One

 

“You have not called for a man yet?” Sister Jayne flipped through one of the scripture books across the room. She was bored. I could tell by her tone. She always got a little nasal when she no longer cared about what was going on around her. “I don’t know what I would do if I didn’t have one between my legs every night.”

I took a deep breath. “Not yet, no.”

The fewer things I said on the subject the better. I was not interested in explaining why I didn’t use my guards for sex when I wasn’t exactly sure why I was so against it in the first place. I simply didn’t, and that was all there was to it.

I was twenty-two years old, a novice in the Sisters of the Rising Sun, powerful, and more terrified of life than anyone I knew. It wasn’t the demons who scared me—for the last two years I’d taken care of every assignment given to me without fail—but the rest of my world that left me shivering in the dark.

“Maybe your sexless existence is why you’re so damned powerful. Maybe we should all become chaste.” Sister Jayne snorted like it was the funniest thing she’d ever said. “Yeah, right. Try and make me do that.” Rising, Sister Jayne defined the word beauty. She was olive-skinned, with thick, curly hair that fell down her back in waves. Her eyes were almond-shaped, and she’d already begun losing the color of her pupils. In another year, my own would do the same. They would never be human again.

“Are you sure you’re doing okay?” I touched Jayne’s shoulder to bring her attention to anything other than the reasons I didn’t have sex.

She sighed. “I’m not going to pretend it wasn’t awful. It was a stage two demon. I know that’s not a big hit for you, but for my powers, that’s as far as I go. To lose one of my guards in the middle of it … I mean, shouldn’t they be better trained?

I held my sigh. I’d long since learned to restrain my natural responses to things. No one appreciated my plebian ways. I was a Sister. That made me nobility. Yet I couldn’t help the pang in my heart about what had happened on her last assignment. Jayne’s guard was dead. He’d committed ten years to protecting a Sister, and when his ten years were done, he was supposed to go home a rich man, able to protect his family by placing them outside of the dead zones. But he’d never see his reward now or anything else for that matter.

Jayne’s guard had sacrificed his life to save her, as was his duty. His family would be protected, provided for, but they would never see him return. He hadn’t let her die. If he had, all of his years of service would be for naught. He’d have been executed along with his fellow guards and their families, too.

The Guards hated us. Defending us was a means to an end for them, and they resented us for it. I suspected they probably also resented the sex they were occasionally called upon to perform. Or maybe not. Sister Kendra had told me it was quite a feather in their hats to be asked to service a Sister.

They were young—all of them beginning their training at eighteen and ending at twenty-eight. My own group was amongst the youngest. Even though I could feel their dislike of me like a vice around my heart, I would be devastated if any of them died. Why didn’t Jayne feel the same? Why didn’t she know it was as much her responsibility to keep them alive as it was theirs to protect her?

Four of the five guards I’d started with were still with me. My first guard Number One had completed his decade and left us to return home, his reward for all his hard work. My other guards had all moved up a rank. Two became One, Three became Two and so on. I would have a new Five start that evening.

I was going to screw it up and call someone the wrong number. They’d hate me even more after I did.

Jayne kissed my cheek. “Thank you for asking, my dear friend. I’ll let you get ready, love. Good luck. They wouldn’t be bringing you out a second time in a week if it weren’t important.”

I waited for her to leave before I took a deep breath. I had to get ready, and her words bothered me more than I could say. She was right. I was still ragged from the demon I’d rid the world of earlier in the week. We lived in a time of apocalypse. I went where I was needed, as was my sacred duty. But to send us out twice in a week was highly unusual.

Every piece of jewelry I put on mattered to the rituals I would perform to rid the world of the demon. I rose, pulling my white nightgown over my head and shedding it. When I was in the sacred house, with two hundred of my sisters, I never dressed any differently. We were all adorned in the Mother’s white. With my freckled, pale skin, I looked sick in the shade of near nothingness. Not that it mattered. Physical attributes didn’t matter. Even were I to have sex with one of my guards, he wouldn’t see my body or my face. I’d look at him, and he would lift my skirt up to get the job done in the darkness. They wouldn’t see my frayed red hair, cut to fit under the hood, or my too large breasts I had to hide under my clothing, both signs of my imperfection.

I shuddered. Fear of meaningless sex ranked amongst my deepest issues. In my dreams, we were face-to-face, lip-to-lip, and even more important, in love.

The faceless heroes of my imagination …

I stood naked, waiting. A tap on the door told me my people had arrived. Bonnie, Maxie, and True had been my companions since I had left the nursery. They smiled and curtseyed before they took out the make up to paint my body. It was forbidden for them to address me, but I loved the sounds of their voices—the lilt of their accents as they chattered with one another. I was considered eccentric because I let them speak in my presence. It wasn’t forbidden, just weird.

Today, they spoke of a festival in the town. A representative from our order would be sent to bless the festivities, but it wouldn’t be me. I was too important, too powerful, and too valuable to be allowed in public.

The women, who were all in their forties, drew symbols they didn’t understand all over me. Each one had a meaning I could decipher, and during my training, the educators had decided which signs were mine to use, which ones would help me draw upon my innate power. True thought that she painted a flower—but it was the symbol of belladonna, a poison, that let me sometimes destroy a demon from the inside out.

I was used to the process. My women were fast, and by the time they placed the hood over my head, I had been waiting an hour. The world looked different from under my hood. With only my eyes visible, the world became duller, colors less interesting. Sometimes I had to remind myself I could breathe.

I stood straight, proud, and I kept my movements correct. A Sister tried to appear as though she floated instead of walked. I suspected I didn’t do it well.

My women curtsied again and waited. I was ready.

Like it or not, this was what Divinity had chosen for me. I would not fail.

 

* * *

My five guards waited for me in formation next to my carriage. A small town, hours from where I stood, had donated the carriage to honor me when I turned nineteen, only a year before my coming out to exorcise for the first time. Like my clothes and my body makeup, the carriage held symbols of power specifically designed for me. Under their clothing, my guards wore shields with the same symbols.

I hated thinking about it. The responsibility of making sure none of them died while they looked after me … sometimes it was too much.

Why couldn’t they have been assigned to train? To study? To work as diplomats? Any of the other things guards could do. Why did they have to come to me? Why couldn’t I only be responsible for keeping myself alive?

My head guard strode toward me. One—that was right; he was no longer Two since the previous One had left—came forward and bowed. “Sister.”

I nodded to him. “One. Thank you for your service.”

I didn’t have to say it, but I always did. Gratitude for them came easily. I didn’t know where I’d been born or what my life would have been if I hadn’t been called to duty, but I knew it wouldn’t have been as filled with food, gold, or easy-living as I enjoyed now. Much as I worried and complained in my own head, I was grateful and always would be.

These men were so brave.

All five of my guards were ridiculously handsome. A man was not allowed into the Brotherhood of Guards if he wasn’t. Sister Katrina liked to gaze at beauty. There wasn’t an ugly one ever selected.

One fit the handsome description to a fault. He was tall and broad shouldered. Muscles filled out his grey uniform. His hair had been pulled back in a bun he always kept neat. Most of the guard kept their hair practically shaved off, but not One. I couldn’t blame him. If the Divinity had gifted him with blond hair of such a golden color, it would be an insult for him to shave it off. A cleft in his chin finished the look. I hated to admit it, but the newly ranked One always made me want to swoon.

A Sister didn’t swoon.

“It is our pleasure to serve.” One repeated back what his predecessor had always said when I thanked them for their service. The former leader of my guards had been stiffer than this One. I’d secretly hoped for a different response. Small things mattered in my life. With only people like Jayne to speak to, I craved someone else with whom to converse.

I pointed toward the carriage. If we were going to do the routine, then I supposed I should get going with it. Somewhere in the world, people needed my assistance. My internal whining didn’t help anything.

“Are we ready?”

He nodded once. “Unless you require something unusual on this trip.”

One would know better than I did. The Sisterhood told me nothing about my missions ahead of time. “I don’t think so. Our new member is with us, I see.”

He extended his hand, and the new Five came over. Tall, but not quite as large as One, Five was young. If I guessed One to be twenty-four, I’d put Five at much younger. Maybe twenty or my own age. He had strawberry blond hair that fell slightly over his green eyes. He met my gaze and then lowered his. I’d never know his or any of the other men’s names. This pointing him out was as much an introduction as I was going to get.

“Well, welcome. I thank you for your service. Is your family well?”

He blinked rapidly and looked at One, who nodded back to him. “I have no family to speak of, Sister.”

My heart panged. “I’m so sorry to hear that.”

Five nodded in response.

I turned to find Two, Three, and Four waiting by the carriage. Two was the darkest of my guards. His skin was a light brown. He was slightly taller than One but leaner, so it was easy, at least for me, to miss that fact. He always looked to have a day’s worth of a beard on his face. His hair was thick and unruly. Sometimes he put it into dreadlocks, but right now it was short and sticking up in various places, giving the impression he didn’t care what it did. He had kind eyes. Out of the entire group, he was the most likely to smirk if I said something funny. Sometimes he hummed to himself when he was involved in a task that didn’t take much concentration.

Three was the shortest of my guards, which still put him taller than me since I was barely five foot three. I sometimes thought of him as Silent. I’d never heard him say a thing. It was possible he couldn’t speak, although I found the concept unrealistic. Sister Katrina would never let anyone in with a deformity of any kind. Not being able to speak would fall in that category for her. He had brown curly hair he kept short and matching brown eyes. His clothes were always flawlessly pressed and his shoes shined.

Four was also a brunette, but an entirely different shade than Three or Five. I saw streaks of red and blond in it. His eyes were blue, and his bottom lip slightly pouty. Sometimes his gaze had heat in it. I shuddered when I thought of it. He really must hate me.

I tugged at my hood to make sure it was down and crossed in front of them to get inside the coach. When I was settled, Three came in to sit across from me. One would drive the carriage; two, four, and five took spots on the outside of the carriage and held on to watch for danger. Three was meant to keep me safe inside the transportation.

I knew from two years of experience he wouldn’t utter a word the whole time we travelled. He wouldn’t even look at me. I stuck my head out the door to speak to One, whom I could at least count on to answer.

“Long one?”

He nodded once, something travelling over his gaze before it was hidden away. My stomach clenched. I hated when I could see their disdain. “Afraid so. Sister.”

“Well, then.” I sat back. My outfit hurt to sit in. It was made for battle, not comfort. My hood stifled me. I knew all of this already. Nothing had changed. Even having a new Five didn’t mean anything would go differently.

The carriage jerked forward. Across from me, Three gazed out the right-side window. I chose to look left.

This was my solemn duty, and I knew I should feel blessed to do it.

Today was one of the harder times.

 

I jerked awake some time later, having dozed off from the movement of the carriage and the silence around me. Three still gazed out the window, ever fixated with the landscape he saw every time we set out to the populated areas. He must be bored with looking at the same things over and over by now. I rubbed my eyes. I had been having an odd dream. In it, someone held me on his lap. I was used to the faceless men showing up in my nightly musings, but this was different. His kiss was gentle on my cheek while he told me he loved me and always had. I would never be alone as long as he was there. I’d buried my face in his shoulder to let his scent wash over me. He loved me. I loved him. It was so right.

I shook my head. No one had ever loved me. I’d been useful and well-treated for the talent I possessed. I had little to worry about, outside of death by demon. Sister Katrina, who ran our order, was my natural aunt, although we never acknowledged our biological relationship anymore. The last time she’d brought it up, she’d told me she saw me as her dynasty. She was Sister Superior, and so would I be. The ladies in her family who had talent, had true talent.

I wasn’t sure I wanted the job. If I had my way, I’d retire at forty and spend my time gardening and tending the sick.

With nothing left to do, I checked my left window. We were by the holes. The sight never ceased to make me want to cry.

Sisters didn’t cry.

The landscape was dead. Nothing lived or grew in the holes. The populace, afraid of the stench of demonic possession spreading among the still thriving, would throw out the sick and possessed, leaving them to die in the holes from either starvation or evil. Giant gaps of nothingness—where the lost went to die or lived on, forever in suffering.

There was nothing we could do for those poor souls. No matter how we wished, we only had enough power to rid the world of demons who roamed, not those who took human hosts.

My second sight turned on … I blinked. It was odd to have an episode in the middle of the carriage ride. Was there a demon in the holes? Why would it bother?

I turned to look closer out the window and heard Three shift in his seat. He wouldn’t ask me what I was doing, and I was just as glad. My eyes glowed when I used power. I hated the feeling, and I’d rather he not know. One might question it, and Three would surely tell him. They shouldn’t grasp how completely out of control I could become. For the sacrifices they made, they deserved a Sister who wouldn’t get them killed.

In the darkness, a light glowed. I gasped and pressed my hand to the window. There was a living, good, soul out there in the hole. There shouldn’t be. And yet …

I banged on the door. “Stop the carriage. Three, please tell them to stop. Now.”

He banged on the ceiling four times, and the carriage came to a complete stop. I was out of the door as fast as I could manage, considering my outfit wasn’t made for fast action—our battles mostly required us to stand still and press power forward— and I’d never climbed in and out myself without someone opening the door.

“Sister,” One called after me, and I heard the others shout. They’d have to get down from on top of the carriage to reach me. It would take a second. I didn’t stop. Someone needed me; their desperation had activated my powers. The divinities chose who and why. This was a who for me.

I ran hard until an arm grabbed me, yanking me back. Two tugged me against him. “Sister, it is not safe out here. This is the hole.”

As if I didn’t know? I tugged my arm back, but he didn’t let go. This was highly irregular, from my behavior to his. Soon the other four were all around me.

“Please.” I wasn’t better than any soul who needed me. I had to save him or her. They needed to understand. “There is someone out there who should not be. I must help him or her. Please.”

Five looked between all of us, abject horror evident in his gaze. One stared at me, his eyes narrowed. Two still hadn’t let go. Three and four flanked him, both of their mouths hanging open.

“Sister.” One spoke this time. “We are charged with taking you to Hazeltown. We need to go now.”

I swallowed and would have answered, but Five whispered, catching my attention. “Her eyes are glowing.”

The disgust in his low tone made me catch my breath. I turned. I didn’t have time for this. With a strong pull, I got my arm back from Two as Four spoke. “Her powers are working. It’s her gift on the inside manifesting on the outside. You aren’t to mention it. Ever.”

One cut in. “Forgive him, Sister Anne. He’s very new. It’s his first time seeing it.”

I didn’t care about forgiveness right then. I wanted to get to whoever needed me in the heartless hole. “If you can see my eyes, then you know what is happening. This is something I have to do. Stay here. I wouldn’t risk you. I’ll be fine.”

I turned to run and didn’t look back.