Chapter 6: The Break-Up Talk

 

 

I BLINKED in disbelief. “You want to run that one by me again? Because I think I misheard.”

We stood in Mama’s office, Randall by the window, hands clasped behind his back, Morgan near the floor-to-ceiling bookcase, and me near the door, as if I could escape anytime I wanted to. What remained of Feng had been cleaned up from the floor, but there was a black smudge in the carpet and on Mama’s desk. Both would have to be replaced.

The office itself was still in disarray, though a hasty job had been done to right the wrongs: The books were haphazardly placed back on the shelves, the shade to the lamp in the corner sat crooked, the air still smelled crisped and seared. The little wooden bombs Feng had placed around the office had been removed. I had scanned the room when we’d entered, making sure none had been missed.

It hadn’t taken long for Morgan and Randall to drop a different sort of bomb on me, however.

“I don’t see what’s so difficult for you to understand,” Randall said, voice bland and even.

“Indulge me.”

“Don’t we always? And maybe that’s part of the problem.”

I scowled at him. “Maybe you should go suck a gigantic—”

Morgan cleared his throat.

“—lemon because your face already looks a little—”

Morgan coughed.

“Yeah, okay. I’ve got nothing to save that.”

“This isn’t helping,” Morgan said, and I was surprised to see that it was directed at Randall instead of myself. “There has to be another way to go about this.”

Randall snorted as he turned around, backlit by the sun pouring in through the window. “Can you think of any way that won’t bring about his ire? Because if you can, please, go ahead. But I think you know as well as I do that no matter what we say, it will be met with resistance. That’s just in his nature.” He glanced briefly at me. “Unfortunately.”

“That doesn’t mean we can’t be… delicate.”

“You think Sam would appreciate a soft-handed approach? He usually prefers the hammer.”

“I’m going to pretend that you’ve complimented me,” I decided. “So thank you.”

Randall spread his hands as if to say I’d proved his point. Which, to be fair, I probably had. I hated it when I did that for Randall.

Morgan gave us the long-suffering look he did so well. “Sam.”

“Yes, Morgan?”

“You will be traveling with Randall to Castle Freesias. Kevin, Gary, Tiggy, Ryan, and Prince Justin will follow on the roads.”

“So I did hear you right. That’s… unfortunate. Well. No matter. Thank you, but no thank you. I politely decline. Now, if there’s anything else—”

Randall laughed a little at that, and if I weren’t feeling so cornered, I might have been surprised I’d been able to make him do that. “It’s funny how you think it was a suggestion.”

I stared at him. “It’s funny how you think it wasn’t.”

He wasn’t laughing anymore after that. In fact, he looked a little pissed off. And that, regardless of how intimidating it could be, was something I was used to. I’d had that directed toward me more times than I could count. I could deal with that. “It’s not a suggestion. You will accompany me back to Castle Freesias. It’s time I took a more direct approach to your training.”

“And by accompanying you, you mean that sucky teleport thing you can do.”

“Yes.”

“I threw up on you the last time, if you’ll recall.”

“Oh, I recall.”

“I’ll probably do it again.”

“Undoubtedly.”

“Then let’s not, shall we?”

“My shoes can be cleaned.”

“Maybe I’ll aim higher next time.”

“Sam,” Morgan chided.

“What?” I said, crossing my arms over my chest.

“This is for your own good,” Randall said.

“Really. That’s how you’re going to spin this? Why now? In the middle of this shitstorm, now is when you decide to be more hands-on?”

The skin under Randall’s right eye twitched, and I thought maybe I was wearing him down, at least a little bit. “Because of the level of magic you’ve exhibited.”

And that—well. I wasn’t expecting that. “Excuse me?”

“What happened in the desert?”

I frowned at him. “I got Zero on our side. Or rather, we got him on our side. Tiggy did some smashing. You know how it goes.”

“Before that.”

I didn’t know— “The sand mermaids.”

He nodded. “The sand mermaids. What you did, Sam, is not something you should have been able to do. It’s not something anyone should have been able to do.”

“How did you—no. You know what? I don’t even want to know.” Because it meant someone in my group had a fat mouth. Sure, it could be disguised as concern, but still.

“We’re… worried,” Morgan said. “It’s one thing to be powerful. It’s another to let your emotions dictate your magic.”

“That’s not fair.” I took a step back away from them. It felt like they were coming at me from all sides, and I couldn’t help the resentment that flooded through me. “They had Tiggy and Ryan. I wasn’t going to let them—”

“Do you even remember it?” Randall asked me. “Do you even remember what you did?”

No. I didn’t. “Mostly.”

“What words did you use?”

“What?”

“The words, Sam,” Randall said. “What words of the ancient tongue did you say aloud? And if they were not spoken, what words did you think?”

“I didn’t—”

“You didn’t?”

“I didn’t have time to think of words,” I amended, aware of how neatly I was being trapped.

“Magic is a construct,” Randall said, as if I’d never had that drilled into me before. “It’s building blocks. It’s an amalgamation of what you’ve learned, what we’ve taught you. The old words are there as the pieces to be put together by one fluent in the arts. It takes years to be able to use them aloud and even longer to be able to just think them. Wizards spend their whole lives training to do something you’ve accomplished in a decade.”

“You’ve said it before. That I’m not like anyone else.”

“You’re not,” Morgan said slowly. “And we’ve always believed that. You’ve proven that time and time again, in a good way. But there is a ceiling to magic, Sam. And while we’ve never known just how high your ceiling is, we’re worried that you may try and reach it before you’re ready. Or maybe you’ll find out you don’t have a ceiling at all.”

“I have it under control,” I said, even though I wasn’t sure that was the truth. The idea of not having a barrier, of having an unlimited reach of magic, scared the shit out of me. But I didn’t have time to worry about that now.

“Do you?” Randall asked. “Because from what I understand, you were unconscious following the storm you unleashed. And then again with… with Myrin.”

It was one of the few times I’d ever heard him say Myrin’s name, and that alone should have clued me in on the gravity of the situation. The problem was that I felt like a cornered animal, like they were pushing me back and towering over me. And when an animal is cornered, it does the only thing it can: it lashes out.

“I did what I had to,” I said. “Which is something neither of you would ever understand.”

And as soon as I said it, I wished I could take it back, given the way Morgan flinched, eyes tightening, mouth turning down.

Randall was as stoic as always. He gave nothing away. “You’re too emotional.”

“Because I’m human,” I snapped at him. “I can’t just shut it off. And even if I could, I wouldn’t want to. How else am I supposed to be? Your mistakes aren’t mine, Randall. I’m sorry. I really am. I know it sucks. Everything. The dragons, the prophecy… Myrin. But I’m not you. And no offense, but I don’t ever want to be you. You both have told me time and time again that I need to forge my own path, and yet you seem to want to direct me whatever way you want me to go. Maybe it’s not intentional. Maybe you think you’re doing what you’re doing because you know more than me. But it still feels like manipulation.”

“Do you know who else lets their emotions rule them?” Randall asked. “The Darks, Sam.”

And that—fuck him. “Go to hell,” I said hoarsely.

“Randall—” Morgan started but subsided when Randall shook his head.

“Sam,” he said. “Everything I’ve done, everything I will do, is an attempt at your best interest. I believe in Morgan and in his strength as your mentor. I believe in the bond you’ve created with your cornerstone. I believe in the power that you wield. You are wild and unrestrained but inherently good. But you are also foolhardy, stubborn, and one day, if you continue on the path you’re on, I believe you’ll unleash magic that you will not be able to come back from. I don’t see you as a Dark, Sam. But I think that with everything that has happened to you in such a short amount of time, you are in danger—now more than ever—of losing your way. I am not trying to dictate your life. I am trying to protect it.”

I laughed bitterly. “You have a funny way of showing it.”

“Be that as it may, the weight of the world has come to rest on your shoulders. And I fear that it’s heavier than you realized. Maybe than even I realized.” He reached a hand up and stroked it down his beard. “You are young yet. The fact that you have the level of magic you do is remarkable. The bond you have with your cornerstone is extraordinary. The fact that you have done everything you’ve done is nothing short of miraculous. But even the strongest of us will crumble under the weight, Sam.”

“Stone crumbles,” I whispered.

“What was that?” Morgan asked.

I shook my head. “It doesn’t matter. So you don’t think I can hack it. That’s cool. Any other secrets I don’t know?”

“I suppose we could ask the same about you,” Randall said. “Anything you’d like to tell us?”

And I knew what he was doing. Trying to catch me off guard, trying to trip me up so I’d tell him—

(I have awoken, O human child. In this forest deep, in the dark of the wild. And I have seen what is in your heart. Take heed of my warning: you are not ready.)

(Ryan, resting upon a stone slab, skin pale and eyes closed, sword clasped against his chest.)

(Make me mortal. When all is said and done. I will protect my King, this one and the next. I will protect my kingdom. I will do all that you ask, but I want a mortal life for my happy ending. This is my wish.)

(A warning. All of you will not survive until the end. There will be loss, Sam. And it will burn like nothing has ever burned before. You must remember to keep in the light, even when the dark begins to curl around your feet.)

(There was a flutter of wings against my palm, the barest of touches.)

—something, anything to give credence to what he was saying.

Instead I said, “A wizard has his secrets. You’ve both taught me that.”

I didn’t think I’d ever seen Randall look more disappointed. He quickly schooled his face back to a blank mask, but the damage was done. I’d already seen it. And I felt awful.

But not enough to attempt to take the words back.

“Do you trust me?” Morgan asked.

“I want to.” I wanted that more than almost anything.

“I need you to trust that I’m doing what’s best for you.”

“I’m not a child.”

“No,” he agreed. “You’re not. But you also now bear scars from—”

“Scars?” Randall asked, eyebrows rising almost to his hairline.

Morgan didn’t even look regretful when I glared at him.

“Scars,” Randall repeated. “Would someone care to explain what these scars are?”

“It’s no big deal,” I hedged. “I—”

“He’ll find out,” Morgan said quietly. “Sooner or later. It would be in your best interest if it was sooner.”

I sighed and wondered about mentors not being able to keep their fat mouths shut.

“I’m waiting,” Randall said.

“I’m waiting,” I mocked under my breath. Then, louder, “Ugh. Fine. But don’t you get any ideas, you old coot. Just because I’m about to show you my young, nubile body doesn’t give you the right to try and get all up in my bidness.”

“Somehow, I think I’ll be able to restrain myself,” he said, dry as dust.

“You say that now,” I muttered. “But then you’ll see my body and fall in love and I’ll have to let you down because even though I don’t mind older men, even I have to draw the line somewhere—”

“You’re dawdling.”

I brought my hands to the hem of the shirt I wore, hesitated, then thought fuck it. I pulled it up and over my head. The air in the office was cool against my skin. I tried to look up at Randall, to meet his gaze head-on, but I found it to be an almost impossible task. Instead I looked down and away, trying to resist the urge to cover my chest.

The lightning-struck scars weren’t something I’d had time to focus on. Everything had moved too quickly after I’d received them. They were still angry and raised and pulled harshly if I moved too much. But I wasn’t the type to be too concerned with marks on my body. Sure, maybe after all was said and done, I’d have a crisis of faith and melt down just a little, wondering if Ryan could ever want me again, given that I was marked. But I doubted that would be an issue. Ryan had scars himself, though they weren’t as extensive as mine. His were more the nicks and marks from a childhood in the slums and the life of a knight. His came from hard work, from doing his job.

Mine came from battling a dick.

Okay. Maybe I could be a little insecure about them.

That was just fucking peachy.

I was drawn from my thoughts when an ancient finger dragged along them. I yelped as I snapped my head up and took a step back. “No bad-touching,” I growled at Randall. “You have to resist the temptation of flesh before you, you old pervert!”

Morgan sighed and raised his eyes toward the ceiling.

“Was this from the dragon?” Randall asked, sounding slightly strained.

I shook my head slowly. “No. This was Myrin.”

Randall’s shoulders drooped a little at that. “Was it your own magic? Or his?”

I shrugged, feeling uncomfortable. “Mine, maybe. Or both. I don’t know. It… happened rather quickly. He was walking on water and then things were exploding. It led me to using a kickass catchphrase and shocking the hell out of everything. Then I woke up the next day with these bad boys.”

“He has marked you,” Randall said quietly. “For consumption.”

I blinked at that. “Come again?”

“This”—he waved at the scars—“is a sign. Of his intent.”

“Which is?”

“He attempted to consume it. Your magic. He wasn’t fighting against it.” He shook his head. “He was trying to eat it.”

Morgan paled as I took a step back.

“He was trying to what?”

“It’s a dark art,” Randall said as he looked down at his gnarled hands. “Something ancient and evil. It’s the consumption of another’s magic.” He sighed, looking worn and frail. “I never thought he’d go this far. It’s not something I thought him capable of. Such an act tears at the very fabric of the soul. It’s unnatural and goes against everything we are ever taught about the nature of magic.”

“How?” I managed to ask.

“It’s….” He looked back up at me. “I’ve never actually seen it done before. If you had asked me before today, I would have told you it was nothing more than a myth. But those scars, those… marks upon your skin, suggest otherwise.”

“Are you sure?” Morgan asked, looking back and forth between us. “That can’t be real. It was only ever theory, and a horrific one at that. And even if it was real, Myrin wouldn’t. He couldn’t.”

A memory then, hitting me right in the chest. A voice rising in my mind, a man upon the surface of a lake, his hand around my throat, holding me up high.

It’s never been about the dragons. I don’t want the dragons. Those are all yours, kiddo. Gather them. Don’t. I don’t give a fuck what you do with them. In the end, it won’t matter. For them. For you.

“He told me,” I whispered. “He said his plan was never about the dragons. That it was something else. Something more.”

“Your magic is beyond anything the world has ever seen,” Randall said. “And he wants it for his own. He tried in Mashallaha. I believe those scars are evidence of that. I don’t know why he didn’t succeed, but I suspect it’s because of your strength, Sam. He underestimated you. He won’t make that mistake again. If he’s pursuing what I think he is, he wants to rip your magic from you and consume it to make it his own. Should he succeed, I believe that he would become unstoppable. The dragons appear to be tied to your magic. If he takes yours, then theoretically, they would be tied to him.”

I opened my mouth to say something when the door to Mama’s office burst open and—

“Um,” Ryan Foxheart said, eyes going wide as he looked between the three of us. I didn’t know what he saw, but the tension in the room had to be palpable. “Maybe I should… have… knocked? I can go back out and try it again if that would help?” Then he frowned. “Also, why are you half-naked, and why does Randall look like he’s going to bad-touch you?”

Gods, I adored every single thing about him.

He looked at me nervously, like he was afraid Randall or Morgan was going to curse him right then and there for saying that. Which, honestly, Randall was probably giving great consideration to, if the look on his face meant anything. I, of course, thought Ryan had the most impeccable timing, and I was going to give him the sloppiest blow job possible when we were done here. I tried to relay that with my eyes and by licking my lips sexily (which is really hard to do, but I knew I could totally pull it off).

“Are your lips dry?” Ryan asked me with a frown.

I winked at him, trying to distract him from the heaviness in the room.

“Ohhh,” he said, then proceeded to flush furiously. He coughed, a brittle smile on his face. “Erm. That’s not… uh. Hello.” He bowed, bringing his hand as a fist to his chest, a sign of respect to Randall and Morgan. I wanted to devour him whole. “I apologize for the intrusion.”

“I’m sure you do,” Morgan said, sounding amused. “What is it, Knight Commander?”

He blinked slowly. “I wanted to… say hi?”

“Really.”

He sighed. “No. I just wanted to make sure you weren’t doing magic things to Sam.”

“Magic things,” Randall repeated.

“You know,” Ryan said, wiggling his fingers at Randall. “Magic things. You all looked angry when you left, and I didn’t know if you were shocking him with lightning like that one time.”

“And you came here to rescue me?” I asked, breathless. “Oh my gods, I’m going to make you ride me so godsdamn hard later, you don’t even know.” Then, as Randall groaned and Morgan started choking, I added, “Not that I need you to rescue me or anything. I can certainly handle these old dudes. But still. So godsdamn hard. You’re not going to be able to walk straight for a week. And holy shit, my nipples are hard now. This is awkward.” I pulled my shirt back over my head, happy to get the scars away from Randall’s prying eyes.

“Perhaps that’s not in his best interest,” Morgan said lightly. “Especially if he’s going to be walking with the others to Castle Freesias.”

Ryan was as red as I’d ever seen him. “Maybe don’t talk about that kind of thing right now,” he said through gritted teeth. “We can discuss that later—wait. What do you mean when I’m going to be walking with the others?” He glanced from Morgan back to me. “Where are you going to be?”

I looked pointedly at Randall and waved my hand. “Well, oh wise one? Why don’t you tell my cornerstone about how you feel the need to separate us?”

“He’s going to what?” Ryan asked, taking a step forward.

“Oh boy,” Morgan muttered.

“Knight Commander,” Randall said. “Do you know who I am?”

Ryan looked confused. “Um. Randall?”

“That’s right. So maybe check your tone.”

Ryan blanched at that. “Please don’t make my nipples explode.”

“Hey!” Morgan said. “He can’t do that. That’s my—oh.” He sighed. “That’s right. That’s not a thing anyone does.”

“I still can’t believe people still say that,” I said. “Gods, the stories that will be told about me two hundred years from now are going to be amazing.”

“What does he mean, Sam?” Ryan asked, looking worried. “Where are you going?”

“Castle Freesias,” I said, feeling grumpy at the thought. “Except I’m going to be transported there by Randall’s sucking hole and you’re going to walk there with the others. And gods, I really need to work on my phrasing. That sounded terrible. Like Randall would suck me up with his—”

“You’re really not my type,” Randall said. “I like my partners more… well. Not you.”

I gasped dramatically as I brought my hand to my forehead. “Whatever shall I do? My dream of breaking off a piece of that has just imploded. Life will never be the same.”

Ryan’s jaw tensed, and his lips became a thin slash across his face. “I’m his cornerstone. Do you really think it’s a good idea to separate us?”

“You tell them, babe.”

“Not helping.”

“Positive reinforcement always helps,” I told him. “Don’t lie. You feel good about yourself. It’s what I’m here for.”

He rolled his eyes, but I could tell he was pleased. The sap.

“It’s not only a good idea,” Randall said, “it’s the only idea. Sam has escalated. It’s time for me to teach him control.”

“You’re not his mentor,” Ryan said. “Morgan is. Why would you need to teach him anything?”

Randall cocked his head at Ryan.

Ryan blanched. “Uh. Why would you need to teach him anything, my lord head wizard Randall. Please don’t melt my face off.”

“Kiss-ass,” I muttered.

“I like you,” Randall said. “For now.”

“Eep,” Ryan said.

“You’re a knight commander,” I hissed at him. “Find your balls, Foxheart!”

Ryan squared his shoulders and put his hand on the hilt of his sword. He looked so dashing and immaculate that I gave very serious consideration to taking him right then and there, audience be damned. Somehow I restrained myself.

He said, “I would have you know that I disagree with this course of action.”

“Noted,” Randall said. “Overruled.”

I waited for Ryan’s next devastating attack, either with words or his sword. I didn’t care which.

(I preferred the sword.)

But nothing came.

The silence got a little awkward.

“That’s it?” I finally demanded. “He’s trying to whisk me away to his sex palace and you tell him you disagree?”

Sex palace, Randall mouthed at Morgan.

“What more do you want me to do?” Ryan asked, brow furrowed.

“Stab the shit out of him!”

“You do that and I’ll melt your face off,” Randall said.

“You know how I feel about my face,” Ryan said to me. “I use it for things.”

“Motherfucker,” I growled. “And for those wondering, I meant that for all three of you.”

“Is it to help him?” Ryan asked Randall, ignoring my glower.

Randall glanced at me, and he must have seen something on my face that told him in no way, shape, or form did Ryan need to know about Myrin wanting to eat my magic. Probably not the best move, but if he was going to hear it from anyone, it would be from me. And I didn’t know how I would tell him. “It is.”

“And you’ll keep him safe?”

I expected Randall to bristle. Instead, shockingly, he softened the smallest amount. “Always.”

“And you’re sure I can’t be there?”

“I think it best that Sam is… without distraction.”

“Great,” I said. “Please, continue talking about me as if I’m not even here. That’s a good way to go about this. Also, the fact that you’re all trying to make decisions about me like I can’t make them on my own is really endearing all of you to me. Just in case you were wondering.”

Ryan flinched at that. “I’m worried.”

“About?” I asked coolly.

“You.” He took a step toward me. I thought about being an asshole and taking an answering step back, but I couldn’t do that to him. Not when he looked as earnest as he did. And everyone knew that when faced with the Ryan Foxheart Earnest Face (capitalized, so you know it must be true), you stood no chance whatsoever. “This has been a lot for you.”

“I’m handling it fine, thank you very much.”

His lips twitched at that, and then he was standing in front of me, hands on my arms, thumbs brushing along my skin. “I know you are. But this would be a lot for anyone, Sam. With everything that’s gone on, Vadoma and the destiny—”

“I still really hate that word,” I mumbled.

“—and Myrin, it’s a wonder you’re still standing at all.”

“You are.”

He shook his head. “But this isn’t about me. Not directly. And if Randall thinks he can help you, don’t you think you should listen?”

I narrowed my eyes. “What’s your angle on this, Foxheart? Why are you so quick to send me away?”

He frowned. “I’m not trying to send you away.”

“You’re certainly not not trying to send me away.”

“What? What does that even mean—no. I’m not going to let you talk your way out of this, Sam. You do that all the time. If this is what it takes to keep you safe, then you can bet that I’ll agree to it. You’re my priority. Always.”

“I’m not a child.”

“I’m well aware of that.”

“Stop trying to flirt with me when I’m pissed at you!”

“I’m not trying to flirt with you.” Then, “Is it working?”

“You dick.”

“You love me.”

“I don’t know why.”

“Lies,” he said, and I wanted to kiss his whole face. “This might be good, Sam.” I didn’t want to kiss his whole face after that.

“For who?”

He squeezed my arms. “For you. If Randall thinks it’ll help, then you should let him. You didn’t—” He took a deep breath and let it out slow. He chuckled to himself, but it was a rough sound. “You didn’t see yourself. When we found you in Mashallaha after Myrin. I….” He shook his head. “I thought you were… gone.” He leaned forward and pressed his forehead against mine. “I can’t go through that again,” he whispered. “If Randall thinks he can help, then you have to let him. If you can’t do it for yourself, then please. Do it for me.”

“That’s not fair,” I said hoarsely.

“I know. But there it is.”

“You’re not trying to send me away so you can get back with Justin, are you?” I asked, laughing even though nothing about it was funny.

Ryan snorted against my face, which was gross, but I loved him, so I let it go. “Oh no. You’ve found me out. Whatever shall I do?”

“Hey,” I said. “You should probably not joke and instead reassure me a little here.”

“I’m not trying to send you away so I can get back with Justin,” Ryan said. “You want to know why?”

“Why?” I asked, even though I knew what he was going to say. I just needed to hear it aloud again.

“Because it’s always been you, Sam. I promise. I promise. I promise, because when I look upon these stars, there is nothing I wish for more than you.”

Myrin had threatened my friends. My family. Ryan. And if Randall was right, Myrin now wanted to fucking eat my magic and make it his own. But even with all of that, even with the weight of everything resting upon my shoulders, I didn’t regret anything that had led me to this moment. To this man standing in front of me. Stone crumbles, but what he and I had was stronger than even that. And no one, not the Darks, not Myrin, no one would take that away from us. I didn’t care about destinies or visions or what the star dragon or the gypsy phuro or the people of Verania thought about me.

Nothing would take him from me.

Not magic.

Not our enemies.

Not the ravages of time.

Nothing.