After I locked the door behind him, I plopped down on the couch and stared blankly at the small soft-sided cooler designed to carry the baby bottles, part of my gift bag from the doctor’s office. Realization hit me like a runaway Mack truck. My baby would be a Marchetti, and there was no way I could keep Damon’s family from being involved in our lives. I hadn’t even had time to process my condition before I had to face the fact that Damon would be a hands-on father.

Even if I never wanted to see him again, that wouldn’t work in the grand scheme of parenting a child. I would keep the baby, no doubt about that. After losing my mother, being pregnant made me feel a strong connection to her again. My heart was shattered over knowing she wouldn’t be there to answer all my questions, to help me after the baby was born, to tell me how to keep my sanity when I’d been up for seventy-three hours straight. But after having my mom and dad in my life every step of the way, I couldn’t imagine locking Damon out of our baby’s life.

The sacrifices parents made for their kids was already becoming a reality for me. I had to rise above my intense dislike of Damon for the sake of my child. I reasoned with the conflict brewing inside me. I didn’t have to like him to be cordial to him. I could pretend to be on a friendly level with him so my child would never be caught in the middle of our adult squabbles.

But I would never trust him with my heart again.

His carefully rehearsed speech was meant to thaw my heart and melt my panties. He was quite the charmer, I’d give him that. But I saw the real nature of the mafia man behind the façade, the man who’d known what predicament I was in and chose to add to my pain rather than help me. Seeing that side of him altered something in me—and not for the better.

My positive outlook on life changed and was replaced by cynicism and suspicion. I didn’t want to be that person, but circumstances created the new me. I’d always wondered if people could really change or if that was just a hopeless romantic’s wish. The answer came to me in a way I never wanted. People could change, but only under immense pain and pressure. At least, that was true in my case, and it made me question if I could be the Jillian my mom knew ever again.

“Three months!” I yelled, my hurt and anger bubbling over the surface the longer I thought about it. “Not one fucking word for three goddamn months. Then all of a sudden, he shows up here out of the blue. And declaring his love for me is supposed to fix everything? It’s supposed to make it all go away, and we’ll live happily ever after now? Fuck. No. Fuck him.”

I stomped around my house, and the urge to throw something and break it into a million pieces was strong. But I stopped short of doing it, knowing I’d be the one who had to clean up the mess. I paused in my rant and leaned against the wall, closing my eyes and replaying the encounter again.

“What would he have to gain by telling me he loves me now? What’s his game?” I asked myself aloud. “It’s a little late to suddenly realize he loves me and can’t live without me. He must have a different reason.”

Three months ago, when I was in his bed and in his arms, I wouldn’t have questioned it. Even though our relationship was still new and most everyone I knew would’ve considered it too fast, I would’ve run with it. But I was naïve and foolish, thinking he actually cared for me. I fell in love with him. I fell in love with his charm. I fell in love with his family. But he left me with nothing to show for it.

Well, not nothing. He left me with our baby…and a lifetime of being connected to a man who killed any hope I had of finding a lifelong love like my parents had.

I scooped up the cache on the couch and began putting the items away. Thoughts of decorating a nursery soon crowded out the thoughts of Damon and his unwelcome intrusion, and I started to feel happy again. With my laptop powered up, the first site I checked was Pinterest, where I could borrow from the creativity of others and still make it my own. Lost in the world of the interwebs, time slipped away faster than I realized, and soon it was past my bedtime.

When I slid between the covers, visions of Damon’s face floated through my dreams. All night, my mind vacillated between reliving the most mind-blowing sex I’d ever known, to the greatest betrayal I’d ever felt. By the time the morning sun rose, I was even more tired than I’d been when I’d gone to bed. After a hot shower and a quick breakfast, I powered up my laptop and left my pathetic love life behind while I focused on work.

When the clock showed it was early afternoon, I took a break from creating a project plan for my new assignment so I could go through various sites for newborn nursery ideas. It was quickly becoming my new obsession. The need to create a happy, vibrant world for my baby was strong—one that was nothing like the real world I lived in.

The chimes from my doorbell stopped the creation of my dream nursery board cold. With my body motionless, my eyes flitted up to the door, and my heart skipped a beat from knowing who stood on the other side.

“I am so stupid,” I mumbled to myself. “Why would I even be excited to see him again?” Because I loved looking at the man, that was why. He was the most handsome man I’d ever seen anywhere—in person, on the screen, in a magazine. And, even after all we’d been through and despite how ridiculous it sounded, my stupid heart wanted to believe him. “I’ve been staring at pictures of gorgeous nurseries and the smiling faces of happy families way too long. I’m losing my damn mind.”

I closed the lid of my laptop a little too forcefully as I stood then walked toward the front door. “Who is it?”

“It’s Benny, Jillian. You can open the door—the coast is clear.”

Damon wasn’t the type of man who needed to send his right-hand man to speak for him, so I decided to let Benny in and find out what he wanted. When I opened the door, the aroma from the enormous bag of food he carried hit my senses all at once, and I nearly knocked him down when I tried to take it from his hands. Though he didn’t let me. I was sure Damon gave Benny strict instructions not to allow me to carry my food to the kitchen myself.

Everything smelled so good. There was only one person I knew who could cook like that.

“Mama Lina is here too?” I asked Benny, stepping to the side to let him in. For the food.

“She is. She wants to see you so you two can talk in person, but she doesn’t want to intrude if you don’t want her here.” Benny placed the food on the table and turned toward me, the unspoken question in his eyes.

“I see Damon is pulling out the big guns.” I crossed my arms over my chest and arched one eyebrow at Benny.

He rubbed the back of his neck, cocked his head to the side, and an uncomfortable expression crossed his face. “Damon doesn’t know she’s here.”

“What?” My arms dropped to my sides in my disbelief.

“Yeah. I’m between a rock and fucking hard place here, Jillian. On one hand, Damon will have my nutsac for keeping this from him, but I have strict orders from Vincenzo himself. Not to mention my orders from Lina. Maybe I need to take an early retirement when this assignment is over.”

“How do you win in that scenario?”

He shrugged. “Just do my best to make sure nothing goes wrong and keep my mouth shut about everything I know. When things go right, there are fewer questions to answer, less of a chance I’ll be put on the spot.”

“But if you had to choose one person’s orders to follow, whose would it be?”

“Vincenzo’s. Hands down, sweetheart. He’s the boss. I don’t question the boss about anything. No one in the family does and lives to tell about it. You’ve seen how even his grown kids don’t argue with him. They all know the drill. Damon wouldn’t be happy about it at first, but he’d understand and support me in the end. He knows the family rules better than anyone.”

My willpower waned, and I opened the bag, pulling out dish after dish of food Mama Lina sent over. Her generosity touched me, and I knew I had to speak with her. “Tell Mama Lina she’s welcome to come over anytime. I’d love to see her.”

“She’s waiting out in the car. Is now a good time?”

I was surprised, though I really shouldn’t have been. “Now’s a good time. Tell her to come inside and have dinner with me.”

Benny smiled, and I was fairly certain I’d just been played, then he rushed outside to escort her in. But no matter. I had questions that needed answers, and something told me Mama Lina was more likely than anyone else to shoot straight with me.

“My sweet girl, I’ve missed you. How are you? Have you been eating? I was so heartbroken to hear about your mama. What can I do to make it better for you?” Mama Lina grabbed me in a tight hug and squeezed a little tighter with each question she rattled off.

“I’m glad you’re here, Mama Lina. It’s good to see you. Sit down, let me fix you a plate of this delicious food that was just dropped off at my house.” I cut my eyes at her and laughed at her obviously proud smile.

After I grabbed the plates, silverware, and drinks, she jumped up from her seat and took over. “You sit, and I will take care of you. I enjoy being a mother. You will be a good mother too. I can tell.”

Did she know? Had Damon already told her?

“I hope you’re right. I feel a little lost now without my mother here to help me. It’s scary, thinking about bringing a newborn home alone.” I watched her closely and waited for my words to sink in.

She drove the fork deep into the dish of baked ziti with chicken to scoop out my helping, then froze. Her eyes met mine in an instant, then she stumbled trying to take the seat beside me. She reached out and placed the palm of her hand against my cheek, a myriad of emotions swimming in the same dark chocolate eyes her son had.

“Do you mean you’re…pregnant…right now?” She stammered her words, just barely above a whisper but filled with so much hope.

“Yes, I just went to the doctor yesterday morning to confirm it. I thought that’s why you were here—I thought Damon had already told you.”

“Damon knows?” She straightened her spine and pushed her shoulders back. The tough, take-charge Mama Lina was back.

“Yes, he knows. He was waiting outside my doctor’s office for me when I left, then he showed up here a little while later. You didn’t come with him?”

“No, bellissima regazza. He must not have told you everything either.”

“What do you mean?” I’d known the other shoe would drop soon. I just didn’t expect it to be so soon.

“Damon has been here in Louisiana for almost three months now…to protect you, cara.”

“I don’t understand, Mama Lina. What are you saying?”

“Damon loves you, sweet girl. He’s been worried sick that Lorenzo and his men would get to you before he could. He wasn’t about to take another chance like what happened with your mother. He went against Vincenzo’s wishes and left New York to be here for you—when you needed him. He’s barely slept for keeping watch over your house at night. His men are here too, so you’re protected at all times.”

Tears sprang to my eyes and my hands covered my gaping mouth. The words were there on the tip of my tongue, but I couldn’t speak them. My mind alternated between being confused and comforted by Damon’s protectiveness. I chalked it up to prenatal hormones, but deep down, I knew there was more to my emotional response than that.

“My mother’s funeral?”

“He was there, watching you from a distance. It killed him not to be able to tell you, to be the one you turned to for support. But he knew what he’d done was wrong. And it was wrong, Jillian. Don’t think he didn’t get an earful from me over it. And from Vincenzo and Leo and Maria. I raised my boys better than that, and his father and I expected more from him. Rest assured, he has learned his lesson.

“He knew you weren’t ready to forgive him, it was much too soon. But if you ever did, it would only be because he had earned your love. What he should’ve done in the first place, yes?”

The donation that paid for my mother’s funeral…that had to be from Damon.

“Mama Lina, I have to ask you about my mom’s death. I have to know what happened that night…why none of you told me…why you kept me in the dark. I mean, what if it had been Damon? Would you have forgiven Vincenzo for not telling you right away?”

She grabbed my hands in hers, and tears welled up in her eyes. “Jillian, I pray every single day that very scenario never happens and that I’m never faced with finding out exactly what I would do. Their work, it’s dangerous, cara. They protect and provide for the family, and the family always comes first for our Marchetti men. But sometimes, to put family first, you have to protect the people in the family. Even from themselves.

“Let me explain. When Vincenzo gave the order to sit on the information until his men confirmed his suspicions, he did that out of love for you. I know it’s hard to understand, because you weren’t raised in this world. But he protected you, cara—that’s all. He only wanted to protect you, because he’d already accepted you into the family.

“He knew how much you loved your mama and how you took such good care of her—even when you traveled for work. My husband, he knew you’d rush home and fight to the death to help her. He wanted to spare you from having to carry all that weight on your shoulders. We were just too late. The Sanfratellos were already there, waiting for you to walk in. You, your mother, and her sitter would all be dead…including your baby. Vincenzo is a good man, Jillian. He makes mistakes like any of us, but he would die for his family. You are part of our family now, and we both love you.”

As the tears fell down her cheeks, so did mine. She pulled me into her arms, and I went willingly—immediately. For the first time in the months since I buried my mother, I released all my pent-up feelings at once, and I sobbed against Mama Lina. Crushed against the bosom of the only mother I had left in the world, I allowed her to provide the comfort only a mother knew how. She petted my back, stroked my hair, and murmured encouraging words in my ear. But, most of all, she didn’t try to stop my cries. She stayed in the same position as long as it took—as long as I needed her—and just held me.

When the sobs subsided, and I had no tears left to cry, I raised my head and kissed her cheek. “Thank you, Mama Lina. I needed that, and I needed you. I’m going to wash my face—I’m sure I look a mess—then we’ll reheat the food, if you still want to stay.”

“Of course I want to stay. We have so much more to talk about, bellissima regazza. You go wash up, and I’ll have your plate waiting for you when you return.”

I couldn’t deny how good it felt to have her there to take care of me…to mother me. One of the reasons I was still so angry with Damon was because he’d taken away the big family I thought I’d finally have. I lost not only him, but all of his extended family, at the same time I buried my mother. The loss was excruciating, but I realized while I sobbed into her chest I’d never fully dealt with the stress and pain of it all. How I’d held on to my sanity, I’d never know.

When I returned to the table, I purposely kept the conversation light to avoid another complete meltdown while we were eating. I had more questions, and she had the answers. But I’d push for those answers after dessert—because she brought the most scrumptious looking cheesecake I’d ever seen.

Great, food is already dictating my decisions. Is this normal pregnancy craving?