet.

And I didn’t know why.

I was a quarter of the way to the front of the throne room. I didn’t know if it was the tears, the fog, or something wrong with my vision, but I couldn’t make out what waited for me. It was blurred and lost in a haze. I didn’t think it could be anything good.

I passed another row of mourners only to be stopped by a hand on my shoulder. I looked over to see a dragon made of stars watching me. No one seemed concerned that such a creature existed amongst them. His starlight pulsed low, creating shadows that crawled along their faces. He twinkled and he sparkled, and I felt sick to my stomach at the sight of him.

He said, “Hey, hi. Hello, Sam of Wilds. Did you know that when an apprentice becomes a full-fledged wizard, their name changes? It’s a title, an honorific. It’s meant to show the progression of a wizard’s magic. You are Sam of Wilds. You must become Sam of Dragons. And I’m sorry to say that all of you will not survive until the end. There will be loss, Sam. And it will burn like nothing has ever burned before. You must remember to keep in the light, even when the dark begins to curl around your feet.”

Then he turned and bowed his head.

I moved on.

A choir began to sing. Their song was an aching one, burning bittersweet in my heart. I couldn’t make out the words, but it didn’t matter. I knew the tone of what it was.

The front of the throne room came into sharper focus.

The thrones had been removed. By whom, I didn’t know. It was a rarity when it happened. Usually only for funerals. And there were only funerals in the throne room when someone important had died.

I saw my parents first. They stood side by side, heads bowed. My mother’s shoulders shook. My father reached up and wiped his eyes.

“Mom? Dad?”

They didn’t look up.

A hornless unicorn stood next to them and a half-giant next to him. The half-giant held the unicorn’s head to his chest, running his hand through the mane.

“Gary,” I said. “Tiggy.”

Two wizards. Morgan and Randall.

A King. A Prince.

Anthony and Justin.

A fierce black dragon, his head through an open doorway that led to a garden.

“Kevin,” I said. “Guys, what’s going—”

“Stone crumbles,” another voice said, and I turned to see a snake dragon monster thing curled in the corner, tongue flicking out as it watched me. “You have to remember that, Sam. Stone crumbles.”

“Do not listen to him,” a voice whispered in my ear. “He is but a child. He knows not of what he speaks. I have seen it, Sam of Wilds, for I have the sight. You must come home. I will show you what you’re supposed to do. You have been chosen. It calls for you.”

“Vadoma,” I said as she walked past me. She was followed by a large wolf. My magic curled at the sight of him, pulling me toward him, but I resisted as they stood off to the side, like they were waiting to see what I would do.

I looked away from them. I didn’t trust them. Her more than the wolf.

And then—

He lay atop a stone dais, his armor shining brightly in the flickering candlelight. His skin was waxy and pale, his lips almost colorless. I could see the hint of teeth underneath them. His hair fell in waves across his head, dull and lifeless. A sword lay on his chest, his hands clasped around the hilt.

He was beautiful.

He was dead.

I said, “Ryan? You gotta get up. You gotta get up, okay? Please. Please get up.”

The candles went out all at once. Little wisps of smoke rose from each of them.

The weak light through the stained-glass windows began to fade, as if the sun was covered by an approaching storm.

And then I felt it. A sickness. Disease. A sense of wrongness.

I turned to look back the way I’d come.

A man stood at the Great Doors. He was obscured by shadows.

“I won’t let you do this,” I told him, though I didn’t know why. “I won’t let you have him. Or anyone.”

He laughed.

“The dragons will never be yours.”

“Here’s a hint, Sam,” he said, voice garbled like the shadows were spilling from his throat. “It’s never been about the dragons. I don’t want the dragons. Those are all yours, kiddo. Gather them. Don’t. I don’t give a fuck what you do with them. In the end, it won’t matter. For them. For you.”

“I will end you,” I said.

“Will you?”

“Yes.”

“I relish the thought. I told you once that I would rip the lighting-struck heart from your chest. Trust me when I say I’ll do just that.”

“You want to see just how lightning-struck my heart is?” I snarled at him. “You’ve got it.”

And I gathered my magic around me, the strength of it unfocused and wild because my cornerstone was dead, he was lying on a stone slab behind me, dead, and I would tear this world apart to make sure those responsible suffered as much as I had.

The dark man in shadows laughed, and I—

 

 

“HOLY SHIT,” I gasped, jerking awake.

“Oh, well fuck me up and call me a bitch, look who finally decided to wake up. Did you have a good nap up there, Sam? All comfortable and warm? Because let me tell you who is not comfortable and warm. That would be me.”

I groaned and rubbed my hand over my eyes, trying to chase away the last remnants of a dream that I struggled to remember.

I opened my eyes again, realized where I was, and promptly almost died.

“What the balls!” I shrieked as clouds flew lazily by me, the sky brightening around us as a new day dawned.

It was then I remembered I was on the back of a dragon, a knight’s arms around my waist, a half-giant’s arms around both of us, and an apparently grumpy unicorn clutched in the dragon’s claws, held tightly against his chest.

“Sam,” Gary said, “I am talking to you. The least you can do is acknowledge me when I’m bitching about something. You know I don’t like being ignored, and when I don’t like something, I tend to make sure everyone knows about it.”

“You don’t say,” Kevin growled. “Because you haven’t been going on and on like this since you woke up an hour ago.”

“Excuse you?” Gary said, outraged. “I’ll have you know that there are many people who would just die to be able to hear me speak about anything. Everyone knows that words from a unicorn are like being touched by the gods.”

“Bad-touched, maybe.”

“Do you want me to throw up all over you again? Because I can. I’ll make you look like a motherfucking rainbow by the time we land, you overgrown sex lizard.”

“This has been going on for quite a while,” Knight Commander Ryan Foxheart—the dreamiest dream that had ever been dreamed—whispered in my ear. “I never thought I’d say this, but I really wish they get over this and go back to having disgustingly inappropriate sex.”

“We’re doomed either way,” I muttered as Ryan kissed my cheek.

“So doomed,” Tiggy agreed from behind us. “Good sleep?”

I laid my head back on Ryan’s shoulder so I could look up at my friend. He grinned down at me. He had bags under his eyes, like he hadn’t slept a wink since we’d left the gypsy city of Mashallaha the day before. Knowing Tiggy, he probably stayed awake all night just to make sure Ryan and I didn’t fall off Kevin’s back in our sleep. We seemed secure, but I knew Tiggy probably wouldn’t have trusted even that, given that we’d never done something like this before. “It was okay,” I said, and Tiggy leaned down to press a wet and messy kiss against my forehead.

Leathery black wings rose up and then fell back down before they stretched wide, coasting on air. The wind whipped around us, but I’d grown used to the sound of it, so much so that I’d been able to at least get a few hours of sleep. I was stiff and sore, but I thought it had more to do with the fact that a dickbag named Myrin had kicked my ass until I’d essentially exploded the both of us by filling an entire lake with lightning. I could feel the scars from the lightning across my chest. The scars themselves didn’t hurt—not like most of the rest of me—but I was aware of them, the way they pulled against my skin every time I shifted my weight. The scars felt warm, almost like they were heated just underneath my chest. But even I could admit they made me look super badass, so I wasn’t too worried about them.

“How much longer?” I asked no one in particular.

“I’m hungry,” Gary said, his scarf flapping around his head to keep his mane from suffering the effects of wind-rape.

“I offered to fly over a lake and hold you near the water so you could scoop up fish in your mouth,” Kevin said. “But you told me that was the stupidest idea you’d ever heard.”

“Well, yeah. You expected me to hold my head underwater with my mouth open and hope that something just came right inside.”

“Wouldn’t be the first time that’s happened.”

“Ha,” Tiggy said. “Yuck.”

“We’re still over the Dark Woods,” Ryan said. “We probably won’t reach Meridian City until sometime this afternoon.”

“I’m fast as shit,” Kevin said proudly.

“You okay to keep going?” I asked him. “You’ve been going all night.”

He turned his head back toward us, a wide, lecherous grin on his face. “Obviously you know nothing about the virility of dragons. You don’t need to worry about me, pretty. It wouldn’t be the first time I’ve gone all night. And it won’t be the last.”

“I set myself up for that one,” I admitted. “I have no one to blame but myself. Sorry. Sorry, everyone. I made Kevin gross again. My bad.”

“It’s not like it’s that hard,” Gary said. “He’s gross all the time.”

“You literally have no room to talk,” I said. “Do I need to remind you that you incorporated my name into your sexual perversions? Not to mention that none of us will ever be able to eat muffins again, much less ever step inside a bakery. Do you understand what you’ve done? You’ve ruined pastries. And my name.”

“Whatever,” Gary said. “I am a free and single independent unicorn who don’t need no mens. I’ve sown my oats, settled down in a semimonogamous relationship, got my heart shattered into a billion pieces, put said heart back together, and now will unsow the aforementioned oats so that I may find new ways to sow them all over again.”

“And that’s what I’m paying you alimony and child support for?” Kevin said, sounding horribly affronted. “So you can sow some young new thing? For shame, Gary. For. Shame. And let’s not even begin to discuss how it was you that broke my heart. And the heart of our son.”

“Nope,” I said. “Still not even involved. Also, you don’t pay alimony or child support because I am not your child.”

“It’s okay, champ,” Kevin said, glancing back at me distractedly. “I promise I’ll try and make it to your sportsball game next weekend, assuming I don’t get called into the office. We’re working on a big project, though, so I might have to take a rain check. Your stepdaddy is a very important dragon with many responsibilities.”

“You know,” Ryan said, “with everything that’s gone down—evil wizards, villains, sand mermaids, bad-touching grandmas, jerks named Ruv who never put on clothes like they’re supposed to—I think the fact that Kevin and Gary getting together somehow made them think they’re your parents is still the one thing that baffles me the most.”

“It’s not that baffling,” I assured him. “It’s because Kevin and Gary are the stupidest magical creatures alive. It’s as simple as that.”

“Gary,” Kevin said, “your son is acting up again.”

“Oh really?” Gary snapped. “So he’s my son when he’s being a little asshole, but he’s your son whenever he does something right. Which, admittedly, isn’t very often, but you get my point.”

“If I’d left him in the woods when I first met him, I might not be here right in this moment,” I pondered aloud.

“No,” Tiggy said, and I could hear the frown in his voice. “No, Sam. You found us. We go home with you. We stay with you. Forever. And ever. And ever.”

“Gaaaahhh,” I said. “I can’t even with you. I’m going to give you such a hug when we land, you don’t even know.”

Tiggy was perfectly okay with that.

So Kevin and Gary continued to bicker, and Tiggy started humming to himself. Ryan leaned forward, lips near my ear.

“Bad dream?” he asked quietly.

I shrugged, unsure of how to answer. After all, how do you tell the love of your life that your grandmother and a dragon made of stars had predicted his death? And that was the crux of it, too, because the death could be soon, or the death could be years down the road, but the fact remained that one day, Ryan would die, either at the hands of Myrin or in the cold grasp of age. And either way, he would leave me behind. I was a wizard. My magic wouldn’t allow me to age like a normal person.

Granted, it might not even matter if Myrin got what he wanted, whatever that was. I highly doubted that any of us would be alive for long after that.

“I guess,” I said. “It’s just… everything, you know?”

“I know. The last few weeks have been—”

“Ridiculous?”

“I was going to say trying, but yes, ridiculous works too. But then, most of the stuff that seems to happen to us is ridiculous.”

And that… well. That worried me. More than it should have, given all that was going on. Ever since Ryan and I had met (actually met—not the days where he was Nox and I was a little shit in the slums, not the days when he came to the castle and I pined creepily after him from afar, but the days before Justin was kidnapped by the very dragon upon whose back we now sat), it had been one thing after another. Adventures and villains and plots that made absolutely no sense but still happened anyway—we’d never really had a break. From anything.

And then the icing on the cake was the fact that I was the star of an ancient prophecy involving dragons and an evil wizard who apparently wanted nothing more than to monologue about killing my face.

With all this on our shoulders, I felt like shit for having dragged Ryan into this mess. If he’d never met me, he’d probably be married to the Prince by now, living the life of a knight commander in charge of the Castle Guard like he wanted to, instead of retaining the title but spending more time on the road than in the castle. He’d said once that I inspired him back in the days of the slums to make something of himself, but who’s to say there couldn’t have been another genesis to inspire him? He was meant to do what he did—I believed that with all my heart—and it didn’t have to be me that had motivated it.

The problem with thinking such thoughts was that more and more, Ryan was getting a better sense of my moods, whether I said anything about them or not. It seemed to be a byproduct of being a cornerstone. He helped me to control my magic, allowing me to build upon it, to make it stronger. And in turn, it was like there was an almost extrasensory link between us.

Either that or I still couldn’t keep everything I was feeling off my face. I was really shit about that too.

So when he broke through my self-pitying thoughts by saying, “You’re being stupid, aren’t you,” I wasn’t surprised. By now Ryan Foxheart was fluent in Sam of Wilds, which I loved. Mostly.

“I’m not being stupid,” I said. “You’re being stupid.”

“Yeah, because that was the mature response to go with.”

“You’re a mature response to go with—”

“Sam.”

“Mr. Foxheart.”

He jostled me a little, causing me to sigh and slump back against him, the stars above us beginning to fade with the sunrise. I purposely didn’t seek out David’s Dragon, because I didn’t think the best use of my time was to glare at a constellation.

“You’re being stupid,” he said again, quieter this time. “I know you. I know what you’re thinking.”

“Maybe I think that’s cheating a little.”

“I’m sure you’ll get over it,” he said wryly.

I snorted. “Obviously you don’t know me as well as you think you do if you think I’ll just get over something.”

“Touché. Now I’m going to talk, and you’re going to listen and not say a word until I give you the okay. Understand?”

I shivered a little at that. “I’d prefer you not to get all growly while we’re riding a dragon who thinks he’s my stepdad but who also tries to get in my pants on a daily basis. I feel like that would get awkward for everyone. Well. For me and you. Probably Tiggy. The other two probably would get off on that. And now I wish I hadn’t said any of this out loud, because I’ve got a weird taste in my mouth like I’ve just eaten bad eggs.”

“Got that all out now?”

I rolled my eyes. “Shut up. Yes. I’m listening.”

“Lucky me.”

“Motherfucking god of sass, what the hell—”

“I love you.”

I fell quiet.

“And I know that things have been… weird lately. Okay. Things have been weirder. I probably know that better than almost anyone. And I know that a lot has come down upon you. This whole… destiny thing, and yes, Sam, I know you hate that word, but I think it’s important. Because if all of this is real, if all of this means something, it shows that the gods had faith in you, even before you existed. And maybe they’re supposed to remain impartial, but in the end, I don’t believe that. I don’t believe they want to see Verania brought to its knees by some villain. I don’t care if he’s Morgan’s brother. I don’t care if he’s Randall’s cornerstone. I don’t care about the sense of betrayal they must have felt from him. That’s not my concern. That’s not what I care about, at least not right now. Do you know what I care about, Sam? Do you know what my concern is?”

I did, but I couldn’t seem to open my mouth to say it. And besides, I had a feeling the question was rhetorical anyway.

“You,” he said, squeezing me tightly. “You are my concern. You are what I care about. And I know you, Sam. I know you’re probably thinking how much of a cluster this is. That if you hadn’t met me, I wouldn’t have to be a part of this. That I could be living a normal life.”

Godsdammit.

“But did you ever stop to think that I don’t want that?”

Well, no. I really hadn’t.

“I don’t, Sam. This is the life I’m supposed to lead. This ridiculous, wonderful life where we’re now flying on the back of a dragon from one side of Verania to the other to stop a group of Dark wizards from destroying a city filled with pimps and prostitutes and a drag queen named Mama who looks at me like she wants to eat me for dinner. And do you know why I’m doing that? You, Sam. I’m doing it for you. Because I will follow you anywhere. I don’t care if it’s in the castle. I don’t care if it’s tied up in the Dark Woods while a six-inch-tall naked fairy king tries to pretend he’s better for you than me. I don’t care where we go, Sam. As long as I’m with you, I’m ready to do anything. So stop with the mothercracking guilty thoughts. I am here because I choose to be. I’m here because you are. And there is nowhere else I’d rather be.”

For one of the first times in my life, I was shocked silent.

Gary wasn’t. “You great big bag of assholes,” he wailed from below us. “How dare you say something romantic and sweet and wonderful like that! Who do you think you are, the author of The Butler and the Manticore? Surprise, motherfucker. You aren’t. Here I am, trying to argue with my ex-husband so that he realizes just how much he misses me and apologizes for being a dickhole—”

“I’m not the one who needs to apologize, sweetheart. You were the one who—”

“—how much he misses me and needs to apologize for being a dickhole, but then you just have to go and give me a heart boner. And there’s nothing I can do about it! Do you know why I can’t do anything about it, Ryan? Kevin, lift me up near your shoulder so I can stare right at Ryan and ask him why I can’t do anything about it.” Kevin did, and Gary peered over the dragon’s shoulder at us. “Well? Do you know why, Ryan?”

“Don’t answer, Knight Delicious Face,” Tiggy said. “Trick question.”

Ryan said, “I—”

“Because I’m motherfucking flying through the goddamn air. In case you didn’t notice, unicorns were not meant to fly through the air. I have hooves. Beautifully pedicured hooves that cost me plenty of coin, because Ming Win might be a goddess of her craft, but she is also a thief with how much she charges at her salon. I swear to the gods if there was any other place that I could go to get the same quality of work, I would. And then I would also go back to her salon and light it on fire and burn it to the ground—”

“Gary.”

“Right, right. Sorry. I got distracted. You know how seriously I take my mani-pedis.”

I sighed. “Unfortunately, I do.”

“As I was saying,” Gary continued, sniffling loudly, “Ryan Foxheart, that might have been the most romantic thing I’ve ever heard anyone say ever, and I’ve decided that I officially like you. You’re welcome.”

“Thank you,” Ryan said. Then, “Wait. What do you mean you officially like me? You told me you liked me a long time ago! It was that day on the road when Randall said something about a cornerstone, and you were all full of shit and lying to me. You told me you liked me then.”

“Wow,” Gary said, eyes completely dry. “Someone seems to be hanging on to each and every single word I say like a creeper. Good gods, man. Control yourself. If you wanted to taste the rainbow, you had plenty of opportunities before you acted like a little bitch and waited until you stood in front of a thousand people and admitted you loved Sam while you were about to marry Justin. It’s not like I haven’t seen you checking out my fine ass.”

“You what?” I said, suddenly not choked up anymore. “Dude! That’s my best friend.”

Ryan looked scandalized when I twisted around to glare at him. “I was not checking out Gary!”

“Bullshit,” Gary snorted. “What about that night by the campfire when Tiggy and Sam were asleep and you offered to massage my thighs?”

“Uh, really?” Ryan retorted. “I think your memory might be a little bit fuzzy. Let me help you with that. If you’ll recall, you woke me up by breathing on my face and told me that your flank was hurting from all that walking and, I quote, ‘I need a man with rough hands to come in and soothe the burning in my groin.’”

Gary gasped. “I would never. That makes me sound like some kind of floozy.”

“You a floozy,” Tiggy said. “Little bit.”

“Tiggy Desdemona Bartholomew Jackson! How dare you!”

Tiggy frowned. “That’s not my name. I just Tiggy.”

“Well, now I just don’t know what to believe,” Gary said. “Because of all the lies.”

Kevin turned his head again, fangs a little bared, smoke pouring from his nostrils. “You tried to get up on Gary?” he growled. “And you didn’t even invite me to watch?”

“This was before we knew you,” Gary said, butting his snout against Kevin’s scaly hand.

“Still.”

“Eep,” Ryan said. Then he coughed. “I mean, no. I never tried to do anything with Gary. That’s disgusting.”

“Uh-oh,” Tiggy said.

“You really shouldn’t have said that,” I told him solemnly.

“Disgusting?” Gary asked dangerously. “Just how would it be disgusting, might I ask?”

“Don’t answer that,” I said.

“It a trap!” Tiggy said, sucking in his cheeks till he looked like a fish.

But of course, Ryan was a knight, which meant he had no sense of self-preservation and wasn’t burdened with an abundance of brains. So he said, “That would be like bestiality.”

I groaned.

“Kevin?”

“Yes, Gary.”

“Can you do me a favor?”

“Is it a sexual favor?”

“No, Kevin.”

“Oh. Well. I guess so.”

“Thank you. Can you throw me up on your back so that I might pummel a knight, then use your spikes to impale him until he’s nothing but a bloody, twitching pile of meat and muscle?”

“But of course, Gary.”

“No,” I said. “You can’t do that.”

“But he said it was bestiality,” Gary snarled. “And now I want to show him the true meaning of the word. By being a beast.”

“Gary, bestiality is when a human has sex with an animal.”

“Damn right it is! And I’ll—wait, what? No it’s not. It means to be brutish. Beastly. He was just calling me cruel and ruthless. I would know. I tell people I practice the art of bestiality all the time when I’m trying to seem intimidating. They always run right after that because of how beastly I am. Bestiality.”

“No. They think you’re trying to fuck them.”

Gary scrunched up his face. “You sure?”

“Very.”

“Huh. How about that. That alters many things about my life.”

“It really shouldn’t.”

“You’d be surprised.”

“Can we go back to the part where I told Sam how much I loved him?” Ryan asked. “It was really good.”

“Nobody likes a braggart,” Gary said.

Ryan frowned. “You brag about stuff all the time.”

Gary turned to look at me with wide eyes. “Are you hearing this shit? It’s like he’s obsessed with me. First he wants to massage my thighs and now he’s memorizing everything that I say? Pretty soon he’s going to tell you to put the lotion in the fucking basket and then tuck his penis between his legs, and you won’t be able to climb out of the hole in his basement.”

“Oh yeah,” Kevin said. “I remember when we role-played that. That was… odd.”

Gary ignored him. “Sam, listen to me. Listen. Are you listening?”

“Do I have a choice?”

“Ryan Foxheart wants to get up all in muh shit,” he hissed at me. “It’s my natural sexuality. It just oozes.”

“Yeah,” Ryan said with a grimace. “How can I not want to get all up in the ooze.”

“I’m sure he’ll get over it,” I told Gary. “Now, can you please go away so that I can tell Ryan how awesome he is?”

“Rude,” Gary said. “Kevin, clutch me close. But it means nothing. Remember that. We’re not together, and we’re never getting back together, no matter how much you beg me.”

Gary disappeared back underneath Kevin while the dragon grumbled something sarcastic and biting.

I looked back at my friend behind us. “Tiggy, scary stuff.”

Tiggy put his fingers in his ears and squinted his eyes shut.

I twisted as much as I could, facing Ryan, awkwardly straddling his waist. He looked amused as he watched me. “Still want to follow me anywhere? Ridiculous doesn’t even begin to cover this, as you just saw.”

“I didn’t massage Gary’s thighs,” he said seriously.

“I know.”

“I didn’t even ask to massage his thighs.”

“I know that too.”

“I don’t even think of his thighs—”

“Oh my gods, you are obsessed with him. You ass. I don’t know if this will work out between you and me if you want to fuck my best friend’s thighs.”

He rolled his eyes. “Shut up.”

“My turn to talk, okay?”

“Isn’t it always?”

“Ryan.”

He nodded.

I pressed my forehead against his. “If you say you’re good, I believe you. If you say you want this, I believe you. I don’t know what’s going to happen with this whole destiny thing. I don’t know what’s going to happen with the dragons. Or Myrin. Or Vadoma and Ruv.” His eyes narrowed slightly at the mention of the Wolf of Bari Lavuta, who my grandmother had tried to push as my cornerstone. And who my magic had recognized as having potential. But it didn’t matter. He could never be what Ryan was to me. No one ever would. “And even if I get… stupid every now and then and think stupid thoughts, I know it’s gonna be you and me.”

He tightened his grip on my waist. “I’m going to hold you to that. Even when you’re stupid and think stupid thoughts. Might even have to tell you that you and your thoughts are stupid.”

“You better.”

He kissed me sweetly. My magic sang in green and gold as I tasted his familiarity, his warmth. I would never let him lie upon a cold slab in the throne room. Not if I could help it. Not because of Myrin. Not because of me. He would live until an old age. And I would age right along with him. Somehow. I’d figure it out. I had time. Not much, but it was there. We would get our happy ending. I had made a wish to the star dragon under the desert night sky, and I aimed to see it happen.

Make me mortal. When all is said and done. I will protect my King, this one and the next. I will protect my kingdom. I will do all that you ask, but I want a mortal life for my happy ending. This is my wish.

We flew on toward Meridian City.