Ten

 

I rocked back and forth on my feet while Bryant explained who I was and what I was doing there. The man who’d answered, dressed in only a t-shirt and shorts he’d probably expected to sleep in, stared at me like I was an alien. I couldn’t blame him. Most people would go their lives without seeing a Sister. Even a person like him—a moneyed man on this train in a suite—didn’t have access to the Sisters unless he was very powerful.

The baby’s cry made me wince. She knew her mother was in trouble.

“What is your name, sir?” I called out, pulling out of Garrett’s hold to step between Bryant and Mason. This man was no danger to me. He wished me no harm. Confused? Yes. Evil? No.

He lowered his eyes, which was ridiculous since I was the daughter of peasants whose family didn’t even have the good sense to give me up when they were told to. The only way I could see him was from the slit in my hood, and his looking down only made it harder. I steadied myself. This was about saving a soul, not getting caught up in the realities that made my job more difficult.

The husband spoke to the ground. “My name is Ned. I’m sorry if we disturbed you, Sister. My wife is not feeling well.”

Enough was enough. “Your wife is possessed. You know it. I know it. And, if you want the truth, your six-month-old baby knows it. I’m going to help her. I’m not asking. Consider it a mission from the Divinity because that is what it is. If you’d rather no one else on this train finds out your wife is possessed so you don’t lose your status, then get out of my way and let us in. Standing in the hall risks discovery for you. No one will like knowing there is a possessed person on the train. They’ll likely throw you all off—including the baby. Move or my guards will move you.”

I had no doubt that, were I to give them the word, Mason and Bryant would move Ned right out of way.

It didn’t come to that. Ned retreated out of the way, and I walked in with Bryant right behind me. Milo stayed outside, presumably to guard the hall, and the others took their places around the room. My presence made the woman from my dream frantic. She grabbed her head, rocking back and forth more violently. Her daughter didn’t fare much better. Her wails became worse.

The blurred feeling I’d had since I opened my eyes from my dream increased. Nothing existed besides the possessed woman, the screaming baby, and myself. I did have a general sense that my guards were there too, like spots of light in the darkness. I couldn’t see their corporeal selves.

The baby caught my attention. I walked to her and stared down. “Why do you suppose I keep running into babies?”

“Are you asking me, Sister?” Garrett answered. He was the beacon of light closest to me.

“Sure.” He seemed as good a person to answer as any. Garrett observed things so closely, he might well know the answer.

He laughed, a low sound. “I’m sorry, Sister. You’ll have to answer for me. The ways of the Divinity have never made all that much sense to me.”

“Me neither.” I touched the baby’s hand. She was afraid. I wasn’t sure exactly how I knew, but I did. She was going to lose her mother if we didn’t do something fast. The demon possessing the woman was strong. Her father was in denial and hiding things from the world. “It’s okay, sweetheart. I don’t know the first thing about babies. It’s a good thing your mother does.”

I had to look like a monster, a faceless, hooded creature, and yet my voice seemed to soothe her. She stopped crying. I turned from the smallest person in the room to the one suffering the most. She was covered in sweat. When was the last time anyone had bathed her? She needed help, not to be hidden away.

The problem was like a disease with no cure; there was nothing to be done to help the possessed. Sometimes the demon was strong enough to move on to a stronger host after their first host died. In any case, the first host died and it wasn’t pretty. I wondered if Ned had enough connections to have someone else bring her somewhere like the hole to die alone or if he’d do it himself. This train ride probably had something to do with it. He’d tell people she’d fallen or drowned. They wouldn’t question. The nobility left their secrets where they thought they belonged, hidden in their basements and the pits of their souls.

I’d watched the nobility come and go for years.

Still, the Divinity had called me to help this woman. I would do so. If I could.

I knelt down on the floor, feeling two pushes of light behind me. Two of my guards were right behind me. I turned slightly. “Please back up a little. I can’t do this with you right there.”

I couldn’t go dark when they were so light.

“What’s your name? Do you still remember?”

The rapidly declining woman lifted her head to look at me. “Drop dead, Sister. You have no place here. There’s nothing for you to do.” The possessed grabbed her head and screamed at the top of her lungs. I shook my head. Pity had no place in a fight with a demon. Even ones that usually went ignored. What on Earth was I even to do?

“Her name is Amy,” Ned called out. I’d forgotten he was there.

With no training or even belief I could manage what I had to do, other than having dreamed I could help, I decided the only choice I had in the world was to follow my instincts. At worst, nothing would work. This would have wasted everyone’s time, and somehow in the future I’d manage not to give into this sort of thing again.

I grabbed Amy and pulled her into my arms. She screamed, cursing, and I heard the guys behind me crying aloud. They didn’t want me to touch her either. She needed me.

“It’s okay. I forgive you.”

The nearly gone woman shook in my arms even as she flailed around to get out of them. I’d never been so strong. I wouldn’t let go. We wrested onto the ground, her pain filling me. She was so sad, so terrified, and what was more, she wasn’t the only the one. The demon was sad. The emotion from the creature so surprised me I almost let go.

I dug in harder. The demon could be as upset as it wanted, but it was getting out of this woman.

“This isn’t your fault. It never was. There is nothing to hold on to. Let it go. The pain that drew it to you, the fear that lets it stay where it is, whatever mistakes you’ve made in your life thus far, that’s all they are, mistakes. They’re not fatal errors. You don’t deserve this. I forgive you.”

I didn’t really know who I was to be forgiving anyone of anything. But I spoke for whatever power in the universe had given me my powers. They could forgive her, or perhaps even better, she could forgive herself.

My powers surged through me. Hot, almost volcanic, and with an explosion around us, the demon—such a small creature it couldn’t exist on earth without a human host—melted into nothingness. Amy and I both fell, she towards the window and me in the opposite direction. I didn’t hit the floor.

Mason caught me.

The room rushed back into existence. The guys, spread all over with various amounts of frantic in their gazes, moved toward me. Ned held his daughter, and Amy gripped onto the wall. She was clear of it. She was clean of the demon that had tried to take her life.

I had gotten it out of her even though it wasn’t something I was supposed to be able to do.

And by the Divinity, I was cold.

My body started to shake. The demon had touched me. The big ones couldn’t. They could kill me but not touch me, not like this one, not in a personal, one-on-one manner. I was so cold I’d never be warm again.

“Mason, I’m freezing.” My teeth chattered.

He wrapped me in his arms, carrying me like a baby, as though I weighed nothing. “I’ve got you.”

I knew he did.

 

All of us sat together on my bed. My knees were curled up to my chest. I was still freezing, and no matter how many blankets Milo piled on me, I couldn’t seem to get warm. I didn’t know how long this would last. I’d never done it before.

Milo sat on the edge of the bed. “You took the demon out of her.”

He hadn’t seen me do it, only heard about it after the fact. “I did.”

“It was something to behold. Usually I can’t understand you.” Kieran touched my feet. “This time I could. You ripped it right from her body. You saved her.”

“And nearly died doing so,” Mason spit out. He’d been quiet since placing me on the bed and scooting in to my left so that he was the closest one to me. “You nearly died. I could see it. The demon moved through you before it vanished, and for a second you were blue.”

Bryant was on my right with Garrett perched next to Milo on the end of the bed. Kieran sat right in front of where I had my legs pressed in. “She did. Blue.”

“I woke up, and I was called to try. I had to try. I think I have to face the fact—or to be honest, I’ve always known—that this job could kill me. Every time I battle, I can lose. I’m one person, and there are so many of them.” I spoke the words from my soul. Death was like a friend I hadn’t seen in a long while but knew waited for me somewhere close. I’d say hello to him sooner rather than later.

“No.” Bryant pounded the headboard for a second. “You aren’t dying.”

“Tell you one thing”—Kieran spoke—“it might have been a smaller demon, but you used so much power you’ve seriously faded your eyes.”

“Kieran.” Garrett shook his head. “Don’t.”

“Why not?” Kieran rounded on him. “Her eyes are practically gone. That’s power. It should have been years of power to get to this. Maybe that’s why they don’t do it, the Sisters. They can, but somehow it’s harder than the big demons. I don’t know. I’m just guessing. Her eyes don’t lie.”

Mason kissed my cheek. “Don’t worry about it.”

“I was always going to look like this, eventually.” I didn’t want to think about my eyes being gone, or almost that way. The older sisters, even Sister Katrina, looked so otherworldly with their eyes gone. My head hurt.

“I have an idea,” Garrett added. “When we get off this train, I think we bring her onto the other one in regular clothes. No one has to know she’s a Sister. Even with the eyes, if she doesn’t make eye contact for too long, no one will notice. They’re not totally gone yet. She can eat in a restaurant, walk the train. People will leave her alone. We’ll be with her. Would you like that, Annie? A little normal for a little while?”

I leaned forward to take his hand in mine. “Yes, please.”

“No pleases,” Bryant shot out and then sunk back down to where he’d been sitting. “I think it’s a great idea. A little normal.”

“Just one thing.” Mason yawned. It was late. We were all going to need some sleep. “We’re going to need a wig. She can’t walk around with her hair like this. I think it’s cute, but it will draw attention.”

Milo nodded. “I’ll buy or steal one before we get off this train. You can count on me, love.”

 

They all slept in my room that night. It wasn’t realistic to think they could all sleep on the bed. But they made makeshift areas around the room and settled in. Mason fell asleep before any of that happened, seemingly happy to doze right where he was. He snored, gently. I lay against him with Bryant spooning my back. He was also out cold, snoring in a different rhythm than Mason.

I wasn’t asleep. I was still cold, but the combined body heat of Mason and Bryant went a long way to helping. Garrett spoke in his sleep on the floor next to the bed. I reached over, trying not to wake Mason, and gently touched Garrett. He didn’t need to fight whatever battle he was having. Sleep should be gentle when it could be. He settled down.

Milo was awake, I was sure about it, staring at the ceiling by the door, and I didn’t think Kieran by the window had really conked out either. I wondered what they were thinking about. They’d all lost people to possession. Were they wondering why the Sisters didn’t do more if they could? Did they blame me for not having helped others? I’d been around the possessed before. They’d battled them off me. Why hadn’t my powers called to me then?

Did they hate me a little for this?

Mason opened his eyes, kissed my head, and seemingly fell back to sleep in two seconds. I smiled. He’d caught me when I would have fallen—again—and what’s more, I’d known he would. I closed my eyes.

Sleep still didn’t come, and when I heard movement across the room, I opened my eyes. Milo rose from where he’d lay on the floor. He crept toward us and extended his hand. As swiftly and gently as I could, I took it. No one stirred.

Where was Milo taking me?

Kieran got up from the floor and followed us into the other room. “What’s going on?”

“I know how to warm her up.” Milo pulled his shirt off, and Kieran laughed.

He shook his head. “Please, man, I’m all about all of us loving her. That’s how it’s going to be, always. But I think you might be overestimating your prowess. She just had an out of body pounding.”

He was fine with all of them loving me? I was too, but had they had some kind of conversation I’d missed? I opened my mouth to ask when Milo glared at Kieran.

“I’m giving her my shirt. Give her the shorts you have in your bag. You’re smaller than me.” Not by much, but I wasn’t getting in the way of their machismo moment. “We’re getting out of here for a bit. If you’re coming, hurry up.”

“Well, I’m not sending her out there with just you to protect her. Two of us at all times. You heard the boss.”

The boss had to be Bryant. Clearly they’d made some decisions I hadn’t been privy to. Still, I shoved on the shirt, taking off my own robes at the same time. Milo put on a different shirt, a black one that matched the one he’d handed me. As he’d been instructed, Kieran gave me some shorts. I looked down at myself. This was a ridiculous outfit. Nothing fit correctly. Did he want to draw attention to me? A hat came down on my head. It was scratchy but didn’t cover my face. Better than wearing a hood.

Milo stepped back. “She’s shapeless in this, which is hard considering the utter perfection of her breasts.”

Kieran raised his eyebrows at me. “She doesn’t like her boobs.”

“Are you kidding?” Milo looked between us. “Issue for another time.”

“You’re right. Pretty shapeless. Is that the idea? Where are we going?”

Milo grinned. “Give her your extra boots. I swear you’ll be warm.”

 

He wasn’t wrong. Hidden like a boy and in a corner with both Milo and Kieran blocking me, the engine room of the train warmed me right up. The workers hardly noticed us, shoveling coal over and over into flames that burned so hot they powered the whole train. They sweat, and I warmed.

“This was a good call.” Kieran yelled his thoughts to Milo. “Smart thinking.”

Milo shrugged. “Sometimes I have good ideas. Sometimes I have really bad ones.”

I laughed, which must have surprised them. When was the last time I’d really laughed about anything? It had been such a long time. But they were funny, and I wasn’t cold anymore. I could take a deep breath.

Kieran rubbed his forehead. “Don’t move. Not an inch. Stay here with her. I’ve had a thought. I want to do it. I’m breaking rules, and I know I’m a stickler about following them, but hell, we’re already going to be hearing about this from Bryant and probably Mason and Garrett, too. She’ll love my idea. Stay here.”

Milo nodded, moving to block me more with his body. We both watched as Kieran walked quickly from the room. “Any idea where he’s going?”

Did he think I had a clue? “No. This whole experience is out of my depth. I’m enjoying the newness and the warmth. And you two being sort of easygoing. Makes me wonder what it would be like if I wasn’t a Sister. If I was just a girl, and you guys were just guys.”

“Okay, in this scenario, I’m not broke? I’d come and take you on a date. What would you say? What would you want to do?”

“I’d say yes. And, oh, I don’t know. What do people do?”

Milo shrugged. “I know what they did on the trains, but I can’t imagine that would be okay.”

“Maybe not right away. Maybe you’d have to take me out a few times for that.”

His grin lit up the whole room. “Okay, fair enough. Maybe we’d go for a walk. There could be a nice river. Not overrun with the possessed.”

“We’re really bad at this.”

He nodded, pushing his body a little closer to mine. “I don’t want these guys to know you’re a girl, or I’d kiss the heck out of you right now.”

“You could like kissing guys. They don’t know.”

“That’s true. Not a problem for me. But I don’t want them thinking about you sexually at all, no matter what their preferences are. End of story.” He breathed in my ear. “But know I want to.”

“Hey.” Kieran appeared next to us holding a flask. “I got this off a guy in the bar area. Took a page from your book, brother.”

Milo shook his head. “You stole it?”

“Yes.” He shrugged. “I’ll get him back the flask. He was out cold. Doesn’t need any more of this tonight.” He handed it to me. “Have a sip, Anne.”

I stared at the drink holder. “I’ve never had alcohol. Not ever.”

“It’s pretty lightweight stuff. If my nose is right, it’s feather juice. Doesn’t get you hard-core drunk unless you mix it. Couple of sips. We’ve got you out. We’re in an engine room. No pressure at all. If you don’t want to, then …”

I took a sip. It wasn’t sweet, not really. A little spice travelled over my tongue and burned when it went down my throat. “Another way to warm me up?”

Kieran had a throaty laugh. “Milo has his way. I have mine.”

Pretty soon we were all sipping the flask. Milo and Kieran didn’t seem particularly changed by it. Maybe Milo grinned a little more. They weren’t drunk, but my three sips went straight to my head. Kieran put his arm around me. “Come on. Let’s get you back. We don’t want attention on you, and that laugh is so sexy everyone’s going to notice.”

“The things you guys say to me. What am I going to do when you take it away?”

Milo furrowed his brow. “What do you mean?”

We made it back to the room, and Kieran opened the door. “When you’re done being my guards, I’ll miss you all forever.”

Something I was too tired, drunk, or all of the above to recognize passed nonverbally between Milo and Kieran. I couldn’t interpret it, and I didn’t want to. I was warm. They’d made me feel better, and it had been a happy end to an unhappy experience.

Milo bent down and kissed me lightly on the lips. “Don’t worry about things like that.”

When he was finished, Kieran pulled me into his embrace. “He’s right.” His own kiss was gentle. “You’ll never be alone.”

He was right. There would always be five guards with me. It just wouldn’t be them.

I managed not to stumble over Garrett on my way back into the bed. He still slept on the floor. Mason moved over in his sleep to let me cuddle back in, and with a deep breath, Bryant had his arm around me again.

My shirt smelled like coal and also like Milo. Kieran’s shorts let my legs breathe, and I reveled in being able to squirm a little. The taste of spice in my mouth, I closed my eyes. This time I fell asleep instantly.

 

“Tell me again why she’s wearing your clothes, both of you. And why her hair smells like she’s been working in the mines.”

Bryant did not sound happy. I breathed out slowly. I’d been having a great dream I could only remember the edges of. Something about sunlight and food. The bed was cold without Bryant and Mason in it.

I peeked through my eyelids in time to see Milo shrug. “She wasn’t sleeping, which was keeping me up. Kieran couldn’t find rest either. I thought of the engine room. We didn’t disobey any rules; well, maybe for two minutes we did. Two of us with her most of the time. She was totally safe. We put her in real clothes and a hat. She was the happiest I’ve ever seen her.”

“And she’s still out cold.” Kieran stood by the doorway. “Despite the fact that we’re shouting, which probably also has to do with the little bit of feather juice we gave her.”

This elicited a reaction from Bryant, Mason, and Garrett all at once. It was all a variety of shock. Finally, Garrett spoke. “You gave our Sister booze?”

“Feather juice is hardly alcoholic.” I heard no remorse in Kieran’s voice. “She was happy last night. Milo is right. She needed that. If she is going to spend most of her time alternating between near death experiences and trying to recover from them, then in her free time, so help me, I’m going to see to it she has a good time.”

I sat up, calling toward the door. “Okay, enough. Please stop arguing.” I stretched my hands over my head. “I was safe. The three of you were sleeping. They took good care of me. Warmed me right up. And I liked the feather juice or whatever it was called. Why is it called that, by the way?”

Kieran and Milo both laughed before Kieran pointed at me. “See? Happy.”

Bryant threw his hands in the air. “I’m in favor of fun. I want her happy. However, I want to know where she is, and I don’t like finding out that while I actually slept soundly for a change, thinking she was in my arms, she was out there on the train. I don’t know how you got out without waking me.”

Mason shook his head. “Or me.”

Garrett ran his hand through his hair. “Make that, ‘me too.’”

“You all needed the sleep.” I got out of the bed. It was so nice not being in any of my assigned clothing. I felt so much lighter. “Any time anyone encounters a possessed person, it takes energy to get through it. Feeling that cold? I get it. You slept, and I’m glad for it. Kieran and Milo weren’t ready to sleep yet. I clearly needed some help.” I turned to Milo. “Can we do it again?”

He grinned. “Sure.”

“Now wait.” Bryant shook his head. “The next time you go have fun, I’m coming. If she’s going to be drinking, it’s not going to be feather juice. You want to drink? I’ll show you the good stuff.”

There was a difference?

 

My night of fun didn’t move automatically into a day of it. The weather turned bad outside. The sky was purple, and the rain coming down was acidic and would burn us were it to touch our skin. We were safe inside the train, but with only six hours to go and several hours of a layover between this and the next ride, the guards were worried about how to keep me out of the acid.

Of course, they’d endured the pain many times themselves. I was pretty sure I could manage it. While they brainstormed tent options that wouldn’t draw attention to us, I read the books I’d brought with me. Garrett had wanted to know about the symbols, and that made me curious as well. We’d been taught that the symbols were individual to each of us. My symbols were different than, say, Beth’s. I ground my teeth thinking about her.

The night I’d had with Bryant, with part of him actually inside of me, he’d had with her. All of them except for Milo would have known her intimately, and I knew from the way things were going I could head in that direction with each of them if I wanted to. And I did.

I hated to think about it, which was why I shouldn’t. It was none of my business. They’d been her guards, and I had no right to even consider their pasts. This was temporary. Four years with Bryant and Mason. Roughly five with Garrett and Kieran. Six with Milo. By then I’d have a whole new crew. I shuddered at the thought. I wasn’t going to do this again. These five, and then I’d keep my heart to myself. I wouldn’t be Katrina and let it destroy me, but I wouldn’t be this open again.

I took a deep breath. Symbols. Symbols. Symbols.

Garrett crossed the room to me. “Having trouble focusing?”

“How could you tell?”

He smiled. “Something about the way your eyes aren’t staying on the page.”

I set down the book. “I used to be a really good student.”

“I’m sure you still are. Lots of change in the air can make it hard to press through.” He took the book from my hands. “Besides, this was my request, not yours. Give it to me. I’ll read.”

He scooted in next to me on the chair until I had no choice but to sit on his lap. The ease of simply being so close to Garrett surprised me. He took the book in his left hand while he let me lean on his right.

I picked up my next book. It was about the Deadlands. I knew so little about them, other than they were where the poor lived and a place everyone seemed to want to get out of. All of my guys were from there except Bryant, who’d ended up there eventually. I started to read. It was a lot more interesting than my last book. We sat like that for hours while the scenario discussion in the other room made the whole thing feel homey. I loved hearing their voices. To me, loneliness had always been found in the quiet. It had always felt like I wasn’t supposed to be alone, and yet I had been and would be again.

The thought made me burrow further against Garrett. I set down my book. The nobility surrounding the Deadlands made for an interesting chapter, but I’d had enough.

“Garrett, where will you go when you leave? When you’re done being a guard? What was the dream that brought you on the train to try out for this job?”

He set down the book on the symbols. “I’m not sure exactly. The dream alters a bit every year. What I’ve always wanted is my own place to nourish. I don’t want to be evicted from anywhere. My place, my stuff. Maybe that sounds … off.”

I shook my head. “I’ll never have my own place. Even if I’m someday Sister Superior—and despite Sister Katrina’s plans for me, I’m not sure I’m made for that—I will always live with the Sisterhood’s rules. I will never have anything that can be mine. I like thinking of you having that. One of the middle zones, maybe? Not so close to the nobility but far from the Deadlands.”

I liked that a lot. Garrett with the wind moving through his hair, looking at his own place. I bit down on my fingernail. Lovely images. I’d hold on to them.