Seventeen

 

We stopped for the night at a local inn that had seen better days. This far north there wouldn’t be high quality places to stay. We’d be lucky if it was clean. Who could afford hospitality that cost money in the northern Deadlands?

Mason hauled Bryant over his shoulder. Bryant was still out cold. Garrett and Kieran huddled together, taking care of the horses. They’d put them up for the night and then stay with Mason and Bryant, giving Milo some time alone with me.

He held my hand gently. The innkeeper’s wife ran around trying to set up rooms for us. She didn’t know who we were, but our gold was good. She wanted to make us happy, which took very little. There had never been a group more in need of sleep than us.

Milo told her I was his wife, and she ushered us into a room with a big-sized bed, giving the others rooms with several smaller ones.

“Where am I going to be sleeping?” Frank raised his eyebrows at me, and Milo hissed in his breath. The demon had come back.

“We’re going to ignore you like you’re not even there. But before I do that, I want you to know that when you nearly killed Bryant, you changed me. When I figure out how to kill you—not throw you away, not somehow get possessed by you—I will make it hurt.”

He didn’t like my remark, and I found myself on my knees. I hated that he had control over my body. It hurt when he moved me, and being powerless was the worst feeling ever.

Milo bent over and hauled me up. He turned to address the demon. “You can stay here all night if you want to. We can’t hurt you. Yet. But every moment you do, every bit you hurt her, we will take it out of you in punishment. Admit it; you miss the light so much you can’t stay away from it. You had no business coming to the train that day. No one saw it because she was way too powerless to be interesting to you at that point. But you couldn’t stay away. She glows like a beacon of glory. Always has. I get it. I can’t stay away from her either. I had to wait, remain there and wait while they were all born year after year until it was my turn. I yearned for her. And so do you. Because it’s been so long since you’ve seen the light you can’t bear to be away from her.”

I put my hand on his arm. Frank’s eyes were glowing. Maybe Five wanted to stop. “Milo.”

“Admit it. You miss it so hard, unclean thing, you’ll never be over the longing for the light. Who knows? Maybe if you beg, Divinity will forgive you.”

Frank popped away, and Milo took a breath. “He’ll stay away until he thinks of the next horrible thing to do.”

“I don’t want you provoking his ire.”

He took my hand in his. “I’ll do whatever it takes to protect you. It is my—”

I put my hand over his mouth, staring into his white eyes. “If you say ‘right to die’ or ‘honor to die’ or something like that, I will make you pay for it.”

He raised his eyebrows before he kissed my palm. I moved it away. “How would you do that, my love?”

“I have my ways.”

He stepped back. “That so? Enlighten me.”

I pushed him back onto the bed and straddled him. He was indulging me. I’d never be able to move him otherwise. But I did have some tricks up my sleeve. I tickled him. He reared up. He hadn’t seen it coming. His laugh filled the room, kicking all remaining elements of Frank out for the moment. He flipped me over, and even through the white eyes I could see heat in his gaze.

“I cannot believe you just did that.”

I bit my bottom lip. “I’m not so good now, am I?”

“Still the best soul I’ve ever seen.” He kissed me softly. “I love you. I love you. I love you. When I woke up, everything was in chaos. Bryant was old cold. You were gray. Terror pretty quickly replaced everything else. I can’t believe I wasn’t there for you, wasn’t there for Bryant.”

I bit his bottom lip, and he moaned. “You were doing what you needed to do, which was transform. No one blamed you.”

“I do.” My guys were great at taking responsibility for the world’s problems as though they’d caused them.

“Make love to me, Milo.”

He didn’t have to be asked twice. Milo knew how to kiss, so I was breathless and dying for more. He didn’t push, didn’t force it, but the gentle caresses, the light dabs of his tongue to mine, I wanted more, so much more.

He unbuttoned my shirt with one hand while the other drew lazy circles on my cheek with his thumb. I shivered with desire and knew he needed to lose control, too. Otherwise he wouldn’t ever really let himself go.

I reached between us, shoving my hand down his pants until I found his erection. He sucked in his breath, his eyes widening. “In a hurry, love?”

“Quiet.” I wouldn’t have him analyzing this until he could take control. “Close your eyes and feel me loving you.”

I palmed his erection, and he sucked in a breath. A thought dawned on me, and it made me smile. I wondered if I could manage to get him in my mouth, and if he would like it. Gently, I tugged down his pants. He’d kept his eyes closed, as I’d told him to do. Not knowing exactly what was going on had to be hard on Milo.

He was a planner.

When I’d freed him from the confines of clothes, I stroked him once, a long single movement, and watched his cock jump in my hands. He made the slightest noise in his throat while one of his hands came up to grip the top of the headboard.

My mouth watered. Why hadn’t I thought of this before? I’d never done this, and I didn’t want to hurt him. Gently, I placed the tip of his cock in my mouth and sucked down. He let out a gasp followed by a long moan. His hips jerked, bringing him deeper inside of my throat. I loved the sensation. His eyes flew open, and from where I watched his face, I could see the heat in them.

“Anne, wow. You don’t have to …”

There was nothing have to about it. I showed him by starting to move. Over and over, I took him as far down my throat as I could manage. He was big; even ignoring the slight discomfort, I couldn’t take him all the way in my mouth. Instead, I wrapped a hand around the bottom of his erection to finish what I couldn’t fit.

Soon, his hips were moving against me, and I couldn’t help my own moans. This was so hot. This was me in control of his pleasure, and I loved it.

“No more.” His voice was strained. “I need to be inside of you, and I need to see to your pleasure. I have to. I …”

I kissed him, letting him draw me around until he could flip me over. He pressed his finger inside of me, finding my clit, and then he sucked in a long breath. “You’re so wet.”

“Giving you pleasure gives it to me.” Milo took my mouth again, caressing me with long plunges of his tongue against mine. I closed my eyes and let him love me however he wanted to. I needed him as much as he did me.

When he scooted down to enter me, I opened my lids to watch. He was so beautiful, like something that wasn’t quite real. I touched his chest, seeing his light combine with my own. “Can you see that?”

Out of all of them, he connected the most with what we had been. He smiled. “I can always see it when I’m with you.”

With a gentle push, he was inside of me. I wrapped my legs around his waist to bring him deeper. I wanted as much of him as I could have. He groaned, sliding even further into my warmth. My muscles clenched around his cock. All of it was pure pleasure for me.

“Milo.” There was nothing else I could say except his name.

He pressed his forehead to mine, and with a jerk of his hips he started to move. Slowly at first, but quickly he picked up the pace.

I tried to match him, and before long my hips met his as though we’d been doing this together forever. His face was pained, and I knew how hard he was trying to hold on. I needed more friction from him and arched my hips so he would rub my clit more with each movement. Pleasure rolled through me, and my head fell backwards, my neck unable to hold it up anymore as the explosion about to happen rocked me from the inside out.

Finally, I couldn’t take it anymore. I came around him, giving Milo everything I had and begging him, silently, to take it.

He followed right after me, my name like a prayer on his lips.

I must have fallen asleep right there with him still inside of me. Or maybe I drifted into that other space that I could never explain to anyone else, the nothingness that came with pleasure.

I woke up some time later with my head on Milo’s chest. His arm was flung above his head, and he snored the sleep of a man who needed some rest. Regeneration sleep wasn’t the same, I guessed. Frank stood in the corner, and I ignored him.

“You won’t be able to pretend for much longer. You are going to lose total control soon. Those movements? They’re nothing. You’ll wish you had died at the hand of the demon on the road.”

The door slammed open, and Milo jumped awake, immediately alert. Bryant stood in the frame; he stared at me, white-eyed, and if the set of his jaw was any indication, really, really mad at me. He turned his ire on Frank.

“Out.” He pointed at him. “Out.”

The demon laughed, but I made note that he did just what Bryant told him to do. “Milo,” Bryant went on, “I need to speak to her. Alone.”

Milo groaned before he got out of bed. He leaned over to kiss me. “Love you.”

He pulled on his pants before he patted Bryant on the arm. “Go easy. She loves you. You know how she lives in the light. She wouldn’t lose you.”

Bryant waited until Milo walked out to round on me. He pointed at me. “You nearly died. I could feel it. You gave and you gave. You would have ended yourself to save me.”

I got out of the bed, heading toward the small washroom. “And your point is what?”

“That’s not even remotely acceptable.” He followed me into the bathroom and stood behind me when I turned on the water. “That is not your job. You are my beloved. I take care of you.”

I shook my head. “How does that work exactly? Are you saying you love me more than I love you?”

He stopped moving and got still. “No, I wasn’t saying that. I can actually feel how you love me. I can’t believe it, but I feel it.”

“Why can’t you believe it?” I stepped into the shower and let the hot water hit me. If he wanted to stand there and scowl, he could go ahead and do so. “I saw memories of us you may not even realize you have. I assure you I got the better end of the deal.”

He was quiet. “I’m not sure what you mean. But I love you more than I love myself.”

“Well, I feel the same way. So if I want to sacrifice myself, I can go ahead and do so the same as you can. You don’t have sole ownership of wanting to keep the person you love alive. Sorry.”

I was tired. Frank was pulling at my energy. It had gotten to where I could feel it when he happened to be sucking at me. A slight, dull ache formed behind my eyes.

Bryant tugged back the curtain that separated us. His eyes weren’t angry anymore, and the lines of his face were more concerned than furious. “You’re not feeling right.”

“You can feel that, can you?” I shook my head. “You guys are getting more out of this co-joining than I am at this point. I don’t have any idea what you’re thinking or …”

Fully dressed, he stepped under the water and pulled me against him. “When we get the monster out of you, you’ll have us inside of you. You’ll feel us.”

I closed my eyes. “Don’t be angry I saved your life. I may not be able to feel how we’re co-joined yet, but I love you.” I could still see the ball of light he’d been when we’d lived with the spirits. This lovely man had no idea how high up he was in the spiritual world.

He held me under the spray. “Hold on for me, Anne. Don’t go under to the demon.”

“I’m … tired.”

He kissed my cheek. “I know.”

 

“You’re pale.” Kieran stared at me across the carriage. He’d never been inside with me before, as far as I could remember. The general consensus I could make out from listening when they all talked was that Kieran needed to co-join with me.

I loved him so much, but I didn’t think I had the energy. “Sorry, what?”

Frank had taken to singing. He laughed a lot too. The closer we got to the mines, the louder he got.

He lifted his hand, and my hand lifted. I stared at it. Kieran couldn’t see him; he wouldn’t know exactly what was happening. I sighed. “It might be better for you if we don’t co-join. I don’t know what exactly is going to happen to the others when this goes sour.”

“Why are you suddenly pessimistic? Wait, don’t answer. The demon.” He rubbed his eyes. One second he was across from me, and the next his mouth met mine. “I love you.”

I loved him too, so I curled into his arms and let him kiss me and kiss me. His mouth was sweet, and although his callused hands could be rough, he was gentle with me. Out of all of my guards, he was the kindest. He always thought with his heart. I placed my hand over it and drew back to look at him.

“You make me believe there’s still good in the world.”

Kieran ran his hand down the side of my face. “You believe that all on your own. He’s affecting your mood, your outlook. But I’ll remember; I’ll hold on to who you are for you so it never goes away. When you need to be reminded, I’ll tell you. I know who you are, Anne. I knew when you were under the hood, and I know who you are now. I’ll hold on to you. I promise.”

“How do I deserve you?” I kissed him hard, and he let me lead our caresses for a while until my hand started to shake.

I sighed. Losing control was awful. How much longer would I be able to hold on?

“This is a dash of time. It will become a distant memory, something you can hardly remember happening.”

My heart turned over, and his eyes turned white. He sucked in his breath, and a slow, sexy smile took over his serious expression. Apparently it must have felt good, but I wasn’t getting the same results. I kissed the top of his head. He smelled clean, like soap. “Kieran, you have the biggest heart. You take care of me over and over again.”

He raised his changed gaze to look at me. “You’re giving up. I can actually feel it now. We’re almost there. If this Sister can do what you say she can do, then this will all be over soon. I can tell you about the year we had.”

“Must have been some year; you keep teasing me with it.”

Kieran kissed my knuckles. “I don’t want that demon hearing about it. There were people involved I’d rather not give away to him.”

I opened my arms. “Come cuddle before you pass out.”

Mason had held out through our shower and breakfast but the others had all fallen off quickly after co-joining with me. I decided with the mine coming and the demon so close to taking me over, I was going to enjoy riding in the carriage with Kieran for as long as we had together.

After a while, he did fall asleep, and like the others, he was silent in how he slept. I stroked his cheek and stared out the carriage window. The landscape was barren, and a puff of black smoke filled the air in the distance. I wondered what it was. Dizziness threatened me, and a strange, bitter taste filled my mouth.

I gently moved Kieran until he lay on his side, and then I stood. I knocked on the top of the carriage three times, and it came to a stop. That’s how I’d seen the others do it when they needed to get out. Bryant stuck his head in. “I was going to come down. What’s wrong?”

“He’s taking me.” I walked into Bryant’s arms and let him tug me upwards.

“You need company. It’s all part of the energy.” He took me above, on top of the carriage with him. “Sit up here with us for a while. Get some fresh air.”

Bryant was out of ideas, and so was I.

 

Kieran roused in time for us to arrive at the mines. He poked his head out the window and looked up at us with a concerned look on his face. “Holding it together, Anne?”

I wasn’t, but the mines were ahead. Mason sighed loudly. “An hour north is where my mother and sisters live. That’s where my father died, well below us.”

“We can’t handle the demons down there until we find Sister Teagan. She can fix our sweetheart.” Garrett took my hand in his.

I started to sweat. My hands shook, and a roaring sounded in my ears. I’d never been on this side of a possession before, but this couldn’t be good news.

Frank stood in front of me. He reached out his arms. “I know this hurts. Honestly? I don’t know how I ended up possessing you to begin with, but it happened. How you have held out when I am who I am and you are who you are is beyond me. But you’ve done it. We’re done now. I can make this stop hurting.”

Kieran rushed to my side. “Don’t listen to him. He’s a demon. He lies.”

My body shook, and Frank finished speaking. “Or I can make it hurt more, Anne.”

“She told Anne she was with the women hauling coal,” Bryant shouted. “Move. Move. Move.”

Mason jumped down, and in a flurry of movement, I found myself in Kieran’s arms while the rest of them hauled off, presumably to find Teagan. I’d have fallen over if Kieran hadn’t been there.

“You know you can’t beat me. Do you think they’ll take you back home? To the spirits? Or will you be here with me, forever? What will they call you? The Damned Sister. The Weird Sister who thought she could go north to help people and ended up possessed herself. What an entire disappointment you must be to your men. They took such a chance on you, came here and fought believing in worthless you.”

Tears sprung from my eyes. Kieran was talking, but I couldn’t hear him, as if all other noises ceased to exist except for Frank. He wasn’t Frank, the demon I kept at bay; he was an original demon. I wasn’t anything.

Still, I couldn’t go down without a fight. “I’ll choose pain.”

And so he gave it to me.