Ryan

 

 

 

"Mr. Hawkins, are you with us?"

It's not Lemon's voice that interrupts my daydreaming, but he's the one who nudges me in the side to redirect my mind back to reality. I force my eyes back into the room, meeting some of the many eyes that are glued on me. We're sitting around a giant round table, about a dozen men in suits and one woman, the only one wearing anything other than black or gray, sporting a red blazer instead. Her stare is the most intense, her gaze unforgiving and the folded hands in front of her a clear signal of her attempt at portraying dominance. I'm not surprised. She's no one’s daughter, lover, or wife, but just a woman who fought her way up the corporate ladder in a world that doesn’t welcome her. I've been in this environment long enough to understand her struggle more than she might realize. If she made it to this table that means she must really have it in her, and even though she’s only a subordinate, I have more respect for her than the two young CEOs of the company we’re about to acquire.

But right now, I wish I could just tell her and everyone else in the room to fuck off.

I've been in a bad mood all day, and this fucking meeting is just making it worse. I told Lemon that he shouldn't expect too much out of me today, but of course, that hint went ignored. I shouldn't be surprised. We're about to acquire another company, the biggest acquisition this corporation has ever been involved in. Of course, they need me to be involved in this, to take the lead, to tell them what to fucking do. Men like me can't afford to not be "in the mood" for this shit.

I'm reminded of that harsh truth as I scan the impatient looks being cast at me during this redundant meeting.

"I am," I assure the room. I have no idea whose voice ripped right through my wandering mind before Lemon nudged me in the side. They all look and sound the same to me. "I'm with you, gentlemen – and woman."

That's a lie. I have no idea what they were bickering about before my mind started to drift off. This acquisition is not a friendly one, but as hostile as things can get in this business. These guys know they're lost without us, but they're unwilling to give up easily. It's easy to think that we're doing them a favor by buying out their failing endeavor, but that's only a mistake an oblivious idiot would make. They're sitting on a gold mine, providing us with a lot more than they are aware of.

That's exactly what pisses me off about them. They have no idea what they're doing, and they're failing because of that. We will make their efforts blossom in a way they never could, but we will have to agree to a deal that satisfies both parties first, something that has ended up being a lot more difficult than expected. They're dumb, but stubborn. I'd actually be willing to come closer to their demands, if they were posing them for the right reasons, that is. If they knew how much their organization was actually worth, all of this would look very different.

But they don't. They think they're selling us shit, something that is doomed to fail, and they still have the audacity to make a fucking gamble out of this. They're young and stupid. Impertinent brats.

"Any words on the proposal Michael just voiced?" one of them asks. He's one of the founders, one of those guys who wanted to live the dream of successful Silicon Valley entrepreneurs without acquiring the knowledge he needed to do it. Pathetic. He's not much younger than I am, but it's hard for me to take him seriously nonetheless.

"Why are we doing this?" I ask in an exasperated voice. "We've made our conditions clear, and now you're getting back at me with this because you realized you don't want to let go of your ownership stakes completely?"

Lemon sighs next to me. I know he doesn't like my tone, but I've been toning it down enough for these clowns. They need to know what's what, and no one but me is willing to speak out in the way that's needed to make our point.

"But, Mr. Hawkins, you have to see that we can't agree under these circumstances," the guy insists, his eyes scanning the faces sitting around the table for approval. No one but his buddy is nodding in agreement.

I lazily turn my gaze over to Lemon, who nervously shifts in his seat next to me. He's just as annoyed as I am, but he's the decent one between us, always opting to avoid the truth rather than having to be as impolite as his impossible boss. He subtly lifts his hand, beckoning me to restrain myself. I'm more than happy to leave this conversation up to him because these idiots annoy the hell out of me.

This acquisition should have been done and over with a long time ago, and it's taken a lot more of my time and effort than I ever imagined it would. It was a way for me to put the cherry on top when it comes to this year's business achievements. I've always been a hard worker, but for the past twelve months, work has taken over every single fiber of my being.

I couldn't have lived any other way. I needed work to get away from the soul sucking void she left within me. Having to let Laura go was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do in my life, compared only to a time long ago that I'd like to forget about.

The time I almost destroyed my life. For the same reason.

Women. Women and my obsession with them. Laura has been a threat to my sanity from the get-go. I knew that, and I still pulled her into my life.

Because that's the kind of fucking idiot I am.

I will never forget the way she looked at me. The image is burned into my brain with painful clarity. I led her upstairs, sparing her the blindfold that every other girl had to wear when leaving the basement play room. My hands couldn't let go of her until the very last moment, and I noticed her doing the same. She took a deep breath when I hugged her goodbye – another thing I've never done with anyone else before – and her tiny hands sought mine every chance they got.

We kissed in the driveway, a long, hungering kiss that spoke of the sorrow our parting left with us, and when I met her eyes for the last time, they mirrored my pain.

I've seen that look before. A lot of girls have lost themselves in me after our playtime was done, but this was the first time that the feeling was mutual.

My fingers caressed along the faint bruises on her neck, stark reminders of our time together but nowhere near as pervasive as the ones she displayed on other parts of her body.

"Bye, master," she whispered, her voice so low that it was barely audible. Her words pierced right through my heart nevertheless.

The pain of her loss was unbearable, and it still is.

They say that despair grows greatness, and I guess this is true in a sense. Onyx Corporation is in the process of wrapping up its first acquisition, and it's not a small one. This is the product of months of hard work undertaken by a man who had nothing else in his life to live for. Me. If I didn't have this, I would have gone insane.

It's been almost an entire year, and the pain still feels as fresh as it did the first day after I had to let her go. I haven't heard a word from her since because I stuck to my rule of never contacting her again – and so did she. A part of me is angry at her for not breaking the rule, but a much bigger part is proud of her, proud and impressed. Other girls weren't as strong as her. They were bombarding me with silly texts just hours after I let them go, reducing my already low opinion of them. It just made it easier for me to cut them out of my life for good.

I don’t know what I would have done if she had contacted me. I seriously don’t know.

And that scares the shit out of me.