Chapter 18
‘SO, UM . . .’ WARREN leaned against the lockers next to mine.
‘Yes?’ I prompted, when he trailed off.
‘Do you have a date for the dance yet?’
I shook my head. ‘Noah scared them all off.’
He laughed nervously. ‘Yeah, right . . . Well, I was thinking . . . Do you want to maybe go with me?’
‘As friends or . . .?’
‘I was thinking as more of a date than friends,’ he admitted, not quite meeting my eyes.
I smiled at him easily, wondering at how nervous he was. He was usually a pretty confident guy.
‘I don’t know, Warren . . .’
‘Well, we could always go as friends?’
‘How about if you haven’t managed to find someone who hasn’t already got a date, I’ll go with you then? But I’m sure there are plenty of girls who’ll go with you.’ I smiled again.
He looked a little disappointed but smiled back. ‘I’ll hold you to that.’
‘Okay,’ I laughed. ‘Good luck.’
‘I’m going to need it,’ he said. ‘Everybody rushed to get their dates as soon as the flyers went up. There’s barely a week to go.’
‘I know. It’s ridiculous. I only just got my dress on Saturday.’
‘Really?’
I nodded.
‘Well, I’m going to go see if I can get myself a date. See you later, Elle.’
I closed my locker and turned around. I jumped when I saw that Thomas was suddenly stood right there. He was smiling at me – well, actually, he was smirking at me. ‘Hey, Elle.’
‘Um, hi . . .’ I wanted to storm off, or tell him where to go. But I couldn’t summon the courage to do that. Then it hit me what Noah had meant about me being too nice. Guess this was one of those times.
‘So why’d you turn him down?’ he asked me, jerking a head towards Warren.
‘None of your business,’ I snapped. ‘If you’ll excuse me . . .’ I tried sidestepping, but he blocked my path. I went the other way, but he moved again. Just as I was about to look up and glare, he stepped forward, forcing me back into the lockers.
‘Then what do you say to going with me?’
‘No, thanks.’
‘Aw, come on, Elle, why not?’ he asked, still looking obnoxious and confident. ‘You don’t have a date, and neither do I. Why not?’
‘I don’t want to go with you. All right?’
He was about to argue when someone slammed him sideways into the lockers, making me jump violently, my heart skittering.
‘Back off,’ Noah said menacingly.
Rory scowled, shoving Noah away. He glared at him and stalked off. Before I could respond, Noah grabbed my hand and started dragging me off.
‘Where are we going?’
He pulled me into one of the small study rooms, with its computers and bookshelves and couches and an old out-of-order coffee machine. He shut the door behind us, and luckily (or maybe unluckily), the room was empty. The bell rang at that moment, signaling we should be getting to class. I had a free study period, but that was irrelevant. Neither of us moved.
‘How many guys is that today? Four? Or five?’
I huffed. ‘Two, actually. And Warren doesn’t really count. So only one.’
‘See what I mean, though?’
I rolled my eyes.
‘I heard you say you bought a dress,’ he continued. ‘What’s it like?’
‘It’s tiny and low cut and extremely tight,’ I said sarcastically. He raised an eyebrow and I rolled my eyes, sighing. ‘It’s down to my knees and green, and the skirt’s really swishy. It’s really nice, actually.’
He nodded. ‘It sounds nice. I’m sure you’ll look great.’ Then he lowered his voice. ‘And, uh, since we’re already late . . .’
He took a couple of steps closer and I smiled, going on tiptoe so that I could kiss him. I knew I should’ve made an excuse to go – but I really didn’t want to. His arms curled around my waist, warm and secure, and I smiled against his lips.
‘Hey, Elle? Noah? Are you—’ Lee’s voice cut off.
I sprang away from Noah, tripping over my own feet and staggering to regain my balance. My entire body had turned to Jell-O, and suddenly I was finding it hard to breathe. I glanced over at Noah, who was frozen in place, his eyes fixed on his brother, his expression indefinable.
The hustle and bustle of stragglers getting to their classes died down outside, until the three of us were surrounded by silence.
Lee closed his mouth, which had been hanging open the entire time, and took a breath as if he were about to say something. Except no words came out.
I was speechless too. He had to understand – I couldn’t lose him. He was never supposed to find out like this. Now he’d hate me forever. I had to say something.
But I didn’t know what to say that wouldn’t just make this worse than it already was.
I looked over at Noah, who gave me an almost imperceptible shrug; he didn’t know how to fix this any more than I did.
‘Noah?’ Lee choked out eventually, his eyes fixed on me. They weren’t just sad, or angry – they were distraught. ‘Noah? Please, Shelly, tell me this isn’t what it looks like. Tell me right now that there’s a reasonable explanation.’
‘I – Lee, I – you have to believe me, I didn’t – we—’
‘Rochelle,’ Lee said, his voice taut. ‘Tell me this isn’t what it looks like.’ His eyes bored into mine hopefully. I knew he didn’t believe in that shred of hope for a single second, though, not really. He walked toward me, his footfalls heavy, and slow, but stopped a few feet away, like something was holding him back. The next word to leave his mouth was a desperate plea, one that broke my heart to hear.
‘Please.’
And I had only one reply, one which I was sure would hurt him even more.
‘I’m sorry, Lee, I’m so sorry . . .’ I tried to hold his hand, tell him with my eyes how I’d never meant for any of this to happen. But he reeled backward, moving away like he was physically repulsed by me. Tears welled up in my eyes and a lump rose in my throat. I wouldn’t let myself cry, though; Lee might just think I was pathetic.
‘Please, Lee, it’s not like – like I was . . .’
‘Not like you were what?’ he snapped, but no matter how angry he tried to sound, I heard the pain of betrayal underneath it all. ‘Lying to me so you could go screw my brother?’
‘Lee!’
‘When were you planning on telling me this, exactly? Or did you think you could hide it from me forever? You think I hadn’t notice the so-called curling iron burns’ – he used the phrase mockingly – ‘and how jittery you were when you got a text? You think I hadn’t noticed that something was going on?’
‘I – I didn’t . . .’ I draw in a deep breath, trying to collect my thoughts. ‘If you knew, why didn’t you say anything?’
‘I was waiting for you to tell me, Elle!’ he yelled. ‘We’ve been best friends our entire lives, and there you were, keeping a secret from me! We’ve always told each other everything. I figured that whatever it was, you must’ve had a good reason for not telling me, but you would do eventually.’
Before I could find any sort of a reply, he let out a bark of bitter laughter. ‘And this is what you were keeping from me. This is what you lied to me about all this time. And you let me find out like this.’
‘You were never meant to find out like this!’ I burst out, desperate. He had to listen, he had to understand – he had to forgive me.
‘Then you should’ve told me in the first place,’ he shouted back.
I couldn’t remember the last time Lee and I had had a proper fight. We’d argued now and again; that wasn’t unusual in any type of relationship. But never like this. We’d never yelled at each other.
‘Oh, c’mon, Lee. It’s not like it’s all Elle’s fault,’ Noah pitched in, his tone flippant and cool, when neither Lee nor I said anything more for a few seconds. ‘Lay off her already. You—’
‘You,’ Lee said, so angry his voice was more like a growl. ‘Don’t you dare even get me started on you. How hypocritical can you get, huh? Telling guys to keep away from Elle, not to hurt her – and there you are, treating her like some slut you picked up in a club!’
The muscle in Noah’s jaw began to jump, and I saw his fingers flexing into fists. ‘You have no idea what you’re talking about.’
‘Are you trying to tell me you two haven’t slept together?’ Lee’s eyebrows went up and he looked between us accusingly. When neither of us replied, it was answer enough. He scoffed, and tugged at his hair. ‘I knew it. So you really were just screwing my brother. Lying to me. Choosing him – some guy – over me, your best friend. If you were stood here trying to tell me how madly in love the two of you are, I might’ve thought differently, but—’
‘No, Lee, it wasn’t like that, I swear. It was just the one time.’
He was silent for a second, before asking, ‘When?’ He’d spoken so quietly that, for a moment, I thought I heard him wrong. Surely when it happened wasn’t the most important issue here?
‘Sorry?’
‘When did it happen?’ he repeated, looking right into my eyes – but I couldn’t look at him. I was too ashamed. ‘Rochelle.’
‘About two months ago,’ I mumbled, still looking at the floor. ‘After Warren’s party.’
‘What, like . . . like straight after you guys left early?’
I nod.
‘When she was drunk?’ Lee yelled, turning on his brother. ‘You slept with her when she was drunk? After all the shit you’ve sprouted about—’
‘I wasn’t drunk,’ I snapped. ‘I’m not that stupid.’
‘Oh, really?’ Lee retorted. ‘Right now, I’d beg to differ.’
At that point, whatever was keeping Noah back finally gave way, and he strode forward, grabbing the collar of Lee’s polo shirt in his fist and slamming him back into the wall. ‘You really think I’d treat her like that? You think I don’t have any respect for her?’
‘You had her lying to me for months.’
‘That was her choice,’ Noah spat out, pushing his brother into the wall again. I saw Lee’s eyes flit past Noah to me, and all I could do was look back at him mournfully. Yes – it had been my choice.
I chewed my lip for a moment, watching my best friend’s face warily. For the first time ever, I had no idea what was going through his mind. His eyes were shadowed, his expression neutral, and his stance calm. In a scary kind of way, he was just like his brother for that moment.
But instead of reacting to me, Lee swung a fist and clipped Noah right on the jaw, hard enough to make him loosen his grip so that Lee could shove him away. He looked at me one last time, his expression so incredibly disappointed, and then he was out of the room, storming down the corridor.
Noah rubbed at his jaw. ‘Not a bad swing, actually.’
I gaped at him before jolting back to my senses. This was no time to argue with Noah. Right now, the most important thing was making sure I didn’t lose Lee.
And in a split second, I was running after him, hurtling down the corridor and yelling his name, trying to catch up with him as he escaped down the staircase and out of the building towards the parking lot. I heard Noah chasing after me, but didn’t pay him any attention. Lee was all that mattered.
‘Lee, would you please just stop for a second?’ I yelled, clutching at the stitch in my side. I was totally out of breath.
Lee was just about the biggest person in my life. Except for the whole Noah thing, he knew everything about me. He knew my bra size. He knew I hated the smell of jojoba in the shampoo he used to use. Hell, he even knew I had a birthmark shaped like a strawberry on my butt. He was my other half. I couldn’t lose him. We were supposed to be best friends until the day we died – and we’d probably even do that together too. We were born just minutes apart.
Some people say you’ll fall in love, and that’s the person you’ll spend forever with; the person who’ll know your deepest and darkest secrets and still love you even then, the person who’ll know exactly the right thing to say to make you laugh or smile or feel better. They’ll be the person who, no matter what, you can’t live without.
I couldn’t have cared less about whoever I fell in love with, to be honest. I just cared about losing Lee.
Lee stopped in his tracks, his back to me. I could see the tension knotting the muscles of his back, and he was breathing hard. What felt like eons later, he turned around to look at me, just as Noah jogged up and slowed to a stop behind me.
Lee’s hands were balled into fists, but they still trembled. His jaw quivered too; he was fighting so hard not to cry.
‘Please,’ I said quietly. ‘It’s not like you think.’
‘Then what the hell is it like?’ he snapped back. ‘I can’t believe you, Elle. Lying to me for months and going behind my back to be with my brother, of all people. Do you have any idea how that feels, knowing my best friend picked my brother over me, just for sex?’
‘I wasn’t – I didn’t, I mean – I didn’t pick. No, wait, I mean, it – it wasn’t for . . .’ I shook my head, trying to get out some words that made sense. ‘I didn’t know what else to do! I knew you’d react like this if I told you, but I – I couldn’t . . . I thought I was doing what was best for you, I—’
‘You know what, Rochelle? Save it for someone who gives a damn.’
He climbed into his car. He put the engine in gear, reversed out of the space, and left.
And I wasn’t sure if he’d ever come back.