Chapter 22 – Goodbye

Crew –

I open my eyes to Addison’s barely-lit room. It’s early, earlier than she normally gets up, with the sun barely risen. But I don’t have the mind space to think about my morning run, my schedule, my fucking best friend, or even the looming issue of O’Rourke.

No, all I can think about is my cock. My throbbing, raging hard-on, which has taken over every inch of my body, mind, and soul.

I groan as a whisper of a touch strokes me from my balls to tip, so fucking slowly. A misery so sweet, I unconsciously lift my hips for more as I turn my head.

She’s plastered to my side, her head on my chest but she’s looking at her hand, watching her torturous actions. Her single index finger circles my tip so lightly—there’s no way she knows the effect she’s creating, an ache so intense I already feel like I’m gonna explode.

Forcing her to tip her head to me by fisting her hair, her eyes are alert and awake, yet shielded with something that makes my heart sink. I know it’s about what I told her last night, me leaving with Grady.

She moves instantly, pushing her bare body up on her hands and knees before swinging a leg over my lap. Those shielded eyes hold mine as she lifts, and before I know it, she impales herself on my cock. I lose sight of her, my eyes closing, finding relief inside her tight perfection. Just her and me, nothing between us. It’s like nothing I’ve ever had and it’s so good, I know for a fact I don’t want anything else the rest of my days.

I open my eyes when she starts to move, riding me lazily, taking initiative—my allowing it for the first time ever. Dragging my eyes over her beautiful body, I’m forced to look up when she pulls her hands through her messy hair, pushing it out of her face. She slides up before leisurely sinking on my cock when her hands fall from her hair to her tits, pausing a moment to play with herself.

As much as I love what she’s doing, I want more, and reach for one of her hands. Bringing it close, I pull her middle three fingers into my mouth and suck deep, swirling them with my tongue. If possible, when she lifts, she’s even more wet, coating my cock with her need as her eyes droop. Sucking one more time before letting go, I direct them between her legs, taking over, showing her what I want.

Just like my Abby, she reads me and starts easily working her clit with her own wet fingers.

If she keeps moving, I might come before her, and there’s no fucking way I’d ever let that happen. Lifting my hips, I splay my hands on her ass holding her tight on my cock where she can’t move. A small furrow appears on her brow as her objection comes out in a small mew.

I shake my head once and look down my body at our connection. I know she gets me when she grinds down and her fingers start to move with purpose. Holding her tight with one hand I move the other, pulling her pussy lips wide around her clit, but I don’t help her.

As her fingers move faster, her knees widen, and she leans back on my thigh with the other hand to hold steady. I can tell she’s close, circling, arching, and breathing shallow. When it happens, I feel her tighten, making my cock jerk. When her climax is rocking her body, I start to move her, finally getting the friction I woke up needing more than anything.

She’s still riding her high when her eyes come to mine. Her shield gone now, replaced with a sex-laden contentment, but still wanton. I see how much she hungers for it when she starts to move.

Riding me, she moves fast, grinding down as I thrust, meeting her. She prolongs her climax, her pussy still milking me as I drive into her three last times, finally getting what I woke up wanting after she worked me into an early morning frenzy.

Addison falls forward, her face in my neck, and hair strewn over my chest. Together, we’re warm and she sinks into me so deeply, we could become one. Holding her tight at her ass and hair, I turn to kiss her forehead. We lay like this as we both come down, catching our breaths from the best morning sex we’ve had yet.

As good as it was, after minutes pass it’s not hard to feel her tense since she’s still wrapped around me and filled with my cock.

“Baby?” I call, finally breaking our morning silence. The word barely falls from my lips when she interrupts.

Her voice is tight and small. “When do you leave?”

I breathe in, smelling her hair before sighing with last night’s events surfacing, reality slapping me in the face. I give her a squeeze and continue to hold her tight. “Soon,” I whisper into the side of her head. “Probably today, Grady got an assignment. I had to force my way in.”

She exhales, her body melting into mine before she eventually shifts away. I’m forced to let her go when she pushes up on all fours and I lose her. Leaning over me, she’s shielded, and I force myself not to grimace, masking my features as I reach out to touch her instinctively. No way can I be this close and not touch her.

Her hand comes to my face, lightly falling over my temple, cheek, and lips. She runs her fingertips over my scruff. When she leans to put her lips to mine, it’s soft and barely there, but fuck if it isn’t the most intimate touch I’ve ever had, ending centuries too soon.

She pulls away, immediately leaving the bed, and I have no choice but to let her. Without a word, she gives me her shielded eyes one last time before forcing me to watch her walk naked to her bathroom.

Looking at her ceiling, I’m fucking pissed at Grady, frustrated with myself for not being able to let him suffer his consequences, but I’m mostly riddled with guilt over what I’ve done to her. Her shield is back because of me. Fuck, when I decided there’d be an us, she didn’t sign up for me working this job. I’m the one changing the rules at halftime, and I hate myself for it.

Despite what I have to do to keep Grady alive until I can talk some sense into him, there’s no fucking way I’m not coming back to her. As I hear her shower turn on, I find myself hoping to God she doesn’t think she just gave me goodbye sex, because that’s exactly what it felt like. There’s no fucking way this is goodbye. Only over my dead body will I let that happen.

*****

Addy –

“As you can see, it’s all recently finished. The kitchen appliances are new, as are the washer and dryer in the laundry closet,” I explain as she stands at the window, running her fingers over the freshly painted white sill. She hesitates, gazing out the window. “It’s small, but should accommodate one person nicely. The bathroom and bedroom still need to be painted, but then it’ll be done. If you don’t mind the smell of fresh paint, it should only be a day or two.”

The bungalow is located closer to Crew’s home than mine, but the view from the front is nothing but vines. Vines that are lush, in full bloom, and have fully filled out over the trellises at this point in the season. Harvest is in a few weeks and Van thinks this year’s crop has the potential to be the best we’ve had in years. We’ve had a dry spell, which is a good thing—rain isn’t good for the grapes right before reaping. Extra water plumps the grapes, washing out the richness of the tannins wanted in a finished product. Not only will we be able to make better wine if the rain stays away, but I’ll also be able to demand a higher price for the grapes I sell to other vineyards.

Needless to say, I’m not doing any rain dances. I need the next few weeks to stay hot and dry. As romantic a notion it may seem to own a winery, when it gets down to it, I’m nothing more than a farmer with cows, completely dependent on Mother Nature.

Today of all days, I’m doing everything I can to bury myself in work. Crew is leaving. I know he’s doing what he thinks he needs to do for his friend, but after begging him not to go and realizing he’s made up his mind, mine went into overdrive.

Self-preservation.

I’ve forced myself to revert back to a place in my head where the future is nothing but uncertain. I’ve allowed myself to get comfortable during a time that should’ve been the most uncertain with O’Rourke and the events surrounding my dad’s death floating to the surface. I gave Crew my worries and let him deal with everything. Then I lost myself in the beauty of us—two souls who lived a long time drowning in death and loss and secrets, but together we were good. Together we each moved past it.

That’s all changed.

I know my mind has shifted into protection mode. For now, I won’t allow myself to think about the future. What if this assignment turns into another, then another, and so on? What if something happens to Grady, and Crew has to live through another loss? Because the thought of him experiencing more hurt makes me ache. I absolutely can’t think about the other outcome—the worst of the worst—where worrying about Crew and me getting back to where we were won’t be an issue at all, because they’ll be no Crew in this world. That’s where my thoughts go—to such a dark place, I simply can’t take it.

No, today all I can think about is if we’ll get rain, it’ll ruin my crops. Renting my bungalow, Evan and Mary’s do-over, and how I need to plan a baby shower. I’ll get on that this afternoon to keep my mind busy.

But right now, I’m thinking about the woman standing in my bungalow, gazing out at my vines.

Maya Augustine is an inch or two taller than me, maybe five-six or seven. Her dark blonde hair is pulled back into a low pony and she’s wearing a pair of faded jeans that fit her so perfectly, if I had to guess, they’re her favorite. Every woman has her favorite pair, and when they fit like hers, she’d be crazy not to wear them every day if she could pull it off. She’s fit and slim, yet in a healthy way as her tone arms and back are easy to see in her form fitting tank.

“Do you have any questions?” I break through the silence, and when I do, she turns to me.

As healthy and fit as her body appears, her eyes are troubled and I sense a weight there that’s heavy. It’s plain to see life is hard on her right now. Maya is my third interview. I know from her application she’s twenty-eight and is currently working part time at a nearby assisted living center. There’s a long, drawn out explanation about her search for full time employment in her application, almost coming across desperate. That desperation was the only thing that made me take the interview. Her part time income will barely cover the rent, she’ll have almost nothing left to live on.

Looking around the empty space, she bites her lip before stating on a sigh, “I know you didn’t advertise it as furnished, but I was hoping.”

“No, I didn’t advertise it one way or the other.” My curiosity gets the best of me. “What do you need?”

“Well.” She pauses, looking around the main room that makes up the living, eating, and kitchen areas. The small bedroom and bathroom are separate off to the side. “I moved here with a couple of suitcases, so…I guess I need everything.”

I do a quick mental inventory of my house. Between my mom’s and my things from California, not to mention the antiques that came with my farmhouse, everything is eclectic, but in a bad way. Maybe it’s time to start decorating. Another thing to take my mind off the future.

And Crew.

Deciding I need something else to focus on—and it might just be internet shopping—I offer, “I didn’t advertise it one way or the other because any furnishings I have to offer won’t be new, or fancy. I can’t promise what it will look like all put together, but you won’t be sleeping on the floor. How does that sound?”

For the first time since she arrived, her icy blue eyes brighten a tinge. “Really?”

Right then, I finalize my decision that would not only make my mom happy, but puts the first smile on my face since last night before Crew told me his plans. “Really. Do you know anything about wine?”

She instantly shakes her head. “Just that I like it.”

“That’s good enough for me. How about we make a deal? You work for me, put in twenty hours in my tasting room a week. The income should supplement you enough until you find the full time job you’re looking for. It’s not glamorous work, but if you have the desire, Evan can teach you to do tastings with the customers. Other than that, it’ll be bussing tables, stocking, helping in the kitchen, and with events. I’ll even work around your other job for scheduling. What do you say?”

Her eyes instantly become glassy, and she turns quickly to the window, probably to hide her emotions. I was right, life isn’t coming easy right now, and she needs a break. Today of all days, I’m really glad I get to be the one who gives it to her. It makes me feel good.

“Thank you.” She nods her head and when she gets it together, turns back giving me a small smile. “I appreciate the job, too. Anything will help. I hope something full time opens up at the place where I work now. I like it there.”

I put the other two applicants out of my mind and smile. “This is good. We’ll both benefit, I need help in the tasting room and if you moved here with a couple of suitcases, you need to settle. It’s a win-win. I’ll have some furniture moved in today, you can move in the day after tomorrow. Why don’t you come with me now, I can introduce you to Evan and the rest of the crazies you’ll be working with.”

Maya looks down at herself. “I’m not dressed for work.”

“You’re not, but you can at least come, meet everyone, and talk to Evan about when you can start so he can put you on the schedule. Come on, it’ll be quick.”

She takes one final look around the room, taking in her new home before hesitantly following me out the door where Morris is waiting for us on the small porch.

“Morris, this is Maya Augustine. She’s moving in the day after tomorrow, and she’ll also be working part time for Evan.”

Morris sticks his hand out to Maya and grunts, “Hey.”

Maya nods with big eyes, having the same reaction most have when meeting Morris. “Um, nice to meet you.”

I look back to her and grin. “Morris is my caretaker and manages everything on the property. His wife Bev makes up for his grumpy nature. Watch out for her, she’ll adopt you straight away.” Morris starts walking ahead of us to the cars when I call to his back, “I’m gonna need some furniture moved, you can get the guys to help.”

I hear another grunt and when I look to my side, Maya looks worried.

“Don’t worry,” I mutter under my breath. “He’s a softie—you’ll get used to him. Come on, follow me to the main building and we’ll get you all set up.”

*****

The door opens to my office, and there he is, filling my space the way he always does when he’s near me. When he’s close, it’s only him. But where his presence usually fills me up, making me whole, right now it drains me.

It’s afternoon and I forced myself to eat some fruit for lunch when I wasn’t hungry. Even though I’ve done everything I could to busy my brain, I’ve thought of him all day. I don’t know what I thought he would do, but I find myself relieved he’s here, even though I dread it. I didn’t think he would leave without seeing me, but since he ripped off the bandage that temporarily fixed my fear of the future, I didn’t know if I could handle a goodbye.

Of course he didn’t give me that choice, because here he is.

“Hey.” He steps inside, closing us in my small office.

I lean back in my chair, saying nothing.

He sighs, realizing I have nothing to say. “Asa’s gonna stay with you. He can sleep on the couch—he’ll want to be on the main floor. I talked to my people today and there’s been a hitch in their ops plan with Whittaker—this is puttin’ a stall on O’Rourke. Even with the surveillance, I don’t want you home alone at night.”

The issue of O’Rourke is weighing on me today heavier than normal. I appreciate him arranging someone to be with me at night because it just occurred to me I haven’t been alone since before the White House dinner. I ache a little more, knowing I’ll be sleeping alone for the first time since he put himself in my bed. So even though I won’t be alone, I will. I’ll not only missing him, but worrying.

I nod and breathe, getting it together as best I can. “Tell him thanks and I’ll have dinner for him.”

He lifts his chin and steps farther in the room. When I don’t move from my seat, he demands, “Addison, come here.”

I don’t go there, I stay right where I am and before I know it, the words leave my mouth in a rush. “You’ll call me every day, right? To let me know you’re okay?”

He doesn’t answer with words, but the look on his face says it all, right before he slowly closes his eyes, running a hand through his hair.

When he drops his head to look at his feet, I keep on and hate that my voice is edging toward panic. “Not even a text?”

When he brings his head up to look at me, I see nothing but guilt and remorse in his deep, dark eyes. Even though regret is written all over him, it doesn’t make me feel any better.

“Baby.” His voice is raw calling for me, pleading this time. “Come here.”

Even though I’m scared, hurt, and yes, thoroughly pissed, I need to touch him the way I always do when he’s close. He’s leaving to go God knows where, to do God knows what, and to God only knows whom. I might know nothing about his plans, but I do know it’s far away, dangerous, and there’s a chance he might not come back.

So damn it, I can’t help myself. I get up and go to him.

Breathing a sigh of relief, he reaches for me and before I know it, I’m in his arms where I realize I want to be forever. Why in the hell am I making that realization now, when the future just became uncertain again? But it’s true, I want it forever.

“You stay put on the vineyard, let the others run your errands if you have to. With Asa here at night, I won’t worry. Can you do that?” he asks.

I nod into his chest and he pulls my head back, his lips landing on my forehead. Feeling his lips there stirs emotions in me so deep I have to try my hardest to keep it together.

When I finally look up he keeps on, “These things can’t be rushed, but I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

I say nothing, but swallow the lump in my throat.

“Don’t worry about O’Rourke or anyone else. You’re safe here.”

This time I manage a nod.

His eyes sweep my features and he sighs. “Baby, say something.”

I knew I’d have to do my best to keep it together, but my best isn’t great at the moment, so my voice cracks. “I don’t know what to say.”

His words come instantly. “Say you’ll be here waiting for me when I get back.”

Afraid to say what I really want to say, I go with, “Where else would I be?”

His voice dips as he gives me a squeeze. “You know what I mean.”

“Come back to me, Crew,” I whisper.

“I swear to you, I’m gonna get Grady straightened out and I’ll be back. This shit with O’Rourke will be done and we can settle into some type of normalcy. I know you and I, we’ve never done normal, but I promise we’ll find it. Together, we’ll figure out what normal looks like for us. We deserve that after what we’ve both lived through. Focus on that. Look forward to that while I’m gone.”

“I don’t think I can, not while you’re gone. Not until you’re done for good,” I say honestly.

His face hardens and frustration laces his words. “I’ll be back and I’ll get us back to where we were, no ifs, ands, or buts. You keep yourself safe here, I’ll get Grady squared away, and then it’s us. I promise.”

I nod, even though I know he can’t promise anything.

I’m thankful his lips hit mine when they do, not allowing me to answer. His hands on my face tense, holding me tight. I take it all in until he finally releases me, even though the look on his face tells me he doesn’t want to. “I’ll see you soon.”

I can’t answer, I can’t move, I can’t even nod. Then his lips hit my forehead one last time before he turns, and I watch him leave.

It’s then I can’t control my emotions another moment as the tears start to fall.