Ryan

 

 

 

This must be the most stupid thing I've ever done in my life. I knew it when I began the research, I knew it when I boarded the plane, and I still know it now, as I drive through the city that has become her new home.

Laura never told me where exactly she'd be moving to, and until a few days ago, I didn't even know for sure whether she actually went through with her plan. As it turned out, it was rather easy to find out everything I needed to know to find her. It may be a violation of privacy in many aspects, but I was able to gather enough information to even find the address of her new home.

She has, in fact, moved to California, only a few weeks after our night together, but it doesn't look like she's doing anything there. There was no employment information and no record of her attending any of the universities. Reading all of this made me worry. I knew that she was in debt and used a lot of the money to pay off said debt, but it looks like she didn't do anything significant with the rest of it. She may just be slowly exhausting her wealth, spending everything on an everyday life that is anything but cheap in this part of the country. Until she doesn’t have anything left.

I worry that something may have happened to her. Is there anything that didn't show up on my research? Did I miss something? Does she have a plan? I refuse to believe this is her plan, just using up all the money until she's forced to work in another low-income job like the one she had when I met her. No. Laura is too smart for that.

I've never wondered about the future of any of my other girls after they received their payment. I never cared to look any of them up to see what became of them. But Laura made me care. She makes me care more about her than what is good for me.

And I'm aware of that. I know I shouldn't be here, I know that I shouldn't have lied to Lemon about the reason for my temporary absence. I know all of this, and I'm a fool for doing this.

Yet I can't help but wonder if this will do it. It's been almost a year since I last saw her. Maybe my memory is tricking me? Maybe I built her up into something that she's not, putting her on a pedestal and glorifying her, when in fact, she was nothing more than any other ordinary girl. An ordinary girl that I spent an amazing night with one year ago.

Seeing her might cure me of that idiotic fantasy. I just need to see her, even if it's from afar. Just to remind myself that she wasn't that special. She wasn't worth losing my mind over. She can't be. It's as simple as that, right?

This is why I'm here, and this is why I'm sitting in a car outside her building, like a fucking creep, watching her door. Waiting.

I made a deal with myself not to approach her, not to talk to her. Just look at her. I arrived last night and I'm scheduled to fly back out tomorrow morning. That's all the time I'm giving myself to get rid of this silly obsession with her.

It's early Monday morning. If she does happen to have a job, I might catch her on her way to work. If she's not home or doesn’t leave her house all day, I'll have to come back tomorrow - and if I don't see her then either, I'll leave empty-handed and admit defeat. I never believed in fate or destiny, but if I'm not meant to see her, I won't. I hate leaving things up to the universe, but sometimes it might be the smarter thing to do.

The door to her building opens several times, as more and more of her neighbors leave for their jobs, dripping out of the entrance like erratic drops out of a leaking faucet.

Every time the door opens, my heart skips a beat, but it quickly returns to its regular pace when I realize that the person was just another stranger. I remain put, my eyes glued to the door, as I sip on my second coffee of the day.

If the next person to leave the house isn't her, you should just leave, I tell myself. This is pathetic. You're wasting your time.

But then the door opens again and the person who walks through it is – for a change – not a complete stranger. It's not Laura, but it's the girl I saw her with at the fundraising event the night I met her. I remember Laura saying that she would move here with a friend, and that must be the friend she was talking about. The girl is wearing a light blouse and suit pants, shielding her eyes against the already blazing California sun with giant sunglasses. She steps outside, turning right and striding up the sidewalk in hurried steps.

"You've got to be fucking kidding me," I whisper, rolling my eyes up to the sky.

Just as I had set my mind on leaving if the next person to leave the building wasn't Laura, the universe sends out her friend and roommate to make sure that my attention is piqued just enough to make me reconsider.

I sigh, trying to brace myself for something that may still never happen. Just because her roommate left for work doesn't mean that Laura is about to follow. It's unlikely that I missed her because I've been sitting here since before dawn. Unless she has to show up to her job in the wee hours, I can be pretty certain that she's still home.

Time passes and I continue to sit and wait, slowly calming down from the excitement her friend's appearance caused for me. It's getting later and the temperature is getting warmer, but I was smart enough to park the car in the shadow of a tree, so that I didn't even have to turn on the air conditioning. Up until now.

The longer I sit and wait, the more I begin to doubt myself again. I set deadlines for myself again and again, telling myself that I'd leave in fifteen minutes, another fifteen, another ten, another twenty to get the full hour. I know there's a chance that she may never appear, but I can't leave now, especially not after seeing her friend leave the house. I'd always wonder what would have happened if I had stayed another ten minutes, or fifteen, or twenty...

Time comes to a sudden halt when the door opens again, and Laura appears.

My doll.

Her hair is longer, and it’s styled in a cute ponytail. She's wearing activewear, looking incredibly sexy in a pair of running shorts and a white shirt, topped off by a pair of expensive hiking shoes. She doesn't look like someone who's on their way to an office job, but instead as if she's planning to head to the gym for a workout.

Just like her friend, she's wearing giant sunglasses, tilting her head back to look up at the sky. She's smiling, taking in deep breathes as she takes in the beautiful weather.

She quickly heads off to the right, heading for the cars parked next to the sidewalk and jumping into a navy blue mini cooper.

Without thinking about it, I start the engine and follow her as she drives away.