Seven
In the end, we both finished all the croissants and I didn’t want to admit that to Daisy, so we ended up slinking out of the café. Well, not really slinking. We were both too full to slink.
“What now?” I asked. I’d gotten the feeling that she really didn’t want to go home and that was fine with me. “The house is available, apparently, since Lacey is here so you can come over and enjoy free air-conditioning and we can watch a movie while we digest,” I suggested. She nodded and said that would be fine.
*^*^*
Fiona stayed with me until Lacey and Anna came back with bags of takeout seafood, including lobster rolls.
Fi seemed uncomfortable, but we all assured her that it was fine to stay for dinner. Lacey plunked a lobster roll and some fried zucchini on her plate and gave her a smile.
“You’re always welcome here,” Lacey said. I reached under the table and squeezed Fi’s hand. She squeezed my hand back and then picked up her lobster roll. There was also fried shrimp, fried clams, fries, and bottles of cheap local beer.
“I always say we should have a lobster bake, but why do that when you can just buy it?” Anna said. “It’s not like we really have the space for that in the yard.”
“You can hire someone to do them now,” Lacey said.
“I know you’re all set on writing about queer stuff, but could you moonlight as a food writer?” Anna said, leaning against her and pouting.
“I mean, I can specifically search for queer chefs and business owners,” Lacey said. “I could do a whole food series.” Anna’s eyes lit up.
“Yes, do this thing,” she said. “You must.” Lacey laughed and kissed Anna on the nose. I had to look away. Seeing them together and so cute was making me feel weird. I turned to look at Fiona, but she just looked . . . wistful. Like any minute she was going to put her chin on her hands and her eyes were going to turn into pulsing cartoon hearts.
I had to look away from her too, so I focused on my food. I was also trying to tell myself that this wasn’t a double date, because it was starting to feel like one. Lacey and Anna’s cuteness was affecting my brain. I was getting relationship feels by osmosis.
“Whatever you want, sweetheart,” Lacey said. Anna grinned and rubbed her face against Lacey’s shoulder like a cat. I shouldn’t have invited Fiona over.
*^*^*
Later, we all crammed on the couch to watch Imagine Me & You for the millionth time.
“I love this movie,” Fiona said in my ear. Since the couch was so small, I was practically in her lap. I’d thought about sitting on the floor, but being this close to her was . . .
It was nice. I could smell her hair and feel the warmth radiating from her skin and if I shifted just a little, I could rest my head against her shoulder.
So I did. I felt her shock, but then she relaxed. I looked down and found her hand creeping over toward my leg. Oh. Lacey and Anna were wrapped around each other like they were trying to melt into one being with two souls, so they weren’t paying attention. My heart rate kicked up and Fi started softly stroking up and down my leg. Like we used to.
I wasn’t paying attention to the movie anymore. No matter; I’d seen it dozens of times. I shifted so I was closer to her and put my hand on my thigh, right near where her fingers were making patterns on my jeans.
Our pinkies crashed into each other and I sucked in a breath. Why was my hand touching hers such a big deal? I’d touched her hands hundreds of times before. When we were kids we held hands as little girls did. I had loved her then, but in a friendship way. I had loved her for years as a friend before it turned into something else.
She pulled back a little, but my hand chased hers. Trying not to think what a bad idea it was, I slid my hand over hers and twined our fingers together. There.
I couldn’t look at her, but she was staring at me.
I thought I was going to die. Part of me wished I could melt into the floor and other (a majority) parts of me couldn’t stop thinking about the fact that we were holding hands.
And I’d told her I would have to think about being friends with her again. This wasn’t exactly friendly behavior. It was something else.
We kept our hands entwined until the movie ended and Lacey got up with a yawn. Most of the lights were off, but I took my hand back and Fiona put hers in her lap. As if nothing had happened.
“Fuck, I’m tired. I think I need to go to bed,” Lacey said, stretching her arms over her head, shoulders popping. Anna was giving her a look and I remembered that they hadn’t seen each other in a little while and probably wanted some alone time.
Good thing the studio wasn’t right next to their bedroom. I could feel my face getting red.
“Yeah, I’m tired too. Do you, um, want to just chill in the studio with me?” I asked Fiona. I didn’t think she wanted to leave yet and I didn’t want her to, but I also wanted to give Anna and Lacey some privacy.
“Sure,” Fiona said, figuring out what was going on by the looks Lacey and Anna exchanged.
“Goodnight,” I said, waving and dashing toward the studio. Lacey and Anna barely noticed.
I shut the door to the studio and quickly booted up my laptop to play some music to cover any and all sounds that we might hear. I shuddered at the thought and turned up the Halsey.
“Are you sure you’re okay with me being here? It seems like we might be . . . intruding,” Fiona said, inching toward the door.
“We can go out somewhere if you’re uncomfortable. I’m not sure where because, even in the summer, nothing is open past ten.” Nothing except one small bar, which we couldn’t get into. Or maybe we could, but I didn’t want to try and fail at that.
“No, it’s fine,” Fiona said, chewing her bottom lip. Her cheeks were a little red and I didn’t know exactly why.
“Should we talk?” I asked, sitting down on the bed and patting the space next to me.
“Um, yeah, probably.” She came over and sat down next to me.
“I don’t . . . I don’t really know what I’m doing and why it’s happening, but I just . . . I miss you so much,” she said, leaning into me, her eyes bright. I thought she was going to cry.
“I missed you so much. I missed this,” I said, taking her hand and entwining her fingers with mine. “This.”
I thought she was going to smile, but then she leaned her face closer to mine and I knew what was going to happen. She was going to kiss me. I was going to kiss her back.
I leaned. She leaned. We both leaned. There was a lot of leaning. Her mouth was a whisper away and all I had to do was lean just a little bit more. She held back, letting me make the decision. I wanted. I wanted to so much.
Fiona was the dreamer in our relationship. The one who took risks. I was the one who thought about everything too much. Who considered every single angle before making a choice. I didn’t want to think anymore. Thinking so much was exhausting. All I wanted to do was feel.
So I raised my other hand and cradled her cheek, bringing her face to meet mine. There.
The kiss was so soft and so tender that it wasn’t even a kiss at first. We were both holding back. And then the feel of her mouth on mine and the fact that we’d kissed so many times before flooded my brain with memories and then we were really kissing. It was so familiar and so new at the same time. I remembered how she felt, how our mouths fit together. The mechanics were the same.
But had my blood always been on fire like this? Had she always stolen my breath? Past and present coalesced together into the current moment and all I could see, taste, and smell was Fiona. Thoughts collided and died in my head, as if they had to make room for her.
She pulled back and I made a little sound of protest. She rested her forehead against mine.
“Stop thinking.” My only answer was to pull her back and kiss her again. And again. And again.