I disconnected the call and tossed the phone on the bed. I felt bad he’d been so worried. I felt worse thinking he might believe I would do something like that on purpose to spite him.

It was luck I had picked up the phone when Chrissy called. She wanted to know what we fought about, but I didn’t have the energy to tell her. It didn’t matter. None of that was important.

Whether Jake did or did not sleep with Carol and let her spend the night wasn’t the issue. I guess I believed him when he said that wasn’t what happened, but again that wasn’t what was important.

That rule was for me. So I wouldn’t feel like I felt this morning when I walked in on him and saw him…

“Ugh! Am I ever going to forget that moment?”

The empty room didn’t answer.

There were no hotels in town or anything like that. Just the one room for rent over the Hair Stop. But nothing close enough where I could commute back and forth to the ranch. I wasn’t going to leave Jake high and dry on the work. The ranch was my responsibility. I just couldn’t be in the house with him. Not now.

My father’s cabin hadn’t been used in years. It took me most of the day to get it stocked. I needed a ton of cut wood for the wood-burning stove, but thankfully it did give off a lot of heat.

I’m grateful Jake didn’t nearly bone Carol in the kitchen in February, as this escape plan probably wouldn’t have worked.

Escape, however, was temporary and I needed a plan for the future.

What I needed to do was simple. I had to divorce Jake. As soon as possible, if there was any hope of salvaging our relationship.

There was no way we could live together in this limbo until I turned twenty-one. At least there was no way I could do it. Because I was the one messing it up. I was the one with feelings.

Sure, Jake was attracted to me, and he felt things for me, but quite clearly he didn’t love me.

I did. Loved him. Like an idiot. I figured it out when he asked me that question so many months ago.

Can you say now you want to spend the rest of your life with me?

I hadn’t known until he asked.

The word had come fast and sharp back then.

Yes.

Yes. I did want to live with Jake. I did want to be his partner. I never wanted him to leave me.

Was it because my parents had left me, permanently? I don’t know. I just knew when he’d asked me the question I was certain of my answer.

Him asking the question in the first place, I was also certain of his answer. That he wasn’t ready to say that about me. I asked him to do this thing, to marry me, as a temporary arrangement and instead of putting his life on hold for sixteen months, I came back and asked for another three years.

He didn’t really have to stick it out. He could have bailed. I would have done what I had to do to make sure he got his money.

But he didn’t leave, and I didn’t think too hard about another solution other than trying to ask the bank for more money.

Financially, we had a decent year, this year. Obviously significantly down from the year before, but given the losses we suffered we did the best we could. Would the bank possibly look at me differently now with nearly a year of ranching under my belt?

It was worth a shot.

I would start looking into things tomorrow.

I made sure the ringer on my phone was on and crawled into bed. I tried very hard not to remember what my dad used this cabin for, instead I focused on ideas on how to fix the problem that was my life.

Because no matter what I had to do, no matter how I needed to make it happen, I needed to give Jake his freedom back.

So that he wouldn’t hate me anymore.

“God,” I prayed. “Please don’t let him really hate me. He’s the only person I have left.”

* * *

I opened the door to Howard’s office in town and Sue Ann looked up and gave me a big smile.

“Ellie. Good to see you.”

“You too. I don’t suppose there is any chance Howard has a few minutes for me?”

“You are in luck. His next appointment just canceled. If you give me a second I’ll let him know you’re here.”

“Great,” I said as she got up and walked down the short hall to Howard’s office.

I didn’t feel great. In fact I felt a little sick. This was the first step.

The first step away from Jake. It was like everything in my body was screaming don’t do this.

Carol was a fling. He’d said it himself. She wasn’t planning on sticking around. Maybe someday, in the future Jake would grow to love me and then everything would be fine.

That shit happened all the time in romance novels. Couple had to get married for convenience… and then bang! Next thing you know, they were making babies.

Only that was fiction and this was real life, and I couldn’t screw Jake over in case he never did come to love me. Even if Carol wasn’t the one, I didn’t want to stand around and watch him fall in love with someone else.

It was bad enough I had to see him…

Don’t think about it. Don’t think about it.

“Ellie! What a surprise.”

I smiled. It had been a while since I had seen Howard. Just a few times over the summer when Jake and I ran into him at the diner.

I walked up and kissed his cheek. I’m not sure why. I wasn’t a cheek kisser in general, but suddenly it felt really really good to see him. He’d been the orchestrator behind the wedding, and I knew he was the one who could get me out.

Even though I didn’t really want out. I wasn’t doing this for me, though. This was for Jake. The sacrifice I could make for him this time.

He smiled but he tilted his head, and I could tell he was assessing me.

I couldn’t have looked good. A solid few hours of crying yesterday and barely any sleep last night. I imagined I looked pretty gross.

Dad’s cabin didn’t have mirrors, so I didn’t have to confront myself this morning.

“Everything okay?”

“Yes, but I have a problem and I was hoping you could help.”

He nodded. “Okay. Follow me.”

We walked back down the short hallway and a few seconds later I was sitting in front of his desk. I caught myself wringing my hands.

Cheek kissing and hand wringing. He had to know something was up.

“What do you need, Ellie?”

Don’t say it. Don’t do it. You’re going to ruin everything and there will never be anyone as amazing as Jake Talley in your life again.

I took a deep breath and grabbed onto my courage.

“I need to divorce Jake. Now. I need money to do that and I was hoping you could help with that.”

Howard actually looked sad. “I’m sorry to hear that. We all knew after the storm what the situation was. For Jake too, given his house was all but gone. Are you two not getting along? You always seemed so easy with each other.”

I hate you for that, Ellie. Can you hear me through your locked door? I hate you for that!

“We’re okay. It’s just that I can’t let him do this for another two and a half years. It isn’t fair to him. He deserves to have his life back. His freedom. Now that I’m legal, there is no reason not to do this.”

“Other than money.”

“Yes.”

“Are you asking me for a loan?”

I blinked. “Oh gosh no. Nothing like that. I was thinking about the trust Dad set up for me. I know you said I couldn’t have access to it until I was twenty-one, but I’m wondering if there isn’t some legal way around that. Some kind of catastrophic clause or something I could use to get the money sooner rather than later.”

He seemed to consider that. “I’m not sure I saw any language like that when I was looking over the documents, but how about this? I promise to take another look.”

I smiled. “Thank you. I knew you would help.”

“I have to say… well, maybe I’m an old romantic at heart, but I kind of always hoped you and Jake would just stay together. You may not realize it, but from the outside looking in, you two look like… I guess you look like a family.”

That was the way I wanted it to stay. With Jake thinking of me like family. Not resenting me and hating me.

I nodded. “I hope that doesn’t change. Thanks again, Howard.”

I left with this odd mix of feelings. As if I couldn’t tell if I had done the best thing ever or the worst thing.

* * *

I was back in the cabin and starting to fill up the wood-burning stove. Lighting this thing was always a bitch. Finally a log caught a good burn, and I shut the door on it with the heat glove.

The cabin wasn’t much. One large room with a bathroom. It had a couch, a chair, a bed, and the stove.

I lay back on the bed and wondered what my dad used to think about when he came here alone. Sure it had been his little tryst nest with Mrs. Nash for a while, but before that I think he was telling the truth.

Sometimes a man needs a little space and time to think.

Which now that I thought about it was really sexist. Only men need space and thinking time?

My phone beeped and I reached for it.

Jake.

Hey, just checking in.

Of course he was. Because that’s what Jake did.

I’m fine. I wasn’t. I was the opposite of fine but none of that was his fault.

Figured out where u were. The cabin.

It wasn’t the hardest mystery to solve. He must have noticed all my work had been done. I had even taken Petunia out for a long ride. He would have been in and out of the barn so he might have seen her missing. Would have known I was close.

Like father like daughter I guess. Needed some space to think.

Warm enough?

Yes.

…

…

Either he was writing something really long, or he was doing a lot of stopping and starting. My guess was the latter.

Do u believe me? That Carol came over in the morning?

I closed my eyes but it didn’t remove the image of him shirtless between her legs.

Still, I knew Jake. Inside out. Upside down. He wouldn’t lie to cover his own ass.

Yes

…

…

…

Poor Jake. This really wasn’t his strong point. I knew he thought I was mad at him, and he hated the idea of anyone ever being mad at him. Couldn’t stand it. I was about to let him off the hook. Tell him I would be back tomorrow and everything was fine. But I suppose I wanted to know what he was trying to say first.

Finally the words popped up.

I’m sorry for what I said. I didn’t mean it.

I could feel my chin starting to wobble again and my eyes well up. Crying really was so ugly.

Please tell me u believe that too.

I set the phone down. That was the problem. I didn’t. In that moment I knew he meant every word. I couldn’t tell him that though, it would only make him feel worse. But I couldn’t lie to him either.

I picked up the phone and typed.

It’s okay, Jake. I’m going to fix this.

What does that mean?

Trust me.

Ellie, please tell me what u mean.

I couldn’t right now. Because there was no plan. I didn’t want him to get his hopes up only to find out there was no way to get my hands on the money early. If I told him about the nuclear option, I knew he would go ballistic.

I need time. That’s all. Did you make yourself something to eat?

If I wasn’t around, he rarely bothered to cook for himself. Which meant he’d work a full physical day and make do with sandwiches.

Sandwiches.

That’s not enough.

Not hungry.

Right. Because he felt bad. Over me.

I’ll be back tomorrow. I’ll shop and cook.

…

…

…

He was struggling again.

Okay

Okay. It was strange, but the simple word made me feel better. Like we were actually going to be okay.

I didn’t type anything after that. Just set the phone aside and thought about what I was going to make tomorrow for dinner. Simple. Routine.

It helped.