I didn’t want to cry in front of Alex, or show my feelings.

I knew he could see that I wasn’t myself and I didn’t want to talk about what was bothering me.

Tom had called me again.

More than once yesterday, and just before I went in to see Alex. I didn’t answer the phone on any occasion.

After that last time, I realized I couldn’t deal with the anxiety it gave me at work.

I just couldn’t, and I didn’t want to speak to him.

I really didn’t.

Tom calling was messing things up in my head. This was something I didn’t expect.

I’d just started to feel like myself again, or truthfully better.

Alex made me feel better than the normal me.

Tom, however, had thrown me off balance.

He had been my boyfriend for over eleven years. I saw myself having a future with this man. I imagined the whole thing. We’d get married, have a house, have children and spend the rest of our lives together.

That was the order that I saw things going.

He saw something else with Becca and ruined that vision for me. I loved him with everything in me, and the question I was faced with now was: was that love strong enough to make me forgive him?

Was it strong enough to make me gloss over all that had happened with Becca and take him back?

Was it real?

I thought that maybe those questions would be easier to deal with had I not met Alex.

I had to be crazy for even thinking about him, because I didn’t have a relationship with Alex. I never had. What we had was fun.

But, it was something new that I liked.

Something that was so strong it scared me because I’d never met anyone who’d had such an intense effect on me.

When Alex looked at me I felt like he was looking at all of me, inside and out.

It was a look that told me he wanted me, and was just as effective as if he’d said the words.

So, with that in mind, how was I supposed to give my ex-boyfriend of eleven years, who cheated on me with my best friend, and never looked at me like he even loved me a chance?

How?

Besides, I felt that there were some things in this world that could literally kill love. I couldn’t get passed the day that I found out Tom and Becca were together, and had been together behind my back.

How was I supposed to trust someone like that again? Add the fact that I’d be an idiot to take him back so shouldn’t even be considering it.

I went to see Eilesh, who was completely against Tom. She flat out told me no, and not to give him a chance. Then reigned in her anger and told me to think it all through, and not allow him to push his way back into my life.

I got back home about half an hour ago. It was six o’clock so I didn’t expect Alex to be back.

His schedule took him up to six thirty today.

I did appreciate the sweetness he showed me back at the office.

It was what I needed, different in comparison to the emotion overload I felt when I was with him.

The phone started buzzing when I went into the kitchen to grab a snack. I froze before looking at it and rested my hands on the smooth surface of the island.

It buzzed on until it stopped, but then it started again.

“Shit.” It was him. It had to be.

I took the phone out of my pocket and confirmed it was Tom.

It was ridiculous to keep on like this in this anxious state with him practically traumatizing me.

I left Ohio to get away from the shit, and didn’t come here to have it here too.

I couldn’t move on if he was going to keep doing this. The thought of the hindrance kicked my sense of bravado in gear and I answered the phone.

“Summer.” He spoke before I did. “Is that you?” He sounded drained out.

Speaking to him in real time was a lot more effective than listening to a recording of his voice.

“It’s me.” I replied, tone cold.

“Oh God, I thought that I would never hear your voice again. Summer, baby please tell me you listened to my message.”

I found my hands shaking and tried to steady them.

“I have.” My voice sounded so cold and emotionless it surprised me.

There were a few seconds of silence then he spoke. “I really need to explain things Summer.”

“I don’t think there’s anything left to explain.” Thank God, I was talking and saying the words I wanted to say. I could feel his surprise from here. When we were together I’d never sounded as defiant as I did just now.

“There’s a lot. Summer, everything is complete shit. You have to understand what happened.”

“Why? You and Becca not working out doesn’t give you some sort of access to come back to me, as if I’m the fail safe.” I felt proud of this me and welcomed her back.

This was the version of me that took people on when they tried their nonsense with me. This was the Summer I was in court.

Boy did I miss her.

“You aren’t. I just realized what I lost, what I gave up and how I hurt you.”

“And you didn’t before? Tom, my father was buried for two days when you came and told me about the two of you. Two days. And, I knew you were with her before that.”

“Summer, I swear it wasn’t a continuous thing.”

Hearing that confirmation gripped my insides and I started to welter like a rose that had stayed out in the sun for far too long. Parched from the beaming rays of the sun.

Hearing him say that sapped my energy. It was one thing to have a feeling something had happened but to get the confirmation.

Jesus, this was hell.

“A continuous thing?” I didn’t know why but I felt I had to know the details. “When did it happen?”

Silence filled the line to the point where I thought he’d hung up.

“Tom,” I cried.

“When you first went away to college. That was the first time we were together, and then …we…” his voice trailed off.

“It was the whole time I was away. Wasn’t it?” I just went in for the kill, refuting his shit about it not being continuous.

“Yes. We were on and off.”

“God, you are such an asshole. How could you cheat on me with my best friend? Becca, of all the people. Someone close to me. Was it even just her?”

I didn’t know how much more I could take. His silence said it all.

“Summer, please.”

I sucked in a sharp breath. “It wasn’t just her was it?”

“No. It wasn’t. There were others.”

I covered my mouth with my hand trying to hold the tears back in.

The whole time I thought I had this long standing relationship with this man, it was all a joke. A joke inside my head.

“Summer, I was a complete jerk and I didn’t know what I was doing. I was confused.”

“You think that’s a good excuse? Were you confused when you were fucking Becca and God knows who else?” I snarled. “Didn’t you think it was wrong? Did it cross your mind that you had a girlfriend who loved you, and would have done anything for you.”

“You were away all the time, and I didn’t see us working out. But then I realized that we did, but I was too late.”

“Tom, if you were cheating on me the whole time, you were always too late. And then you asked Becca to marry you.”

I didn’t realize I was crying until a tear dropped unto my elbow. Another followed, and another.

“I asked her to marry me because she’s pregnant, Summer.”

I gasped, stunned into deep astonishment.

“What?”

The bravado I’d taken on completely faded. Rose petals dried, body drained out in every sense.

I had to sit down on the chair around the breakfast table and hang my head down.

“She’s three months pregnant. I proposed because I thought it was the right thing to do.”

“Fuck.” I couldn’t do this.

“Summer, please listen to me. I knew it was the wrong thing and I knew that I couldn’t marry her because I love you. It’s always been you.”

“You bastard. Don’t patronize me. You slept with my best friend and got her pregnant. You cheated on me, and you think this is okay to tell me that it’s always been me. Damn you!” I cried, hot tears spilling down my cheeks.

“Summer, please. We were together for eleven years.” He said with emphasis. “Something must have kept us together for so long. We loved each other with the kind of love that doesn’t just go away. I called the wedding off it wasn’t right. She wasn’t you. Please, Summer, can’t you just think about it. I swear to God I’ll never, ever hurt you again because I’ll never love anyone the way that I love you.”

What a disaster.

What a damn disaster.

My whole body trembled to the point where I couldn’t think straight.

When I thought I suffered emotion overload with Alex I was wrong.

That didn’t feel like this. With him it was more the case of me trying to slow my feelings down and not jump in head first.

With Tom it felt … wrong.

It all felt wrong. All of it.

That kind of emotional overload was the type that could give a person a nervous breakdown.

“You loved me once,” he reminded. “And maybe you stopped when you found out what I did, but love like ours doesn’t just go away. A part of you must still love me.” He added.

Those words broke into me. Broke me right down.

I did love him once, but it meant nothing.

I’d loved him so much that I tried my hardest to make us work, make everything work. Both what I wanted and what he wanted. I tried and that was just the thing. It was me who tried, and that spanned over a lot of years.

So yes, sure, I would never deny loving him once.

But, he killed it.

He’d killed everything I’d ever felt, and this call was salt on my wounds that were starting to heal.

He was toxic to me.

“Tom, I really need you to leave me alone and stop calling me.” This was hurt. Heartbreak and hurt.

“I won’t give up, Summer.”

I didn’t answer. I just hung up.

Sometimes I really wished that I could be wrong.

I started my checks on Devon with a clear mind, clear of my judgements and reservations.

Clear of any suspicious thoughts I had towards him.

I did the normal security checks first to get those out of the way. Those were all fine.

Satisfied that Devon was clean that way, I then looked at his company website and did my own personal review I usually carried out when working with a company.

First I’d go to their website and look over their updates, their products and services page and it helped if they had a section where their customers could leave reviews.

Devon’s company had one of such, and being the professional businessman he was he had a really good webpage.

Too good. That led me to a further search and I stumbled across a comment on Devon’s company left on a site called Which Investments. It was one of those community discussion sites that people threw out questions and answers.

The comment stated:

“Langdon Inc are a bunch of thieves. Investing in Bottlebrite ruined my life. Something has to be done about these people who take our money and leave us to rot in the dirt when everything goes to hell.”

I looked up Bottlebrite, a company that specialized in these new age water bottles that were supposed to be made with water filters. Their shares plummeted recently and the company went bust.

Seeing that made me go back to Devon’s website. I was simply checking to see the investments they’d recommended in the last few months.

Doing that only heightened my suspicions, and further checks revealed that at least eighty percent of the investments they’d gotten people to invest in had gone down the drain. All the companies had gone bust.

All of them.

What were the chances of so many investments going wrong?

It just screamed that something wasn’t right and now that I’d seen this for myself I worst didn’t want the case. I couldn’t remember a time in my life when I didn’t follow my instincts.

I couldn’t ignore them now.

On that thought I went straight to my parent’s house to see my father.

When I walked into the living room he was sitting in the armchair reading a newspaper. Classical music played in the background, part of my mom’s collection, which meant he was missing her and maybe in a mood about it.

He lifted his head when he saw me and frowned.

“Do I even want to ask why you’re here?” Were his first words.

Yup, he was definitely in a bad mood. Normally he would at least welcome me with a smile.

It was late and I didn’t want to spend more time than necessary on this. I had Summer on my mind too and I was anxious to get home to see if she was okay.

“Dad, did you know that more than three quarters of the investments Devon’s company sold in the last few months all had problems. The companies all went bust after a while leaving any shares held in them worthless.” Straight to the point.

This was one of those times when I wished my father would hear me out and not think I was trying to defy him.

“Alex, what relevance is that to your case?” He rested the paper in his lap and brought his hands together.

“It’s part of my vetting process. Checks I do before I take on a case.”

Dad pulled in a haggard breath. “Did you do the standard security based checks on him?”

“Yes.” I knew where he was going with this before he continued.

“And was everything okay?”

“They were fine, but that’s not the point. Dad, I work in finance law, you don’t just do a standard check on a client. Plus with so much money laundering going on these days you have to be careful. You absolutely know this, but you’re clouded by your friendship for the man.”

The look he gave me now was on of sheer frustration. “I can’t believe you Alex, you’re going to mess this up aren’t you?”

“I’m not messing anything up. Dad, something isn’t right. Something doesn’t feel right and doesn’t look right. This is the part where I’d get a PI involved and do further investigation.” Or I’d ask Marc. Damn it, he couldn’t go away for so long next time. If he was here I would have run it all past him and gotten his take on it. “Or, I simply wouldn’t do the case.”

“Alex, can you give me concrete evidence of your suspicions? Or, even tell me what your suspicions are. Give me a label.”

Fuck, this was absolute shit. He wasn’t budging, and this conversation was pointless. I didn’t have a label, I had suspicion.

“You want me to find proof of something I suspect?”

“No, I don’t. what I want is for you to stick to the case. Damn it, son, it’s a simple task. Stick to the case and stop looking for something wrong. We represent people who are guilty all the time and advise them within the remit of the law. You can’t play defense and prosecuting attorney all at once. You have to pick.”

“It’s not about me trying to do both. I feel like he’s hiding something.”

If your client was hiding information it didn’t matter if you were prosecuting or defending. The worry over not being upfront would bite if found out later.

“Alex. You’re allowing your personal feelings to get in the way of the case. You don’t like Devon, I get it, but he’s a client who needs our help. He’s provided all the information we need. I looked the case over myself and I couldn’t see a need for anything else. If he’s hiding something then it’s his business and doesn’t affect our work. Your work.”

“Dad –”

“No!” He held up his hands. “Enough. No more of this. You are going out of your way to find fault and I’m tired of you doing things like this. This is it, Alex. You know no other firm would stand for your craziness. Some of the things you’ve done in the past are so outlandish you would have been fired on the spot. So this is it. If you’re going to mess things up and make us look bad, ruin my friendship with a friend I’ve known and trusted forever, then tell me now.”

Dad was so furious his whole face turned red.

In all my years I’d never seen him look like that, and I had admittedly done a lot of outlandish things.

I’d just never come across a case like this where everything in me screamed don’t do it.

But what choice did I have?

I had to admit too that he was right. All I had were my suspicions. That’s it.

The information I found earlier didn’t say much in regards to my case, but I got the feeling it would tell more if I looked a little deeper.

Was I going to do that?

“I’m being serious, Alex. I want an answer. If you want to be part of the senior partnership this is the way. Are you in?”

“Yes.” I felt my own anger rise within me.

Since I had nothing further to say I walked out, leaving him.

This was the first time in my life that I felt restrained. Normally I’d have some form of control, even minimal.

I hated feeling this way. Hated it like nothing else. But I wanted the damn partnership. Wanted it badly.

I seethed all the way home as I thought about how I was actually going to pull off working this case without feeling like something was wrong.

It wasn’t until I got inside and saw something else that I wanted that my frustration abated.

All thoughts drained out of my mind when I looked at the angel sitting on the sofa watching some chick flick.

Meet Joe black.

My mom loved that film and watched it over and over again. She liked anything like that.

I looked at Summer sitting there wearing, to my surprise, one of my shirts and a pair of sexy as hell denim shorts that showed off her golden legs.

She had that mass of platinum hair up on top of her head in one of those loose buns. It drew my attention to her high exotic cheekbones, but also to the sadness that was evident on her face.

She had the light dimmed while the film played, but I still saw everything.

It wasn’t until I walked up to her that she noticed me.

Summer straightened up, eyes red, face blotchy looking like she’d been crying.

“Hi.” Even her voice sounded shaky.

I kneeled down next to her and reached for her hand.

“Hello angel. Are you okay?” There was no way I couldn’t ask. Just like earlier.

“I’m okay.” She seemed a little shaken, definitely not like herself, for what I’d seen so far.

“You’re in my shirt.” I smiled at her.

“My clothes, um … I left them in the washing machine.” She blinked.

I could have said something flirty, like she didn’t have to wear clothes if she didn’t want to, but held back. She didn’t look like she was in the mood for that tonight, or me being that way with her.

“Looks good on you.” My shirt swamped her tiny frame but still managed to look sexy on her. “Bad day?”

She nodded, eyes cast down. “The worst in a while.”

“You want to talk about it?”

She shook her head slowly and the tear that ran down her cheek clenched at my heart. I didn’t want anything or anyone making her cry.

I remembered when she came to me for help when the rats were in her apartment. I felt for her then too.

She was crying then. This felt different.

“Can I at least sit with you?”

She lifted her head and gazed at me. “Yes, I’d really like that.”

I stood up and shrugged out of my jacket, then I took my place next to her.

When she leaned against my chest, I placed my arm around her.

It felt like we’d always been like this. Like we were supposed to be like this.

“You’re heart’s beating so fast.” She whispered against my shirt pressing her hand to the flat of my stomach.

“That’s cos I’m not used to having angels on my chest.” I stroked the side of her neck.

She lifted her head. “Alex, why do you call me that?” The look in her eyes showed an eagerness that told me she really wanted to know. Like it meant something to her.

I thought for a moment as I watched and straightened up a little. “Angels are the most perfect beings I know. Flawless and beautiful inside and out. But the best part is it’s their inner beauty that overpowers everything else. The outer appearance is just a bonus.”

“You think that about me?” she asked, barely able to get the words out. More tears streamed down her cheeks.

“I know so.”

“How? You barely know me.”

“So you keep telling me.” I grinned. “If I’d known you for years would you believe me more?”

“I don’t know.”

“I personally don’t need to know you for any length of time to tell you what I see. But I seriously hope that the people who’ve known you for years make you feel better than me. I’m actually jealous.”

“Don’t be.” She broke down.

I straightened up and cupped her face. “What’s wrong, baby? Talk to me.”

Her lower lip trembled, quivering as more sadness and tears clouded her features.

“I can’t…” she winced.

Whatever it was must have been real bad.

Instead of persisting, I did the only thing I could and took her back into my arms.

She rested her head near my heart which never beat like this before.

“I got you.” I whispered into her ear.

When she took hold of my hand and held on to it something I wasn’t prepared for happened to me.

She felt like she was mine and my heart ached to see her in pain.