Chapter 16
BETWEEN CLASSES AND the homework the teachers were piling onto us, the next two weeks went by before I could blink. If I wasn’t hanging out with Lee, then I was sneaking around with Noah. We went to a movie, and there were a few chances – if my dad was out and Brad wasn’t home, or if his house was empty – when we could meet up.
I think both of us were surprised to find we could actually hang out, not just make out. After the movie, we’d sat in his car for at least half an hour just talking. We’d play video games or just sit and watch TV and it was . . . well, it was nice.
Not that we didn’t still argue and disagree over almost everything, even over what to watch on TV.
I still wasn’t over the thrill that came with sneaking around though. But I hated the guilt that came with it – lying to my best friend, my dad, and everyone else . . .
On a humid Sunday night I was sat on a workbench in the garage, and Noah was tinkering with the two wheeled death-trap he called a bike. The door was cracked open a little, but not so that anyone could see us.
‘I cannot believe,’ I said, ‘that you think the second Transformers film was better. Nothing beats the first one, I swear.’
‘Come on – those twin cars? They were hilarious.’
I scoffed. ‘But the first one was just . . . epic!’
‘The second one’s better, Elle, I’m telling you. Hey, pass me that wrench a second?’
‘Where is it?’ I stood up, looking around. I didn’t speak mechanic, but I did at least know what a wrench was. I may not have had a clue what Noah was doing, but he looked hot doing it.
‘It’s on the shelf above your head.’
I clambered up onto the workbench I’d been sat on, my fingers gripping the shelf, looking for a wrench. I scrunched up my nose at the cobwebs I saw there, hoping there weren’t any gross spiders lurking right by my head.
‘Um . . .’ I spotted it then, and picked it up. As I turned to step down, I bumped my head on the shelf. ‘Ouch!’ I yelped automatically, dropping the wrench to clutch my head. Reacting like that threw me off balance, and my foot slipped off the bench.
With a thud and another yelp, I crashed onto the floor. Dazed, I blinked a few times, clearing the bright spots from my vision until the room came back into focus. A wave of pain hit me.
‘Oh, shit,’ I heard Noah say.
‘Ow,’ I moaned, clutching my cheek. I tasted blood; I must’ve bitten my tongue.
Noah had dropped the screwdriver and rag he’d been holding and was now crouching beside me, one hand on my back and the other pushing my hair out of my eyes. ‘Are you all right? Elle?’
I touched a fingertip gently to my cheek, and winced, because man, that hurt!
‘Does it look bad?’ I asked, sounding like a little kid.
He chuckled. ‘No. It’s just a graze. You might get a bit of a bruise though . . . Actually, we should probably clean it. Knowing you, it’ll get infected, and then it’s gonna look bad.’
I didn’t laugh. I just pouted at him for mocking me.
But he was right: I should clean it up – there were all kinds of things – dirt and oil and cobwebs – around the garage.
I got to my feet, Noah’s hand on my back steadying me. I was fine to stand on my own, but I didn’t shake him off. I liked it. It felt nice, having Noah’s arm around me. Like it belonged there.
Man, I really have got to stop reading so many of those cheesy romance books!
I winced.
‘What? What’s wrong?’
‘I’m fine,’ I said, waving him off. ‘It feels like I’ve broken my butt, but I’m fine. It’s nothing.’
Slowly, I straightened out again. There. Everything was okay. Noah regarded me for a long moment, then shrugged.
We went back into the house through the door connecting the games room and the garage. Noah glanced down the hall before pulling me up the stairs and into his room. He kicked the door shut, and I sat on the edge of his bed as he went into his bathroom.
I wriggled a bit; my butt hurt.
‘You’re such a klutz,’ Noah chuckled, suddenly two steps away from me.
I rolled my eyes. ‘Not always.’
‘No. Only half the time.’
He crouched in front of me. After shooting me a sorry smile, he took my chin between his index finger and thumb – oh, so gently – and turned my face slightly. I just sat there, doing my best not to wince as he wiped my cheek with a damp washcloth, then put some sanitizer cream on, which really stung.
‘Sorry,’ he said when I winced for the fourth time.
‘It’s okay. It’s not your fault.’
‘I shouldn’t have told you to pass me the wrench.’ He sounded annoyed – but he wasn’t angry at me, I knew. ‘That was a stupid thing to do.’
‘It’s fine. Really. It was an accident, and my fault anyway. No biggie.’
He didn’t say anything; though he looked like he wanted to.
‘Since when were you such a doctor?’ I said teasingly after a moment, trying to distract both of us – myself from the throbbing pain in my left cheek, and Noah from whatever his train of thought was; he didn’t look very happy.
‘Since I kept on getting into fights.’ His face was impassive and I couldn’t decipher his expression. ‘You kind of learn to take care of yourself when that happens.’
‘Oh.’
‘Go ahead, say it.’
‘Say what?’
‘That I’m a stupid violence junkie. It’s what you always say.’
‘You are, though,’ I said simply. ‘I mean, why do you even get into all those fights? I’ve seen you fighting, Noah: it’s not a good thing, and—’
His deep sigh cut me off midsentence. Then he said, ‘Fine, okay. I’m an idiot and I pick fights just for the hell of it. You win.’
He said it all kind of fast – ever since we were little he’d hated to admit he was in the wrong. Everybody knew it.
But now he’d just admitted he was wrong – and that I was right.
Okay, so it wasn’t something I liked being right about, but . . . I felt kind of smug. I wondered if Noah always felt like this when he won our little bickering matches.
‘You just admitted I won . . .’ I couldn’t help the jeering, sing-song tone that crept into my voice.
Noah rolled his eyes. ‘Yes, I did. All right, you had your moment of glory.’
‘I was being serious though,’ I told him. ‘About you, you know . . . seeming to get off on fighting.’
He sat back, his eyes still level with mine. There was none of the teasing or joking in the air now.
‘I know you were. And I know I am. I can’t help it. Remember that summer when you and Lee went to soccer camp? You were thirteen or something. You came back raving about how nice cheesecake was.’
‘Yeah . . .?’ Where was he going with this?
Then I thought, He remembered when I went to soccer camp? I hardly remembered that. It was just a blurry few weeks of fun. I’d forgotten all about the cheesecake thing.
‘Well, that was the summer after I’d started getting into fights at school and shit: my parents sent me to see a couple of counselors. They were trying to help, I know that. But the thing is . . .’ He sighed a little. ‘They tried, but they failed miserably. I’m a bad boy and always will be. Guess it’s just the way my brain’s wired up.’ He shrugged like he couldn’t care less.
I really liked these rare conversations where I saw the Noah behind the sexy smirk; when he let me see his vulnerable side. I never knew he’d been to see counselors – maybe Lee didn’t even know about it.
‘You’re cute when you look all embarrassed like that,’ I teased, lightening the mood.
‘One, I’m not embarrassed,’ he said, knowing I was joking. ‘And two’ – he bumped his knee against mine – ‘don’t call me cute.’
I laughed now, and he gave me a smile, one that flashed the dimple in his left cheek. My smile started making my cheek hurt, and I groaned, putting a hand to my aching face.
Pulling my hand away, Noah leaned forward and gave me a light kiss there. I felt all fuzzy inside; I guess kissing the boo-boo better doesn’t only work on five-year-olds.
I jolted, though. I shouldn’t be feeling all fuzzy and happy. I was being careful and cautious with my feelings for Noah.
We were probably closer now he’d confided in me like that – but that was bad. We shouldn’t be getting closer. I couldn’t let myself have feelings for Noah; if I did, when things ended up messy, everything would spiral out of control. Lee would hate me, and I wouldn’t have Noah to fall back on, and I’d be a total mess.
But looking into his eyes, suppressing a giggle as he tenderly kissed my sore cheek, all I could think about was him. How much I liked being with him. How amazing it felt even when he just had his arm around me. How bright and blue his eyes were . . .
‘Elle—’ he started to say, looking grave, but I’d already started talking.
‘I think I hurt my lips too,’ I told him quietly, pointing at them.
He laughed almost inaudibly, shaking his head at me but leaning in closer—
The door, which hadn’t been closed properly, was pushed open before we could move apart.
‘What’s going on?’
Noah shot to his feet and turned around while I stayed numbly on the edge of the bed.
A whole string of curses I’d never say aloud ran through my mind when I saw Lee standing in the doorway.
‘I said, what’s going on?’ he repeated, his eyes narrowing suspiciously as he looked from me to Noah. Then his eyes flashed back to me and his jaw dropped. ‘Jesus! Shelly, what happened to your face?’
‘Thanks,’ I mumbled sarcastically, but it didn’t have the right amount of enthusiasm to lighten the mood.
Lee was in front of me in a second, looking at my hurt cheek. He whirled around to glare at his brother. ‘Did you do that to her?’
‘What?’ Noah asked tightly. ‘What did you say?’
‘What, are you deaf?’ Lee muttered. Then, much louder, he said, ‘I said, did you do that to her? Did you hit Elle?’
Noah’s jaw clenched so tight you could see all the muscles up the side of his face straining. ‘You really think . . . I’d hit Elle?’
‘Yeah, well, I wouldn’t put it past you!’ Lee snapped angrily. ‘Then how the fuck did it happen? What the hell were you doing?’
Lee only ever swore like that when he got really, really mad. I knew things were getting bad, but I was frozen in place, numb.
Noah retorted carelessly, ‘I don’t have to answer to you, little bro.’
Lee’s fists clenched and unclenched at the sneering tone Noah used. ‘Then what happened to Elle?’
‘It’s nothing,’ I said timidly, and both of them turned to look at me harshly. I dipped my head, my hair hiding my face as I peeked up at them again. ‘It’s fine, I’m okay . . .’
‘The hell you are,’ Lee muttered darkly. He thrust a finger in my direction and almost yelled at Noah, ‘What happened?’
‘She came looking for you and tripped in the garage. It’s not that big a deal. Calm down already. She’s fine.’
It was the flippant tone that was getting Lee really riled up, and I bet Noah knew it. It would’ve got me really angry too.
‘It’s not his fault . . .’ I tried; they both ignored me.
‘And you just let her fall over? I bet it was your crap lying around that made her trip in the first place.’
‘It’s not like I have some kind of divine power to control her klutziness.’
Gee, thanks, Noah.
‘But it was your fault, then? I knew it,’ Lee scoffed, his head shaking back and forth. He was biting the inside of one cheek in anger. I was sure he knew Noah wasn’t really to blame, but he was mad enough at him that he’d blame him anyway.
‘It was an accident,’ Noah said through gritted teeth, his eyes blazing blue with anger.
Lee just shrugged, winding Noah up even more. ‘I wouldn’t have put it past you to actually do that to her.’
‘That’s it,’ Noah growled, flying at Lee, who’d already taken a swing.
I jumped off the bed, pushing myself between them before they actually killed each other. I shoved Noah’s chest as hard as I could, with no effect. But at least, now that I was in the middle, they’d stopped trying to hit each other.
‘Noah,’ I said quietly. ‘Noah, look at me. Noah.’
He stopped looking daggers at Lee and turned, his expression a little softer. ‘You know I wouldn’t hit you, Elle. If I could’ve, I would’ve stopped you falling. I wouldn’t hit you – you know that, right?’
I nodded patiently. ‘Yes, I know. But you don’t have to pick a fight with Lee, all right? He’s just worried about me.’
‘I wouldn’t hit you,’ Noah said fiercely, his jaw clenching again.
‘I know,’ I said, making my voice as soothing as I could. I placed a hand on his chest, which rose and fell rapidly with his shallow breaths. ‘I know, alright? Just calm down already. Please. I know you wouldn’t. Calm down, please.’
He held my gaze a few more seconds before stepping back, running his fingers through his hair. I turned around and grabbed Lee’s hand, tugging him out of the room and into his bedroom.
When he shut the door behind us he said, ‘Wow. I have never seen anybody calm him down like that before. That was . . . weird. And you’re usually yelling at each other.’
‘Look, just forget it. At least you’re not trying to attack each other anymore,’ I sighed, and threw myself onto his bouncy mattress. He plopped down beside me, then reached over to touch my cheek. I sucked in a sharp breath, cringing away.
‘Sorry,’ he said instantly. ‘So tell me what happened.’
What had been Noah’s story? I’d gone looking for Lee . . .
So I mumbled something about coming over and hearing someone in the garage, but it was Noah. I’d gone through to the games room to find Lee, but I’d fallen over and hit my face.
My stomach was twisting around and I felt ready to puke. Most likely from guilt, I decided. I hated having to lie to Lee. But I could hardly tell him the truth, especially now, when he was still angry at Noah, even if he was calming down.
So I was just hanging in your garage, flirting with Noah, making out with him a little before he went back to messing with his bike, and then I fell flat on my face. Oh, and by the way, I’ve been sneaking around with him for the past few weeks, so it’s no big deal. We do this kind of thing on a regular basis – just without me falling over all the time.
Yeah, that’d go down great.
It wasn’t the right time, I told myself. I couldn’t tell him.
Not that there was anything to tell – it’s not like I had any feelings for Noah in that way – and even if there had been, it wasn’t the right time.
‘Fine, so it wasn’t his fault,’ he grumbled. ‘But he—’
I didn’t let him finish; there was something I was desperate to ask him. But the truth was, I was scared of what he’d answer.
But now I blurted, ‘Did you really think he’d hit me?’
Lee looked at me for a long moment, then dropped his gaze. ‘I know, I know, he’s my brother. But just for a second I thought he’d seriously blown his top and you were just in the wrong place at the wrong time, or you guys had been arguing again . . . I hate to think he would, but—’
‘He wouldn’t hit me,’ I said quietly, fiddling with my T-shirt. There was a rip in it; it must’ve happened when I fell off the workbench. ‘Even Noah knows where to draw the line.’
‘I hope so,’ Lee muttered.
‘I know so.’
‘One minute you’re at each other’s throats, the next you’re defending him?’ It wasn’t an accusation, just a statement.
‘You flipped out pretty quickly yourself,’ I pointed out. ‘What’s up?’
He sighed, mussing his hair. ‘I’m just on edge. Failed my history test, remember? My parents said maybe I’m spending too much time with Rachel. I’m just stressed.’
I reached for his hand, linking my fingers through his. He squeezed my hand back tightly, and took a deep breath.
‘Anyway, don’t change the subject, missy. Since when were you two so buddy-buddy, anyway? You and Noah looked pretty close when I came in.’
My heart raced. I didn’t think he’d seen anything – Lee was never the kind to beat around the bush – he’d have already asked me straight out if he suspected anything was up.
Now isn’t the right time. Not right now. You can tell him some other time, but not now . . .
My stomach twisted around. I should just tell him. I mean . . . he was bound to find out at some point, so why not just tell him now, before he found out from someone else? I should just tell him.
I didn’t want to. He was going to hate me.
But he’d hate me less now than if he found out later.
‘Lee, please don’t hate—’
‘Elle?’ came a voice from the doorway.
I broke off with a sigh, flopping back onto Lee’s bed. Noah had the worst possible timing in the world. Not now, when I was just about to tell Lee. Not now.
‘What the hell do you want?’ Lee snapped at him, when I didn’t say anything.
Noah shot him a glare, but said, ‘Elle, can I talk to you a sec?’
‘Sure.’ I squeezed Lee’s hand once more before letting go and pushing myself up off the bed. I gave Lee what I hoped was a reassuring smile, and shut the bedroom door as I left.
Noah was scratching at the back of his neck, his jaw tight. It took me a while to read his expression: he was thinking about something pretty hard. He opened his mouth, closed it, then dragged me after him to his room again. This time, he shut the door properly.
‘I get it if – if, you know, you don’t . . . if you want to stop . . . you know, whatever we’ve been doing. If you don’t want to see me anymore.’
I frowned a little. Where was this coming from all of a sudden? ‘Why would I want to do that?’
He shrugged. ‘I get it if you do. You were saying earlier about me being violent, and then there was that stuff Lee said about – about me hitting you, and I just . . . I get it.’
I kept on frowning.
‘Violence junkie isn’t exactly on anyone’s list of top five qualities in a guy, huh?’ He gave a bitter smile. ‘I’d never do something like what Lee said, though – you know that, right? I’m serious. I’d never hurt you, Elle, I swear.’
I nodded. ‘I know, okay? I know.’
‘But I still understand if you don’t want to . . . keep this up. Whatever we’re doing. If you want to stop—’
‘I don’t. I mean,’ I went on hastily when his face fell, ‘I don’t want to stop.’
He smiled, and gave a breathy chuckle, pulling me forward and resting his forehead on mine. ‘I’m such a bad influence on you. Letting you make stupid decisions like this.’
‘Like what?’
‘Like staying with me.’ He gave me a quick kiss on the lips, then stepped back and said, ‘Go on – before he thinks you’ve pushed me out of the window or something.’
I laughed, and shook my head at him as I walked out. Lee was waiting outside his bedroom – but he wasn’t eavesdropping. Just waiting.
‘What was that about?’
I said something about Noah telling me he wouldn’t hit me, waving a hand around dismissively like it didn’t matter. But my heart was hammering in my chest, waiting for Lee to nod and accept my lie.
‘Is this the part where you tell me my best friend and my big brother are madly in love?’
I snorted, burst out laughing. ‘Lee, you do come up with some trash,’ I told him.
In love? Me, in love with Noah Flynn?
Yeah. Right.
My dad just sighed and told me to be more careful when I told him I’d fallen in the garage at Lee’s.
‘Honestly,’ he said. ‘You’re worse than your mom ever was. You remember that time she tripped on the escalator at the mall? Almost had to have stitches in her foot.’ He shook his head, smiling nostalgically at the memory.
Nobody at school doubted my story that I’d fallen in Lee’s garage either. And why should they? It wasn’t a lie – for once. Lying seemed to go hand in hand with my relationship with Noah, and I hated that.
But I seemed to be getting better and better at it every day. Not that it was something I was proud of.
At lunch I was waiting for Lee and the guys to finish loading their plates when the entire table suddenly filled with the girls.
‘So I was thinking,’ Jaime announced, looking right at me, ‘about Flynn.’
‘Ooh, spill,’ Tamara said eagerly.
‘Is he with anyone?’ she asked me bluntly.
Everyone knew Flynn was single, that he didn’t have girlfriends, just flings. So why did she suddenly think he was ‘with’ someone? Had we slipped up? Had she seen us? Was that why she directed that question at me?
I swallowed, flexing my fingers into my clammy palms. I went for an easy answer. ‘I’m not exactly clued in on what Noah’s doing all the time.’
‘You’re more clued in than any of us,’ Olivia muttered. ‘Lucky bitch.’ But she winked at me with a big smile and I laughed, feeling a little relieved.
‘Why are you asking?’ I said to Jaime.
She shrugged. ‘We just had this theory.’
‘Theory?’ I repeated. Jaime nodded, and Candice leaned in closer, dropping her voice to a whisper. Casually, like my pulse wasn’t racing wildly, I picked up a forkful of my pasta salad.
‘We think Flynn’s got some mystery girlfriend.’
I very nearly dropped my fork. I only just kept from dropping my jaw too.
Samantha snorted. ‘I doubt it. This is Flynn we’re talking about. He’s such a player, I cannot picture him going long-term with anyone . . .’
‘Well, maybe if he met the right girl,’ Karen laughed, pointing to herself.
‘Think about it though,’ Candice went on. ‘I haven’t seen him with anybody – and I mean anybody – in weeks. Usually you’ll see him making out with some lucky girl at parties, but—’
‘Ohmigosh!’ Tamara squealed. ‘You’re so right! There hasn’t been any girl with him for weeks. But you all saw that hickey he had a couple of weeks ago, right?’
‘Who could miss it?’ Olivia laughed.
I was trying so hard not to blush or look too guilty or worried. These girls noticed more than I gave them credit for.
‘Have you seen him with anyone, Elle? You know when you’re around his place, hanging out with Lee?’
I shook my head. ‘No, I haven’t seen him with anyone.’
‘I wonder who it is . . .’
‘If there is anyone,’ Faith put in.
Then I said, oh so very casually, ‘Maybe he’s gay.’
There was silence for a little while, and I carried on calmly eating my pasta salad. Everyone was gawking at me.
‘No way.’
‘He can’t be.’
‘You don’t think he really is, do you?’
‘No, there’s no way!’
I couldn’t hold it back any longer; I burst out laughing. ‘I’m kidding! You should’ve seen your faces just then . . . I wish I’d had a camera . . .’
Candice swatted my arm, scowling. ‘That wasn’t very nice, Elle.’
‘I’m sorry,’ I giggled. ‘I couldn’t resist.’
But it had distracted them from the subject of Noah Flynn’s supposed mystery girlfriend, and I was completely off the radar. I breathed an inaudible sigh of relief, listening to them discussing boys. I heard enough Flynn-related gossip when I wasn’t involved in it; I don’t know how I’d ever survive if they found out that innocent little Rochelle had been fooling around with bad-ass Flynn.
Hell, that would be about as believable as if I told them I’d gone out and bought a motorbike.