Savy

At around three the next afternoon I get a call from Tyler. He’s my ex and thankfully we weren’t together long. He showed his true colors pretty quickly. He cheated on me and tried to run my life by belittling the way I dressed, wore my hair, interacted with my sister. Every flaw I have was fair game. It was his comments about Ena that caused me to leave him, and he hit me. No one gets to tell me how to raise Ena, no one, and no one lays their hands on me, ever. Now he’s my ex.

He asked me to meet him at La Petit, some fancy ass restaurant in the next town over. He wants to have dinner, but I’m not sure I should go. I’m not much for fancy, since I can’t afford it. It also makes me uncomfortable to be around rich people who look down their noses at people like me. Instead of the restaurant that Tyler wanted to meet at, I suggested we meet at Jake’s Pub in Sage. It’s not too far from home, and whenever I have extra money, I take Ena there for a burger. They have best burger and fries in town. A bonus, Tyler hates the place.

Win-win.

When we were together, Tyler often looked down his nose at “those types of people.” But the people that go to Jake’s are like me. They are hardworking, everyday people who don’t care if I’m wearing old ratty jean shorts and a tank top. I plan on wearing that to dinner because Tyler hates when I wear cheap clothes.

Asshole.

What did I ever see in him?

He was charming, intelligent, witty and rich.

“Oh yeah,” I sigh. I was an idiot and desperate for someone to love me. Since we are no longer together, I’ll wear whatever the hell I please. Screw Tyler’s judgments of me and the way I dress.

Ena is spending another night at Ashleigh’s house. I’m glad she’s out of the house because she hated Tyler from the minute she met him. I introduced them once, and she hated him in less than five minutes. She has always been a good judge of character, something I lack. I should have known he was an asshole.

My phone rings on the kitchen counter and I tuck all thoughts of Tyler away.

“Hello?”

“Bitch! Where the fuck have you been?” Joss shrieks. A genuine smile breaks out on my face.

“Oh hey, Joss. What’s up?”

“Don’t you fucking ‘oh hey Joss’ me. Answer my question.”

“I’ve been working, taking care of Ena, you know same shit like every other day of my life.” It’s true, since Tyler, I haven’t had a life. I didn’t have a life with Tyler either.

“Well, I have news, but I can’t tell you until I see you. What are you doing tonight? I’m coming over.”

“Uh…” I can’t tell Joss I’m meeting Tyler. She will lose her mind. She hates him more than I do. And for good reason. She was there after the break up. I took it hard, but I tried to hide my pain from Ena, only expressing my pain and disappointment to Joss.

“Don’t ‘uh’ me. Uh, what?” she says.

“I got a call from–”

“No! Oh god! No! Don’t tell me the dick is back. I can’t. I can’t fucking deal with this shit again,” she groans. I try to hide my laugh at her hysterics. “No, Savannah, fuck no! You are not going back down that road.”

“Joss,” I whine. Drawing out her name.

“Don’t ‘Joss’ me,” she mimics me. “Savannah Riley, he has taken you so low. You were sadder with him then you were when I met you.” That is not altogether accurate. Despite Joss being my friend, she doesn’t know about all of my demons. Some things you learn to keep to yourself. If I told her the truth about my past, she would look at me like the evil bitch I am. I vowed never to mention it to her, or anyone else. I love her too much, and it would kill me if our friendship were destroyed by my past.

It has done enough damage already.

“Don’t you dare get back with that piece of shit! I swear Sav, I’ll break your neck if you do!”

I hold my breath as water springs to my eyes, running down my cheeks and my chest becomes tight. I let out an audible breath, blowing the air from my lungs, and I smile. Joss’ fierce defense of me warms something deep in my belly.

“I won’t, Joss. Promise.”

“Seriously, Savy. Please don’t take that bastard back. You are just getting over him. Do you know what it is like when you are depressed? It is so hard to see you like that. You are so beautiful and full of life, please don’t let him steal that from you, again.”

“I won’t, Joss.” I feel terrible. I never want to be in that place again. I was a wreck when we broke up. I didn’t realize how bad it was. “I’m over him, Joss. I even started checking out other men.” I pause for emphasis. Sometimes you have to let things marinate for her. She doesn’t say anything and I’m not sure if it’s because she is shocked or she’s letting me continue. “There was a sexy biker in the club a while back. I had a hard time keeping my mouth shut. I was drooling all over him. He is hot as hell and seriously wrong for me.” I smile at my memories of my hot biker with the dark eyes. But my chest constricts when the events with Loco float to the surface. I tried to bury the events of that night, but they keep returning. If Diablo hadn’t come, it would have been much worse. “I’m just going to hear what Tyler has to say. If I don’t like what I hear, I’m leaving, okay?”

“No, it’s not okay!” she says.

“Thank you for caring about me,” I whisper. I choose to ignore Joss’ stubbornness right now.

“You’re welcome, babe. I love you. You know?”

“Yeah, I know,” I say with another whisper.

“Okay enough of the sappy shit. Let’s talk about this biker. What does he look like?”

Thankful for the change of subject, I spend the next hour telling my best friend about the man I cannot have, but desperately want.

* * *

Savy

Getting dressed for dinner feels like I’m preparing for battle. I wear my favorite black jeans. They have cuts in the thighs, not because I bought them that way, but I’ve had them so long and wear them so often, they developed holes. Instead of throwing them out, I improvised and made them more fashionable. I also wear an old red and black lumberjack style shirt, and black boots, both of which I got from a thrift shop. Tyler always hated when I dressed casually. He thinks a woman should always be dolled up. On a normal day, I only wear eyeliner and a little mascara, but today, I take my time and apply almost a full face of makeup. As Ena would say, my face is beat.

Not too shabby, Sav.

I think I look good. The jeans hug my curves, but the shirt covers my flaws. Plus, my makeup is perfect. I put on just enough to enhance my features. Who says you can’t get flawless makeup with drug store brands? I wear my hair flowing down my back in thick black waves. I hope Tyler regrets every hateful thing he has ever said, every lie he told, and most of all, I hope he regrets ever laying a hand on me.

He hit me once. Only once, but once was enough. I vowed ten years ago to never allow a man to lay his hands on me again, and at the first sign of physical abuse, I left Tyler. I only wished I was smart enough to leave when he started the verbal abuse too.

I grab my matching faux–leather jacket and head out the door. I’m glad the pub is just a few blocks away from my house so I can walk there. My car still isn’t fixed and I don’t want to waste bus fare on Tyler. I’m on a mission to make it clear to Tyler that I’m done with him and I’m never coming back.

I spot Tyler as soon as I walk into the restaurant. He’s easy to find in this crowd. Dressed in a button down shirt, khaki shorts and his blond tresses slicked back; he looks out of place in Jake’s Pub. I have to admit, he looks amazing though. As always, the man knows how to dress, even if he sticks out like a sore thumb. I walk with confidence as I approach the table and Tyler stands to greet me. Taking a step toward me, he leans in and engulfs me in a tight hug, as I stand frozen in place until he releases me. He doesn’t deserve the opportunity to touch me. Pulling out a chair, he motions for me to sit.

A thousand butterflies flap in my belly. My stomach rolls, and my mouth is dry. I never thought simply sitting across the table from Tyler would cause this reaction in me. I’m regretting my decision to meet him. He was such a sleazy, cheating, lying, abusive bastard when we dated. I don’t understand how I could let his looks and money blind me.

Standing at 6’2”, with gentle baby blues and thick blond hair he wears just a little too long, he is easy on the eyes. A knot forms in my stomach and I wipe my palms on my jeans to remove the moisture that is forming. Since I was a kid, I’ve been able to tell when something bad was coming. I knew when a beating was coming or when it would be a long night with Paul. I just knew.

Something bad is coming.

I trusted myself then, so I trust myself now. I put up the wall that I learned to build as a child to protect myself. The wall is for survival, mentally, physically, and emotionally. I focus on Tyler, he called me here for a reason, and so I want to hear what he has to say. Then I can get the hell out of here. I won’t forget my promise to Joss. I am not going back to Tyler under any circumstance.

Ever!

“You look nice, Savy,” Tyler says from across the table.

I know he’s lying. It looks like that one compliment pained him to say. He ruined everything for skanky sluts and his inflated ego. His cheating was the reason we were fighting when he backhanded me across the face. I don’t blame the women he cheated with. Tyler was the person that had the relationship, not those women. He is the one that committed himself to someone else. And he is the one that stuck his dick in other women, despite my feelings. He is the sole reason I left.

Forcing myself not to roll my eyes, I reply, “Thank you.”

“I’m glad you could make it tonight. I wanted to see you after everything that happened.” He has a confidence about him that puts me on edge. It’s as if he thinks he knows what the outcome of this dinner will be.

“Well, I had to come and see why you wanted me to meet you. I couldn’t miss this explanation,” I say. This time I do roll my eyes not hiding my disdain for him.

“I wanted to see you, Sav. I haven’t seen you since the incident, and you have accepted none of my calls. How the hell am I supposed to talk to you if you keep ignoring my phone calls? You’re not even returning my voicemails!” he snaps. His chest is heaving, showing the anger the often tries to hide.

My defenses raise more. “The incident?” Disbelief clouds my features, one eyebrow twitching. “You mean when you hit me? Is that ‘the incident’ you are referring to, Tyler?”

“Of course, Savannah. Don’t be so dense,” he grits out.

One minute he was pleading with me to answer his calls and the next he is angry and insulting. The quickness of his mood change doesn’t surprise me. The sad thing is he looked pitiful, right until he let his mask slip and his true face showed up to the table. That’s when he showed me the man behind the facade he has been showing me for a year. The monster behind the handsome mask showed his face, again. He was bound to show his true self, eventually. You can’t hide your evil forever. He wants me to believe his bullshit excuses and to down play his actions. Then he chastises me in the same breath. I did that for too long. Listening to bullshit excuse after bullshit excuse and never standing up for myself. I’m done. And I won’t take him back. I made a promise to my best friend.

I made a promise to myself.

All of this is running through my head as he is talking. I have to force myself to listen to what he was saying.

“Are you even listening, Savannah?” he says while snapping his fingers in my face. “See, this is what I mean. This is what you’ve always done. You’ve always ignored me when I talk to you, and you wonder why I cheated on you.”

I cannot hide my hatred for the asshole sitting in front of me. Telling me that I was the reason he cheated. My not listening to him caused him to cheat?

Really?

I can no longer contain my composure. The pressure in my neck constricts, and I lose it. “Fuck you, Tyler!” I explode. “You cheated because you’re a sorry ass excuse for a man who couldn’t keep his dick in his pants! Don’t you dare tell me I’m the reason you cheated on me. You know you cheated on me because you wanted to cheat on me. What? You couldn’t pass up the titties she threw in your face? You cheated because you are worthless. You think sleeping around makes you a man? It doesn’t. A man is someone who can treat one woman like she is the center of his universe.” Not taking a breath, I continue, “He knows a happy woman means he won’t have to worry about anything else. You think cheating makes you a man? Telling your buddies you ‘hit that’ and laughing about it while I sit at home, alone, building a life for us? It makes you nothing. You are nothing. You are not a man. A man can continuously please his woman. Mentally, physically and emotionally, asshole. He makes her feel safe and secure. He communicates. Do you think you did that? No!” I growl my last word, finally taking a breath. “You did none of that, none of it! I gave you the world when all I had to give was myself. You cheated on your own, Tyler. Nothing in this world made you a cheater, except yourself!” I have to fight to calm myself. I am so angry that my chest is heaving. The sound of my blood rushing through my veins sounds in my ears.

Bewilderment sits on Tyler’s handsome face.

Silence.

Well, that’s a first.

I would have smirked at the look on Tyler’s face, but I am too pissed. “I always just accepted all the nasty, mean things you said to me,” lowering my voice so no one around us can hear, “You hit me, Tyler. Hit me! We aren’t together, and I can give two shits about what you think of me.” Because he says nothing, I keep on talking, “Why did you do it, Tyler? Was it because I was daydreaming and not listening to you? Or was it because you are a pig and a sorry excuse for a man? What was it, huh?”

I’ve never spoken to Tyler this way. His face is bright red. He is shaking and pissed that I caused a scene in the middle the bar. The people around us have stopped whatever they were doing and are watching the show. Embarrassment is an emotion I’ve never seen on him, and I get a sick satisfaction out of his embarrassment.

As if understanding just dawned on him, he says, “Lower your voice, Savannah! I can’t believe you’re bringing all this up now. You’re making a scene. No, I didn’t cheat on you because she was throwing her boobs in my face. I cheated on you because you didn’t give me what I needed.”

“You are a piece of shit. I hope I never see you again. Have a beautiful time with your secretary or whoever else you decide to fuck, I hope you use protection. Have a nice night and all that good shit,” I say with as much sugar as I can muster. I’m frustrated and feeling sick to my stomach. If only I can keep my composure until I get out of here. Sliding my chair back, the screeching sound draws the attention of the remaining patrons who weren’t already watching the show. I rise from my seat with a slight smile on my face and swiftly throw my water in his face. “How’s that for a scene? Have a nice life, asshole,” I say and turn to walk out of the bar.

My bravado is quickly fading, and I begin shaking. My legs feel like jelly and I move faster, trying to keep my face off the wood floor beneath my feet. I can’t believe Tyler asked me here to tell me he cheated on me because I didn’t give him enough attention.

What.

An.

Asshole.

I’m in a daze as I rush to the exit, but instead of walking outside to the cool evening air, I run right into a solid wall.

“Fuck!” Only trouble is this wall was not a wall at all, but a solidly built man. A delicious man. “Oh my goodness, excuse me. I didn’t see you. I’m sorry,” I apologize.

Then I make the mistake of looking up, into the face of the man wall. “Diablo.”