CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Quinn
", I for one am not going to tell you how to live your life," Darla said. "But I am going to tell you to drink this coffee. You don't look like you slept at all. Have you been crying?"
"No," I said. "That would be stupid. I don't have anything to cry about."
"No?" Darla asked. "So it would not have anything to do with that horrific dinner party your father threw for you or the fact that you went to a party to have fun and ended up seeing Owen licking his lips over some bottle-dyed redhead?"
I almost choked on a warm slug of coffee. "No. It has nothing to do with any of that. I just didn't sleep well. We start a whole new lab in nursing today. Maybe I'm nervous about that."
"Why would you be nervous? You cranked through all your catch-up work like it was nothing," Darla said. "And despite not studying last weekend, you still managed to pull off one of the highest test scores in the class."
"That doesn't mean I liked it. What's wrong with me, Darla? Why don't I know what I want to do with my life?"
"Because your life is not just some checklist."
"You're lucky. You know you want to be an artist, you are an artist," I said.
Darla fluffed up her hair. "So, why exactly am I paying all this money? Art is supposed to be one of those things that you just go out and do. Or maybe it’s one of those things that you have to master hundreds of techniques before you can really achieve it. See? I'm just as screwed up as you."
"So, what do we do?" I asked.
"Go to class," Darla replied. She threw open the door and blew me a kiss on her way out.
She was right. I was ready. It did not matter if I had my entire life mapped out or if the rest of my day was an entire blank slate. I had a class and that was what I needed to focus on. The rest of my life could wait. Owen could wait.
Even if it looked like he was done waiting for me.
My mind spiraled back to the party. It had been such a thrill to flirt with Dave and meet new people. Especially when Owen was watching me. Every time I felt his agate-blue eyes on me, I lit up like a candle. I knew it was wrong to enjoy him watching me and I spent way too much of the party laughing and flirting just to feel his eyes on me again.
I had spent so many years watching Owen and my sister together that it felt really good to be on the opposite side. It felt so good that I had forgotten how jealous, then hurt, then defiant, and finally vengeful I had felt being in Owen's position. Every time I smiled at Dave, I had driven Owen a little farther away. Straight into the arms of some willowy redhead.
The thought made me sick.
"You're not sick, are you?" my new lab partner, Bella, asked. "Today would be the absolute worst day to be sick."
"No, I'm fine. Sorry, my mind was elsewhere," I said. I joined her at the stainless steel lab table.
"Oh, good. I'm glad. I have to admit I was really excited when our new lab pairings came out. I mean, I know you were gone for a while, but that just showed what an amazing student you are. To come back and shoot to the top of the test scores like that. That is impressive."
"To be honest, I don't know how I did it," I said. "Besides, your name is right up there, too."
"Yeah, but I can't say things like 'I don't know how I did it.' You're a natural. I work really, really hard," Bella said. "That's why I think we'll make great lab partners."
"Alright, class. I know some of you have been excited for this while others have been dreading it. Today, we start our cadavers research lab. You and your partner will each be assigned a cadaver and will work through a series of assignments that explore the human body first hand," our professor said.
His teaching assistants wheeled sheet-covered gurneys into the lab as he spoke. Bella was already taking notes, but a buzzing had started in my ears and I could not hear what else the professor was saying.
One by one, the pairs of nursing students were uncovering their cadavers and taking initial observations. Ours arrived and was lifted onto the stainless steel table. Bella grabbed the sheet and peeled it back.
I saw blonde hair, the ashen gray forehead, and the lab exploded around me. Somewhere in the buzzing blare of light, I heard someone screaming. It was me.
"Quinn! Quinn! Are you alright?" Bella had me in a tight hug. I was sobbing against her shoulder. The floor slowly stopped undulating.
I stood up, shaking, and peeked over her shoulder. The cadaver was an old woman with white hair. She had to be at least eighty years old.
"I'm sorry," I said in a hoarse voice. "I don't feel well."
The professor tried to catch me, but I ran from the room. I could not sprint down the halls fast enough and almost fell racing down the stairs. When I made it outside, I did not stop running. Tears streamed down my face as I ran blindly back to my dorm room.
"Quinn? Oh my God, Quinn, what happened?"
Owen's strong arms came out of nowhere and caught me up in an all-encompassing hug. I clung to him, the sobs ripping out of my chest again.
"Please, please tell me what happened. Are you alright?" He spoke against my hair, his body still wrapped protectively around me. "You're scaring me."
"I got scared, that's all," I said. "We started on the cadavers today. So gray."
He pulled me over to a bench and cradled me in his arms. When I could finally take a deep breath, I sat up in his lap. "I'm sorry," I said.
"Nothing to be sorry about. Maybe this just goes on the con list for nursing as a career," Owen said.
A laugh burst out and surprised us both.
"Wait, what are you doing here?" I asked.
"I'm not stalking you. I swear," Owen said. He helped me to my feet and stood up. "I was here to talk to one of the computer programming classes."
"Sure," I said. My legs felt shaky and ruined the teasing.
"And then I decided to see if you were around. So, yes, I guess it turned into stalking," Owen said. "I'm sorry about the other night at the party."
"What about it?" I asked, my heart aching.
"You thought I was flirting with that redhead. I was really just passing the time until you were free," he said.
"Really?"
"Whoa, hang in there," Owen reached out to steady me. "You know, Quinn, it’s possible that you have PTSD. Maybe you should go lay down for a while."
"No, please, I need to get off campus," I said.
"UCLA got me a hotel room in town," Owen said.
I headed towards the parking lot. He caught up with me after a few steps and wrapped his arm tightly around me. I was glad as my legs still felt wobbly. Now that the terrifying episode had passed, the adrenaline was kicking in and I felt electrified.
When we got inside Owen's hotel room, he went straight to the mini-bar and cracked open a small bottle of Scotch. "Here. This will help calm your nerves. You look a little jumpy. Adrenaline?"
"I don't know," I said. "What, do you think I'm a nursing student or something?"
Owen laughed and flopped down in the armchair. He put his feet up on the bed, leaving me the rest of the king-sized mattress to spread out on. I used all the extra pillows to create a nest and settled in with the little bottle of Scotch.
"No," he said. "Maybe not a nursing student today. How about a chef?"
"I burned macaroni and cheese in high school. Remember? You had to knock down the smoke detector with a baseball bat."
"How about astrophysics? You could spend your life studying black holes."
"That sounds uplifting. Oh, wait, my math skills are not strong enough," I said.
"Yeah, you're terrible at making change."
I whacked his feet off the corner of the bed.
"How about astrology, then? I bet you could write a good horoscope," he said.
"Sounds good. Let's start with yours. With the moon in your seventh sign, beware of old friends. Your wit and charm will get you nothing but slapped." I took a hearty swig of the Scotch and punctuated his horoscope with a round of hacking coughs.
Owen grabbed two beers from the mini-bar and cracked them open. "Here, might be better with a chaser," he said.
He sat down on the bed next to me. I grabbed for the beer, but he did not let go. I took another swig of the Scotch and his lips followed. The burning alcohol was nothing compared to the fire Owen's kiss started in my belly.
I took the beers from his hand and balanced them on the bedside table. When I turned back, his agate-blue eyes were following me with the same intensity from the party. I crawled back along the bed and into his lap. He sighed, long and hard, his hands coming to rest on my hips. Then slowly, each millimeter taking a century, we drew closer and closer until our lips brushed again. Soft feather-weight kisses that erased the world around us. Over and over again until there was nothing but the two of us.
"I've wanted you for so long," I said.
"You have no idea." Owen tangled his hands in my hair.
The soft kisses disappeared and passion devoured us.
"Wait," I said. I pushed against his chest and stood up. "There's something I have to do. I have no idea what else is going to happen with my life but there are two things I know."
"What's the first thing?"
"I have to call my parents and tell them I am quitting the nursing program," I said.
"And what's the second thing that you know?"
"That I don't want you to move an inch."
#
did not want to argue. I could not let my father try to build an argument against my decision. He was a lawyer, a very talented lawyer, and I knew the longer I let him talk, the more sense he would start making.
"Father, I'm sorry. I know I have the aptitude for it but not the heart. Maybe someday, but that will be my decision. This is my decision. I'm quitting the nursing program. I'm leaving UCLA," I said.
"Of all the hair-brained, impulsive things to call out of the blue and say." My father held the phone away from his mouth and shouted for my mother. "Your sister would never have done anything like this."
"Exactly," I said. "I'm sorry, but I wanted you to know right away. I don't know what I'm going to do, but I will find a job and start paying back the student loans."
"And how do you think that's going to happen? Have you thought about-"
"Did you just hang up on your father?" Owen asked.
"Why do you think I'm turning my phone off?"
"How do you feel?" he asked.
Owen had not moved an inch. He still sat on the edge of the bed, his feet planted squarely on the ground. I stood between his legs and smiled.
"I feel like I just woke up. Like I've been asleep and having one of those stress dreams when all the clocks are moving too fast or your teeth are falling out. And now, I'm awake and I know for certain that everything is just fine. I'm fine," I said.
"I think you're better than fine," Owen said. He wrapped his arms around my waist and smiled up at me. "And here I thought Sleeping Beauty needed a kiss to break the spell."
"Maybe it was your kiss," I said. I leaned down and tasted his lips again. "Hmm, I'm not sure. Maybe I should try again."
Owen chuckled and pulled me onto the bed next to him. I pushed myself into the center of the king-sized bed and stretched out. He rolled next to me and traced his fingers from my cheek, down my neck, and all the way down my arm. Our fingers interlaced and he brought our hands to his lips.
"Maybe I'm the one that's waking up," he said. "Sometimes it feels like that when I'm with you. Like I was sleepwalking through someone else's life, except when I was with you."
I reached up and kissed him, a long savoring kiss, before I lay back down and smiled. "Now how do you feel?"
Owen lowered his head and murmured against another kiss, "I hope you feel the same way I do."
He slipped over my body and pressed us down into the soft duvet. His hips ground slow, stirring friction against mine and I could not help but arch to meet him. Even my nipples reached taut through my shirt to brush against the hard contours of his chest. Each gentle thrust and press rubbed an exquisite pleasure from them.
I pulled my shirt up over my head, then tugged Owen's up the muscular ridges of his back. When our bare skin met, I let out a groan of pleasure that ended in a deep chuckle. He caught it in another deep kiss that left me panting.
"How do you feel?" I asked.
"I can't get enough of you. I need more. Please more," Owen said.
He fumbled with the buttons on my jeans as I lapped at his neck. I tried my teeth against the soft tug of his ear lobe and Owen collapsed over me. The fact that the delicate touch of my tongue against the curve of his ear caused his whole strong body to shudder with pleasure stoked a fire in me I had never felt before.
"Roll over," I said.
Owen complied, undoing his jeans as he positioned himself against the pillows of the king-sized bed. I slipped my jeans off and straddled him, watching his eyes close in ecstasy as I rocked against him. The power made me throb as I teased us both until we shivered with delight.
One last rocking rub against his body and Owen sat up. He buried one hand in my hair and the other arm tight around my waist. Our kiss was more than desire, more than hunger, it was drawing breath from each other as we were consumed.
He rolled me beneath him, and I felt the deep contentment of him inside me. We fit together tight, hard, and locked as a whole. When he moved, my body answered and together, we pulsed higher and higher.
In the blissful stillness that followed, I had an epiphany. "Now I know," I accidentally said out loud.
"Know what? I don't think I even know my name right now," Owen said.
"Maybe I'll tell you someday," I said. I did not want to say another word and break the peace we had together.
Now I knew what it felt like when something was right, and I was never going to accept anything else.