CLOSING MY EYES, I tried to relax. This was turning out to be the crappiest day ever. Well, maybe not ever—I’d had some crappy days in my life—but today was rapidly moving up the list.
Focusing on steadying my emotions, so Nika would stop sending me waves of sympathy, I ignored Starla’s question about who I liked. I was not about to talk to Starla about my love life. Or lack of one. Not that I had anything against Starla—I didn’t—I just didn’t want to talk about it with anyone. No one but Nika, and she’d made her feelings on the matter perfectly clear—stay away from Raquel. She was trouble, and would bring me nothing but heartache.
In my heart, I knew Nika was right. While Raquel and I had a decent friendship, she’d never given me any indication that she wanted something more from me. Russell was who she wanted. They’d been firmly attached to each other since Raquel’s freshman year, and Russell didn’t seem to be letting go of her anytime soon…as today’s debacle had shown me.
A flash of anger ripped through my spine, opening my eyes. Nika removed her hand from my knee and twisted around to look at me. Concern momentarily overrode her sympathy. I ignored the question in her light brown gaze, and instead thought of the beady pair of eyes I’d been staring down this afternoon.
It had all started after school. Up until that final bell had rung, my day had been as normal as any other day. But once all the kids had shuffled outside, I’d caught a whiff of Raquel’s perfume, and had followed the scent until I’d picked her out across campus. So attuned to her, I’d then heard the distinct sound of a sniffle being carried on the dry breeze. My sudden anger faded away as I remembered watching her walk into the empty gym. I’d known that I shouldn’t follow her in there, especially since she always met up with Russell after school, so odds were good that I would run into him, but there had been something about the pain in her whimper that had made turning away from her an impossibility. Stupidly, I’d walked in after her.
Seeing Raquel sitting on the bleachers, her long legs exposed under her short skirt, her jacket folded in her arms, her thick, dark hair shielding her face as she sat with her head down, a burst of affection had exploded in my chest. A smaller version of that euphoria rippled through me now, and Nika grimaced. Shaking her head, she turned back to the front of the car.
Sighing, I turned to stare out the window; patches of brown earth and green lawn whizzed past, creating a blur of muted tones. It was frustrating at times that Nika didn’t understand my feelings for Raquel. It wasn’t like I could control them anyway. When Raquel was around I just felt…lighter than air. For once, I wasn’t a human-vampire mix hiding from the world in plain sight. No, I was just a normal sixteen-year-old boy trying to find his place. My feelings for Raquel were simple and beautiful, and I didn’t see how anything so wonderful could be wrong.
Nika just hadn’t experienced it yet, not for herself anyway; otherwise, she would understand. Once a boy had made her heart skip a beat, then she would get it, and she’d leave me alone to crush on the girl of my dreams.
Smiling, I watched the vegetation blur by as I listened to Starla’s conversation with Nika. It revolved around moisturizer, from what I could tell. Blocking them out, I reminisced about my conversation earlier with Raquel…
“Raquel, you okay in here?” After quietly asking, I cautiously walked over to the woman with her head hanging in defeat. I hated seeing her like that.
She lifted her chin and looked up at me. Her beauty was so searing, it almost made me stop in my tracks, for surely, if I stepped any closer, I’d be burned. Eyes as dark as night, skin golden and creamy, she was breathtaking. She made me ache in ways that I couldn’t talk about to anyone…not even Nika.
Raquel wiped underneath her eyes after my question and gave me an untroubled smile. I instantly saw the lie in the gesture. Setting my backpack down, I sat beside her on the bleachers. “I’m fine, Julian…just waiting for Russell.”
Studying her face, my enhanced vision picked out the wetness on her cheeks, the redness in her eyes. “You’ve been crying. What’s wrong?”
Lip trembling, she shrugged. “Nothing…”
I wanted to reach out and touch her skin; I was sure it would be the softest thing I’d ever felt. But I wasn’t brave enough, and only gave her a friendly smile as I bumped her shoulder with mine; just sitting beside her made my soul soar. “Doesn’t look like nothing.”
Raquel gave me a genuine smile then, and my heart nearly swelled beyond capacity—thudding so loudly, I almost didn’t hear her response. “It’s just…Russell…he sometimes…” Sighing, she bit her lip and looked away.
Warmth and good feelings overpowered me, and I found the courage to reach out and touch her cheek; it was as soft as I imagined. Fingers trembling, I turned her head so she was looking at me again. I always wanted her to be looking at me. Me. Not Russell. “I know I’ve told you this before, but you don’t have to put up with him. There are…other options.”
Her mouth curved into a soft smile as she stared at me, and her eyes glowed with warmth as she searched mine. I never wanted to kiss a girl more than right then. I knew it was wrong—she was with Russell—but Russell didn’t deserve an angel like her. He didn’t treat her the way she should be treated. He didn’t treat her the way I would treat her. My heart surged uncontrollably at the thought of her lips on mine.
I started to inch toward her, started to give her a kiss…my first kiss ever. We were so close—she was leaning into me while I was leaning into her—and then everything changed.
“What the hell is this, Raquel?”
I broke apart from Raquel and spotted Russell and his gang entering the gym. Raquel’s tan cheeks had gone completely pale, and she immediately stood up and stepped away from me, guilt as plain as day on her face. “Nothing…it was nothing, Russell. Just…waiting for you.”
She simpered and bowed her head in a submissive way that fired me up. I hated how Russell beat down her spirit, made her seem almost a shadow of a person. She could be so much more, if I could just get her away from the creep. But she grabbed her stuff and walked down to him with only a fleeting, apologetic glance back at me.
Once she reached Russell, he jerked on her arm, squeezing it until she cried out in pain. “There better not be anything going on,” he growled.
The hatred in Russell’s voice, the fear on Raquel’s face, it was too much for me. I immediately jumped up from the bleachers. “Leave her alone, Russell!”
Russell’s eyes snapped to mine. “What are you gonna do about it, Adams?”
Honestly, I wanted to fight him, show him exactly what I would do about it, but I knew my parents wouldn’t approve, and the thought of Dad’s disappointed face gave me the strength to do something extremely difficult. Swallowing my pride, I grabbed my backpack…and walked away. Raquel sighed with relief; it sliced me to the core to leave her with him.
But Russell wasn’t okay with letting me be the bigger man. No great surprise there, really. He and his buddies followed me when I left the gym. I was seething with anger already, and that feeling only grew with each step I took away from the jerk. Maybe Russell saw that he was affecting me, maybe Russell was just a grade-A asshole, but he amped up the situation by shoving me into the boy’s locker room.
And that was when things shifted for the worse…
Looking down as I felt Starla’s car crunch to a stop, I remembered my backpack falling to the floor, remembered the guys pushing me, backing me into a corner. It shouldn’t have affected me the way it had—it shouldn’t have affected me so negatively—but when they’d pressed me into the shower area, when they’d…trapped me…I’d started to panic.
A slice of that remembered fear shot through me, and I swallowed a few times to push it back. Nika started to bring her hand around to me, twisting her body in the front seat to face me again, but I opened my car door and stepped out. I didn’t need to see Nika’s sympathy right now, I could feel it oozing from her anyway. I had to learn to deal with this debilitating terror on my own.
Life had cut me a raw deal, but I’d been a toddler then, so surely I should be over the trauma by now. But as the wall of people had closed in on me, I hadn’t felt over it at all. No, I’d felt like it was happening all over again.
Pausing beside Starla’s closed door, I let the lingering tension of the memory slip away. I hated sinking back into the darkness of those age-old fears, but Russell’s gang had pushed me over the edge. With all their bulk blocking the exit and my back against the cool tile wall, I’d felt like I was three years old again, trapped inside a dark, smelly trunk. The claustrophobia had kicked in full force, shifting my anger to instinctual fear and panic—I would have done anything to get out, and I had. I’d struck Russell.
As I’d attacked, the panic had subsided and rage had taken over again. Preferring that to fear, I’d gladly let it in.
As Nika stepped out of Starla’s BMW, a voice inside the car addressed the two of us. “All right, there you are, safe and sound at home. See you guys Monday morning.”
Smirking, Nika leaned down to look back at Starla. “Thanks for the ride, Mom.”
Starla groaned and dropped her head back on the leather seat; if she used just a touch more of that floral hairspray, she’d puncture the leather. Pulling down her oversized sunglasses, she glared at Nika. “You don’t have to call me that when no one’s around.”
Nika smiled wider. Amusement flashed through her and my spirit momentarily lifted. Starla hated being called Mom. Closing the door, Nika waved at Starla. The high-maintenance woman waggled her fingers and revved her engine. “Have a good night, you two,” she murmured, her voice audible to us through the glass. Twisting to look back at me, Starla curved a painted lip. “And try not to fight anyone over the weekend.”
My mouth dropped open in surprise as Starla stepped on the gas. Nika and I backed up a step so she wouldn’t run over our toes or spray us with tiny pebbles from the road. Since Starla was playing the role of our mom, she lived a few streets over with her boyfriend, Jacen, so she could be on hand in case we needed a parental figure in our lives.
While Starla didn’t relish her assigned task, the housing situation worked out well for her; Starla had no desire to live out in the dirty, dusty countryside with the rest of the vampires. It also suited Mom just fine, since she found Starla to be a little grating; she’d strongly protested Starla living at the house with us, which would have been the easiest way to keep up the appearance that Starla was our mother. We’d solved that problem though. To prevent our neighbors from becoming overly curious about Starla’s frequent absence, the world around us believed that Starla spent an exorbitant amount of time with her boyfriend, leaving our “roommates”—Mom and Dad—to watch over us nearly every night. A nosy neighbor had complained to Starla once about her lack of parenting skills, but after a visit from Halina, the busy-body hadn’t thought twice about it. None of our neighbors did now. The arrangement was a touch on the complicated side, but it was preferable for everyone.
After Starla’s sporty taillights disappeared around the corner, Nika turned to me. “She’s so maternal, it’s almost smothering.”
I cracked a smile and shook my head. “Yeah, she should cut the cord already. We’re sixteen.”
Nika laughed as she unzipped her backpack to get her keys. “You think Dad will let us get a car this year? Give Starla a break?”
I listened to her digging fingers scraping against the fabric of her bag, then heard the metallic sound of a key scraping against another key. Starting to walk toward the house, I shook my head. “Doubt it. You know how overprotective he can be.” As we reached the door, I smirked at her. “We’ll be married with kids of our own before we get a car.”
Imagining Raquel as my wife, I let out a wistful sigh. Nika frowned as she opened the front door. “Please stop that.”
Adjusting the bag on my shoulder, I sniffed and changed my thoughts. “Stop what?” I murmured, knowing exactly what she meant.
Nika gave me a wry look as I tossed my bag in the entryway, just a foot from the door. Ignoring my question, she instead asked, “What are you going to tell Mom and Dad?” She pointed to my face, to the tell-tale sign that I’d been in a fight.
Shrugging, I looked out into the living room. It was empty except for a very old, very tired collie. Spike wagged at us, his tail thumping against the long, white couch that he loved to lie on all day. I smiled at him and told Nika, “Maybe they won’t notice?”
Nika gave me a crooked smile and walked into the living room to sit with Spike. Carefully setting her bag next to the couch, she nuzzled her head into his fur and murmured, “Sure, Julie.”
I exhaled a frustrated breath. I knew they’d notice just as quickly as Starla had. It was the blood. Even healing, the wound exposed the scent into the air. It was a smell specific to me, and being undead vampires who existed solely on blood, my parents would pick up on it almost instantly. Shaking my head, I joined Nika on the comfortable, leather couch. Resting my head back, I waited for Mom and Dad to get home. In about an hour or so, I was going to be filleted.
My parents worked just a few minutes away, in the heart of the city. They both worked for a local magazine highlighting life in the great Salt Lake. Dad was the writer of the bunch; he enjoyed it nearly as much as ranching. Maybe more, I wasn’t sure. Mom worked with him. She was his secretary or research assistant or something.
As I rested on the couch, I imagined my father’s disappointment when he learned that I’d gotten into a fight. Then I imagined my mother’s. God, this was going to suck. What would the rest of my family think? Most lived at the ranch, about an hour outside city proper. The sprawling place nestled in the mountain foothills was where the family tended the herd of cattle that we lived on. For food, and for money.
Before Mom and Dad had moved Nika and me to this house, so we could go to a regular high school, our family had lived much closer to the ranch, just a handful of miles really. Nika and I had spent almost every day there when we were younger. Our grandmothers had all taken turns homeschooling us until just a couple of years ago. I had some great memories of growing up there.
My family was tight, and I was sure they’d all know about the fight by tomorrow morning. They definitely would after this weekend. I could almost hear my various grandmothers’ disapproval at the thought of me fighting. Well, except for Halina. Being full vampire, she was a little more tolerant of violence than the rest. She’d probably give me a sly grin and ask if I’d left my mark on the asshole.
About an hour later, I felt my parents’ position begin to move; the pinging sensation of them in my head started shifting toward home. I wasn’t looking forward to their arrival. At all. Nika was resting on the couch beside me, laid out on her stomach as she worked on her homework. Whatever she was working on was frustrating her, but Mom and Dad approaching quickly snapped her out of it. Again, sympathy welled from her. Reaching over, I shoved her shoulder. “Quit worrying about me, Nick.”
Tilting her head, she gave me a smile. “Not gonna happen, Julie.”
Shaking my head at her, I stood up and stretched. “I’m gonna go take a shower.”
Nika nodded and I felt her amusement. She knew that clean water and citrus-scented soap wouldn’t really do anything; Mom and Dad would still see and smell my injury. Leaning down, I gave Spike a kiss on the head before I left; his tail slowly swished back and forth as his glossy eyes peeked up at me. Leaving Nika and Spike to their bonding, I trudged upstairs.
We all lived in a Bavarian-style house. As far as homes go, it was actually sort of cool. With creamy white walls and dark brown exposed beams elaborately decorating the outside of it, the place reminded me of a fairytale come to life…Hansel and Gretel or something. I think that was one of the reasons Dad had bought it, the other being that Mom had fallen in love the moment she’d spotted it. Someone else had lived here then, but they had miraculously decided to sell the place to Dad just weeks later. It was long rumored in the family that Dad had enlisted Halina’s “help” in getting the homeowner to sell the house to him. Whenever someone asked Dad about it, though, he’d get annoyed and say, “Do you really think I would do that?”
I wasn’t sure if he had, but it wouldn’t surprise me to find out that the rumor was true. There wasn’t much Dad wouldn’t do for Mom.
Nika had confessed to me before that she was sure she’d never find a man who would treat her like Dad treated Mom, that he set an impossible standard. But even still, it was a standard that I strived to reach. I wanted to be like that to someone…someday. Maybe to Raquel? My heart started beating harder at just the thought of buying her the home of her dreams one day. God, wouldn’t that be amazing?
Stepping into my bedroom, I shut the door behind myself and waded through the mess of clothes and crap to get to the shower. The bathroom that Nika and I shared was squished in-between our bedrooms and each room had a door that led to it. In a normal family, that could lead to some embarrassing moments, but since we could all feel each other’s location, it wasn’t a worry in our house. We generally didn’t even lock the door.
Walking into the bathroom, I glanced through Nika’s open door into her picture-perfect bedroom. We were a lot alike in several things, but in the realm of cleanliness, Nika had gotten most the genes…much to Mom’s dismay. Shaking my head at my neat-freak sister, I closed her side of the bathroom and turned to examine myself in the mirror again. I looked a little better than I had in the locker room mirror, when blood had been openly trailing down my face, but the ragged, red line was still with me…and I was pretty sure my eye was starting to bruise.
Feeling my parents approaching fast, I shucked off my clothes and hopped into the shower. It was refreshing, if nothing else. As the relaxing water pummeled me, I noticed some bruising along my ribs, and was instantly grateful that at least my parents wouldn’t see those marks.
I was lathered and rinsed when I felt and heard Mom and Dad come home. They were laughing about something as Nika greeted them. Sighing, I leaned my head against the shower wall and took a moment to collect myself. As I let my skin soak up an obscene amount of hot water, I heard Mom ask Nika, “How was your day?”
I tensed, waiting for Nika’s answer, but I knew she wouldn’t throw me under the bus. We’d never do that to each other. Nika sighed. “Fine, just stuck on this stupid English assignment.”
“What is it?” Dad asked. “Maybe I can help.”
I shut off the water as I heard Dad sit down. The two of them started having a conversation about what Nika could and couldn’t say about our family history. I felt Nika’s distress as she told Dad, “I can’t talk about you like I want. It’s so unfair.”
Climbing out of the shower, I mulled over Nika’s feelings. She had a point. It was a little unfair that we were never able to talk about our parents as our parents…but it was just a part of our deceptive life. Nika would have to accept that one day. Me too.
I tossed my towel on the floor, next to my dirty clothes, and changed into some fresh ones. I felt Mom coming up the stairs as I slipped my shirt over my head. When she was almost to my door, I debated running back to the bathroom. No time.
A heavy thud sounded outside my doorway. “Julian, if you’re done with your homework, can you please put your backpack away in your room…not leave it in the entryway?” She knocked on my closed door when I didn’t respond to her statement right away. “Julian?”
Inhaling a calm breath, I felt Nika tense as she waited for my secret to explode. Her conversation with Dad stopped as she listened to my response. “Yeah, okay, Mom…sure thing.”
Biting my lip, I waited to see if she’d leave. She started to twist the knob, and I stifled a sigh. She wasn’t leaving. “Can I come in?” she asked.
Containing a curse, I turned my back to the door and found something to busy myself with. Unfortunately, all I could find was an old comic book on my nightstand. I didn’t really read them anymore, but they were strewn throughout my messy room. “Yeah.”
Mom stepped inside my room, and I heard her place my heavy backpack on my side of the door. I studiously kept my back to her—I didn’t need her to see the jagged line across my skin. Hearing her sniff, I concentrated harder on my book. What was she smelling? My crusty socks in the corner, or the healing wound on my skin?
“Ugh, maybe you could clean up in here…it’s a little gross.”
Dropping my book to the nightstand, I immediately started picking up clothes; anything to distract her. “Sure, Mom.”
I felt her walking toward me, and I twisted to get a jacket that had been shoved under my bed sometime last spring. “You never agree to pick up your room that fast. Something going on?”
Closing my eyes, I shook my head. “No.” My heart started racing, and from downstairs I heard Dad ask a suddenly silent Nika, “What is it?”
Hearing my heart surging, Mom knelt beside me. Her cold hand touched my shoulder, and a light shudder passed through me. “Hey? What’s going on?”
Silence echoed throughout the house. Dad had finally figured out that Nika’s quiet concern was for me, and he was listening for my reply just as surely as Mom was. Right when I was about to turn and face her, Mom inhaled a deep breath and exclaimed, “You’re hurt!”
Her cool fingers were on my face then, shifting me to look at her. Warm brown eyes locked onto mine, then shifted to my wound. Those eyes widened as she examined the injury, and I sighed as I felt Dad speeding up the stairs. “I’m fine, Mom. It’s no big deal.”
Dad stepped into the room and Mom broke away from me to look back at him. Impossibly youthful for being my father, Dad and I were almost twins. Mom and Nika also could have pulled off being identical twins, too. When we moved to the next city in the few years, we were probably going to have to tell the world that we were brothers and sisters. God, that was going to be weird.
Dad’s hands went to his hips as he stared at me. Cocking his dark head, he narrowed his sky-blue eyes. “What happened?”
Looking between the two of them, I shrugged and wriggled my way out of Mom’s hands. “I’m a kid; I was clumsy and fell. I don’t think we need to make a huge production out of it.” Standing, I looked away from my father’s suspicious eyes and my mother’s concerned ones.
Dad stepped closer to me. “I’ve seen falls, and I’ve seen fights…and that looks more like a fight.”
I tried twisting my head even more, so he couldn’t see the burgeoning bruise beneath my eye, but Dad grabbed my chin and made me face him. I felt my will power shrinking as I held my role model’s gaze. “What happened, Julian?” he quietly asked.
Mom came up to stand beside him, putting one hand on my shoulder, the other on Dad’s. “You can talk to us, Julian. We love you.” Her smile was warm, loving, and a flash of guilt washed through me.
“Tell them, Julie,” Nika murmured from downstairs. I frowned at her, but it didn’t really matter anymore. Mom and Dad weren’t stupid. They knew I was lying.
Sighing, I looked at the floor. “I got into a fight at school…”
Dad let out a long exhale, and my heart broke a little. Even though I wasn’t emotionally connected to my parents like I was with Nika, I felt the waves of disappointment radiating from Dad. Mom clenched my shoulder, silent. Nika’s feelings turned supportive and I felt her presence zip up to my bedroom.
“They started it, Dad. It’s not his fault. He was just defending himself.”
I peeked up to see Nika standing in my doorway, her chin tilted up, her mouth in a firm line. She looked just as she had in the locker room when she’d been sticking up for me in front of a pack of bullies. Only now it was our parents she was shielding me from. Always my protector.
Dad looked over to her, then back to me. I tried to avert my eyes again, but the concern in his gaze held me. “I’m sorry,” I whispered. “It won’t happen again.”
Dad nodded, then extended his hand toward the hallway. “Come with me. I want to talk to you…alone.”
Nika was still standing in the doorway. She looked up the hall, to where we both knew Dad meant for me to go. The only place in the house to have a private conversation was Mom and Dad’s bedroom. They’d had Gabriel soundproof the room the moment we’d all moved in. And by soundproof, I meant vampire-soundproof. It was like being in an isolation tank once you stepped inside and closed the door—all outside sounds ceased. There had been similar rooms like this everywhere we’d lived, and anytime either my sister or I had gotten into trouble, it had usually included a visit to the “private” room. It wasn’t something either of us enjoyed.
Biting my lip, I nodded. Mom leaned up and kissed my injured temple, her lips cool and comforting. As she patted my shoulder, she glanced at Dad. Some silent conversation passed between them, and Mom nodded. I was pretty sure their nonexistent conversation had been along the lines of, Do you want me in there with you? No, you stay here. Julian and I need to have a man-to-man conversation.
My heart fell as I trudged to the door, and I sort of wished Mom was coming too. I might have been able to play on her sympathies. Not that Dad was overly harsh—he was very fair, even I couldn’t deny that—but sometimes I could wrap Mom around my finger. Maybe that was because I was the spitting image of Dad; sometimes my looks were a blessing. Also, I was pretty sure Mom still carried around a large amount of guilt over what had happened to me when I was younger. Dad too. I wasn’t the type to use that guilt against them though, and I tried very hard to never bring up the incident. Another reason I wasn’t looking forward to this conversation.
Nika gave me a sympathetic smile as I passed; her mood matched the look. Walking into my parents’ room, I sat on the edge of their perfectly made bed. Dad stepped in a moment behind me and shut the door before twisting to face me. The absence of external sounds was both jarring and soothing. Living with a constant level of humdrum in the background—cars on the street, dogs in their yards, the neighbor asking what was for dinner—was a fact of life that I was used to. Having all of that suddenly shut off felt like being struck deaf; my heartbeat was the only thing that told me otherwise.
Inhaling an unnecessary breath, Dad walked over and sat beside me. Putting a hand on my knee, he examined my wound as he spoke. “You want to tell me what happened?”
I sighed and gave him a small smile. “No, not really.”
Dad smiled too. “I wasn’t really asking.”
Pressing my lips into a firm line, I shrugged. “It was nothing, Dad.” Looking away from him, I remembered Russell’s snide face as he’d grabbed Raquel’s arm. “It’s just…this guy…he’s such a…jerk.”
Leaning forward to get my attention, Dad asked, “A bully? Are you being picked on?”
I swung my dark head back to his. “No, not me…but there’s this girl…”
Dad sighed, then nodded. “I should have suspected that it revolved around a girl.” Smirking, he added, “It almost always does. Is she pretty?” he asked, raising an eyebrow.
My expression relaxed as the memory of her face washed over me. I felt my chest expand and my heart beat harder. Even though I couldn’t hear her, I was sure Nika was sighing at me. “She’s beautiful, Dad.”
Listening to my reaction, Dad frowned as he watched my face melt into a dopey smile. “Is this boy you got into a fight with…her boyfriend?” I immediately averted my eyes, and Dad sighed, my answer clear. “Julian, you can’t fall for another man’s girl.”
I snapped my gaze back to his. “He’s so disrespectful to her, Dad. The way he talks to her, the way he treats her. She cries all the time. She’s miserable with him.”
Dad looked thoughtful for a moment, his fingers coming up to stroke the stubble along his jaw as he leaned over his knees. “If she doesn’t want to leave him, Julian, you can’t make her. If she’s not willing to stand up for herself, there’s not much you or I can do. In the end, the choice to leave has to be hers. It’s the only way she’ll be happy.”
Frustrated by his answer, I looked away. “So, I just leave her with this guy? Let him treat her like a dog? No…worse than a dog.”
“Julian, I know it’s hard—”
Thinking of my family’s many gifts, of the abilities that we had, that we hid, I twisted my body to face him. “No! It doesn’t have to be hard at all. We have gifts that we can use to help people! That we can use to help her!”
Dad shook his head. “We’re not super heroes, Julian. This isn’t a comic book.”
My cheeks heated with anger, and I knew they were bright red. “Grandma can force her to leave him! Grandma can fix all of this!”
Dad ran a hand back through his hair, his eyes sad. “Julian, we don’t alter people’s behavior without good cause. We don’t use our abilities in the way you’re suggesting…”
I instantly pointed at the wall of the home we now lived in. “Yes, we do! You used Grandma to get this house for Mom! Was forcing someone to leave their home a ‘good cause’?”
Sighing, Dad shook his head again. “I know that’s the joke around the house, but that’s not what happened. I asked the homeowners at the right time, with the right amount. I didn’t—”
Standing, I cut him off. “I want to help her, Dad. I want to be with her.” Anger, fear, and confusion swam through me in a reckless cycle, and I felt Nika’s emotions shift in response; she was worried about me.
Dad slowly stood up too, his hands out to placate me. “I know you feel for her, Julian, but if she doesn’t return those feelings, we can’t make her.” I balled my hands into fists. Dad eyed my hands, then stepped toward me. “And would you really want her affections that way? Forced?” Lifting an eyebrow, he added, “Would that make you any better than him, Julian?”
My jaw dropped open in surprise. No, forcing her to like me would make me even worse than Russell. So much worse. Just the thought sickened me. My legs gave out, and I collapsed onto the corner of the bed.
Kneeling in front of me, Dad searched my eyes. “I’m sorry, Julian, but she has to see him for what he is, and leave him on her own. That’s the natural order of things. But you’re so young, you’ll find the person you’re supposed to be with one day. You just have to be patient.”
I nodded with my head down, and Dad sighed as he sat beside me again. Putting a hand on my shoulder, he said, “Now…can you tell me exactly what happened today?”
Turning my head, I looked over at the man next to me. Strong, brave, and wise, Dad was exactly what I wanted to be when I was older. In a way, I understood Nika’s feelings about guys—Dad set an impossible standard. Would I ever measure up?
Not wanting to admit that a fearful panic attack had made me lash out at Russell, I bit my lip, then whispered, “It’s hard to talk about. Did you tell your parents everything when you were my age?”
Dad surprised me by laughing. Shaking his head, he murmured, “No. No, I kept so much from them.” Sighing, he looked down at his hands. “And people got hurt because of it…me included.” Glancing back up at me, his eyes were sympathetic. “I learned my lesson the hard way, Julian. I know it’s difficult, but talking about it is so much better than keeping it inside.”
Nodding, I took a deep breath…and told him everything.
It was well into our typical dinner hour when we were finally finished. As Dad put a supportive, chilly hand on my shoulder, my stomach rumbled. We both looked at the gurgling organ, then Dad laughed. “Come on, let’s go see about some food for you.” Smiling warmly at me, he added, “And I could use a little drink myself.”
“Thanks, Dad,” I whispered as we both stood. I’d been dreading this moment all afternoon, but I felt better after talking to him. I didn’t hate Russell any less, and I definitely still wanted to be with Raquel, but my heart was lighter, and that was enough for now.
Twisting the doorknob, Dad told me, “Anytime, Julian. It’s what your mom and I are here for.”
Dad opened the door then, and the sound of the world immediately flooded me. It was overwhelming at first—my body had gotten used to the quiet stillness of my parents’ bedroom—but with some effort, I pushed the cacophony to the back of my mind, where the residual buzzing of life always stayed with me, generally unnoticed. As I walked downstairs with Dad, I allowed Mom and Nika’s voices to reach me. They were in the kitchen making dinner, and the smell of boiling pasta and bubbling cream sauce made my stomach rumble again. So did the tang of fresh blood in the air.
I couldn’t wait to have a tall, steaming glass of it…and that was exactly why Raquel and I would never work. Nika was right. She would never accept what I was. Deep down I knew that, but I still couldn’t leave her with someone like Russell. She deserved better, even if better wasn’t me.