Four
We completely lost track of time, and before I knew what was happening, it was late, late, late and we were horizontal in the blanket fort, and neither of us had taken a single item of clothing off.
“I feel like we’re sixteen or something,” she said, tugging a wisp of my hair. My braid had come undone at some point and now my hair was dry and all wavy.
“I know. I didn’t know I could feel like this. All fluttery and shit.” She laughed and then I started and then we ended up rolling around on the floor and laughing together.
“I wasn’t sure about everything, but when I saw the café you worked at, I had hope,” she said, propping herself up on her elbows.
“Yeah? I guess I wasn’t very stealth, was I?” She shook her head.
“I mean, you weren’t broadcasting, but I had hope. I kept fishing for clues.” Huh. I hadn’t noticed.
“Well, I had no idea about you. Holy shit, I’m still wondering if you’re pulling some elaborate and sick joke on me.” Her response was to lean over and stick her tongue in my mouth and kiss me until I was dizzy.
“Does that feel like a joke?” she said, pulling back. We were both breathing hard again.
“No,” I said.
“Good.” She booped my nose with hers and then resumed her previous position.
“So how long have you been out?” I asked. She sighed.
“Well, I was out to myself for years before I came out to my parents. It, um, didn’t go well.” Oh. Shit.
“I’m sorry,” I said. She picked at some fuzz on her shirt.
“Whatever, it’s fine. It’s not my problem, it’s theirs. I’ve made my peace with it. Besides, even before that, they weren’t the best of parents anyway.” I didn’t want to say it, but she was right. Her parents were physically there, but never really emotionally there. I had always felt just a little uncomfortable at their house. Like I was disrupting their lives by existing in the same space. I knew Molly felt that even more acutely.
“And what about you?” She looked up at me.
“Um, I figured things out in college. Kissed a few girls, the usual. My mom was totally fine with it because she’s just like that.” I remember when I came out to her, I’d been flipping out, and all she did was hug me and ask if I wanted her to make me some cookies. I’d cried and then wiped my eyes and asked for snickerdoodles. With frosting.
“She would be,” Molly said with a sigh.
“I’m sorry about yours. I really am.” She shook her head and I thought she was going to cry.
“I’m fine. I swear. I’m still a little raw from the breakup.” She sniffed.
“What happened?” I asked, even though I kinda didn’t want to know.
“The usual. We met, dated, moved in together, and then she decided that she didn’t want to be committed anymore. I don’t know. We just weren’t a good fit, I guess.” I brushed a tear from her cheek.
“I’m glad you came back. Even though it was for a shitty reason.” She nibbled at her bottom lip.
“Thanks. I guess I just felt like I needed to come back to where it felt like things had started. I always felt at home here, even when I wasn’t with my parents, you know? It just felt right here.” I knew what she meant. I loved this tiny little weird town. There were so many queers here somehow, and it was amazing. I never wanted to leave. Plus my mom was here, so I didn’t feel the need to go anywhere else.
“That makes sense.” She nodded.
“What time is it?” she asked and then looked at her phone. “Shit, it’s really late.” Pushing herself up, she ducked out of the blanket fort and groaned as she stood up. I followed her and blinked at the brightness of the rest of my apartment.
Wow, it was late. Nearly one in the morning. I was starving now, and suddenly exhausted.
“You could stay,” I blurted out without thinking about it.
She looked up from her phone.
“What?”
“You could stay. Not, like, in a sexy way. Just as in, you could stay. Sleep on the couch. So you don’t have to drive tonight.” The thought of her leaving and then me being alone in the apartment sounded like a terrible idea.
“Oh, wow, that would be . . .” She closed her eyes for a second. “That would be really nice.” I breathed a sigh of relief. Molly and I had had sleepovers hundreds of times, but none like this. This was . . . something else.
“Do you want to shower?” I asked. I knew she took her showers at night. It was strange, knowing so many things about her past but not a whole lot about her present. Other than she was an unbelievable kisser. And she was cute and hot as hell at the same time.
“Yes, thank you,” she said, running her fingers through her hair. It was a little tangled now from my fingers. Almost sex hair. Almost.
Nope, I wasn’t going to think about that. Neither of us was ready for that. Maybe she was. I wasn’t, that was for sure. Wouldn’t stop the fantasies though.
I got her set up in the bathroom with towels and shampoo and everything, and then went to find her something to wear. Being roughly the same size was fantastic. I found some pajama pants, some shorts, and a T-shirt so she could choose. I left them in the bathroom and told her to use whatever she wanted.
“Thanks, Daisy,” she said and I couldn’t help but lean forward and give her a little kiss. I pulled back before it turned into anything else.
“You’re welcome.”
*^*^*
Figuring out the sleeping arrangement was stressing me out the whole time she was in the shower. I made my bed as nicely as I could and then made up the couch so there was no pressure. Not that there would be. Why did kissing have to make everything so complicated? Not that I was upset about the kissing. Fuck, the kissing was incredible. I never knew it could be like that. Sweep through your whole body and make you forget your own name.
“Hey,” she said when she came out of the shower, towel wrapped around her head and wearing the t-shirt and shorts; score one for me!
“Hey!” I squeaked, jumping. I’d been messing with the pillows on the couch because I was an idiot and not a grown-ass woman.
“So . . .” she said, drawing out the word. We’d been saying that a lot tonight.
“So you can sleep here or . . . I mean, I don’t want to put any pressure on you. We’re both adults.” I sure wasn’t behaving like one.
She looked at me, looked at the couch and then back toward my bedroom.
“I mean, we’ve slept in the same bed before. Hundreds of times. I don’t know why this would be any different.” Right. Okay. We were doing this. I didn’t say anything as we walked back to my bedroom. I couldn’t stop watching her as I pulled down the blankets. I knew what side she slept on, so I let her take it. I didn’t care where I slept. My bed was a queen, so there was a possibility of us sharing it and not having any physical contact.
She got in and then I did. We were both on our backs and staring up at the ceiling.
“This is kind of awkward,” she said after a few moments and I busted out laughing.
“Yeahhhhh.” I turned onto my side and she mirrored me so we faced each other.
“I feel like your mom should be telling us to settle down and go to sleep,” she whispered. The lights were still on, but a hush had settled over us.
“I know. It’s . . . strange.” Molly was staring at my mouth.
“Stop that,” I said, nudging her shoulder.
“What?”
“Staring at my mouth. It makes me think about kissing and then kissing makes me think about other things.” Our eyes locked.
“Would that be so bad?” she whispered.
No. It wouldn’t be bad in the slightest. But I definitely didn’t think that was something we needed to be doing right now. I didn’t want to fuck this up by fucking her.
“What are we doing?” I asked. I hated shattering whatever we had going on, but I didn’t do well with uncertainty when it came to relationships. I liked to know what was happening and what we were. I liked definitions.
“I’m not really sure. I’m still in awe that you wanted to kiss me back, so I’m kind of just going with it. I haven’t analyzed it in my head like you’re doing right now.” I rolled my eyes and she stuck her tongue out at me.
“Don’t get sassy with me. I know a lot of secrets.” It was true that most of the secrets I knew were things from childhood, but those had the potential to make you the most mortified when revealed.
“Shit, that’s right, you do. But I know a lot of yours, so there.” I bopped her on the nose and she squealed.
“Hey!” A moment later she grabbed a pillow and smacked me with it. Not to be outdone, I did the same and then it was an all-out war until I was on top of her and she had her hands up and was begging me to stop through tears of laughter.
“Oh my God, we are such a cliché right now,” I said, looking down at her. She wiped her eyes and the mood changed to something else entirely. Molly pushed herself upward and took the pillow out of my hands.
“Come here,” she said, reaching for my face. After a second of hesitation, I leaned down and met her mouth and then it was back to kissing and I didn’t ever want to do anything else. Who needed food? Who needed air? All I needed was her mouth and her tongue and the feel of her under me.
Before I knew what was happening, she’d grabbed my hips and was thrusting upward into me and I was meeting her and the kissing became a little harder. These sweet little moans escaped from her mouth and I thought I was going to come just from her noises. I wasn’t too quiet myself.
“Fuck,” she said. Even though we both had shorts and panties on, it was mind-blowing. I shifted so one of my legs was on the inside of hers, and one was on the outside, so we could line everything up.
“More,” I said, moving just a little bit so she was hitting the right spot with her thrusts. She complied and I almost wanted to cry because she felt so good and I hadn’t been with anyone like this in so long. Maybe ever. I opened my eyes at the exact moment she came and shuddered under me and that drove me over the edge. I tried not to collapse on her and rolled to the side. Both of us were sweaty and panting.
“Holy fucking shit,” she said, and turned to grin at me.
“Yeah,” I said.
“Oops?” she said and we started laughing again. “I think I need another shower.” I nodded because I did too.
“You can go first this time,” she said. “I still need a minute.” I propped myself on my side and looked at her.
“You’re really beautiful, you know.” Her already-flushed cheeks got redder.
“So are you. I couldn’t believe it when I first saw you.” She brushed some of my hair behind my ear.
“Shower,” I said, because things had gotten intense and I needed some time to unpack it. Before I went to the bathroom, I grabbed her a second set of shorts and a t-shirt.
“Shit,” I said as the hot water of the shower tumbled down on my head. I hadn’t meant for that to happen and now things were going to get even more complicated. There was definitely not a good chance of us continuing with just a friendship now. We’d sort of burned that bridge. So now what? Were we going to start dating? So much had happened so fast and I was just reeling. I stayed in the shower longer than I should have, and only got out when I realized I needed to save her some hot water. I got out, got dressed again, and went back into the bedroom. She was on her phone, scrolling through an article.
“Hey,” she said with a smile.
“All yours.”
“Thanks,” she said, pausing to give me a kiss as she walked by. I tried not to check out her ass, but completely failed on that front. While she was gone, I continued to fret.
“That’s not a good face,” she said when she came back. “Tell me what you’re thinking.” She flopped down on the bed.
“This is a lot happening really fast. I mean, a few hours ago I didn’t even know you liked girls, and here we are and it’s just a lot.” She nodded and reached out.
“It’s okay. This doesn’t have to mean anything.” I shook my head.
“It already does. In the absence of a time machine, I just kissed the shit out of you and we both came. I can’t undo that.” Her fingers stroked my arm, raising goosebumps.
“I don’t want to,” she said.
“Me neither. I just don’t know what to do about it. We’re clearly something more than friends at this point. Seeing as how most friends don’t want to take their other friend’s clothes off.” She snorted.
“Yeah, I definitely want something more than that. But why do we have to stick a label on it right this minute? We can see how things go. There’s no shame in that.” It wasn’t the shame factor, I just couldn’t explain it. The only thing worse than being in relationship limbo would be cutting this off altogether, so I just reached out and squeezed her hand.
“Okay.”
“Okay?” I pressed my lips to hers.
“Okay.”