November 4, 2010
Shelby,
Do you know what I miss the most? What I think about more than anything else when I’m alone in my bunk at night, it’s pitch black, and all I can hear is the distant sound of gunfire and bombs exploding? That little sound you’d make when I kissed you. Even with all the noise going on around me, I can still hear that little gasp you’d make as soon as our lips touched. Even when it wasn’t a surprise and you watched me lean in, you still made that sound. Goddammit I miss that sound. I miss you. I love you, Shelby. Only you. Always you.
Remember that day we first kissed?
The muscles in my arms screamed in protest as I grabbed another bale of hay and chucked it into the next stall. After eight hours of Marine conditioning all day and Paul putting me on grunt work tonight as punishment when he found out I was a half hour late coming back from my dinner break two days ago, all I wanted to do was take a shower and fall face-first into bed.
Even with all the extra shit work I was given and how sore and exhausted I was, I couldn’t help but smile, knowing that extra half hour I’d gotten with you and the reason for my lateness was worth it. I’d chipped away a little bit of your attitude, got to hold you close and dance with you, and even made you laugh.
It was definitely worth feeding all the horses without any help.
Bending over, I grabbed a bale and paused before lifting it when I heard a strangled sigh come from behind me. I quickly looked over my shoulder and found you staring right at my ass.
“Enjoying the view, Legs?” I asked with a smirk.
You rolled your eyes and pushed off of the wooden post you’d been leaning against, crossing your arms in front of you.
“Why are you so annoying?” you asked.
Lifting the hay bale, I threw it into the stall and tossed the hooks to the ground.
“Why are you so beautiful?” I countered, pulling my work gloves off and shoving them in the back pocket of my jeans as I stalked over to you.
You took a quick step back as I advanced, but forgot all about the post behind you and smacked right into it, halting your attempt to get away from me.
I kept moving until we were toe-to-toe. Leaning into your body, I brought one hand up and rested it on the post above your head.
“You really need to stop looking at me like that,” I told you quietly, staring down at your face.
You nervously licked your lips and my eyes darted to your mouth. I knew from experience you had the softest lips I’d ever tasted and it was getting harder and harder not to kiss you, but I knew you needed to warm up to this thing happening between us before I went there. As much as it killed me.
“Looking at you like what?” you whispered, your voice coming out small and shaky, so unlike the fire that blazes from it when you usually speak to me.
And so fucking hot.
I chuckled under my breath, giving you a sweet smile instead of a cocky one so you knew without a doubt I wasn’t making fun of you.
“Looking at me like you want me inside you…you’re killing me, Legs,” I admitted, looking back up into your eyes.
Your mouth dropped open and I could tell you were struggling not to roll your eyes and give me attitude.
“I’m not going to kiss you again,” you muttered, lifting your chin indignantly. “I tried that once and you were a jerk.”
Bringing my hand that dangled down by my thigh up between us, I brushed my thumb gently across your bottom lip, suddenly realizing what the deal was with all the attitude you had been giving me. I hurt you when you left for college, and you weren’t about to let it go that easily without making me work for it.
“Maybe I wanna kiss you this time.”
My thumb continued to stroke your full bottom lip and your mouth parted with a sharp intake of breath, your chest rising and falling much more rapidly now. I honestly didn’t have a clue how I managed to continue standing here up against you so casually when all I wanted to do was lift you up so your long legs could wrap around my waist and shove myself between them.
“I was an idiot four years ago. I said a lot of stupid shit I didn’t mean. That kiss…Jesus Christ, Legs. I haven’t been able to get that kiss out of my fucking head for four years. I haven’t been able to get you out of my head for four years,” I muttered, giving you as much honesty as I could so you’d start to trust me. “Wondering if your lips are still as soft, wondering if you’d taste the same, wondering if you’d gasp into my mouth again and make me hard as a rock with just that one little sound.”
Your cheeks flushed and you swallowed nervously a few times, lighting a fire inside of me that I knew would never go out.
“I know you’re not going to kiss me again, and I deserve that after the shit I said to you. But just so you know, I’m going to fight for you, Legs. I’m not giving up and I’m not going anywhere.”
With one last swipe of my thumb across your bottom lip, I couldn’t hold back any longer and I said “to hell” with warming you up to the idea of the two of us together. I dipped my head down and tasted those soft, gorgeous lips. You gasped right when my mouth touched yours and it sounded just as good as it did four years ago.
Every kiss I’ve ever given you is burned into my brain, Shelby, but that first one…that one is my favorite.
—Eli
His kiss consumed me the moment his lips touched mine. I was already so twisted with emotion from the words he’d said to me and how easily he got me to dance without even realizing it, that I wouldn’t have known how to push myself away from him right now even if I wanted to.
My mouth parts for him immediately, wanting nothing more than to taste him again and let him heal every part of me that’s been broken. As soon as our tongues touch, he bends his knees and tightens his hold around my waist, lifting me up against him. My legs immediately wrap around his waist and my hands fist into his hair as he turns and walks us out of the room.
I don’t know where he’s taking me and I don’t care. I’ll go anywhere with him as long as he keeps kissing me like he can’t get enough of me.
His boots pound against the floor as he picks up the pace, with his legs and with his mouth. His tongue pushes deeper and the kiss grows harder and more frantic when I hear the snorts and whinnies of horses before they’re quickly muffled by the slamming of a door.
The flash of lightning illuminates the room when my eyes open as he pulls his mouth away from mine, his breath coming out fast and heavy.
“I wanted to take you to my new place. Buy you some flowers and cook you dinner, but it’s twenty minutes away and I’ve waited six years for this,” he tells me, his eyes staring deep into mine as more lightning strikes and brightens up the tack room he brought us into.
“I don’t need dinner and flowers, I just need you,” I whisper as he turns us and leans down, pressing me into the cot in the corner of the room and covering his body over mine.
He settles between my legs, resting on one elbow to hold himself above me, his hand running down my side and over the material of my dress. His warm palm presses against my scarred thigh, slowly sliding back up and under my skirt. I’ve never been touched like this since the accident, so surely and without hesitation that the emotions overwhelm me and I can’t stop my eyes from welling with tears. I quickly blink them away before Eli can see them and think something is wrong. Nothing could be more right with this moment.
“You deserve to be in a bed, not in a cot in a horse barn,” he mutters, looking down into my eyes as his hand moves up and down my thigh, sliding behind it to lift it up and hook it over his hip.
Bringing my hands to his cheeks, I cup his face in my palms and lean up, pressing my mouth gently to his before pulling back.
“I already told you, I don’t need anything but you, Eli.”
He sighs, resting his forehead against mine.
“Say my name again,” he tells me softly.
I smile, craning my neck so I can press my lips to his ear.
“Eli, Eli, Eli,” I whisper.
With a low, muttered curse, he turns his head and takes my lips again. My body ignites when our tongues touch and I move my hands from his face to slide them down his sides, yanking and tugging at his shirt. He breaks the kiss long enough to lean back and pull his T-shirt off and I press my palms to his muscled chest, an ache building inside my heart when I feel lines of scars under my fingers.
I look up into his face to see him watching me with apprehension. An ache builds inside my chest, thinking about what he went through and I don’t want him to believe for even one second that he’s anything less than an amazing, strong, beautiful man.
“We both have scars,” I remind him.
“Yes,” he says with a strangled whisper that threatens to crack my heart open.
“Does mine make me look weak?” I ask.
“Fuck no,” he immediately replies as I continue running my fingers over his chest.
“Neither do yours.”
He groans quietly when I dip my head forward and press my lips against each mark I can feel. One of his hands immediately comes up and he slides it through the hair at the back of my head, holding me against him as I kiss each painful memory away. When I finish, his fingers tighten in my hair and he pulls my head back and reclaims my mouth.
We move in a blur of hands and arms and shifting around on the small cot, removing each other’s clothes as fast as we can, pausing to kiss in between each article that’s removed. When I’m naked and lying completely bare and open beneath him, he slides his body down the length of mine, stopping with his head above my thigh.
Pushing myself up on my elbows, I watch as he takes his turn, kissing every inch of my scarred leg so softly and with so much care that I know this moment will be burned in my mind forever, making me feel cherished and beautiful. I let the people closest to me make me feel ugly and ashamed for too long.
Eli moves back up my body, pushing himself between my thighs as he goes. Locking my ankles behind his back, I hold his face in my hands once more as he rocks his hips, sliding himself against me, over and over, until I can feel my wetness coating him. His mouth hovers above mine, our lips barely touching as I pant and gasp while he continues to tease me.
It’s been so long since I’ve wanted something this much, craved someone this immeasurably, and as he pulls his hips back and pushes slowly inside me, I know I’ll only ever feel this way with him.
“Only you, always you,” I whisper against his lips with a groan as he slides fully inside me, saying the words he wrote to me all those years ago in his letters.
My name floats from his mouth on a whisper and the sound is filled with such awe and wonder that it takes my breath away as I push my hips up to bring him deeper.
“Say it again,” I murmur against his mouth as he begins slowly rocking in and out of me.
His mouth leaves a trail of kisses down my cheek until he gets to my ear.
“Shelby, Shelby, Shelby…mine.”
His hands grab on to mine and he takes them away from his face, lacing our fingers together as he pulls my arms above my head and presses them into the cot.
I groan his name and my head tilts back as he continues moving slowly in and out of my body.
His mouth finds mine again and his tongue pushes past my lips, sliding against mine in the same rhythm as his cock moving inside me, over and over. My body feels alive for the first time in six years, pleasure tingling up my spine and pulsing between my legs. I don’t have to be ashamed of what I want and what I need when I’m with Eli and I’ve missed this part of myself. I want to let go, be wild, and have this man who heals me take everything I have to give.
I break the kiss, keeping my lips against his when I speak with another groan as he pushes deep and grinds himself against me.
“Harder,” I whisper against his mouth.
A strangled, desperate sound flies past his lips, one of need and barely concealed control.
“Six years, baby,” he pants as he starts moving a little faster and I tighten my thighs around his hips. “I’m barely holding on. Don’t wanna hurt you.”
He’s still holding my arms above my head, and I squeeze his hands tightly, wishing for the hundredth time that I could go back and never let him leave me. Never have one second of missing out on this.
“I’m not going to break. Please,” I beg, pushing my hips up to meet him.
He growls low in his throat and immediately pulls his hips back and slams inside me, hard, just like I wanted. I shout his name and every thought flies from my mind. Suddenly there’s nothing but Eli—the feel of him taking me, the sound of his body slapping against mine, and the curses he mutters as he moves above me. The legs of the cot scrape against the wooden floor, inching closer to the wall as he drives into me with such force that I can barely breathe from how good it feels.
He fucks me like he can’t get deep enough, can’t move fast enough, can’t get close enough. He claims me with each slam of his hips against mine and I know I’ll never be the same again after this moment. Our sweat-slicked bodies slide against each other as we give and take, and still, it’s not enough.
I’m dying.
I’m alive.
I can’t breathe.
I’m whole.
My release doesn’t creep up on me slowly, starting at my toes and moving up my legs. The built-up pressure explodes out of me all at once like a million fireworks, my back arching as Eli slams his mouth to mine, swallowing my cries as the waves of pleasure pulse between my legs.
I tug my hands out of Eli’s and yank my arms down, my palms smacking against his back and my fingers digging into his skin as his hips move impossibly faster and harder. He wrenches his mouth from mine and buries his face in the side of my neck to muffle his moans as his orgasm hits him as hard as mine, his hips jerking and shuttering through his release. With one last hard thrust, he collapses on top of me. I wrap my arms around him, holding him to me as tightly as possible so I can feel the rapid beat of his heart against my chest.