Jagger

 

 

 

“Four agonizing days,” I said.

It’s only been four days since I ended everything with Tiffany and it’s felt like four hundred. I knew this would be hard but the lack of sleep and everything reminding me of her surprised me.

“And how does that make you feel?” Dr. Randy Tenner asked.

I rolled my eyes. That’s all the man did, asked how anything made me feel. He got all that schooling to obtain a degree so he could ask people how they felt.

“Terrible. But it was the right thing to do.”

“Interesting.” He nibbled on the tip of his pen before he pushed it to the pad of paper in his lap, scribbling something down.

“It put the case at risk, not to mention Tiffany and David.” I curled my fingers into the arms of the black leather chair. He must have bought this himself because I couldn’t fathom the government forking over money for a nice piece of furniture like this.

“And that concerns you? Putting those two at risk.”

“Of course. I’m not an unfeeling monster. It was my mistake, and they shouldn’t have to pay for it,” I said letting go of the arm of the chair and running my fingers through my hair.

“And besides, it’s not like I’m in love with Tiffany. It hasn’t even been a month since I’ve gotten to know her—”

“What about Las Vegas?” The doctor cut me off. “Didn’t you get to know her then too? That was almost two months ago.”

“That doesn’t count.” I waved my hand at him, blowing air through my lips.

“But you married her. How do you marry someone, even if you just met, without some kind of spark? Knowing something about them that makes you decide to spend the rest of your life with them.”

Now he suddenly puts his degree to use. Not that I wanted him to. He should be jumping up and shaking my hand. Explaining that he must go tell my boss that I should be honored for my courage. How I put this agency first instead of my heart.

Why can’t he just tell me what I want to hear?

“She told me some things about her. But I think I married her because I was drunk,” I said picking at a piece of thread protruding from the seam of my pant leg.

“You weren’t drunk enough to not remember. You told me she blacked out, but you remember everything. Even how you felt when she put your father’s ring on your finger,” he said flipping back a few pages in his notepad.

I should have known it was a bad omen to use that ring. Nothing good ever came from that man.

“Yes, I remember it, but that doesn’t mean I fully grasped the severity of the situation.”

“Perhaps not, but you knew the risk of getting involved with a woman to that degree. Maybe, deep down, you really wanted to be married,” he said.

I stopped fidgeting. My eyes lifted to the round government issued clock above Dr. Tenner’s head on the sterile white wall behind him.

“Oh look, my time is up. Thank you, Dr. Tenner, for your help. You will make a note in my report to Ms. Chester that I am no longer in Tiffany and David Blackburn’s life.”

I stood and glanced down at his notes hoping to see what he wrote. But he flipped over the cover and tossed it onto the small table between us before I could see.

I almost made it to the door before he said, “Yes, I will. But Agent Chance, if I could say one thing before you go . . .”

Sighing, I turned toward him and nodded.

“Who will be there to hold your hand when you are in the hospital? Tiffany . . . or this job?”

“What makes you think I will be in the hospital?” I asked, confused by the morbid turn of his words.

“It’s hypothetical. If or when you need to be in the hospital, who would be there for you. I don’t think a job can hold your hand or make you soup when you are sick. But a person who cares for you can.”

He had a point, but it was a point that was too sharp for me to stand at the moment.

“But a job can pay the hospital bills.” I tried to smile but it turned more lopsided than I wanted.

I left and went to the elevator as quickly as I could, not wanting any more of Dr. Randy’s hypotheticals.

When I arrived on my floor, I heard someone call my name. The voice made me uneasy. For a moment, I wished I hadn’t left Dr. Randy’s office so soon.

“Agent Chance. I need to speak with you in my office.” Katlin’s booming voice rattled the hall and my head.

Katlin Chester had two volumes, loud and glass shattering. When she broke out her crushing voice you knew something terrible was about to happen. Based on her volume just now, I assumed the world around me was about to fall to pieces.

I swiftly made my way into her office and took a seat before her head lifted from what she was writing on her desk.

“I suspect you know why I called you in here?” she said with a glare so sharp it could have sliced me in two.

Did Dr. Randy call her? If he did, then she knew I severed all ties with Tiffany. That’s a good thing.

“I’m sure you approve. I know it took me a little longer than I anticipated but—”

“Approve?” Katlin’s voice hit notes I didn’t realize could go that high. “Of using government-issued listening devices to eavesdrop on a citizen that may potentially affect the outcome of a case?”

Oh, that. Dammit Tenn and his big mouth.

“Actually, I bought the devices myself. They aren’t government property.”

“I don’t care if a genie from a bottle gifted you those devices as one of your three wishes, what did you think you were doing, Agent Chance?” She rose to her feet and leaned over, putting her fist on the desk.

“Good question.”

She blinked waiting for more. The trouble was I didn’t want to expand on it. But I knew I had to. And as awful as it was going to be to give the details of this to my boss, what would most likely happen after would be much worse.

“I’m waiting, agent.”

“I thought I was protecting Mrs. Blackburn and her son. By marrying her, I put her at risk. I only wanted to make sure they were safe.”

“Why didn’t you run this by me? We could have put an agent on her. Kept watch on her for a while,” she said, her voice coming back to normal.

“But I was already there and I had the devices, so I just figured . . .” I shrugged and began to pick at the thread on my leg again.

Katlin sat and watched me work the black fiber as if I was on the verge of discovering one of the great mysteries of life like the Bermuda Triangle or slow drivers.

“Did you remove the listening devices?”

“Yes, I did. After the date she had a week and a half ago.”

Katlin took a breath. “She doesn’t know you were spying on her?”

“No. It was stupid, ma’am, I know that. I’m sorry. You’re right, I should have come to you. I was worried you wouldn’t approve it.”

I didn’t mention that I couldn’t find one of the devices I planted in her kitchen. It must have fallen onto the floor and gotten swept up and thrown away. When I went to check on the device on my end, there wasn’t any sound coming from it. I wasn’t worried, sometimes that happened.

“You put this case at risk, Agent Chance. If your partner, Agent Golden, hadn’t told me what happened, there would be no way of rectifying it before Emma Hawthorne’s lawyers found out.”

“If they found out,” I said.

Her fist pounded the desk. “They are looking at you with a fine-tooth comb right now. Since Mrs. Hawthorne has implicated you, along with her daughter, they are trying to find anything that may look like you screwed up. And you know what this thing with Tiffany Blackburn looks like to me?”

I ran my fingers through my hair. “That I screwed up.”

“That you more than screwed up. That you made a big, fat, screw-the-fuck-up sundae and slathered it in messed-up sauce before topping it with a I-don’t-know-what-I’m-doing cherry.”

“Tell me how you really feel.” The laugh died on my lips as she stood again.

“This is funny, Agent Chance? Your partner may make silly jokes, but at least he hasn’t screwed up any cases he’s been on. The government has had an eye on Emma Hawthorne for a few years. When this agency formed three years ago, I worked hard to make the Hawthorne case something the higher-ups would give us the okay on. This case was supposed to be the jewel in our crown, hence why I gave Emma Hawthorne the name Jewel.”

She took a breath and sat back down. Katlin’s face was no longer a dark salmon color, and I felt the worst was over. She berated me, which I deserved, and got it out of her system.

“I don’t think this is funny. It’s best I’m off the case now and Tenn’s taking over. Perhaps something new will help me to focus again. I got too involved in that assignment and let things go to my head,” I said and hoped she didn’t call me in here to reassign me.

Katlin nodded and clasped her hands in front of her on the desk. “I’m glad you feel that way.” She reached to the side of the desk and pulled something out of the drawer, throwing it on the desk near me. “This isn’t about reassignment.”

I sighed in relief. Reassignment meant being moved to some nowhere town and only allowed to do paperwork, most likely in the basement of an old building. Working with government workers that only want to complain about their job and how they long for retirement.

I visited one of those places once and felt my skin crawl from mundane hopelessness. Nothing was worse than reassignment.

Katlin continued, “As of today, you are no longer an agent with the United States government. Please hand over your identification and any firearms registered to you from the ITA.”