The aroma of coffee, sausage, and burnt toast tempted me awake. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d slept so well. There’d been no dreams, just lovely, peaceful oblivion, most likely born out of exhaustion. Without opening my eyes, I stretched, luxuriating in the silky warmth of the sheets against my skin. Even with the smells of breakfast, I started to drift off, but then there was a loud clatter of dishes, followed by hearty laughter, and my breath caught.

Though the voices were male, in that hazy place between sleep and consciousness, tricks occurred. For that second, probably less than a second, the familiar noises superimposed over memory and pulled me back through time. Meghan had left our bed and was just down the hall making breakfast. Katniss was setting the table and dropped the silverware onto one of the plates.

It had been so long since I’d heard them laughing together.

I knew it wasn’t real. Even with my eyes slammed shut, I knew Meghan had left us long ago. Even so, I clung to it, begging her to laugh again, for Katniss to drop more silverware—hell, to throw the entire place setting to the floor if it would cause Meghan to laugh just one more time.

And she did. Her laugh rang out, clear and beautiful, but by the time it faded and morphed into Will’s, she was gone again.

Another laugh, Nick’s, obviously, then joined in once more by Will.

I opened my eyes and let the world return to its present place and time. The small guest room of Nick’s house with its walls of thick dark logs and soft white chinking between them. Afternoon sunlight streamed through the stained glass window beside the bed, filling the space with a multitude of colors. Alaska, the midnight flight, Will walking in on Silas and me. Will’s shock and then his panic about his brother.

More laughter rang out, and as the familiar loss of Meghan drifted away, a sense of peace settled in the sound of the brothers. I hadn’t heard Will laugh like that… maybe ever. The sound was reminiscent of Adrian and me. And I listened to them for another minute or so before I got out of bed and cleaned up in the small attached bathroom.

After putting on a fresh set of clothes, I padded out into the hallway, Will and Nick’s voices becoming clear, as did their laughter. I almost hated to intrude, but the sound was so inviting I couldn’t deny its allure. Caffeine and laughter? God, yes.

As I walked toward the kitchen, I let my gaze travel over Nick’s home. I’d only been there once, and I’d forgotten how charming it was. Forgotten how very un-Epstein it was. The thing was tiny. Well, maybe not tiny, but for the home of a founding family member, tiny. A kitchen, decent-sized living room, and a hallway that led to two bedrooms, each with a bath, and Nick’s workroom. Every wall, even the interior, was log, and every window in the place demonstrated Nick’s mastery of making stained glass. That part, the lavish beauty of it, screamed Lavender Shores. Although I wasn’t about to point that out to him.

I paused just out of sight of the brothers in the kitchen, wanting to enjoy their laughter a few moments longer just in case my presence changed things. It wasn’t what I expected. Not with this trip, not with the reason for us being here or how terrified Will had been. If anything, I should’ve woken up to tears and deep discussions of Nick’s disease and what it all meant. I was glad I was wrong.

“You’re right! That was the Christmas I got the Teddy Ruxpin!” Nick’s voice rang out, and there was a slap of flesh. “As soon as that damn bear’s mouth opened and he started to talk, you burst into tears like a little bitch.” Nick’s laughter was so loud it seemed to fill the house. “It was hilarious.”

“In my defense, animals aren’t supposed to talk. I think that being freaked out by a bear announcing his name was an appropriate response.” Offense filled Will’s voice, but I could tell he was barely containing his own laughter. “Besides, I’m sure Erica cried right along with me.”

“She did not. She’s tougher than you are.” Another smack.

“Like hell she…” Will’s voice trailed off momentarily before sounding again. “Actually, yeah, she is.”

They both laughed again before Nick sounded contemplative. “Now that you mention it, I think I’m combining Christmases. Erica wasn’t even born yet when I got Teddy Ruxpin. And you couldn’t have been more than three. No way you remember that.”

“You’ve told the story so much it’s like my own memory. And I stick to it. Toy bears shouldn’t talk.”

I rounded the corner finally, starting to feel like I was officially eavesdropping, and found them sitting close together at the small round kitchen table, a large, half-eaten, plate of sausages and scrambled eggs between them.

They both looked up, Nick’s smile didn’t falter. “Good afternoon, Sleeping Beauty. We’ve got coffee, grease, and alcohol. Pick your poison.”

Unlike his brother, Will’s expression did change, growing tense, and it made me pause for a moment. If anything, it should’ve been the other way around with me knowing more of Nick’s private life than I’m sure he wanted me to.

Maybe Will was less okay with me messing around with Silas than he let on. With as close as Meghan had felt that morning, I couldn’t blame him. But if he was going to react that way to just one guy, I wasn’t going to rush to tell him about all the others.

“Thanks. Coffee first, grease second.” I walked over to the coffeepot and used the mug that had been left out for me. I hurried to join in the conversation, not wanting to hinder the cozy vibe I’d woken up to. “I remember that bear. Amelia had one. I think she carried it around with her until she was twelve. She also had some yellow caterpillar friend of his that talked too.”

Another smack. “Well, there you go, Will, see? Your childhood nightmares could’ve been so much worse. Talking caterpillars!”

“That is worse.” Though it wasn’t quite as carefree as before, Will laughed again.

With my coffee in hand, I joined them at the table. They’d set out a plate for me, and I scooped some of the scrambled eggs before stabbing a couple of the large sausages. “Thanks for breakfast. I’m ravenous.”

“Have all you want. It’s made by a guy in town. It’s a combo of elk that he killed here and sausage flown in from the city.” Nick leaned across the diameter of the table and smacked my shoulder. “You need your strength after flying all night.”

The smack was hard enough I was willing to bet if that’s what had been happening to Will’s arm, he was going to have a bruise. I was also willing to bet, Nick had consumed more than his share of the bottle of rum that had been beside the coffee maker. He seemed only pleasantly buzzed, but if he was starting this early, he’d be trashed by the time the sun went down, like he had been the night before. Granted, I supposed even though it was breakfast we were already in midafternoon. “You know me; flying isn’t work. I think it’s relaxing.” At least most of the time. I started cutting the sausage links. “Sheriff Greenland was in a mood this morning, though. Gave me the third degree about the plane being up to snuff on Alaska’s safety requirement.”

“You have to cut him some slack. We had a family of Canadians up here a couple months ago. They brought their fancy new plane and took it out for a joyride. They crashed, not far from here, actually. Found them in less than two days, which is pretty fast, considering. Three of them died, only the husband lived.” Nick rolled his eyes. “Didn’t have a single helpful thing on their whole damn plane. Not even a box of matches or a pack of granola bars. Course they had their iPads and cell phones, for all the good that did them with no reception. The wife even had her Fitbit on, of all things.” He took a sip from his tumbler. “The husband is going to sue, of course, so Greenland’s on the warpath.”

That made a little more sense, but I hated that I’d accidentally managed to somehow trigger a conversation about a family dying. Talk about a quick way to kill the laughter.

“Speaking of planes, you two aren’t flying back this evening, are you? You just got here.” Nick took another drink.

I glanced at Will, who gave me an uncomfortable expression that didn’t help me determine what he wanted. “You know, we didn’t really talk about it. We just hopped on the plane and came out. It was more… spur of the moment.”

Nick sighed, and I knew I had most definitely killed the laughter at that point. “I suppose I should thank you again for that, Andre. I have a vague recollection of being a royal bitch this morning when you got here. Sorry about that.” He reached over and hit my shoulder one more time, but it was more gentle and lingering in way of thanks. “I really do appreciate it. I hate that I put you and my brother through such a panic because I was having a drunken melancholy night.”

“No apology necessary. You’d just gotten some big news.” I felt like I needed to say more about that, but I wasn’t sure how. There I’d been giving advice on what to say to Will, and I couldn’t come up with anything myself.

“Well…” Nick gave a sheepish grin toward Will before turning back to me. “That’s not exactly how it happened. I’ve known for a while. I just hadn’t shared it with anyone, at least… not back home.”

I glanced at Will once more, expecting to see hurt at that.

To my surprise, he simply shrugged and smiled. “Yeah. You slept right through the whole Hallmark movie moment this morning. We passed through everything. And it’s kinda like you said. Nick is as healthy as a horse. It’s all good.”

Relief flooded through me. Nick was a friend, well… more of an occasional client than a friend, but friendly enough. I was glad he was going to be okay. Even more so, I was glad for Will.

“Really?” Nick made a show of squinting as he looked at his brother. “Granted, I haven’t watched a Hallmark movie in a long time… actually, make that ever, but I didn’t know they used HIV as a story device. I might need to change my entertainment habits.” His eyes widened, and he lifted his finger in the air as if he just had the most brilliant idea. “I’ve heard it’s also going to be a theme for the next Disney princess movie. Aladdin part four or some shit. Instead of the genie, he’s got a little bottle of Truvada that sings and dances and grants all his wishes. His first one will be turning Jafar into his own personal blow-up doll.”

“Oh, good grief. You’re a sick man.” Will shook his head and then began to chuckle.

Things really must be okay if they were able to joke about it.

Nick grew serious. “I do have a favor to ask, all teasing aside. I’m totally good with you knowing, you know that I trust you, but I’d like you to keep this to yourself. There’s a reason I moved to the ice version of bum-fuck Egypt. Daddy never comes knocking on my door, but if that little tidbit of news got out, I bet you he’d make a special trip. If for no other reason than to congratulate me on putting the final gem in the crown of humiliation he thinks I’ve slammed on his head.”

“Don’t be that way.” Will winced, pulling both Nick’s and my attention to him. “Dad wouldn’t do that, not about this.”

“Really?” Nick didn’t sound angry, but there was a challenge in his tone. “I take it he’s finally moved past you getting left at the altar on that stupid TV show?”

Will winced again and got lost studying the table.

“That’s what I thought.” Nick shook his head in disgust and looked back at me once more. “Anyway, I regret how it happened, but I’m glad Will knows. At some point the two of us will tell Erica, but that’s going to take some planning. I love her to death, but she never met a secret she didn’t want to broadcast on the nightly news.”

“She would never do that to you.” Will looked up again, and this time anger flicked in his voice.

“I know.” Nick held up his hands as if in surrender. “You’re right. She would never do it, not on purpose. But somehow it would slip. It just would. She wouldn’t mean for it to, but it would.”

It looked like Will was going to argue, but then he acquiesced with a nod.

“However you guys decide to handle it is totally fine with me.” I waited until Nick’s gaze met mine again. “It’s not my news to tell. But I am relieved that you’re okay. If you ever need anything I’ll always—”

“You’ve already done more than enough.” He waved me off. “But I would love it if you would stay, unless you gotta get back.”

Once more I studied Will for a second—if I was reading him correctly, I thought he wanted to. “I can stay however long Will wants. Katniss is at outdoor lab this week, and I’d planned on heading to San Francisco for a mini vacation anyway.” And to lose myself in things I didn’t allow in Lavender Shores, at least until my moments of weakness the past couple of days. “I’d say Alaska would count as a more exotic vacation than San Francisco, don’t you?”

“You sure you don’t mind?” Will looked over at me hopefully.

“Not at all.”

“Great.” He relaxed somewhat and forked a couple more sausages onto his plate. “How about we stay tonight and tomorrow night, then head out the next day?”

“You should stay longer than that. You heard Andre; he was taking a week off anyway.”

“No.” Though Will shook his head, his words didn’t sound quite so adamant. “I have some meetings in LA on Thursday. I really shouldn’t miss them.”

“Still managing Dad’s and his rich friends’ hordes of cash for them?” There was accusation in Nick’s tone, but it softened when Will flinched. “Sorry. Me being like that isn’t going to make you want to stay, is it? I just wish you’d break free from it all. It was one thing when you were Dad’s golden boy and mini-me, but it sounds like he’s treating you almost as badly as he treated me.”

“He doesn’t… not… really.” Will’s gaze flicked up to me, and he sighed, probably replaying one of the countless conversations he’d had with Seth and me about his father. “Okay, yeah. He does.”

“Well, then, stay! Screw him and his millions. You’ve got your own anyway. Make a week out of it. I know it’s not an Epstein mansion, but I’ve got plenty of room.” He made a gesture encompassing the cabin. “Clearly I don’t mind sleeping on the couch.”

I could see the longing on Will’s face even as he shook his head again. “No, I don’t want to leave them in the lurch.”

“It’s not going to help, Will. Once you lose Dad’s favor, you’re not going to get it back.” Nick stood, continuing to speak as he walked through the kitchen to refill his tumbler with alcohol and orange juice. “I guarantee you he’s already moved on to Ethan, grooming him to take your place, even though he’s only fourteen. We really need to concern ourselves with having Erica protect her children from that man instead of figuring out how to tell her any of my news.” Every word he spoke seemed as if it was a punch at Will. And even though Nick had ostracized himself from his family for his entire adult life, he demonstrated just how much he knew their father. Will had mentioned he’d noticed his father taking a more intense interest in Erica’s son only a few weeks before.

Will straightened. “Even if that’s true, I won’t give him more ammunition.”

“Seriously, Will!” Though irritation filled his voice, Nick’s face was full of concern. “You’re over fucking forty years old. How long are you going to be his little bitch?”

“Fuck you, Nick. I’m not his little…” As quickly as Will’s anger ignited, it faded, and he sank back into his chair. After a second, he actually laughed, though it was a dark sound. “Yeah. I am.” He chewed on his bottom lip for a second and then cast a cautious glance at me before focusing on his brother. “Actually, right when you called last night, I was researching flats in England.”

We both flinched at that, but it was Nick who spoke first. “Really? As in…” He narrowed his eyes. “A long vacation?”

“As in moving. I’m going to move to England.” Will continued to stare at Nick, and I got the sense he was intentionally avoiding looking at me. Which was good, because now I felt like the one being punched.

Nick must’ve heard the determination in Will’s voice as clearly as I had because he didn’t scoff or sound skeptical in the slightest. “Really? That is fucking awesome!” He hurried back to the table and smacked Will’s shoulder again. And as he returned to his chair, his excitement transitioned to relief. “That’s the best fucking news I’ve heard in ages. That’s all I’ve ever wanted for you. To be free. For you to be happy.”

“I’m more scared than I’ve ever been in my entire life, if I’m being honest.” He beamed a little bit at Nick’s praise, but then finally looked my way. “I only told Seth last night as well. I haven’t been keeping it a secret.”

“I… That’s…” I couldn’t figure out what was ripping through me, I just knew it was stealing my words and my thoughts. “England… wow…”

“You’ll finally get to live like you’re on Downton Abbey, dude!” Nick smacked Will’s arm hard enough it caused Will to cry out and laugh, but Nick didn’t seem to notice. “And you can be even gayer than you are now, wearing all those fancy pinstriped suits and drinking tea and stuff. Maybe you can have a weekly date with the Queen. You can both wear tiaras as you gossip about affairs between duchesses and stable boys while eating jam and crumpets.”

“You’re an idiot.” Will laughed as he rubbed his shoulder. “Do you even know what a crumpet is?”

Nick shrugged. “No fucking clue, but I guarantee that you have to lift your pinky in the air while you eat it. Probably your nose too. You’ll fit in perfectly, you blue-blooded snob.”

As they regained the levity and laughter that I’d walked in on, I couldn’t bring myself to join in. And I was shocked I hadn’t recognized the feeling for what it was instantly.

Loss. The sensation that was more familiar to me than any other at this point. Though different than Meghan’s death, it was close enough it made my eyes sting. I couldn’t say goodbye. Not again. I was barely functioning in Lavender Shores as it was. Barely making it through feeling trapped and desperate. Will was one of the only things that made it bearable over the past few years. Now I wouldn’t even have him.