28
T H E I N B E T W E E N
I’ll wait for you,
In fire and in rain,
I’ll wait for you,
And swallow all your pain.
EVERYTHING WAS A FORMIDABLE BLUR after I found them.
The long drive to the hospital, not knowing if they were going to pull through. Having to call Andy’s parents, who were already at an airport, waiting to board a flight, but even more devastated by the news I had to share. Arriving, only to be told I had to stay in the waiting room.
It was one hit after the other, all while my hopes and dreams held their breath. The minutes felt like millenniums as I traced my gaze over the ornate patterns in the carpet of the waiting room, tugging at the ends of my hair. I stood up and paced, poked my head around the corner every few minutes, and watched as nurses and visitors walked to and fro, oblivious that my world was hanging in suspension, waiting for word from a doctor.
After a little over an hour, I was finally told that Charlie had sustained a hairline fracture to his collarbone and suffered some abrasions, but he was expected to pull through just fine.
Andy, on the other hand, was in surgery for internal bleeding, the severity of the wounds still up in the air.
“I’m going to warn you, he might be a little out of it,” the nurse said as she walked me to Charlie’s room. “He’s on pain meds for his fracture and some of the wounds he sustained. But I’ll tell you…” she said as we rounded the corner to his room, “for a ten-year-old boy, he sure has the heart of a lion. He’s been brave as brave can be.” The nurse giggled as she stopped in front of his door. “And he sure did have a lot of questions. I wouldn’t be surprised if he took an interest in the medical field.”
“That’s Charlie,” I said, nerves twisting in knots. All I could think about was what Andy said about how his interests were constantly shifting the older he got. First monster trucks, then the weather… maybe what happened would lead him down a new path, to saving others.
Charlie was asleep when she opened the door to his room. It was hard seeing the bandages covering his face and arms from the nicks and scrapes he’d sustained. It made my chest feel like it had been run over. Made my blood boil just thinking about how Matt could put them in harm’s way.
I took Charlie’s hand in mine as the nurse shut the door behind me, tears staining my vision.
“Hey, bud,” I said as his chest languidly rose and fell, eyes swollen shut. “You had me really worried.” I glanced up to the ceiling, trying to blink away the unshed tears. With a deep breath, I looked down at him, pacing my breaths. “Your mom, on the other hand… I think she’s out to torment me. She’s always had a thing about keeping me on my toes.”
I readjusted my grip, scooting my chair closer as I softened my voice. “I’m going to tell you something, Charlie, because I know I can trust you. You’re my best bud.” I paused as the truth assaulted me all at once. “The whole time I was in the waiting room, I thought about how much you and your mom mean to me. How I’ve been blindly stubborn and disconcertingly scared.”
I scrubbed my other hand over my cheek.
“The truth is, I’ve loved your mom for forever. Longer than that maybe, and I let my misgivings get in the way of what I know is real. I let her walk away when I knew I should have stopped her. Maybe if I had, then you wouldn’t be here, in this situation.”
Taking a deep breath, I continued to spill my secrets.
“I screwed up, Charlie. I let your mom down. I let… I let you down.” He stirred in his sleep, his body twisting slightly toward me. “But I refuse to cower from my mistakes. I don’t know what’s going to happen,” I continued, needing to confess, “but I can promise I’m not going anywhere if your mom will still have me. I know I’m not your father, but I’d like to be there, for you, if you’ll have me too.”
He shifted again, so I leaned back, not wanting to wake him. I vowed then and there to always be there for him the way my father wasn’t for me.
NEARLY TWO HOURS PASSED BEFORE the Hales arrived. I followed them out into the hallway while Charlie slept. Mr. Hale found a doctor to talk to before returning to us, holding two cups of coffee.
“They said Andy is still in surgery, and they won’t be able to give us exact details until they get her out and stabilized,” Mr. Hale said, his face plagued with emotion.
“You should go to her place and get some things for Charlie and Andy to make their stay a little more comfortable,” Mrs. Hale said as she touched my shoulder. She searched my face, and then added, “She’s tough, Dean. I know my daughter. She’ll pull through.”
“Do you have a key?” I asked, keeping my eyes trained on the double doors. War waged within me. I knew the moment I left, she’d wake up or they’d be taken back to see her. I wanted to be there when they did. But I also wanted to help.
“I know she keeps a key under the flower pot outside her place. You’ll find it there.” Her solemn sigh was replaced by the fading click of her heels as she disappeared into Charlie’s room.
“Here,” Mr. Hale said as he handed me a Styrofoam cup full of vending machine coffee. “It’s not the best, but it will get the job done.”
“We should have seen it coming,” I said before taking a sip.
Mr. Hale didn’t say anything, probably because he agreed.
“He was unstable.”
“And now he is in a catatonic state, letting God be the judge for him.”
I squeezed the coffee cup. “What if she doesn’t wake up?”
I didn’t want to think it… but I could tell when a doctor was telling us what we wanted to hear. They didn’t look optimistic when they explained Andy’s state. Not like they had when they’d told us about Charlie.
“God will take care of her.”
My stomach sloshed over. I walked away, knowing if I didn’t, I’d say something I’d regret. I kept walking until I found myself inside my truck, and then I drove until I was outside Andrea’s apartment. I found the key exactly where Mrs. Hale said it would be.
After unlocking the door, I turned the handle, and then stood still when the door opened. The place smelled like her. Sweet and floral. Everything in her apartment screamed of her tastes. The millions of photos. Some of Charlie and her. Others of objects and random collectibles. Ghosting through the living room and into her room, I stood in front of her bed, sheets still rumpled from sleep.
I wasn’t sure when I started crying, but the tears were all consuming as I grabbed her sheet and hugged it to me, burying my face in her scent. If I’d only been faster. If I’d left the minute she asked for my help, none of this would have happened. I told her I’d protect her. I’d always be there for her.
But I failed.
I moved through her room, gathering things I thought she’d want to have. I found a stash of notebooks in her closet that weren’t ripped up and put them in the duffel bag. After I grabbed a few articles of clothing and some pictures, I moved to Charlie’s room. There was a stuffed teddy bear on his bed, so I grabbed that as well as a few books and some clothes.
An hour later, I was back at the hospital. The doctor was talking with the Hales outside Charlie’s room. I stopped, heart pounding, as I watched his face for any sign of what was happening.
Please say she woke up. Please.
The doctor rubbed Mr. Hale’s shoulder before leaving us. Mrs. Hale was crying when she fell against Mr. Hale’s chest, and a sinking feeling took over my body.
I shouldn’t have left.
“Andy?” I held my breath.
“She just came out of surgery. Her lung was punctured from a broken rib, and her liver suffered severe blunt trauma. They’ve managed to stop the bleeding, and they think she will pull out of it just fine. We just have to wait for them to give us the okay to see her.”
Air whooshed out of me. She was going to live.
I held up the duffel bag. “I grabbed some things from his room I thought he’d want.”
She smiled.
Charlie was sitting up when we entered his room, watching a cartoon on the TV. He had wires and tubes hooked to him and his shoulders were held back in a sling, limiting his ability to move. It took all my strength to keep my emotions in check. He had been through more than a kid should ever have to go through.
A dopey looked crossed his face the moment he saw me. “You came!”
“I told you I would.” I set the bag on the end of the bed as my chest constricted and my throat tightened. “I brought some things for you.”
I showed him the books, set his bear on his lap, and then swallowed thickly when he asked for a hug.
“Guess what?” he said into my ear, his voice scratchy from the medicine.
I leaned back, eyebrows lifted. “What?”
“Now we’re the same. I broke a bone too. And you were right… it isn’t all that bad.”
I chuckled as heat stung behind my eyes, and then wiped them and moved back so Mrs. Hale could sit on the side of his bed.
She started asking him all kinds of questions about nothing in particular… anything to keep from talking about what had happened with his father. I slid to the back of the room, watching. Thanking God for sparing their lives.
A LITTLE LATER, WE WERE told we could see Andy.
The Hales allowed Charlie and me to go first, even though I insisted they go instead. The truth was that I did want to go first, and I knew they could sense that, even though I applied my southern manners.
Andy was staring out the window when we got to her room, a white cover pulled up to her chin. Her face was marred with cuts and garish purple splotches as she turned her head in our direction.
The nurse wheeled Charlie in and parked his wheelchair in front of her. I could tell it was killing him that he couldn’t jump on her, but he had to promise he’d stay in the wheelchair in order to be allowed out of his room.
It was best not only for him, but also for her as well.
“My baby,” she said, tears staining her hoarse words. “I’m so sorry, Charlie. I’m so sorry this happened.”
“It’s not your fault, Momma,” he said, playing with his fingers.
“Are you okay?” she asked. “Are you in any pain?”
“No, Momma,” he said, as brave as ever. “I’ve been doing everything they tell me to. They say I should have mobility soon if I keep resting and drinking milk.”
She smirked at him. “Mobility, huh?”
Charlie nodded, his excitement viral. “Did the nurse tell you I woke up when I was in the ambulance? It was hard to see everything because my eyes were hurting and I couldn’t move, but I could hear the sirens. And I got to see some of the pieces of glass they pulled from my skin,” he continued, his enthusiasm growing.
Her face paled.
“It’s okay. It was cool,” he added when he noticed. “I got to ask all kinds of questions. The doctors were really nice. I’m thinking I want to start reading about being a doctor.”
“You do, do you?” Andy said, trying to keep up.
Charlie nodded, and then the light in his voice dimmed. “Is Dad okay? No one will tell me.”
Andy wiped her eyes, a trail of IV cords following, and then scooted up against the pillows, face strained from the movement. It killed me knowing she couldn’t hold her boy the way she wanted to. Being restricted because of the pain they were in.
“What Dad did wasn’t right. We both know that,” she said, searching his eyes.
Charlie looked to his hands. “But you told him we could work it out. Remember? He said he was sorry. He was, wasn’t he?”
I could see her heart breaking as I stood back, letting them have their moment.
“I hope so, Charlie. But Dad… he was hurt pretty bad when we wrecked. He might not wake up. If he does, he might have to go to jail for what he did.” She paused. “Charlie, look at me.” He lifted his head. “Sometimes things happen that we can’t explain. Things we weren’t ready for. That’s the cruel side of life.”
A nurse knocked on the door. “Excuse me, Miss Hale, but I need to take Charlie for another x-ray before we can release him. They want to make sure his collarbone is aligning correctly before he goes home in the morning.”
“Of course,” Andy said as the nurse wheeled him away from the bed.
“We’ll be right back,” the nurse said with a kind smile.
After they’d left, I stayed where I was, not sure what she wanted. Dying to be close to her.
“You know… when the car skidded and then flipped, tossing us around and around, there was a small moment during the chaos when I glimpsed what we could have been. I saw you in our home in your study, editing a masterpiece. I saw Charlie chasing his little sister while I scribbled inside another notebook.” Her eyes found mine. In them, there was so much pain it crippled me. “I don’t know what to do, Dean. I almost lost my boy. I…”
She broke off, hands covering her face as she let herself feel the reality of everything.
I was by her side in two strides, gently pulling her forward until her head tucked into my shoulder and her sobs racked against me.
“I was so scared, Dean. I didn’t… I didn’t know what to do. And what’s worse… in his own way, Matt was trying to tell me he was sorry. Right before it happened… I could see some clarity in his eyes. He wasn’t… he wasn’t all bad. There were pieces in him that just needed a little care.”
I rubbed her hair, rocking her. “If that’s true, then you can take solace in the fact that he’d be happy it was the two of you who woke up. I doubt he’d have wanted to wake up to discover not only what he caused, but also who he’d put into a coma.”
“I just… I don’t even know what to think anymore. Charlie has seen so much, Dean. He witnessed his violence. How will that harm him?”
I pulled back. Cupped her face in my hands as I searched her eyes. “Charlie is a smart kid. Wiser than the both of us. He will work through this the same way you will—by taking it one day at a time.”
“And in the meantime?”
I knew where she was going. Read it in her filmy gaze. She wanted to know what I thought about us. If I could respect her wish for time. She wasn’t ready. After everything she’d been through, I wasn’t going to apply any pressure.
I kissed her forehead. Heard my mom’s words play through my head. “In the meantime, everything else will fall into place as it should, when it should.”