IT WAS OFFICIAL…my sister had turned into an idiot. Well, I supposed that wasn’t a fair assessment. And Lord knows I wasn’t one to talk about being foolish, but her heart was spouting rainbows and moonbeams for a guy she’d talked to one time. At least my feelings for Raquel had built over time—I hadn’t just looked at her once and known that I’d do anything to be with her. I wasn’t quite sure if that was where Nika’s head was, but her heart was screaming, “Take me, I’m yours.” It was a nightmare for me.
But at the same time, a part of me was happy for her. She was right when she’d said that no other guy had made her feel that way before. I knew that for a fact. And I did want my sister to feel the joy I felt when I thought about…things. But this guy? I wasn’t so sure. Maybe it was my big brother protectiveness kicking in, but there was something unsettling about him. Something I didn’t quite trust. Then again, I’d never talked to him, so what did I know. Besides the fact that he was almost old enough to buy us beer. Hmmm, well, I supposed Trey would be stoked about that.
Nika was a ball of excited energy as Starla took us to school a few days later. I was pretty sure it wasn’t the upcoming hours of tedium that were making her giddy either. When her eyes flashed over to where neighbor-boy lived, I figured he was the reason for her mood. She’d been exceptionally upbeat all week, but nothing like this. She must be planning to see him again today. Great. Well, at least it wouldn’t be at school, since he was too old to be there. I’d have a few hours reprieve before the gushing started.
When we screeched to a stop in the school parking lot, Nika leaned forward in the back seat to tell Starla, “I’m going to the library again after school today.”
Ah, the library…that would explain Nika’s gaiety. I tried to contain my concern as Starla shrugged and popped a bubble with her apple-flavored gum. “Sure thing, kid.” By the way she said it, Starla clearly didn’t see why Nika would want to waste her time with a bunch of books. If Starla realized that Nika’s “library” had just turned into the equivalent of a romantic candlelit restaurant, she might have appreciated it more. And she might have felt the same protectiveness I was feeling. Or maybe not. Starla was a bit ambivalent about the whole parenting thing.
Hopping out of Starla’s car, Nika and I watched in silence as our “mom” peeled away as fast as she possibly could. Once the super-hearing woman was gone, Nika twisted to face me. “Stop worrying, I’ll be fine.”
With those words, she walked past me, to where Arianna was waving at us. I noticed Arianna’s grin widen when her hazel eyes locked onto mine. I frowned at Nika’s comment, and Arianna’s smile faltered a little. Not wanting Arianna to think I was upset with her, but not wanting to smile and encourage her either, I hurried to catch up to Nika. “I’m not sure you should meet this guy alone. Maybe I’ll come with you.”
Nika stopped in her tracks, irritation prickling through her like thorns across her skin. “I’m sixteen. I don’t need a chaperone.”
Crossing my arms over my chest, I blanketed her thorny annoyance with my levelheaded concern. “Really? Should I call Dad and ask him his opinion on the matter?”
Nika shook her head and resumed walking. “You wouldn’t do that to me, Julian, so don’t even try that empty threat.”
I grabbed her arm, stopping her. “You’re being careless, Nika, and that’s not like you.” She locked eyes with me; hers were begging me to let her go see this guy who had finally sparked her interest. Sighing, I released her arm. “Just… We have to be more cautious than most people, Nick. You know that.”
“It’s a public place, Julian. Lots of people, lots of activity. I’ll be as safe as any other girl there.” Looking down, she added. “And you’ll know the instant I’m not.”
I wanted to expound on that comment, but Arianna popped up right beside us. Trey was a step or two behind her. “You two look sullen. Everything okay?”
Nika’s mood immediately surged with excitement. The rush from her made goosebumps spring up and down my arms. Grabbing Arianna, Nika exclaimed, “I have a date after school!”
Arianna was naturally euphoric for Nika. She screamed in excitement, and I had to close my eyes it hurt so much; super hearing wasn’t a blessing around teenage girls. Trey, looking a little dazed, slung an arm around Nika. “No, no I don’t think so,” he said.
Grimacing, Nika shrugged off his arm. Smiling that Trey agreed with me, I murmured, “Yeah, I don’t think so either.”
Arianna glanced at me, interest in her eyes, and I shifted my attention back to Trey; his gaze was slightly unfocused as he nodded at my sister. “Yeah, you have to date me first, Little Adams.”
Nika gave him a look that was priceless. As much as she tolerated my friendship with Trey, the idea of dating him repulsed her. He was sort of the epitome of everything she wasn’t looking for in a boyfriend.
Arianna ignored Trey’s comment and focused on mine. “Why don’t you approve, Julian?”
Looking over at her, I debated what to say. Her eyes held an intelligent inquisitiveness that Trey’s often lacked, and I knew she wouldn’t accept a nothing answer. Deciding it was all right for her to know at least one of my concerns, I shrugged and adjusted the backpack on my shoulder. “He’s too old. Almost old enough to buy her beer.”
Trey immediately changed his opinion. Slapping her shoulder, he grinned ear-to-ear. “Never mind, Little A. Date away, date away.”
I rolled my eyes, while Arianna looked back at Nika with eyes the size of saucers. “Really?” She smiled, intrigued. “Do tell.”
The two of them giggled as they walked away arm-in-arm. Arianna glanced back at me once, then focused her attention on Nika, who was telling her all the things that made her date fabulous, despite his age…or maybe because of it.
I lifted my hands in defeat. “Am I the only one who sees this as a bad thing?”
Slinging his arm over my shoulder, Trey scrunched his face like he was deep in thought, then he nodded. “Yes.”
I looked over at him, shaking my head and feeling a little dizzy from the smell emanating from him. It cleared my head, though, and I let my concern over my sister’s love life shift to the back of my mind. That was when my own love life hit me full force—Raquel passed right in front of me.
She was gorgeous in the early morning light. Her dark hair had subtle, auburn undertones that shimmered in the sun. Her skin was smooth and even, highlighted with rosy blush and shadow in shades of brown that emphasized how incredibly beautiful her dark eyes were. She was perfect. “Hey, Raquel. How are you?”
She started, like she’d been so lost in thought, she hadn’t even noticed me standing there. That hurt a little; I always noticed her.
Stopping in front of me, she nervously looked around. “Oh…hey, Julian. I’m fine...I’m great. How are you?”
I didn’t buy her statement for a second. Ignoring her question, I said, “Can we talk for a minute? Really talk?”
My heart raced as she bit her lip. By the way her eyes roved over my face, I could tell she wanted to say yes, that she wanted to talk to me, but she was clearly nervous about Russell finding us again. Knowing his schedule by heart, I knew we had some time before the lazy asshole showed his face on campus. Stepping closer to her, I begged her to talk to me. “Please, he won’t be here for another ten minutes…and I just want five.”
Raquel nodded, then leaned in closer. “Russell is on a rampage after… No one can see us.” Looking around, to see who might be watching, she whispered, “I’ll be in the storage closet on the first floor.” She glanced at Trey beside me, but he was on my side, and wouldn’t say anything to Russell. After giving me a quick smile, she hurried off to the main building as fast as she could.
Exhaling in a long, controlled way to slow down my surging heart, I twisted to face Trey. He was grinning at me. “Nice. Five minutes ain’t a whole lot of time, bro. You sure you can pull that off?”
Ignoring his innuendo, I ran my hand back through my hair. “Holy crap… What the hell am I going to say to her?”
Trey shrugged. “I don’t know. What do girls like to hear?” He thought for a second while my nerves spiked. Feeling Nika’s curiosity, I tried to calm myself down. I didn’t need her coming back to check on me. I just needed her to leave me be for the next five minutes, so I could be alone…in a storage closet…with Raquel. Holy crap.
Thinking of something, Trey brightened. “Tell her you like her shoes.”
“What?”
Trey pointed to my shoes, like he was unsure if I knew what he was talking about. “Her shoes, man. Girls love getting complimented on their shoes.”
I shook my head. “What? Why?” You could buy shoes almost anywhere. It wasn’t like her shoes were something specific to her. It seemed ridiculous to comment on something that a dozen other girls at this school also had.
Knowing I was running out of precious time, I didn’t let Trey explain. His explanations could be a little out there anyway. Sprinting across the lawn, I heard him shout, “Good luck, dude!”
Right, luck. Crap. What the hell was I doing?
Before I knew it, I was opening the door to the storage closet. I felt really stupid as I glanced up and down the hall to see if anyone was looking, but I could hear Raquel sighing and pacing on the other side of the door. That trumped everything else. Seeing that the coast was clear, I blurred the door open and zipped inside. It was faster than I should have moved at school, but I had to get to her. Luckily Raquel’s back was turned and she didn’t see me. She heard me, though. With a start, she twisted to face me. Her heartbeat was heavy in the quiet air; it matched my own.
After a moment of staring at each other, her heart quieted. Mine sped up. “You wanted to talk to me?” she whispered.
I stepped closer to her. The room was only lit by the hallway light that was filtering in through the slats along the lower half of the door. Soft, indirect light caressed Raquel’s body, highlighting her features. Mixed with the stillness in the air, it energized me…made me speechless.
“Julian? What did you want to talk about?” she repeated, her voice soft.
Taking a step toward me, her hand brushed my leg. I glanced down at where we were connected, then found my voice. Looking back up at her, I whispered, “You’re too good for him, Raquel. You should leave him.”
“Julian…” With a sad sigh, she shifted her weight between her feet. “I know you don’t like him, I get it, but he’s not… He’s not always… Sometimes he’s sweet; you just don’t see it.”
“You’re right,” I softly told her. “I only see the guy who yells at you all the time, who picked a fight with me because I tried to defend you. If he’s sweet, then I definitely haven’t seen it,” I said, shaking my head.
Her eyes filled with moisture as she intently peered at me. “I never asked you to defend me.” She stepped closer, until her body touched mine. “While it was incredibly kind of you…I don’t need you to fight for me, Julian. I’m fine.”
I held my breath. Feeling the curves of her pressed against me, ignited me in ways I wasn’t sure I wanted to be ignited. Not if she wasn’t mine. Dad was right; I should have kept my distance. Instead, I cupped her cheek, brushing aside a tear that had escaped. “You’re not fine, though. You’re not even happy.”
Leaning into her, I murmured, “Why are you with him, Raquel? Why are you willing to sacrifice your happiness for his? How is that fair to you?”
She pulled away, her eyes clearly pained by my questions. “You’re only seeing the bad parts, Julian.” Biting her lip, she looked around the small, dark space we were in. “I should…I should go. We shouldn’t be in here…together. Russell wouldn’t like this…”
Grabbing her other cheek, I held her directly in front of me. My body blazed with compassion for this wounded creature before me. If I could heal her…help her…it would be worth the pain of never having her. “I care about you, Raquel, and that means I want to see you happy. He makes you miserable, and it kills me to watch your spirit die a little more each day. You’re my friend…more than my friend, and I like you too much to stay quiet about it.” My voice hitched on me. I couldn’t believe I was telling her these things. Usually dark, enclosed spaces were too terrifying for me to even be inside, but somehow, being in this space with her, I didn’t feel claustrophobic. I felt…free. I felt brave. I could tell her anything.
Confusion swept her features, tightened her face. “More than my friend?” she whispered.
Leaning my head against hers, my breath fast, my heart thudding, I murmured, “Yes… I will always be your friend, but if you want me to be more, I’d… I would…”
“Julian…I…I don’t know. Maybe…”
Her breath washed over me, and I shuddered. I wasn’t sure how much longer we had, but I never wanted this moment to end. Life was perfect right now. My fingers were on her soft, tear-stained skin, our bodies were close together. I felt her warmth, her heat, and I heard her heart soaring as fast as mine. We were one, in sync, and, for the first time ever, I felt like she was reciprocating my feelings.
Without internally debating it, without even thinking about it, I moved my head so that my mouth hovered over hers. I hesitated a moment, waiting for her to pull away. When she didn’t, I pressed our lips together. Her soft mouth on mine weakened my knees. It was so much better than I’d ever imagined. And what made it even more amazing as I moved my lips over hers…she moved hers too. She was kissing me back.
I was sure my heart was going to break through my ribcage and explode all around the room as her lips moved with mine. I could feel Nika’s curiosity shift to concern, could feel her presence start to move toward me, but I ignored it, ignored her. I didn’t even care if she busted us. I wasn’t going to stop this moment for her, for anyone. I was never going to stop this moment.
Unfortunately, Raquel wasn’t quite as untroubled as I was. Pushing me back, she breathlessly muttered, “No…I can’t do this.”
My heart shattered as she stepped around me. “Raquel, wait…”
Hand on the doorknob, she shook her head. “I’m sorry, Julian, I can’t. I know you don’t understand why, but I’m…I’m in love with Russell…and I can’t do this.”
Before I could object, she opened the door, then closed it behind her. I blinked, blinded by the sudden light followed by the sudden darkness. As that darkness became my entire world, I sank to the floor. The bell signaling that school was starting trilled in the air, but I barely heard it. My jaw trembled as Raquel’s last words mixed with the residual feeling of her lips on mine. She loved him? Even with how he treated her? God…why? I’d treat her so much better. She’d have a different world with me. Why didn’t she want that? Why didn’t she want me?
As my thoughts swirled darker and darker, the tightness of the room closed in on me. What was once a sanctuary with Raquel beside me turned into something sinister with her gone. A cruel chuckle emerged from the back of my brain, the furthest recesses of my memory. A disturbing laugh that had been followed by a heavy metallic thud, as a car trunk had closed around me. I’d been sealed in darkness…sealed in terror. The remembered feeling crawled over my skin, and I began to shake.
“Nika…” I whispered, hating to call for her, but too terrified to move.
She was there instantly, opening the storage closet door…bathing me in light again.
I looked up at her, grateful, ashamed, frozen in fear. She immediately dropped to her knees, cupping my cheeks, examining me. She didn’t ask if I was all right; she already knew I wasn’t. She knew exactly what was wrong with me—had felt this terror before. She knew I couldn’t get out of it on my own, not with how deeply I was entrenched in it. She knew I needed her right now.
Nika looked behind her, to see if anyone could see us, then she put her arms around me and physically yanked me from my self-imposed prison. I cried out in agony as Nika’s force sprawled us into the middle of the empty hallway. It wasn’t physical pain that pierced me, though. It was remembered pain, remembered terror. I curled into a ball, still shaking. This was bad. Raquel’s stake to the heart had mixed with my fear…I couldn’t snap out of it.
Luckily, Nika was there to shove me out of it. At first, she shook my shoulders. When that didn’t do much, my breathing still ragged and fast, she took the more aggressive approach.
She slapped me.
The force startled me so much, I blinked and finally focused on her. She grimaced, looking apologetic. “Sorry…getting you out of the room didn’t help as much as I thought it would.”
I nodded, sitting up. The fear that had been jacking up my body was dissipating now that I’d been knocked back into the present. I held onto every real thing around me—the coldness of the floor, the sting in my cheek, Nika’s concern. Everything about this moment pushed back the lingering panic attack, shriveling it to nothing.
“Thank you,” I whispered, standing. Nika stood with me, still studying me. Embarrassment coursing through me, I looked back at the closet that had started the whole incident. “We should go. We’re late.”
As I started walking away, Nika called out, “Julian…”
I knew what she wanted to talk about…and I just couldn’t yet. It was too fresh. The joy with Raquel, the heartbreak, the terror. I couldn’t talk about it yet. Nika would have to be happy with examining my mood swing for now. The words would have to come later.
Looking back at her, I shook my head. “Not now…please?”
Sighing, she nodded. “I love you, Julie.”
I nodded in return. “Love you too, Nick.”
I’D LIKE TO say that my day improved when I got home, but I’d forgotten about something. Okay, maybe I hadn’t forgotten. Maybe I’d pushed it to the back of my mind. Ben and his daughter were in town this weekend for a visit. Ben was cool, but his daughter…she redefined the word clingy.
“Julian!”
Thin, reed-like arms instantly cinched around my waist. If I hadn’t known otherwise, I’d have assumed that the girl who had me in a death grip had blurred to the door to attack me. But Olivia was human. A speedy human, but human, nonetheless.
“Liv.” I patted the top of her head, much like I patted Spike’s. She reacted in the exact same way. Giggling, she buried her blonde head into my chest. I looked up at the sound of someone chuckling.
“Hey, Julian. She’s been waiting all afternoon to see you.”
Ben was watching us from the kitchen entryway, a steaming mug of coffee in his hand. He was solid for a man in his mid-forties, still fit and muscular. And while his hair was streaked with blond highlights, it was also streaked with gray. Ben had seen a lot of action, in the supernatural sense, and faint scar lines were visible to me, even from the distance between us. Even still, he was what my sister referred to as hot. She said he was aging well. I took her word for it.
Ben took a sip of his coffee, grinning at his daughter manhandling me. Frowning, I discreetly tried to push her away. Smiling wider, Ben shook his head. “Liv, leave the poor man alone. You’ll crush him.”
The young girl finally pulled back. Switching her assault to just my arm, she beamed up at me. My smile felt weird, forced, as I glanced into the open, loving, and honest gray eyes locked onto mine. Being idolized so blatantly was surreal.
As we walked as one into the living room, Ben stepped forward to join us. “Sorry, we’re a bit early. Teren said we could come by anytime today, so we hopped the first flight out.” Looking around the house, Ben asked, “Where’s Nika?”
I sighed as I removed my backpack and sat on the couch. Liv sat at the same time I did, like we were synchronized swimmers rehearsing on dry land. Feeling Nika’s joy getting stronger and stronger, I cringed. “She’s…at the library.” With our too-old neighbor who better not hurt her, or I’ll be blurring through the streets of Salt Lake to get to her.
Ben looked confused by my strange reaction, and I relaxed my face into blankness. “How are things?” I asked, mainly to stop him from asking questions.
Sighing, he sat on the couch. “Busy,” he murmured, staring into his coffee cup. “Really busy.” Snapping out of whatever mood he was in, Ben smiled and relaxed back on the cushions. “Which is why I’m glad we’re here. No better place to rest than at the ranch with the Adamses.”
As Liv cuddled into my side, I concentrated on the tightness around Ben’s eyes. He was lying, but that was to be expected with Liv in the room. He probably wouldn’t tell me what was really going on anyway. He’d save that conversation for Dad. It wasn’t fair. I was sixteen—practically a man—it was time for me to be let in on the secret conversations. Maybe I could help?
Realizing that I hadn’t even been able to help myself get out of a storage closet today, I let go of the ridiculous idea that I could be a superhero like the guys in the comic books littering the floor of my room. Like my dad. Heroes didn’t have panic attacks in small spaces. Nope, no hero I had ever read about seized up as the walls closed in. That was when the real heroes got stronger.
“You okay there, Julian?”
Ben’s voice freed me from my pity party, and I forced myself to smile. “Yeah…I’m fine.” And really, I was. Now that the shock of my attack was over, I could linger on the one pleasant aspect of today. Before my heart had been torn in two, I’d had my first kiss…and it had been glorious.
Ben and I made small talk while we waited for the rest of my family to get home. Well, we tried to make small talk. It was hard to get a word in edgewise when Liv started in with her endless jabber. When I finally felt my parents leaving the heart of the city, heading for home, I was surprised to feel that Nika wasn’t with them. As soon as I felt their presence leaving hers behind, alarm shot through me. What the hell? They were leaving her to wander the city with a stranger who was probably only interested in getting in her pants? Why would they do that? Wow, this had to be their first major parental fail. Well, in recent years anyway.
I shot up off the couch, staring back at the city they were rapidly leaving behind. Liv was dislodged from my body at my unexpected movement, and Ben rose to his feet, instantly on alert. “What is it?” he asked, his voice all business.
Frowning, I turned to face him. I couldn’t explain what was troubling me for two reasons. One, Liv wouldn’t understand how I knew my parents had abandoned their daughter, and two…I didn’t want to blow the whistle on Nika. Even though I objected to what she was doing, there was a sibling code of conduct that we followed, and it included not ratting each other out.
Smoothing my features, I pointed to the backpack at my feet. “I just remembered that I have some homework to do…and I’ll get in trouble if it’s not done before my parents get home.”
Ben narrowed his eyes, clearly not buying my crap. Liv sighed forlornly and clutched my arm. “Don’t leave me, Julian.”
I tried to brush her off, but it was Ben who made her stop. “Let him go, Olivia.”
Not able to look Ben straight in the face, I quickly darted out of the room. Once hidden in my bedroom, I started pacing. “What are you doing, Nika?” I muttered, glad that, for once, no one could hear me.
I was still upstairs, pondering my sister’s absence, examining her boisterous mood for any sign of trouble, when my parents walked through the front door. I heard them greet Ben and Olivia and decided to confront them on the whereabouts of my twin.
Remembering at the last minute to walk at normal speed, for Liv’s sake, I strolled into the living room. Mom was giving Liv a hug while Dad was enclosing Ben in a one-armed greeting. The two friends were physically very different now, since Ben looked the age my dad actually was. But with their huge smiles and playful teasing as Dad commented on Ben’s frosted tips, you’d think they were both my age.
Dad turned from his friend when I stepped into the room. Keeping an even expression, I asked, “Where’s Nika?”
Dad grunted as Liv left Mom’s arms to tackle him. If Liv had a second crush, it was my father. Understandable, since the two of us were so similar. Scooping Liv into a hug, Dad smiled and shrugged, not at all worried about the possibility of his little girl being deflowered tonight. “Arianna showed up at the library and asked if Nika could go to a movie with her.”
I blinked. “You agreed to that?”
A small laugh escaped Dad as he told me, “You guys are sixteen now. You can go out with your friends from time to time.”
As Dad released Olivia, I asked him, “And how’s she getting there? How’s she getting home? Who else is going to be there?” I knew I shouldn’t have asked any of those questions, not if I wanted to keep Nika’s secret date a secret, but really, my parents were being duped…and these were questions they should have asked Nika before letting her prance all over the city.
Dad tilted his head as he looked at me. Mom and Ben stopped their quiet conversation and looked at me too. I smiled in the most nonchalant way I could. Mom frowned. “Nika and Arianna are going with a group of friends. Arianna’s mother is going to drop them off and bring Nika home when the movie is over. You seem concerned, Julian…why?”
Glancing between my parents and Ben, all of them now way more curious than I wanted them to be, I nervously spat out the first thing that popped into my head. “Well, I want to go too. Maybe they can pick me up?”
Olivia immediately chimed in. “If he’s going, I want to go too!” She leaned around my dad to ask Ben, “Can I?”
Ben cocked an eyebrow at her. “Can you hang out with a group of teenagers on a Friday night, unsupervised? No.”
Olivia pouted, but didn’t ask again. I looked over at Mom. “So, can I go?”
Mom shrugged. “I guess, although…” She seemed unsure how to phrase what she wanted to say. After another moment of debate, she told me, “Sometimes a girl needs to be around other girls…without her big brother.”
I frowned, but couldn’t argue with her logic. Not without tattling on Nika. I was pretty certain Arianna was covering for Nika, so she could spend some more time with the neighbor boy, and tonight was about as far from a “girls’ night” as you could get. I wasn’t sure, though, so I didn’t object. Instead, I said what any boy my age would say. “Can I go to Trey’s then?”
Dad sighed. He wasn’t a big fan of Trey, but so long as I didn’t partake in Trey’s vices, Dad was okay with us hanging out. Mom and Dad locked gazes for a couple moments, having some silent conversation, then Dad finally said, “That’s fine, Julian. Don’t be late though. We’re heading to the ranch in the morning.”
I nodded at him, then dashed upstairs to get my stuff and call Trey. I could hear Olivia complaining as I grabbed my coat. Sorry, Liv, but a brother’s gotta do, what a brother’s gotta do.