Current Day

The gravel crunches under my feet as each step brings me closer to my impending doom. Great. Now I sound like my roommate’s overdramatic sister. Regardless, I work the coins deep inside my coat pocket. That moment—the one when I swallow the bitterness and pretend everything is fine—has arrived, and I still don’t want to face the inevitable. Face her. Damn, I knew she would be here, so I shouldn’t feel so unprepared.

Our team is coming off the high of winning the World Series. To keep the celebration going, Zach, my best bud and star closer, has thrown together this outdoor get-together—the team’s last hooray before we split for winter break.

“Jax, my man. When did you get here?” Drake, our rookie backup catcher, cuts across the grass and impedes my progress.

I sneak a glance at the beautiful brunette cruising the buffet table. A pang of remorse tightens my chest, and bitterness leaves a bad taste in the back of my throat.

“Just now. I was running late.” I leave out the intentionally part. Shit, I almost bailed, but Zach would kick my ass if I didn’t show. Well, he’d try, but I wouldn’t let that happen. His multimillion-dollar pitching arm could get hurt, and that is the last thing we want.

“Nah, it’s all good. They just set out the food.” He lifts his full plate, and my gaze strays to the brunette again. Her feet carry her across the stamped concrete patio to the round fire pit on the far side.

With each step she takes, her hair sways in the light breeze but not as much as her curvy hips. When I knew her, she was skinny with no meat on her. Guess that’s what having three kids does to a woman’s body. I’m definitely not complaining. Her new figure makes me want to swallow my tongue so I don’t drool like a fucking caveman.

Drake nudges his chin in the direction I’m staring. “That hot piece of ass cooked most of it.”

“Her name is Jocelyn.” I clench the coins trapped in my fingers and try to keep my tone even. Drake raises an eyebrow at me, but I remain stoic.

“Hey, bro. Just sayin’ I’d tap that even though it’s cougar style.”

Jesus, this kid doesn’t know when to shut up. If anyone is in line for an ass-kicking, it’s him.

“She’s twenty-eight. Same age as me.” I don’t bother disguising the disdain in my voice.

“Like I said, cougar. Straight-up hot.” He slaps me on the shoulder and reins in his tone. “Get some food, old man. You’re grouchy.”

“Fucking rookie,” I mumble and stalk toward the tables. I’ll fill my plate and then go join her. Better to get this awkwardness over with. The sooner the air clears between us, the quicker this nagging guilt can leave.

During an interview once, a journalist asked me what my biggest regret in life was. Who asks that? It’s so personal. My brain scrambled to come up with a lie. The truth? I’ll never admit that out loud. Uh-uh. There isn’t any way I want the entire nation knowing my biggest regret was not being able to hold on to Jocelyn Kennedy. She slipped through my fingers like a misfielded routine ground ball.

I grab a plate and scan the food. The heap of pulled pork looks surprisingly appetizing. My mouth waters as I pile the barbecue onto my plate. A few more scoops and my bases are loaded. Jesus, this is a lot of grub.

“Thought maybe you were going to pull another disappearing act.” Zach pulls up next to me with his son draped over his shoulder. Poor kid looks worn out.

“I had my reasons for missing your wedding. You know that.” I balance the plate and grab the utensils, avoiding eye contact.

Zach and Lacey’s wedding was a small, private affair and one I hated to miss. Zach’s been my friend since freshman year, and we’ve been teammates for almost the same amount of time. There was only one reason I didn’t want to be there, and that would be the five-six bombshell currently sitting by the fire.

Zach follows my gaze. “Sorry, I didn’t mean our wedding. I meant the other times you’ve conveniently copped out.”

“Oh.” Maybe my remorse is getting to me more than I thought.

“You going to talk to her this time?”

“Yeah, I better get it over with.”

“It’s been over ten years, man. I’m sure she’s over your split.”

“No shit, dickhead.” She’s been married and divorced since we broke up—no way she’s still hung up on me. That’s not the concern. The bigger question is, am I still hung up on her?

“Watch it. You don’t want Lacey to hear you swearing around Tommy.” He pats his kid on the back, but the little guy is out cold. “She’s got a mean backhand slap.”

I laugh. “Wife troubles?”

“Ha! You wish you had my problems.”

Yeah, I do, sometimes.

Ever since Zach married Lacey, I’ve seen slight changes in him. He’s happier. Content. They’re fucking perfect for each other despite the rough and bumpy road they took.

I don’t see myself as the settling-down type, but witnessing how happy they are leaves room for unwelcome thoughts. Ones that have no place in my bachelor brain. But it doesn’t matter because any type of relationship, short- or long-term, can’t happen until I take care of the past. Purge my guilt. Flush all regrets. My gaze strays back to Jocelyn. Our championship logo brands the hoodie she’s wearing and makes me think of the time she stayed in my dorm wearing nothing but my jersey and her damn smile that lit the entire shoebox of a room.

“Go talk to her. But good luck—she’s a little salty since her divorce. Not that I blame her, but…”

“Thanks.” I wink. “Think I got it covered.”

“Okay then.” He half-grins at my cockiness as if there’s some hidden secret I’m not privy to. “I’m going to put this little guy to bed. Grab a beer. We’ll catch up later.” As an afterthought, he adds, “And lighten up, we just won the World Series.”

A smile ghosts my lips for the first time this evening as Zach weaves his way through the crowd. I suck in a breath and stalk toward the fire pit.

“Hey, stranger,” I say as I approach.

Those chestnut eyes peer up at me, and my chest squeezes. Whenever Jocelyn looked at me, her gaze always held a brightness. An innocence that glowed. It was one of her best qualities. But not now. Sadness has replaced the luster of the woman in front of me. Fucking Carl. He killed the piece of her I treasured most. It’s bad enough New York beat the southern accent out of her, but he didn’t have to squash her best attributes.

“Jax.” The sharp tone in her acknowledgment crawls over my skin, and I now want to drop-kick Carl. This aggressive vibe taking hold of me needs to leave. Inhaling some courage, I scoot the empty patio chair beside her and settle into it.

“The food smells great. Heard I have you to thank.”

She turns back toward the fire. The firelight dances on her pale skin, illuminating her high cheekbones and slender neck. She really is a “hot piece of ass,” as Drake puts it, but it isn’t her looks that drew me to her in the first place. That’s just a bonus. It’s the clumsy imperfections, like the smudge of barbecue sauce on the side of her mouth, that I find adorable.

“I helped Lacey out.” She studies the flames as she waves me off. “No biggie.”

I press my lips together to suppress a grin. Same Jocelyn. Always putting others in front of herself. But this spread—pulled pork barbecue, some potato mixture, corn, and I don’t even know what to call this vegetable salad thing—isn’t anything to brush off. I take a bite of the questionable veggie mix and moan. It’s fucking fantastic.

“You never give yourself enough credit. This is—” I chew a few times and swallow. “This is great.”

She shrugs and doesn’t say anything else.

I eat a few more bites because it tastes that good and I’m starving. Unable to stop myself, I steal glances at her while chewing. She stares into the flames, but I can’t decipher her thoughts. Dark, haunted. Is this how she looked after our split? I somehow don’t think so, considering she and Carl became an item right away. Toss in their five-year marriage, which produced three kids, and our breakup doesn’t compare. The bitterness squeezes my chest again. I bet my World Series ring our split affected me more than her.

“I’m sorry to hear about your divorce.” I may as well slap my cards on the table and get this awkwardness over with. The last thing I want to do is bring up her pain caused by another guy, but it’s a dick move if I don’t mention it.

Admittedly, when Zach told me what happened, the news ignited a tiny spark of hope. I thought I’d lost my one and only chance with Jocelyn our freshman year in college after she broke up with me, but I don’t want my hope to be at her expense. I hate seeing her hurt. And she’s been hurting for the past year.

“Thanks, it happens.” Her dry tone slices through me, but when her gaze cuts back to me, I’m practically gutted. “You know he cheated on me, right?”

My throat becomes thick as I try swallowing a helluva lot more than food. I nod, not saying a word.

“I must be the type of girl everyone wants to cheat on.” Her chin tilts up, mouth set as if she’s trying to be strong. She could pull it off if I didn’t already know her. She can’t hide the emotions in her eyes. They’ve always spoken the truth, and right now, they scream of her pain.

I place the plate on the ground and lean closer to her, staying far enough away that we don’t touch. “That’s not true.”

“Isn’t it?”

“No.” As the hard lines in her expression soften, I add, “Anyone who cheated on you is a damn fool.”

She shakes her head and turns away. “Your words are hardly believable.”

“Maybe, but I speak the truth.” I sneak a glance at her as she continues to watch the flames. I should be a gentleman and tell her about the sauce on her face, but the tiny flaw keeps me grounded. What I prefer is a different type of sauce placed there. Shit. With everything she’s dealt with this past year, my mind should stay away from any sexual thoughts when it comes to her.

“How’re the kids?” I ask, switching gears.

A flicker of light dances in her eyes, and for a moment, I’m taken back to our freshman year. Pre-breakup, pre-marriage.

“They’re...adjusting, but otherwise good.” She lets out a tiny sigh, and just like that, the old Jocelyn is gone. “I can’t believe that bastard fooled me all these years.”

Fuck, I don’t know what to say. Carl’s an idiot. Yeah, I’ll go with that, so I say it out loud.

She nods and then turns to me. “Why are all guys idiots?”

I don’t know, but I don’t say that aloud. Instead, I say something even stupider. “Come on. I wasn’t that much of an idiot, was I? Or maybe I was—you fell in love awfully fast after our breakup.”

As the words leave my mouth, regret slams back into me. But damn it, she was with him just six short weeks after our split. She ended up marrying the bastard for Christ’s sake.

“Yeah?” She raises her eyebrows, challenging me. “And look where that landed me.”

This reunion isn’t going as well as I hoped. Before I can redeem myself, Drake crashes the conversation.

“Hey, is your roommate’s sexy-ass sister here?”

“You mean Cara? I have no idea.” My flat tone should have been an indicator for him to go away, but the pesky rookie doesn’t know boundaries. “You shouldn’t be looking for her anyway. Teammates’ sisters are off-limits.”

“Oh, come on, that girl oozes sex. Don’t tell me you’ve never hit that.”

Jocelyn bristles beside me, and I press my fisted hands into my thigh.

“Dude, have some respect.” I gesture toward the lady present in case he isn’t smart enough to figure out why.

Drake glances sideways to Jocelyn and then back to me. A knowing smile tugs at his mouth as he nods. “Okay, I see. I’ll leave you two alone.”

I blow out a breath and turn to Jocelyn. “Sorry, not all guys are assholes.”

Her indifferent laugh doesn’t go unnoticed, and from the way her gaze goes cold, I know she’s thinking about our split again. Or maybe her and Carl’s split. I don’t know. What I did to her back then was a dickish move. Maybe we are all assholes.

“Present company excluded.” I may as well own up to my actions.

She turns to me and pauses for a moment. A tiny glimpse of the girl I once knew makes another brief appearance. “You did have your moments. Good ones I mean.”

We did, and we were good together. That’s why I regret losing her.

I’m not sure what comes over me. Nostalgia? Compelled by her good looks? Some voodoo love potion hexing the food? I don’t know, but my next words fly out before I can stop them. “We could give it another go.”

Her lips part in shock, but those eyes tell a different story. Her pupils dilate with want, and that spark of interest is all I need to go after what I really want—Jocelyn, in my arms where she belongs.

“We can’t. We... No. That’s a bad idea.”

“Why?”

Her jaw drops and then closes. Before she can answer, I lean in next to her ear. The apple scent from her hair overrides the campfire smell and makes me want to strip her clothes off and taste her. Even though I’m able to restrain myself from touching her, I’m not in control of my mouth.

“You know damn well how good we can be together.” My voice comes across gruffer than I intend, but the hitch in her breath fuels me on. “Mmm, I’d lick that barbecue smudge off your cheek, but I don’t think we’re quite there. Yet.”

Her eyes widen as she raises a hand to the left side of her face.

“Other side, babe.”

Her hair brushes the side of my cheek as I stand and leave with her staring after me. It only took a five-minute conversation to transport me back to college, when the most important things in my life were baseball and Jocelyn. The deets need to be worked out, but I guarantee one thing—Jocelyn Kennedy will be mine again. Bitter breakup or not.