Vivian
I ALREADY HAD it all planned out when Brent and I left the party. Sure his family treated me fine, but I could see it in their eyes what they were really thinking, especially his mother. She wasn’t who I remembered. Then again, a lot of time has passed and people change. I could say the same for myself.
I didn’t need anyone.
Brent tried his best to make it less awkward, but it fell short. I wasn’t buying into his act a second longer. I should have known better. It was all a ruse, every bit of it. I hated myself for opening my heart just a bit to him. All of it was lies.
The second we walked into the house, I went straight to my room and slammed the door shut. He’d better take the message and know I wouldn’t be talking to him tonight. Or for that matter, any other night. I was done.
Done with it all.
I packed my clothes and texted Olivia. I told her to get the lawyers on the phone first thing in the morning and get this annulment rolling. I didn’t care about my sales or books anymore. Right now, I cared about getting out of Texas and back to my life. My life without Brent Rush.
Once I knew he was asleep, I took his keys and never looked back. Just like I did ten years ago.
WALKING INTO MY cabin I should have felt at home. I shouldn’t have the tension in my chest anymore or have the need to fight off the tears any longer. Yet, they kept creeping up and I blinked them away more than once.
I unpacked, continued to keep my cell phone off and make a list of what I needed from town. Since I knew I was going on the book tour, I made sure there was nothing in the house to spoil. Now, I had nothing to eat and right now I needed carbs and sweets. Stat!
I liked the fact my cabin wasn’t too far away from town and I could still have my silence around me. I had no neighbors and if I did, they weren’t close enough for me to see their homes. My back porch was where I wrote the most. I had it enclosed with floor to ceiling windows. Living in the North Pacific brought amazingly beautiful snowfalls and perfectly rhythmic rain storms. All of which helped me write.
After purchasing my groceries and trying not to eat all the candy I got, I made it back home and unloaded everything. Since I decided it was time to get back to my normal life, I grabbed a sandwich – well two of them – and a bag of Milky Ways and made my way to the porch with my laptop under my arm.
My fingers are ready to type. My words are ready to flow, but my brain wasn’t working. I ate the first sandwich, but it made my stomach turn. I couldn’t even finish the first candy bar. Nothing felt right. I almost felt like an alien in my own place.
Brent.
I wondered what he was thinking right now. How much did he hate me? Was it as much as the last time I left? Probably not since this time I didn’t even say goodbye. I shouldn’t be worrying about this because it was for the best.
I found my cell phone and turned it on. I knew what was coming as the messages began to light up and the missed call count began to rise.
All from Brent.
I couldn’t bear to look or listen to any of them. My heart was beginning to break into a million pieces. All these years I had pushed my feelings away, burying them deep. I had no one to talk to but my fictional characters and even they were created because of Brent. I even used Rush as a pen name – for him.
My fingers trembled as I scrolled up through my contacts and called the one person I never thought about talking to again. My autopilot seemed to know what to do, but I couldn’t comprehend what was happening until the voice came over the phone.
“Vivian?”
“Hi, Mom.” I answered.
“Are you okay? You sound sick?”
Was I? Some would claim I was losing my mind right now, and they’re probably right. I didn’t know what in the world I was doing. “I’m not sure.”
“Well, what is it? Your father and I haven’t heard from you in forever. How are the book sales?”
I rubbed my fingers over my forehead hoping to dull the ache. The last time I spoke to her or Dad was Christmas. Wait? No, maybe Thanksgiving? I couldn’t even remember. Even when we did talk it was short and to the point, and here I was about to have a nervous breakdown now for no reason other than I left Brent.
“Vivian, talk to me.” Mom’s voice softened and I began to blurt it all out.
I started with the book tour and then seeing him at the signing. Then I jumped to the drinking and the wedding, which I still didn’t remember. I told her how he protected me from the overzealous fan and convinced me to go back to the ranch. Then I gave in-depth details of how great it was to be back home and on the ranch. All the great memories I had there and how I felt alive and the creative juices were flowing again. Lastly, I told her about the barbecue and how he lied about who he was married to because he was ashamed of me. He still thought of me as the fat girl he needed to protect. I finished the story with me running away and ending back here in Washington.
“Why did you leave him? I know Brent very well and I’m certain he’d never disrespect you.”
I groaned. “He’s changed. I know he married me for my money.”
“Really? But he does so well on his own. He invested in the oil company years ago and, I believe, is still part owner. Not to mention all his rental properties and the land he owns.”
“Wait? What?” Brent owned an oil company? What property was she speaking of? He didn’t tell me any of this.
“Last I heard he was close to millionaire status. Not like Bill Gates or anything but a very comfortable lifestyle. He’s been in the paper a lot with his donations to the children’s hospital, the down and out ranchers, and many others. Vivian, are you sure we’re talking about the same guy?”
“I...well...I don’t know. He...well…” I was stammering over my words because I couldn’t figure out what was happening. “It wasn’t supposed to be like this.”
“Like what?”
“Like this? I was never going to marry anyone. I was never, ever going to fall in love again. I’m meant to be on my own and never relying on anyone. That’s how you and Dad raised me.”
“Yes, we raised you to be self-sufficient but never not to fall in love or have a life.”
“Yes, you did.” I argued with her. “You told me my whole life to rely on no one but myself.” I remember all the speeches she gave me about it.
“Vivian, we wanted you to rely on yourself to give you self-confidence, but in the real world, you need people. You need love. I wouldn’t know where I would be if I didn’t have your father in my life. Not to mention you. I’m not the world’s greatest mother, I know, but you are my greatest accomplishment. I prayed every night you would grow up and be happy, loved, and find peace in yourself. You were always internally fighting with your demons. Your weight, your grades, the pressures you put on yourself. Neither your father nor I were shocked when you ran off and left us all. But we’re deeply saddened you don’t come home often or call more. However, we both know you have to find your way home and no one can force you to it.”
I felt all the blood draining from me. I was thankful I was sitting down or my knees would have given out on me. Why was she telling me all of this now? All my life was a lie because this wasn’t what I was taught. I was to be on my own.
Right!
Right?
“We love you, Vivian. I think you and Brent make a fine couple. I believe, however unorthodox, this marriage was meant to be. You need to talk to him and tell him how you truly feel. Life is better with those you love and having someone you can rely on.”
“I have to go.” I ended the call and tossed my phone to the side.
It was like my whole world was turned upside down. I rubbed my temples trying to figure out what just happened.