Cameron

When I was at work, it could take me hours to check my phone. The computer had my email on it, and the office phone would ring with any calls I received from inside this building. My phone was never on silent in case I received any calls from someone in the field or otherwise involved in business, but I never actually checked it - I just answered if it rang.

Not so today. I sat in my office - working at probably half my normal productivity - checking my phone every ten minutes and hoping beyond hope that I would see a text message from Diana. I’d even seen her in the hall and walked after her, but she had disappeared into her office and closed the door. I respected her too much to barge in when she clearly didn’t want to talk to me, but I did have to wonder - what had I done?

After I had texted her just after she left Saturday afternoon, I had tried to leave her alone - for the first two hours. At first, I’d naturally assumed that her mom must have needed her, which was perfectly reasonable, though a little worrying. Chloe had only emailed me that she had successfully looked into Diana’s mortgage a day ago, and I hadn’t had a chance to act on that information yet. Since Diana had been convinced the unpaid mortgage was exacerbating her mother’s ill health, if something happened because I hadn’t acted fast enough… I’d never forgive myself.

Because I’d realized something on the flight back home. With all my mental ramblings and insecurities, I had basically put words in Diana’s mouth. I assumed so much about her when she had done nothing to warrant those assumptions, and that just wasn’t fair to me or to her. Or to Noah. How could I deny us both the chance to get to know Diana better?

Now, apparently, my revelation didn’t matter, though, because Diana was clearly avoiding my attempts to see her by walking past her doorway too many times. Whenever I had texted her about Noah during my trips, she responded promptly - within a couple hours at the most, except for one I had sent late, probably after she’d gone to bed.

Today, when the minutes stretched into hours, which stretched into more hours - I was positive Diana just didn’t want to speak to me for some reason.

Still worried and a little confused as well, I had sent her a few more texts Saturday night, wishing she’d just respond to one and tell me everything was fine, that she wouldn’t mind talking to me. I wanted to sit down with her, hold her hand, and bare my soul to her, but she was making it crystal clear she didn’t want that in return.

I had my little ‘never date an employee’ rule. Maybe she had a ‘never date a boss’ rule. I was willing to possibly break my rule for her. But… maybe she had no intention of breaking hers for me…

Of course, all this was just speculation. I had no idea what Diana was actually thinking, only that she must have had a reason for not wanting to talk to me, and whatever it was, I should respect it. Still, I hadn’t been able to resist sending just one more text this morning - Monday morning - after receiving no reply all Sunday. Just wanted to let you know that I have your money in my office. You can come pick it up, or I can send Chloe with it after lunch.

That had been my last-ditch effort to meet with Diana. I was hoping that by giving her a valid reason to come to my office, we could have a private conversation and she wouldn’t feel that it was out of line.

The hours ticked by until lunch, which I took in the breakroom in the hopes that I might see Diana. She never appeared, so I headed back to my office, heart heavy and still just as confused as before. Maybe it was just… me. All the fears the wine in San Francisco had brought out had come true.

I had only been alone with my bleak thoughts for ten minutes or so when Chloe marched into the office without knocking. “Good afternoon?” My words came out as a question spurred by her sudden entrance.

“What is with you?” she asked bluntly.

“I don’t know what you mean.” The lie fell wooden on my ears.

“Every time someone walked into the breakroom you looked like a kid waiting to open presents on Christmas. Now, you look like that same kid - except this time he opened his presents and there was no new gaming console.”

She was right. I didn’t really have anything to say, so I just shrugged.

“It’s Diana, isn’t it?” Chloe shook her head. “Oh, don’t look so surprised. She’s just as miserable.”

“What?” I started bolt upright in my seat. “Why, what happened?”

“Probably you. I talked to her, and she seemed to think that if she talked to you, you’d tell her something she didn’t want to hear. I hope you’re not planning to fire her?”

“W-what? Absolutely not,” I stuttered, offended and shocked at the very idea. “I-I just wanted to talk to her. About me… well really us, and she wouldn’t return my messages.”

“Has it ever occurred to you that maybe she’s afraid of what you’ll say?”

For the first time, I tried to see the day I returned from San Francisco from her perspective. It was the last time I had spoken to her. I’d been so happy about the outcome of the court case. I’d shown that with my smile and my greeting to Noah - but then, I’d been so nervous, unsure if I could find the words to express my true feelings.

I had wanted to talk to Diana and tell her how I felt about us, but I didn’t know how she would take it. My smile had slipped, and I’d forgotten how excited I was… and I’d probably looked a little forbidding. Like I was about to give her bad news, or something.

“No,” I said honestly. “But it has now.”

“Ask her out, Cameron. Properly, on a date - not to your house to nanny. Stop giving off mixed signals, leave past relationships in the past, and start a new one.”

I hadn’t expected to receive such a personal pep talk or advice from my executive assistant, but she was right. She always had my best interests at heart, and her sudden earnestness helped me realize what I already knew. Diana was part of my best interests - if she would have me. “Do you really think I should? I mean… you’ve talked to her. Some people don’t do workplace relationships…”

Chloe was shaking her head before I finished. “You don’t do workplace relationships,” she corrected. “And I understand that you had a reason for that, but it’s time to move on. Talk to Diana. Ask her out.” Chloe left the office.

That was easier said than done. By the time I managed to convince myself to talk to Diana, I went by her office, only to find that she’d already left for the day. That’s okay, I consoled myself, staring at the empty chair where Diana usually sat. There’s always tomorrow…

Except, the next day I didn’t manage to make myself visit her office before lunch. I had to give myself yet another pep talk, re-convince myself this was the right call, and remind myself of everything Chloe had said before I could summon the courage to talk to her. Even then, I stood outside her office for a good five minutes.

I would have stood there longer, maybe even all day, but I heard the rustling of clothes and the creaking of a chair inside. The sounds finally jostled me into action. What if she came to the door and I was just standing here? Any impression at all was better than that.

I knocked lightly on the half-open door and entered. “Hi, Diana.”

“Oh. Good afternoon,” she said very formally, hardly glancing away from her computer.

Remember what Chloe said. Neither of us has said anything yet. “I brought your payment. Sorry I didn’t get it to you yesterday. I got stuck in the office and Chloe was…” No. That was a lie. Chloe wasn’t busy after lunch at all, and I wasn’t stuck in the office - except out of nervousness, maybe. “I’m sorry, that’s not really true. Chloe said I should bring you this myself.”

Diana eyed the envelope extended in my hand for a moment, then took it with a question. “Why would she say that?”

“Because I really want to talk to you, and I haven’t had a chance.” I refrained from pointing fingers or assigning any blame. That wasn’t what this visit was about. Diana said nothing, only sat at her desk looking unreadable, so I continued. “Will you meet me for lunch on Saturday? Please? I feel something for you, Diana, and I want to talk about it. And I have a surprise. A good one,” I promised when her face changed from surprise at my admission moving her lips into a straight line - a tiny bit suspicious.

“I’ve had a few too many surprises lately.” Caution, but not denial.

“This one will be good. I promise. Please say you’ll have lunch on Saturday? If - if you don’t feel anything for me, then just say no. But… I’d love to talk with you. If you’ll let me.”

Diana regarded me for a long moment. Emotions tugged at her face, but they flew by too quickly for me to identify them. “Okay,” she said, at last, settling on hopeful. “Lunch it is. Where should I meet you?”

We hashed out the details, and I put the date, time, and location into my phone quickly before relief threatened to drive everything after her agreement out of my head.

I just needed to talk. I had been needing to talk for so long, and I couldn’t do that with anyone in my life. But to sit down with Diana, to know what I knew about her and do what I’d done with her… I could talk to her. I would say everything I needed and wanted to say and just hope for the best. Hope that she would talk to me in return.

Finally, it was time to find out. I sat at the table of the Italian restaurant, hands firmly clasped together underneath to keep them from shaking or fidgeting. After a few minutes, that seemed more like an eternity, I watched as the boisterous Chicago winds blew Diana through the door toward our table.

“Hi.” Oh God, we both said it at the same time. “Hi,” I said again, laughing like it was funny - I definitely was nervous. “Thanks for coming.”

“I-I wanted to.” Of all the things she could have said, that was probably the most encouraging and heartwarming.

The waitress swept back and forth between our table and the kitchen a few times to bring us menus, then drinks, then food, so until we had our plates before us, we only talked about inconsequential things at work or what was going on in Chicago. Then, finally, we were alone, no waitress nearby and no other people within earshot if we didn’t talk too loudly.

“Diana,” I began, and then realized I didn’t even know where to begin. “Maybe - maybe I’ll just start with the surprise. I decided to pay off the mortgage.”

“The mortgage? For the Pinnacle building?” I counted down the seconds until her eyes widened with disbelief. “For my house? Cameron, you can’t. That’s not - you just can’t. Why would you even want to?”

“Because I want to help you, Diana.” My entire heart poured into my words. “I want to be with you. I wanted to tell you for so long, but I kept-” Lingering shame clutched at my throat. “I couldn’t, because I was afraid. Noah and I… I was afraid to let someone new in his life. In my life. And I… I did a lot of things I regret after the divorce. I felt lonely and betrayed, and I turned to… well, paying.”

Diana’s fork clinked against her bowl of pasta, forgotten. She licked her lips and looked away. She understood what I meant: paying for sex.

She couldn’t understand the games I’d become used to, not yet. Maybe I wasn’t ready to talk about those right now, either. I couldn’t bear to watch the expression on her face if I tried.

Then she turned back to face me. “I was afraid too,” she said softly, hesitating. “Afraid, I mean. I, uh… haven’t had the best experiences with men. My first boyfriend - my only boyfriend - took advantage of me, and my father left when I was young.” She paused, a spark of anger flashed in her eyes at the memory. “He always told me I was - I was too heavy to be with someone. No one would ever want me.”

Wherever, whoever this father was who had hurt Diana, I suddenly wished I knew so I could kick his ass. “Well, he’s wrong,” I said adamantly, leaning forward, looking Diana straight in the eye, and putting my hand over hers on the table. “Because I want you.”

Tears clung to the edges of her eyelashes, but her eyes sparkled. “Really? Because - because I haven’t been with someone in a long time. I honestly don’t know what I’m doing... It’s embarrassing.”

“Sure you do. I meant it when I said you were confident. It takes confidence to try something new or be with someone new.” My heart dropped when she laughed.

She must have seen my crestfallen expression because she flipped her hand over with mine still on top and gave it a squeeze. “Sorry. You remind me of my mom… She just told me the other day that sometimes we need someone else to help us recover from the past - or something like that.”

“Your mother sounds very wise. I hope I can meet her sometime… after I pay the mortgage?”

Diana rolled her eyes, regaining some of that confidence that I saw in her and would help her see in herself as well. “I-I suppose. But only after I make one more payment on it…. And thank you.” Her words formed a very thin mask over deep relief.

“And after I take you out tonight to see a Bulls - that’s basketball - game with Noah and me?”

“I don’t really know anything about basketball…”

My heart nearly stopped at what she said.

“But I’d love to go with you and Noah. I bet he can tell me all about it.”