CHAPTER 19
(Helena’s Point of View)
Lucas looks up at me as I stand behind him with my hands still resting on his shoulders.
“Hi, Helena,” he says in that sweet voice of his. Normally, his innocence would grate on my nerves, but for some reason, it doesn’t today. I’m not sure if pregnancy has made me soft, or if it’s because I know I have a child of my own on the way and can imagine him gazing at me the same way Lucas is right now: full of naive trust.
When I take my hands off his shoulders, he calmly turns around to face me.
“You don’t look surprised that I snatched you away from your parents and brought you here,” I say, briefly looking around the bedroom that he and his mother stayed in while they were my guests in Hell.
“I’m not surprised,” he states with a nonchalant shrug. “I knew you were coming.”
I almost ask how, but of course, I already know the answer to that question. His special gift of seeing into the future is the reason I brought him here in the first place.
“Why didn’t you warn your parents that I would be coming for you?” I have to ask.
“Because I think Cade would want me to help you, if I can.”
“Do you already know why I brought you here?” I question him, wondering just how far into the future he was able to see.
He shakes his head. “Nope, but I’m sure you’ll tell me when you’re ready.”
“You’re such an impertinent little man,” I tell him, remembering that he dislikes it when I call him a “little angel.” “Most people quake at the mere thought of me, and those unlucky enough to come face to face with me in my domain cower because they know what I will do to them.”
“I’m not most people,” he states confidently, lifting his chin up a notch higher to prove his bravado, “and I know you won’t hurt me.”
“Oh really?” I say, intrigued by his foolish deduction. “What makes you believe I won’t?”
“You love Cade,” he says, “and Cade loves me. I don’t think you’ll hurt me because you know how sad it would make him in Heaven. He’s already hurting because he can’t be with you, and I think you love him enough not to cause him any more pain.”
Lucas has always been far wiser than his young years, but I suppose that’s not exactly surprising. He is the reincarnation of Gabe Kinlan, the vessel of Archangel Gabriel. I wasn’t sure if Gabriel would take over Lucas’ body when I brought him to Hell, but I can see that Lucas is still in full control and holding his own quite well against me. His trust in my feelings for Cade are well-founded.
“I need you to do something for me,” I tell him, knowing I don’t have a great deal of time. I can feel Anna and her angels on Earth trying to phase into my domain, and although I enjoyed our fun and games the last time they were here, their presence would only be a distraction that I don’t need right now.
“I kinda figured that already, Helena,” he tells me. “Do you want me to look into your future again?”
I vigorously shake my head. “I would rather you didn’t. I already know what my future holds, and I don’t need to have it confirmed. No …” I say, placing my hands protectively on my belly. “I would like for you to show me my son’s future.”
“Oh,” Lucas replies, looking confused. “I don’t know if I can do that, Helena. He’s still inside you, so I can’t touch him directly.”
“Yes, I’ve thought about that,” I tell him, unsure if my relationship with Lucas is strong enough to ask for what I need him to do. “If you can place a little bit of trust in me not to hurt you, I believe I can give your powers a boost of energy. That’s one reason I brought you here instead of somewhere else. I can channel the power of Hell and hopefully feed some of its energy directly into you to strengthen your gift. Are you willing to at least try, Lucas? It would mean a great deal to me if you did.”
I don’t like practically begging a child to do something for me, but I need to know what my son’s future is destined to be. Will I be a good enough mother for him? Will he ever be able to love me as I am, or will he hate me for the things I’ve done and will undoubtedly do in the future? I can’t help the way I view the universe. Lucifer designed me to be a destroyer of worlds and to cause as much pain and suffering as possible to humanity. To go against those two ingrained principles is like asking a river to flow upstream against the laws of nature. I am who I am, and there’s no way to change that.
“I can try,” Lucas says hesitantly, appearing uncertain my plan will work, “but I can’t promise you that I’ll see anything besides your future.”
“And if you do see my future, can you keep it to yourself instead of showing me as well?”
“I’m sorry,” he says, truly apologetic, “I can’t control that either. I don’t know if it’s because I’m still so young or what. Maybe when I get older, I’ll learn how to handle what I do better, but I can’t right now.”
I nod. “I understand. Just do the best you can then, and we’ll go from there.”
I reach a hand out for Lucas to take. He stares at it for a moment, and I begin to wonder if he might be rethinking his bargain with me.
“If you want to know about the baby’s future,” he tells me, “I think I need to touch your belly, Helena. The closer I am to him, the better.”
“I suppose that makes sense,” I say, finding his request a reasonable one. “Go ahead and touch me. Then I’ll place my hand over yours to give you a small burst of power.”
Cautiously, Lucas lifts his left hand and gently places his palm against my stomach.
I feel my son move inside me as if he senses Lucas’ touch. I quickly cover his little hand with mine to diminish the risk of him inadvertently channeling my own future with his gift.
Just like the time before when Lucas showed me the aftermath of Cade’s death, I can see momentary flashes of my son’s future. Tears begin to burn my eyes as I watch him grow from infancy to adulthood in only a few short seconds. Not all of the moments I see are happy ones though, and I know my son will have to find his own way in the universe and learn how to handle its many prejudices and preconceived notions about him. I should feel consoled that he will always have a loving mother to go to for advice, who will support him during the hardest parts of his life, but I don’t. Instead, I feel sad and angered by what I’m being shown.
Lucas removes his hand from me when the montage of my son’s future stops.
“That’s as far as I can see,” he tells me, looking uncertain about what my reaction will be to what he just showed me. “Are you all right, Helena?”
I feel twin trails of warm tears stream down my cheeks. In order to block out Lucas’ concerned expression, I close my eyes and take in a deep breath to calm the churning of my raging emotions. I have to remind myself that what Lucas showed me is only one possible future. Nothing is ever set in stone because all sentient creatures have free will. I refuse to allow the future to play out the way Lucas foresees, and I know exactly what I need to do to change it.
I open my eyes and look at Lucas, filled with a new sense of determination and purpose.
“Thank you for showing me that,” I tell Lucas as I quickly wipe away my tears. “I know what needs to be done now.”
Lucas narrows his eyes on me with a great deal of suspicion. “That doesn’t sound good. What are you planning to do?”
“Nothing you need to worry about,” I calmly reassure him, not wanting to alarm him any more than he already is.
Since the moment I brought Lucas into my domain, I’ve felt multiple attempts by those on Earth to phase in and rescue him. I’ve basically been ignoring their pitiful efforts, but now I feel an intriguing and unlikely challenger attempt to phase into my realm. On a whim, I decide to allow this one entry to see where it will all lead.
My sister’s daughter, Liana, phases into the room. I can only imagine the turmoil Anna and Malcolm are feeling right now considering I have two of their children at my mercy.
Liana sits on the floor between me and Lucas with her head tilted up as she stares at me with her bluer than blue eyes. Her white hair and unique eye color are all signs that she and I are still connected to one another through the seal I gave her. Unexpectedly, she lifts her arms up to me as if asking to be picked up. She smiles and makes a happy gurgling sound like she believes her cuteness will win me over and make me do her bidding.
Since leaning down isn’t exactly an option for me right now, I snap my fingers, which instantly makes her rise into the air until she’s hovering right in front of me.
“And what brings you here, little one?” I inquire, wishing she was old enough to answer the question. “Your mommy and daddy are going to be very cross with you for coming to see me.”
“Put her down, Helena!” Lucas orders, brandishing a silver dagger he must have had hidden inside his jacket somewhere.
“You do realize that dagger has no effect on me, don’t you?” I ask him, amused by his daring effort. “At most, it would only give me a little sting.”
“A little sting is all I need,” he says bravely. “Now, put my sister down before I come and get her from you.”
“Fine,” I tell him, “catch!”
I fling Liana backwards, forcing Lucas to drop his dagger in order to use both of his hands to grab ahold of his sister. As soon as Lucas has her, I notice a far-off look come into his eyes, and I know he’s having a vision about Liana’s future. He stays that way for a good five seconds before regaining his senses.
Lucas brings Liana in close until she’s snuggled safely against his chest. She wraps her chubby baby arms around his neck and begins to giggle. Lucas simply continues to hold her tightly to him and looks up at me warily. I presume he saw me in his vision about Liana’s future. Before I can ask him what he glimpsed, she phases herself and Lucas back home.
I let them leave because I have a more pressing matter to attend to at the moment. I need to kill someone in order to change the future I saw for my son, and the sooner I do it, the better I’ll feel.
Without warning, a searing jolt of pain erupts along the base of my abdomen as if the muscle and skin there is about to be split in two by my son. It’s the same type of pain that I felt earlier, telling me that my child is impatient to be born. It was the main reason I risked going to Cirrus during the party and used Silas’ daddy issues as a distraction. The first time I felt this pain, I knew I didn’t have much time left and needed to hasten my timetable for asking Lucas for his help.
My son moves again, only this time it feels like he does a complete somersault inside my womb, and I fear I know exactly what it is he’s preparing to do in there.
“Not yet,” I beg him as the agony of him bearing down against my pelvic bone drops me to my knees.
Pain is not a new companion to me. I’ve felt it many times before, but the agony I’m suffering through now doesn’t even compare to my past experiences. Desmond warned me that the birth of my son wouldn’t be an ordinary one and that I would need his help to ensure we both survived the ordeal. He practically begged me to come to him when it was time for my baby to be born, but I don’t know if Desmond is at home right now or if he is in Cirrus for the twins’ coming out party. No matter where he is, I don’t have time to seek him out for help. Right now, I need to follow through with my original plan and hope that the person I need to kill happens to be home. My son will just have to wait to be born until I can secure that his future is with me.
I phase to my victim’s home only to find the space devoid of her presence.
“Where are you, Jules?” I ask the empty living room. Either Jules is still in Cirrus with the others, or she’s with her mother, Evelyn, in Grace House. Since both Lucas and Liana are presumably back home by now, perhaps they decided to continue the party despite my short abduction of Lucas. If that’s the case, it could be hours before Jules comes back home, and I simply don’t have the luxury of waiting around that long.
Considering this delay a real possibility and knowing I’m in no condition to take on all of Anna’s angels at once, I decide to phase to Desmond’s home in the down-world of Stratus to seek his help. I attempt to phase there, but nothing happens.
“Don’t do this to me right now,” I beg my son. “Mommy needs to get help. Please let me go find Desmond so he can bring you into this world safely.”
Again, I try to phase to Desmond’s house, but my son continues to block my powers. He obviously wants me to stay right where I am.
“Are you that eager for me to kill her?” I ask him, not sure if I’m impressed or worried that my child could be so bloodthirsty. I feel him press down even farther, as if telling me he’s preparing to be born whether I’m ready for him to be or not.
My legs begin to feel wobbly, and I know it’s only a matter of time before I collapse onto the floor in a helpless heap. I stumble toward Jules’ bedroom. Once there, I carefully lie back on her bed, which helps relieve a portion of the pressure I’m feeling as my son stubbornly tries to enter the world.
“I’m sorry our evening together has to end so abruptly,” I suddenly hear Ethan say in the living room.
“It’s all right,” Jules replies graciously. “I understand. You know where to find me after you’ve secured things in Cirrus.”
“I wish I didn’t have to leave you,” he moans in frustration.
“Then go do your job and hurry back to me,” Jules urges.
“I’ll return as soon as I can,” he promises her. “Get some rest while I’m gone because you’ll need your strength for what I have planned for us later.”
Jules giggles. “Then go. The sooner you’re through, the sooner you can share these big plans of yours with me.”
I hear Jules sigh sadly, telling me that Ethan has followed through with her request and has gone back to Cirrus.
The rustle of material warns me of her imminent entry into the bedroom. As soon as she steps inside, I plan to use my telekinetic powers to snap her neck and end the threat she poses to my future with my son.
Suddenly, I feel a rush of fluids gush out between my legs, soaking Jules’ bed beneath me. An involuntary scream escapes my mouth as I feel my baby move as if he intends to crawl out of me all on his own.
“Helena!” I hear Jules shout in panic as she rushes toward the bed.
“He’s coming,” I moan, knowing that I can’t kill her yet. She’s of more use to me alive than dead right now. “I need your help delivering him, Jules. He won’t let me phase to Desmond.”
“Okay,” she says, quickly taking in the situation. “I need to check to see how far along your labor is to see how much time we have. Do you mind if I look?”
“Do it,” I say, giving her my consent to look between my legs. Jules stands and lifts my wet skirt up to my thighs. After she removes my underwear, I hear her gasp in surprise at what she sees.
“His head is already crowning,” she tells me in a calm voice, even though I can practically taste her fear and panic in the air.
I begin to shake my head violently. “He can’t come out naturally. Desmond needs to cut him out of me.”
Jules takes in a deep breath as she tries to steady her nerves and think of something to do.
“I need to call my mother,” she decides. “She can find Desmond for us and bring him to help you.”
“I don’t care what you have to do! Just get him here!”
Jules grabs her phone off the nightstand beside the bed and makes a call. Evelyn doesn’t take long to answer.
“Mom, I need for you to phase to Earth and find Desmond. Helena is in my apartment about to give birth.”
Evelyn suddenly appears in the bedroom, quickly assessing the situation with a single glance.
“Why are you wasting time? Go get Desmond!” I scream at her, causing the walls of the bedroom to tremble with only the power of my voice.
“How far along is she?” Evelyn asks Jules, ignoring my plea.
“The baby’s head is crowning,” Jules replies, “but she says Desmond told her he would need to cut the baby out because he can’t be born naturally.”
Evelyn meets my gaze and asks, “Why is that, Helena?”
“What does it matter?” I scream in aggravation. “I need Desmond! Find him and bring him here now!”
“Desmond was in Cirrus before Ethan brought me home,” Jules tells Evelyn. “He was checking Lucas and Liana for any ill effects from being in Hell.”
“And where exactly in Cirrus was he?” Evelyn asks.
“Anna’s quarters.”
“Don’t tell my sister what’s happening,” I order Evelyn harshly, lifting my upper body with my arms. “If you tell her, she’ll tell Ethan, and they’ll both come here to take my baby away from me.”
“I don’t think that’s the worst thing that could happen to the child,” Evelyn states. “Letting you raise him seems like a much worse fate.”
Even though I feel as if I’ll be split in two at any moment, I’m still able to muster up the strength to reach over and grab Jules by the front of her neck. She struggles and tries to pull my hand away, but I tighten my grasp until she starts making choking noises.
“Get Desmond and bring him here alone,” I order Evelyn as I hold her daughter hostage. “If you don’t do as I say, I swear I will break her neck without giving it a second thought. And don’t get cute, Evelyn. Don’t go home and tell Enis to come here to look after Jules, or I will end her life as soon as he phases into the room. Is that understood?”
There’s nothing like placing the life of a loved one in danger to make people do exactly what you want them to do. Evelyn phases to Cirrus right away, and I loosen my grasp on Jules’ throat just enough to let her breathe again. Killing her will have to wait until after the birth. Right now, I need everyone’s cooperation, and placing her life in jeopardy just got me what I wanted from Evelyn.
A few minutes pass and I begin to wonder just how much Evelyn truly cherishes her daughter’s life. I begin to get uncomfortable lying on top of Jules’ now wet bed, and I attempt to phase us somewhere else, hoping that my son will let me go where I really want him to be born. Thankfully, he does, or perhaps he’s too preoccupied at the moment to prevent me from phasing us all to the cabin in the mountains where he was conceived.
I end up losing my grasp on Jules when my son makes a rather aggressive attempt to enter the world on his own. I swallow a scream as the pressure becomes too much to bear. I suddenly hear what sounds like two twigs being snapped in half.
“Was that your bones breaking?” Jules says in a hoarse voice as she gently rubs the front of her neck with one hand and looks around the bedroom of the cabin. Surprisingly, she continues to sit next to me. I’m not sure if she’s an idiot or allowing her compassion for my son’s survival override her better judgment.
I shake my head against her pillow as warm tears stream out of the corners of my eyes. I know exactly what just happened to my son and feel helplessly alone as he endures unimaginable pain from being trapped inside me.
“I need Desmond!” I sob hysterically as I close my eyes, unable to bear the thought of my child suffering as he vainly attempts to be born.
“I’m here, Helena.”
I open my eyes and see Desmond rush to the other side of me. I assumed Evelyn would have enough sense to follow my phase trail from Jules’ apartment to the cabin.
“You were right,” I tell him through my tears, “he needs help, Desmond. Tear me open if you have to. I don’t care what you need to do, just save his life!”
“No one is dying today, lass,” he vows. “I promise I won’t let that happen. Now, let me take a look to see what’s going on.”
Desmond performs a quick examination before opening his black leather doctor bag to pull out a slim silver laser pen and what looks like a large translucent bandage.
“Pull her dress up over her stomach,” Desmond instructs Jules, who quickly complies. He then places the bandage on the underside of my belly, and it immediately clings to the skin. “This will numb the area so you don’t feel me cutting into you,” he tells me before placing the tip of the silver pen in his hand a few inches below my belly button. “I’m going to use this laser to make my incision. Are you ready?”
“Just do it!” I scream, partially because I’m in pain but mostly because I don’t want my son to die inside me.
Desmond quickly runs the laser from one side to the other across my belly, but I immediately see worry and confusion crease his forehead as he stares at his incision in surprise.
“What happened?” I ask, because I truly couldn’t feel anything. “Why aren’t you getting him out?”
Desmond looks up at me.
“The cut healed almost as fast as I made it,” he tells me. “I didn’t realize you can heal so quickly. I can’t get him out this way.”
“Then use something else to cut me open!”
“I’m afraid anything I use will have the same effect.”
A moment from the past comes to mind, and I know exactly what Desmond needs to slice me open with.
“You need to get Anna’s sword,” I tell him. “She stabbed me with it once. It might be able to cut me deeply enough for the wound to stay open and give you time to get my son out.”
Desmond stands from the bed. “I’ll be right back.”
I can see from his phase trail that he’s gone directly to Cirrus. I simply hope he’s able to speak with Anna alone and that she gives him the sword without any fuss.
Of course, when he phases in with Anna carrying her sword by her side, I want to curse him out for betraying me. He must see my thoughts about his actions in my expression.
“She wouldn’t let me have the sword without coming with me,” he quickly explains.
“No one knows that I’m here,” Anna assures me. “Malcolm went to put Lucas to bed, so he’ll be preoccupied for a while. I’m only here to help you and your son, Helena. You have my word.”
“Then do it,” I challenge her. “Help me save my son, and maybe we can finally put all of this bad blood between us to an end, Anna.”
Anna nods in relief. Her sword bursts into orange flames as she holds it up to my belly.
“Are you ready?” Anna asks Desmond. “The last time I used it, she was still able to heal quickly from the wound. I’m not sure how long the cut will remain open.”
“I’m ready,” Desmond says, prepared to snatch my son out of my womb as soon as Anna makes the laceration.
With skilled hands, Anna quickly runs the tip of her sword across the underside of my belly. I see Desmond begin to move in to grab my son, but then he stops and shakes his head. The distressed look he gives Anna tells me everything I need to know.
“The healing was slower than with the laser, but it’s still happening too quickly for me to get him out of her,” he tells my sister. “Can you think of anything else that might work?”
“Yes,” Anna replies as she looks up at me. “But you’re not going to like it, Helena. I think we need to use the sword from alternate Earth.”
“No!” I scream vehemently. “Ethan has that sword, and you know as well as I do that he’ll try to take my baby away from me as soon as he’s born, Anna!”
“It’s the only thing we have left to try. If we don’t use it, your son can’t be born,” she reasons. “Once he’s out, I’ll talk to Ethan on your behalf. I’ll order him to stand down if it comes to that. You have my word.”
“Why?” I have to ask, confused by her need to help me. “Why would you even want me to keep my baby?”
“I’m not sure that I do want you to keep your son,” she admits, looking openly conflicted by the notion. “I’m scared of what you might do to him not only with your love, but also with your hate. Yet there’s a part of me that wonders how much sooner Lucifer would have asked for forgiveness if he had been the one to raise me. Maybe if he had, you and I could have been brought up as true sisters, and you wouldn’t be going through all of this right now.”
“I probably would have just killed you when he wasn’t looking,” I say truthfully.
“Perhaps,” Anna agrees. “But maybe not, Helena. I think all you’ve ever wanted was to feel accepted for who you are. Cade did that for you, and you were able to open yourself up to someone else for the very first time in your life. This baby could be the key to changing who you are.”
“Why does everyone keep wanting to change me?” I ask angrily. “I like who I am!”
I feel my son struggle inside me, yearning to be born and causing me pain again. Then the pressure eases, and I no longer feel him moving. I don’t feel anything.
“Get Ethan’s sword, but don’t you dare bring him here!” I scream in panic. “I don’t care what you have to do to get it, just save my son!”
“I think you mean our son.”
I look over to the doorway of the bedroom and assume I’m hallucinating because the miracle I see before me can’t possibly be real. I’m not the kind of creature who is allowed to have happy endings.
“Cade?” I cry as I begin to realize he isn’t just a figment of my imagination. He’s real because I can feel his love for me reignite my soul and fill my cold heart with warmth. I hold my hand out to him, beckoning him closer so I can feel his skin against mine once again to prove he’s real.
As he steps farther into the room, so does someone else: Ethan.
The instant I see the War Angel who has been hunting me from one corner of the universe to the other, I feel betrayed by the one person I thought I could count on. The one person I love. I let my hand drop to the bed, no longer wanting to feel Cade’s touch, because he’s brought my enemy with him.
“He wants to take our baby away from me!” I scream in anger at Cade, feeling the warmth of my love for him turn to rage. “How could you bring him here? How could you betray me like this?”
Cade sits down on the bed beside me. Before I can protest any further, he leans down and kisses me gently on the lips. Except, it isn’t just a kiss. It’s the sweet breath of life. As soon as I breathe it in, I feel our son begin to move again, giving me the answer to why Cade has been allowed to come back.
“You’re his Guardian Angel?” I ask Cade as he pulls away far enough to look into my eyes. His love for me is so naked on his face that my anger with him has no chance of surviving. It withers away, retreating into the deepest recesses of my soul—for now.
“Yes, I am,” he answers with a small smile as he gently glides the tips of his fingers along my forehead and down the right side of my face in a gentle caress. “I’ll protect him, Helena. I’ll watch over our son while you’re unable to.”
“I can protect him,” I argue. “I would never let any harm come to him. Don’t you trust me enough to know that?”
“I know you would,” Cade says with a note of sadness, “but you know as well as I do that you won’t be the one who raises him. Lucas has already shown you his future. You know what needs to happen next.”
“But why?” I cry, unable to comprehend how letting a stranger raise my son is the best thing for him. “Why can’t I be the one who raises him?”
“Once he’s born,” Cade begins, “you will lose your ability to cross the veil between Hell and Earth. I think you’ve suspected for a while now that his soul is a seal, just like Liana’s and Liam’s souls were created from their seals. When you lose the energy of his soul, you won’t have enough to remain here any longer. You’ll be trapped inside your domain again.”
“Then I’ll take him to Hell with me and raise him there,” I contend.
Cade slowly begins to shake his head. “You know that isn’t right, Helena. If you raise him there, he’ll soak up all of the hate in your domain and become a monster. Is that the way you see our son? As a monster?”
“He doesn’t have to stay there all the time,” I argue, desperately trying to figure out a way for me to keep my child. “When he comes of age, he can use the Nexus to travel to wherever he wants to go in the universe.”
“He won’t be able to phase,” Cade reveals. “None of the descendants of War Angels will be given that ability. God decided that they shouldn’t inherit that power because it would make them too formidable.”
“I can go get him,” Anna volunteers unexpectedly. “I can phase to Hell and bring him home with me whenever he wants to visit.”
“That would solve part of the problem,” Cade agrees, “but it wouldn’t solve the most important one.”
“What problem?” I ask, wondering why Cade is so determined to keep me out of our son’s life. “Tell me why you don’t want me to raise our child.”
“You’ve become even more powerful than when I last saw you,” Cade tells me. “And even though I would give everything that I am to see you grow through loving our son, that same love would destroy him, just like it destroyed me. You won’t mean to do it. Just like you didn’t mean to kill me, but it will happen if you try to raise him in Hell, Helena, and deep down, I think you realize that too.”
“But he’s the only piece of you I have left,” I sob, feeling as if Cade is asking me to rip my own heart to shreds by giving up our child. “I can’t lose him. I refuse to let him go!”
“Then you will doom him to death by your hands. Even I can’t bring ashes back to life.”
“This isn’t fair!” I scream as all of my hopes and dreams of a life with my son are snatched right out of my grasp. “Why does God hate me so much? First you, and now our son! Why does He insist on taking everyone that I love away and leaving me with nothing?”
“He isn’t trying to punish you,” Cade says. “If anything, He wants to see you grow and become more than Lucifer made you to be. You have so much potential, Helena. If you would only see that, maybe things could be better.”
“I’ll never have what I want,” I tell him, feeling as if my whole world is meant to be nothing but a reminder of loss and missed opportunities. “If I can’t have you or our son, there’s nothing left for me here to care about.”
I force myself to turn my head to look at Jules, who is still sitting beside me. In the visions of the future Lucas showed me, I saw her being the mother to my son that I can never be. They’ll share moments of laughter and even tears. She’ll be the one person in his world that he’ll feel like he can always rely on. I suppose my son could have selected a worse mother. At least he didn’t choose Anna.
“My son has chosen you to be his mother,” I tell Jules, earning me a surprised look from her. “Don’t treat him like a replacement for the one you lost. Treat him like the gift that he is.”
“Why me?” she asks in shock.
“I’ve seen his future and I’ve seen the mother you will be to him. He’ll love you with all of his heart,” I sob, knowing I’ll never be able to see him look at me like he will Jules. “And I need for you to promise me that you’ll cherish his love for you because that’s something I’ll never be given the opportunity to do. Give me your word that you’ll never take his love for you for granted.”
Jules nods. “I promise you I won’t, and I’ll make sure he knows who his mother is and what she gave up for him.”
“No,” I say, letting go of even that small portion of my son’s life. “Promise me you won’t tell him about me. Make him believe that he’s your son, Jules. I don’t want him to ever feel like he was abandoned by his parents.” I look over at Ethan because I know he and Jules will be the ones to raise my son. “And you need to be the father Cade would have been to him, Ethan. Show him how to protect himself because he’ll get picked on because he’s different. Never let him feel ashamed of who and what he is. Can you promise me that you’ll do that?”
Ethan nods. “Yes. I promise I will, Helena.”
“Then use your sword and help me bring my son into the world,” I tell him before my own selfishness convinces me to change my mind.
Cade positions himself beside me on the bed so we can watch the birth of our son together.
The sword Ethan has been carrying around to try to kill me with bursts into blue flames. As delicately as Anna did, he uses the tip of the sword to make an incision on the underside of my belly. Desmond immediately reaches inside my womb. I feel a slight tug and pull as he maneuvers my son’s head out first. I hear those around us gasp in surprise when they see what it is that makes my son unique in the universe.
As Desmond pulls the rest of his body out, a pair of white wings glisten on his back in the light of the room. I can tell they’re broken by the way they lay awkwardly against his sides. Cade stands from his position on the bed and goes to our son, taking him out of Desmond’s hands and cradling him in his arms. A soft golden glow surrounds them as I watch, and I feel as if I’m an observer to a miracle. Two beautiful things happen all at once. I hear my son’s first cry as he fills his lungs with the universe, and I watch him spread his wings as he opens his eyes and looks into his father’s face for the very first time.
“Would you like to cut the umbilical cord?” Desmond asks Cade.
“Give us a moment first,” he tells Desmond, holding our son up for me to see. “Look at how beautiful he is, Helena. Look at what you made.”
All I want to do is reach out and touch my son, but I know what is normally a small act for everyone else is an impossible one for me. I would go mad from torment and end up hating myself for an eternity if I destroyed the only physical proof of Cade’s love for me. I refuse to destroy him like I obliterated his father’s earthly form.
“Cut the cord,” I say, knowing that once the final physical link we share is severed, I will be doomed to live in my domain alone for quite some time.
Cade looks down at our son and kisses him on the forehead.
He looks between Ethan and Jules before saying, “Could the two of you come over here please?”
Jules leaves my side and joins Ethan in front of Cade. Ethan places his hand on Jules’ left shoulder as Cade hands her our son. I watch with envy as she’s able to hold him in the safety of her arms, knowing that I will never be able to do something so simple.
“He’s your son now,” Cade tells them both. “Love him as much as his mother and I do, and he will love you just as fiercely in return. If he needs my help as his guardian, I will come back, but I hope he never requires the only type of help I can provide.”
I know why Cade just said what he did. If our son needs his help, that will mean that he has died and has to be brought back by the breath of life. It makes me wonder why God believes my son requires a guardian angel in the first place. As far as I know, only the descendants from Caylin and Aiden’s line were granted such protection. What is it that God wants my son to do for Him in the future? If I know Him, He has a plan of some sort, and it obviously includes my child in some way.
“I can promise you both that he will always feel loved,” Jules says as she looks between me and Cade.
“No more drinking,” I order her sternly. “You’re a horrible drunk, and I won’t have my son being raised by a lush.”
Jules lets out an embarrassed laugh. “I promise. No more drinking. You have nothing to worry about where I’m concerned. I have too much to live for now.”
“And you have to raise him someplace where no one can tell him the truth of his origins,” I say.
Jules nods in total understanding.
Cade walks back over to the side of the bed, sits down beside me, and takes my hand once again.
“Cut the cord,” he tells Ethan.
“Wait!” I say, frightened that this might be the last time I see both my son and Cade again. “Give me one last kiss before you have to leave me again.”
Cade smiles and squeezes my hand. “I need for you to put a little trust in me right now, Helena.” He looks over at Ethan and says again, “Cut the cord.”
I know when the cord is severed by Ethan’s blade because I find myself on my bed inside my own room in Hell, but I’m not alone.
“How are you still with me?” I ask Cade, clasping his hand even tighter just to make sure he’s real.
“Did you honestly think my father would make me leave you now when you need me the most?” he asks.
I wrap my arms around his neck, bringing him in close, but I wince in agony because the cut on my abdomen is still open.
“Lie back,” Cade orders me, having sensed my reaction to the pain. “I can mend the wound.”
“I don’t understand why it’s not healing on its own,” I say, dumbfounded. “I’m in my domain now. It should have healed as soon as I returned.”
“Some wounds take longer to heal,” he tells me, placing his hands on the laceration. I see a golden glow emanate from his hands, just like when he healed our son’s wings. “There you go. All better.”
Cade returns and lies down beside me to bring me into his arms. I soak in his warmth and inhale his scent, knowing this dream can’t last forever.
“How long will He let you stay with me?” I ask.
“Until it’s time for me to go,” Cade replies cryptically.
“Will this be the last time I ever see you?” I have to know.
“No. My father told me that I would see you two more times before the end.”
“Before the end of what?”
“Before the end of everything, I suppose. All things must have a beginning and an end. He must believe we’re coming close to the end of something important.”
“Or it could take a millennium or two to get there.” I sigh.
“However long it takes, I know I’ll be given the chance to see you at least two more times,” Cade says, holding me close. “And I’ll take those two times gladly. It’s more than most people get to have.”
“Yes, it is,” I agree, just before I let the weight of everything that’s happened finally sink into my soul. I begin to sob uncontrollably over the loss of my son and the brighter future I thought I would be able to have with him in my life. After his birth, I believed I would be granted at least one person in the world who could learn to love me just as I am, but God must deem me unworthy of such a privilege.
As I continue to cry and attempt to unburden my heart of its loss, Cade hugs me even tighter to him, as if he never plans to let me go, even though we both know he can’t stay with me forever. I may be powerful, but God is still stronger.
I don’t know what God is up to, but I feel sure He has an ulterior motive for allowing Cade to stay with me. Perhaps He knew how upset I would be after being sent back to my domain permanently without my son. This could be His way of ensuring my wrath stays contained for a little while. I can’t say for sure. All I do know is that this is one of the happiest and saddest days of my life. I try to keep my thoughts centered on Cade, but an image of my son’s beautiful face keeps intruding into my thoughts. I’m consoled by the fact that I know Jules will be a good mother to him. I’ve already seen it. I just wish I could be there to watch him grow into the man I only got a glimpse of.
Perhaps one day, I’ll be able to meet my son in person. As his father continues to hold me in his arms, I feel like I have proof that miracles truly can happen, even for a creature like me.