Minutes later, the door opened and Jared came in. I looked at him, resenting the way he had treated me. My instincts told me something was wrong.

“He’s gone. Let’s finish eating,” he said, reaching out to hold me, but I dodged him and stepped back.

“I overheard your conversation.” I confessed. “What was he talking about? Are you sick?” I asked in a subdued voice.

Jared slapped his forehead, visibly upset, then ran his fingers over his short hair. “I’m perfectly healthy, you got it wrong. Can we finish eating now?”

His attempt to hide the truth irritated me. “I didn’t get it wrong,” I insisted, raising my voice. “I heard the word ‘surgery’ very clearly. I heard you telling him he has Erica and me. What is this about, Jared? Tell me!”

“I don’t want to!” He raised his voice to match mine. “It’s my life and it’s none of your business.”

Fuck. If he had hit me in the head with a bat, it would have hurt less. He was telling me I was nothing in his life, that I was just his new hobby. I already knew men were like that, I just didn’t know it could hurt so much.

“You’re right. I have nothing to do with your life,” I muttered. I couldn’t face him anymore.

I ran to get my dress on the armchair, putting it over my head when Jared suddenly took it from me.

“Where do you think you’re going? I didn’t tell you to leave,” he raged.

I felt like I was one of his possessions. He treated me like I was his property, just part of his harem, whose obligation was to serve him sexually. Yet, I was here, giving myself to him in total ecstasy and believing he felt the same, but Jared was only using me. I was his toy. I wanted to slap him, but he wasn’t worth it. Besides, he never had told me this would be different… that I was different from the others.

“You don’t own me! Give me back my dress or I’ll leave naked.”

He crossed his arms and I headed to the door, completely naked. I was at the point of leaving me when he reached me, taking me by the arm. “Are you insane? Are you really going to leave naked?”

“Give me back my dress.”

He gave it back to me and I hurried to put it on.

“Don’t leave. Stay with me, I’m asking.”

“If you want me to stay, tell me what the fuck Jeffrey was talking about.”

He looked away and put both hands on his waist, like he was trying to decide whether to tell me or not. He finally sat on the bed, defeated. “I don’t want to scare you, but I’m sick. I have a cancer in my heart. It’s a very rare condition…”

“You said cancer?” I gasped, startled. My head started buzzing and my stomach suddenly grew heavier, like a ball was entering it.

“Yes, Inaya. I said cancer.” He looked at me and widened his eyes in fury and agony and it made me run to his arms. “There’s a damn cancer in my fucking heart. There’s no treatment, only surgery, but there is only twenty percent of chance for success for this kind of surgery.

The news hit me like a hammer and the pain consumed mean an agony I never had felt before filled my chest. It made me want to scream… to punch the walls. In that moment, I became aware that Jared wasn’t only an adventure for me. He meant much more. I was in love with him and the idea of losing him made me desperate.

“What about radiotherapy?” I asked, fighting the tears in my eyes.

“Not effective. The tumor is too big. It has to be removed.”

“Why don’t you have the surgery?”

“Did you listen to me? There’s only a twenty percent chance that I will live through it.”

I stood before him, leaning forward to look into his eyes.

“A twenty percent chance is better than none. If you do this, you have a chance of living. If you don’t…” I couldn’t finish the sentence. I felt a knot in my throat.

Jared got up, abruptly. “I rather wait to see how long I can survive rather than being certain I’ll die on a specific date. I’ll die eventually, but having the surgery makes it almost certain I’ll die earlier.”

For Allah! That was terrible. How could someone so eager and strong be so close to death and do nothing about it? However, there was little I could do. A twenty percent chance of survival was poor odds, although, from my perspective, it was better than giving in.

I didn’t know when the tears started rolling down my eyes. I only noticed I was crying when they ran down my cheeks. Now I understood what had happened in parking lot when he was chasing me and why he tired so fast playing tennis.

“Jared, have the surgery. If there’s a chance, you need to hold on to it,” I pleaded, still sobbing.

“I won’t, Inaya. Talking about it just upsets me. Erica and Jeffrey bothering me every day are enough aggravation.”

“Do you have any idea of how selfish that is? If they bother you it’s because they love you, you idiot!”

“If they love me, they should respect my decision, and I decided to wait for things to happen naturally. I won’t rush the process.”

I could understand his decision, but I couldn’t accept it. I didn’t want to lose him. “That’s why you wanted me to be with Jeffrey, wasn’t it?”

“Yes. He’s young and healthy. You could have more time with him and it’s not too late. You heard him, he’s crazy about you.”

“I don’t want him. I want you.”

“I won’t be here for much longer and Jeffrey can make you happy.”

The more he talked, the more I cried. I felt anger and sadness consuming me, ripping my soul apart. It was killing me from inside.

“Who else knows about it besides Erica and Jeffrey?”

“No one. Just them, and I hope it stays that way.

“I wouldn’t tell anyone.” I got closer to him and touched his face with my fingertips. “Please, Jared, try it. You could have a chance. Do it for me.”

“I won’t, Inaya. Don’t waste your time trying to convince me. Erica and Jeffrey have been trying since we found it out months ago.

I felt desolated. The anguish consumed me. I didn’t want to be around when he left, I didn’t want to look at his face every day and know he’d soon be dead. I wasn’t as strong as I thought, I couldn’t deal with it. If he was at least eager to fight for his life I’d support him, but he was giving in. He was too selfish to think about the people who would lose him.

“I’m leaving. You are nothing more than a selfish person, Jared. You don’t deserve the love of people around you. You despise them, and you refuse to live for them,” I sobbed. “I don’t want to see you again.” I raged, got my coat and ran out of the room. He watched me, sadness written on his face as he stood, unmoving and silent.

I went home by taxi, and even though taking a cab on my own was another dream on my list, I couldn’t enjoy the moment. I didn’t even appreciate the sights on the way home because I was too sad and angry. I couldn’t stop crying.

When I got to the apartment, I went straight to bed and laid down without taking my shoes off, letting the tears wash over my face. I tried to suppress it, but I couldn’t evade all the pain in my chest. It was with longing that I realized how important Jared was to me. What happened between us wasn’t just casual sex, at least not for me. I was truly in love with him, perhaps too much in love. I had never loved anyone before and I feared losing him. This wasn’t fair. Life wasn’t fair.

Since I was a teen and after I started working with my uncle at the University, the boys showed interest in me, but no one caught my attention. Jared conquered my heart. He had made me love him so fast, and now he’d leave me forever because he was selfish and refused to fight for life. I loved him, but I also hated him for that.

I cried myself to sleep. When I woke up the next day – on yet another cold, rainy, and cloudy day - my face had swelled and the dark circles under my eyes were huge due to lack of enough sleep. I really thought about quitting my job at Harrington Company so I wouldn’t have to see Jared. I didn’t want to see him again. I didn’t want to look at him knowing he’d soon be dead. But staying home with that pain was worse. I need to occupy my mind. I just had to avoid meeting him by not going to the meetings and avoiding having lunch with Jeffrey.

I got out of bed more than a little down, took a hot shower, and put on some make up to cover the visible signs of my sadness. I went to work a few minutes later than usual.

“Being late during your first days isn’t a good start for you,” Sheila said sharply as soon as I walked into the waiting room.

I looked at her and thought about sending her straight to hell, but answered in a somewhat subdued voice, “I’m sorry. It won’t happen again.”

“I hope it doesn’t.”

Minutes later, Jeffrey walked into the room wearing an impeccable suit. His hair was wet and I could only imagine how much he suffered for knowing he’d lose his brother, his closest family.

“Good morning, girls,” he said. “Inaya, can you come to my office?”

I got up and followed him, and I could see Sheila staring angrily at me.

In his big office, lighted by the daylight streaming through the glass walls, Jeffrey sat in an armchair, pointing for me to sit in the other.

“Are you ok?” he asked.

“Yes. Why wouldn’t I be?” I really wanted to share my burden with him, to talk about Jared, and to ask him to insist that his brother have the surgery. But Jeffrey couldn’t know about us. He’d feel hurt and I couldn’t tell him what I knew without revealing the truth.

“You look… tired. Is everything ok with the baby?”

“Yes, everything is fine. The next appointment is next month.”

“I was worried about you this weekend. I waited for you to call me and you didn’t. I went to your apartment and you weren’t there.”

“Yesterday I left the apartment and went for a walk around the city.”

“Alone?”

“Yes. I want to be more independent.”

He looked at me for a moment, analyzing me and trying to determine if I was lying.

“I see. You’re right, you need to be more independent.” He forced a smile before continuing. “Will you have lunch with me today?”

If I had lunch with Jeffrey I might see Jared, and I definitely didn’t want to risk that. “I can’t, Jeffrey. I’m having lunch with a friend.” I shrugged and got up, ready to live the room.

“Ok,” he said, looking embarrassed and again forcing a smile. He was visibly upset and it was obvious he didn’t trust me. “Another day, then.”

“Anything else?”

“No, you can go.”

When I got back to my desk, I tried to focus on work and forget all the rest, but it was impossible. I kept remembering Jared’s words, his beautiful face filled with sadness projecting in my mind. I wanted to convince him to have the surgery, but if his brother and cousin had tried for months and couldn’t, I wouldn’t as well. Besides, twenty percent was slim odds and maybe he was right to wait and see how it would go.

Oh my, that was awful! I couldn’t lose him. To stay away, although it was only more painful, was the only way for me to deal with the loss,

Before ten, Sheila told me we needed to go to a meeting with the directors. Jared would certainly be there, but I didn’t want to see him. I didn’t want to look at him knowing he’d soon be dead. I avoided it by lying to her, saying that when Jeffrey had asked me to his room, he had told me to work on a big report for him, so I couldn’t leave the office.

I didn’t leave the building not even to have lunch. I had lunch with some the other lower level employees.

In the afternoon, a deliveryman gave me a small box without an addressee’s name or sender’s information. I was curious and opened it. It was a new iPhone, with its battery already charged, and all the accessories. When I turned it on, it went straight to a chat with Jared, where I read a message from him.

Come to my room immediately. I need to speak with you.

I thought about getting up just to go there and look at his beautiful face, but I couldn’t do this without crying. Without hating him for refusing to fight for his life, for not fighting for the people he loved.

I don’t want to. That was my answer.

Soon, another message arrived.

You don’t need to want it. I’m your boss and your owner. You just have to obey.

I soon answered it.

As far as I know, Jeffrey is my boss. Therefore, I have an obligation to obey only his orders. Besides, since you took me away from the harem, you’re no longer my owner.

He responded immediately.

I’m coming to your office. If I pick you up and carry you on my shoulder, don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Fuck!

Ok. I’m coming.

I didn’t believe he’d to something so absurd, especially since he wanted to hide our relationship from Jeffrey, and if he carried me out over his shoulder, it would be obvious. I just didn’t want to take the risk. After all, he shouldn’t carry weight given his condition and it would be awkward to be carried out by the president. What would people think of me?

Without telling Sheila, I left the waiting room and went straight to Jared’s office. When I passed by his secretary, I waited for the same angry look Sheila gave me every time I went inside Jeffrey’s room, but Alice looked at me dispassionately, saying, “Mr. Harrington is waiting. You may go in.”

“Thanks.”

When I entered, he was standing in front of the glass wall, looking at the skyscrapers, his back to the door and hands in his pockets. While he studied the landscape, I was sure he didn’t see anything but that within himself.

His room was twice as big as Jeffrey’s. It was sophisticated and elegant, with expensive couches, a minibar and a polished wooden table. There were several paintings on the walls.

“What do you want from me? I have a lot of work to do today, you know.” I said.

He looked at me, and when I stole a glance at his masculine face framed by his black, short hair with his dark eyes reflecting the sadness within him, and his beautiful mouth, my heart beat quickened and the blood ran faster and warmer through my veins. A powerful energy emanated from this man. It enticed me and made me want to touch him, kiss him.

“I wanted to see you.” He walked in my direction and I stepped back. “Will you abandon me now you know I’m sick? This isn’t very loyal, Inaya.”

“I’m not abandoning you. I’m abandoning a man who refuses to fight for life.”

“Wrong. A man who refuses to accept his own death.”

He said that with a terrible naturalness, but I couldn’t be so indifferent. My chest was heavy with sadness. I was falling apart.