It doesn’t really sink in that first week.

I make up some excuse to my father, unable to tell him that I was fired from the Griffin job. I don’t know why I care, but I’m afraid to face him.

Much worse than that, Griffin won’t answer my calls. He won’t talk to me at all. It’s like he’s totally done with me, and I can’t really blame him. Still, I want him to understand that everything we had was real, that I never really betrayed him. I need him to understand that I care about him and Lacey and I’d never do anything to hurt them.

He won’t talk to me, and I can’t say I’m surprised. I don’t know what I thought would happen when I told him. I guess part of me hoped that he might listen, and he be angry of course, but eventually he’d get over it and we could move on from there.

But that’s not at all what’s going to happen. It really sinks in a week later, after I haven’t heard a word from him.

I gave him my virginity. I gave myself to him, and now he’s gone. I’m not mad at him for that. It was my choice to let him take my virginity, knowing full well that I was lying to him about an important thing. It still hurts, though, and I feel like there’s a hole in my life where there wasn’t one before.

I don’t know what to do. I don’t know where to go. My father is going to throw me out of the family and I don’t even have Griffin anymore. I really hoped that I might start something with him. I don’t know what that something was going to be, but I was really excited to try.

I don’t know why I thought that, though. I’m such a stupid, selfish little girl. I don’t know why I ever thought he could overlook this whole thing and still want me. Of course he’s angry and doesn’t want me around, from his perspective I was using him and Lacey to get something for my family. He feels like I betrayed him, and I guess I did.

Exactly one week after I told Griffin the truth, I stand outside of my father’s study, a nervous wreck. I was dreading telling Griffin, so much so that I almost threw up. I knew I was doing the right thing by coming clean. I could have kept the secret for longer, maybe gotten closer to him in the hopes that he’d forgive me more easily, but I couldn’t do it. Not after that day with him and Lacey, not after how real it all felt. I couldn’t keep lying to him. I hate being a bad person, but I was being a really bad person.

I knock on my father’s door. “Yes, come in,” he calls out.

I open the door and step inside, shutting it behind me. He looks up at me, a frown on his face.

“What can I do for you, Erin?” he asks.

“I need to tell you something.” I feel so fucking awful. I want to run out of here, but it’s time to face up to the consequences of my actions. It’s time to grow the fuck up.

“Yes?” he asks, impatient.

“I got fired from my job with Griffin McGrath.”

He stares at me for a second. “What?”

“I got fired,” I repeat. “I’m sorry.”

“You got fired.” He stares at me blankly for a second. “How?”

“He caught me snooping,” I say. “I’m sorry. It was a mistake.”

“A mistake.” He shakes his head. “The real mistake was letting you do this job from the beginning. I could have found someone better qualified, but I thought I might give you a chance to prove yourself. I guess you just did.”

I take a sharp breath and release it. “I guess so.”

“You’re such a disappointment, Erin,” he says. “A bigger disappointment than I could ever have guessed.” He shakes his head with disgust. “Needless to say, you will not be getting any jobs from me anytime in the future.”

“As if I’d want one,” I spit at him. “You’d just find some new way to use and embarrass me. I’m your daughter, or did you forget that?”

“Don’t talk to me that way,” he says, low and serious.

“You treat me like garbage, and you expect me to keep obeying. That won’t last forever.”

He stands up. “Get the fuck out,” he says, barely suppressing his rage. “You spoiled little bitch.”

“Fine.” I turn away from him.

“You’re pathetic. A real pathetic fucking bitch. You’re such a sad disappointment.”

“Go to hell,” I say, just loud enough for him to hear, before storming out of there and heading to my room.

I cry, but I don’t let myself cry too much. I won’t indulge in that. I won’t let him win.

I see my father and my family for what they are. I know they’re bad, but I don’t think I truly understand the half of it. I’ve been sheltered my whole life and led to believe that the Fisher family is powerful and rich.

But I’m not so sure that’s true. In fact, I’m starting to think my father is a shell of the man that he claims to be.

Over the next few days, I set out to prove it to myself. I’m done being intimidated by my father. I’m done being embarrassed and used and abused. It’s time for me to grow the fuck up.