CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
DAPHNE
I was a nervous wreck all day, but as soon as I heard the knock on my apartment door, I was tempted to run and jump right off the balcony. I was the one who wanted to talk…or I suppose needed was more accurate. I was hoping that by doing this, I could get him out of my system once and for all and then I could work on improving my relationship with God.
I opened the door and he stood there in front of me in full priest regalia. If I hadn’t already been intimidated and scared to death, I was then. I couldn’t help but wonder if that’s what he was going for, or maybe if he thought I’d go easier on him because of it. The only reason I was so angry with him was because he was a priest, so it wasn’t helping either of our causes for him to flaunt it. He smiled, and God help me if I didn’t feel it all the way to my core.
“Hello, Daphne.”
I stepped back and said, “Father Jace.” I emphasized the “Father” in case he was to forget again.
I saw him give a quick look around as he walked inside my apartment. It was as if he were checking to see if anyone else was there, like maybe the paparazzi were going to jump out from behind the curtains. It would serve him right if they did.
“Have a seat,” I said. “So what’s up with the garb? Did you think I’d go easier on you if you actually looked like a priest?”
He looked down at his clothes and then with a sad smile, he said, “No. I came straight from confession. Plus, if anyone asked any questions, I wanted to have a legitimate reason for being here. I’m officially welcoming a new parishioner to our flock.”
I rolled my eyes. He seemed to be entirely in self-preservation mode and it was ticking me off. What about me? “So,” I said, taking the seat next to him—I only had one small sofa, so it was either that or stand. “Do you do this a lot?”
His face colored and he said, “No, never before, actually. I was struggling with some personal issues that led to some doubts about my faith. I went to the bar that night to be out in my community and clear my head. I was hoping to remind myself how much I love what I do and bring myself back to my faith.”
I raised an eyebrow. “So what happened?”
“I saw you.” The look in his green eyes when he said that made me shudder. If he was coming on to me again…he was good. I felt my insides tingle and once again I had to put myself in check.
“I wish I could explain it,” he continued. “When I saw you, I had this uncontrollable urge to be with you. It’s something I haven’t felt in years, never since I’ve become a priest. I should have been able to control it, but since I also allowed myself to drink way too much alcohol, and although that is no excuse, it did lower my inhibitions way too much.”
God, I’m ridiculous. The butterflies were taking flight in my stomach, delighting in the fact that a priest of all people was telling me I created “an irresistible urge” inside of him. God, please help me.
“So what shall we do about this, Father Jace?” I was trying to sound professional but the feelings racing through me were touching places that they shouldn’t be and stirring up memories of our night together and the way he felt and tasted…and most especially the way he touched me.
“Maybe I should take this off,” he said, standing and unzipping the cassock. I watched as he pulled it off and then slipped off his collar. He laid them gently across the back of the couch and sat down. The cassock started to slip and I scooted over to catch it, realizing too late that it put me thigh to thigh with Jace.
He looked at me and said, “Now we can talk like just two people. I know this has to be hard for you. I’m so sorry I put you in this position, Daphne.”
“I just can’t understand it. I thought being a priest was a calling. Is it just a façade to you? A way to make people believe you’re this holy, pious man while you go on and live however you choose to when no one is looking?”
His eyes looked watery as he said, “No, Daphne, I swear. I have wanted to be a priest since I was a very young boy. It’s all I’ve ever wanted to do. I love God, and I love the Catholic Church. I can’t imagine my life now without it. I’m here to find out how we can fix this. If my diocese finds out what I’ve done…I can lose everything. Do you plan to tell anyone, Daphne?”
I should…shouldn’t I? Maybe not. Maybe it’s as much between him and God as it is between me and him. As it was, I had no desire or intentions to tell anyone. “No, Jace, I’m not going to tell anyone.”
He reached for my hand, and I didn’t move it. The simple touch of our hands sent thrills racing through my body and caused me to have to concentrate on my breathing. His eyes locked on mine before suddenly his arms were around me, pulling me in against his hard chest and stirring deeper desires. His arms were hard too and strong. I didn’t know that priests work out.
I tried to pull back. I was getting too excited and afraid of what I might do. He held tightly, though, and the only part of me I was able to pull back was my face. Our eyes locked again and then his dropped to my lips. It wasn’t a priestly look at all, and I knew he was going to kiss me.
I should pull away. I should fight it. I just couldn’t stop myself; I wanted it too badly. I craved the taste of his lips. He lowered his to mine and crushed against them in a passionate kiss. I let my lips part, and his tongue snaked in and found mine. We kissed until neither of us could breathe and then he let me go and abruptly stood up. My head was still spinning when he said,
“I’m sorry. I have to go.” He grabbed his cassock and collar, and I sat there in a state of shock as I watched him go. I wanted him to come talk so that I could try to understand how he’d broken his vows and why he’d done so with me…but I wanted him so badly that I was ready to lead him right back into temptation.