Chapter 22
The day Charli walked out of his door, and his life, Kean made a promise to himself to get over the hurt and disappointment, and forget she’d ever been around. He was determined to get back to how his life had been before she’d come and turned it upside-down. Maybe one day he’d find a woman who shared his same love for small-town life, who wanted a family and the white picket fence, and he’d finally get his happy ending—just like Adam and Ellie. When Adam’s wife was killed, nobody thought he would ever love again—and a little more than three years later, he was married and had two kids on the way. Kean wanted to believe the right woman for him was out there too—but apparently, she wasn’t a feisty Tex-Mex beauty.
His hopes built up when, a month later, he bumped into his first love at his mother’s bakery, and found himself wondering whether life was giving him a second chance—an opportunity to achieve his happily-ever-after ten years after that same girl had broken his heart.
Ignoring Scott’s qualms about Kean jumping into an old relationship so soon after being scalded and trying to glue together the broken pieces of something that hadn’t worked the first time around, he shoved the memories of Charli into a bolted safe and hoped that someday they would wither and fade away.
But two weeks into his relationship with Paige, as he was slouched on his couch with her lithe body snuggled into his as the opening credits of an action movie played on his flat screen, he was still forcing himself to not compare her skinny body to Charli’s luscious curves.
His breath hitched in his throat when Paige’s hand snaked across his waist and settled on his hip.
“I know we haven’t seen each other in a few years, but you don’t really have to play coy with me, since you were the first guy to see me naked.”
Before he even opened his mouth, she was straddling him, her hands on his shoulders and her silver blue eyes staring straight at him with a twinkle of mischief. She leaned into him until their noses nearly brushed.
“You smell good,” she whispered. His mind went back to the night of Adam and Ellie’s wedding, when Charli had sniffed him and said the same. He pushed the thought back into the recesses of his mind, where it belonged.
Paige’s soft lips grazed his, foreign and at the same time familiar, and he couldn’t stop his body from reacting. His arms went up, skimming her sides until they settled on her neck.
She’s so skinny.
Charli’s luscious curves and the way he loved cupping her bottom, eliciting a giggle from her, flashed in his mind. Just a brief glimpse of her naked body in his bed that he promptly shoved away.
Paige’s fingers raked through his hair and the kiss grew more urgent, her hands pulling his face closer to her as if she couldn’t get close enough. He moved his hands from her neck down to her bottom, that was tiny and firm compared to Charli’s. He pushed the thought away again. She pulled away from him for just the time it took her to pull her sweater over her head and then remove his sweatshirt.
“You’ve built up some fine muscles,” she said appreciatively, as her fingers grazed his skin. He stared at her, wishing he could say something nice, but he couldn’t stop comparing her small breasts to Charli’s plump and round ones. He’d once thought Paige was perfect, that she was just the way he wanted his wife to be, but right now, he couldn’t stop thinking how much better Charli’s curves were.
Before he could voice his stupid thoughts, Paige interrupted his comparison with a kiss that made the air around them sizzle, and his body responded even as his mind fought against it.
Charli.
Her soft skin.
Her laughter.
Her long, dark hair falling like a curtain against his body, like a blanket that would keep him warm through the longest, coldest nights.
Her soft snores beside him.
The way she tangled herself around him like a sexy octopus after they made love.
Love.
It hadn’t been just sex for him. He loved Charli. He had no idea when it had stopped being just some fun between the sheets—if it had ever really been just that—and become love.
He loved Charli.
His heart stopped. His body froze, as if it no longer cared that a half-naked woman was straddling him, kissing him as if this was their last day on earth.
This is wrong.
“Stop.” He pulled away so abruptly Paige let out a gasp, staring at him with a confused frown. “I’m sorry. I can’t do this,” he said, reaching for his sweatshirt on the armrest. When he put his arm through the sleeve, Paige seemed to shake herself from the confusion his one-eighty had caused. She reached for her sweater and slid off him, looking anywhere but at him.
He shouldn’t have led her on. He loved another woman, and even though she hadn’t thought twice about packing up and moving to the opposite coast when opportunity had knocked, he couldn’t make his heart beat for someone else on command.
He reached for Paige’s hand and tugged her down on the couch, next to him. He turned in his seat so he was facing her, and took her other hand too.
“I didn’t mean to delude you. I thought I still cared about you enough to see if we could have a future.” He squeezed her hands and brought them to his lips. “But things have changed. I still want for you all that I wanted back then—I want you to be happy, to be loved and cherished the way you deserve—but I can’t be the one to do it. My heart belongs to someone else now, and even though she left and will probably never come back, I…” He shook his head and let go of Paige’s hands, and they fell into her lap with a muted thud. He felt like a jerk. “I didn’t realize how much she still means to me until now. I guess she took a piece of my heart with her and forgot to inform me.”
Her stare turned soft then, as if she understood how he felt and had forgiven him for his brusque interruption. “She doesn’t know what she’s given up. You’re a wonderful man, Kean Cavanagh. A man I wish I hadn’t let go back then.”
He smiled. “I’ll always be there for you, Paige. Whenever you need help, a friend or a shoulder to cry on. I just can’t be more—not for you or for anyone else right now. I’m sorry for ruining the night.”
She shook her head as she stood. “You didn’t. It was fun spending time together again, after so many years. Even though it didn’t end the way I’d hoped, it was still nice.”
He stood too, and she wrapped her arms around him, taking him by surprise. He encircled her skinny body, careful not to squeeze too tight. It felt like hugging a sister, now.
“I hope that crazy woman realizes her mistakes and comes crawling back to you. Make her squirm, if she does.”
He smiled, although he doubted Charli would ever come back and beg for forgiveness. She was living her dream in a big city. She wasn’t going to give it all up for small-town life with a contractor.
After one last hug, Paige walked out. He waited until her taillights disappeared into the night before closing the door and sliding down to the floor.
The house was eerily silent.
He longed to hear Charli’s laughter. He needed to know what she was doing, who she was with. Was she seeing someone in Miami? Was another man in her bed right now? Was he holding her and touching her, whispering sweet words in her ears? The thought drove him crazy. He slapped a palm over his eyes, wishing he could erase the image of another man with her.
He couldn’t expect her not to meet other men, though. She would move on, perhaps she already had. Hadn’t he just nearly ended up in bed with his first girlfriend? Sure, he’d stopped just in time, but that didn’t make him any less of a hypocrite.
He should consider bringing one of the dogs home with him. The house would feel less empty with a loyal furry friend who’d love him unconditionally, whether or not he lived in a big city. After all, Charli wasn’t here, she’d never share a house with him, so he shouldn’t worry about her crazy fear of dogs anymore. The thought was just another dagger stabbing his heart. No loving dog, no matter how loyal, would ever fill the void Charli had left. He’d be willing to build a fence all around his property to make sure no dogs ever trespassed, if Charli came back. He’d even dig a moat all around it to keep puppies away. He’d do anything for her. Too bad she didn’t care.