Damon took care of everything.

He had someone pack all my clothes.

Someone else talked to the police and gave a full account of what had happened, leaving out key names and a few details here and there. A thick envelope exchanged hands, and I assumed everything was smoothed over with the reassurance we were leaving town.

Benny drove us to a small airstrip and we all boarded the private jet bound for New York.

I was silent every step of the way, other than the occasional one-word answers I gave Damon in my house and in the car on the way to the airport when he asked if I was all right.

Physically, I was fine, so that was how I answered.

I’m fine.

Mentally, I wasn’t so sure how I felt.

Seeing his shirt and pants soaked in blood when I finally let go of him after the bullets stopped sent me into a new state of panic.

“It’s just small cuts from glass, doll. Don’t worry about me.” He repeatedly reassured me while he changed clothes. But I saw all the cuts and the jagged splinters of glass sticking out of his skin when he changed into the clothes Benny gave him.

“We need to get those pieces of glass out of you, Damon.”

“You can help with that on the plane. We have to get you out of here right now. Trust me, Jilly.”

I noticed he had come up with a new pet name for me. Maybe it shouldn’t have pleased me as much as it did. But I couldn’t help but feel special because of the new term of endearment. He was trying to win me over. He was doing and saying all the right things. But I hadn’t forgotten what he had done that he needed to make up for in the first place, or why I was so leery of letting him back in. I decided the wait and see approach was best. If he kept up the new and improved Damon after we were back on his turf for a while, then I could start to think about letting him in again. Trust was a completely separate issue. I wasn’t sure I could ever trust him again.

The hail of gunfire that rained down on us was beyond terrifying, and my first thought when Damon used his body to shield mine was he would die, and I’d lose him forever. I’d already witnessed him get shot once on the streets of New York. That bullet was intended for me, too. And he saved me then, too.

Hence, my confusion. How could the same man who saved my life twice be the same one who set me up and crushed me? How could he make me feel protected yet guarded toward him? How could I feel so loved and so unloved by him at the same time?

My feelings about him and his actions were all over the board. I could chalk up the confusion to pregnancy hormones, but since I’d only found out I was pregnant a couple of days before, that was a bit of a stretch. The truth that I didn’t want to face was I still loved him after everything we’d been through. Even though I didn’t want to love him anymore. Even though I thought I’d gotten over him in the months we were apart. When I shouldn’t have had any feelings for him except contempt. When I should have been focused on putting my world back together one piece at a time and moving forward without him in it.

But our connection was sealed for good…by the life growing inside me. Whether that meant we were a couple or not, I had to consider how my decisions would affect our baby in the long run, above how he affected me at that moment. During the ride to the airstrip, I’d make up my mind, then glance over at his side again, knowing he was in pain and needed medical attention.

He’d catch me staring at where his wounds were, and he’d squeeze my hand reassuringly, making me think maybe he was different, then I’d change my mind again.

The vicious circle of uncertainty felt impossible to break.

Then I remembered my stance on what made people change—only under immense pain and pressure. I didn’t think anything Damon had experienced quite fit that bill. Perhaps he actually thought he’d changed—and it could have been that his demeanor wasn’t entirely an act—but there was also a good chance he’d go back to his old ways once we fell back into a comfortable routine. Only time would tell, but until I had definitive proof the new and improved Damon wasn’t a temporary fix, I vowed to keep my distance. Emotionally, at least.

By the time we finally boarded the plane, I couldn’t stand the thought of his lacerations any longer.

“Take your clothes off.”

“Doll, you have no idea how much I’ve wanted to hear you say those words to me. Now, there are a few more I’d like to hear, along with a few moans, followed by screams loud enough to shatter my eardrums.”

“Very funny, Damon. That’s not what I meant at all, and you know it. I assume you have a first aid kit on the plane? There’s no telling what is buried in your skin and what kind of infection you’ll get from all the debris. We have to get you cleaned up as much as we can.”

“If that’s what it takes to get your hands on me, I’ll take it.” He winked, one side of his mouth lifted in a smug smile, and he asked the flight attendant to bring the first aid kit to us.

When she returned with a full medical bag, my eyes bugged out of my head and my jaw dropped open. But, of course, he’d have a full range of supplies on board—occupational hazards and all.

“I’m not sure I’m qualified to use all of this—actually, most of this equipment. I’m not a flight surgeon, you know?” I chuckled to myself, though I wasn’t sure if it was out of humor or the last step before a complete and total mental breakdown. Focusing on helping Damon allowed me to avoid processing the events for a short time. The nightmares to come would force the issue later.

“Not to worry, my love. We only need a few items out of there.” He pulled out what looked like a skinny pair of scissors. “Hemostats. Here’s the rubbing alcohol. A little peroxide to make things interesting. And some gauze. That should do it.”

“No bandages? Magnifying glass?”

He rooted through the bag and found the magnifying glass, then handed me a box of various sized bandages. “Doubt we’ll need them, but just in case. Where do you want me, Dr. Hart?”

“Is there a bed on this plane?” I looked around him, toward the closed door at the back of the plane.

“There sure is. Is this your subtle way of trying to get me into bed, Jillian?”

“I’m not being subtle about it all. Take your clothes off and go lie on the bed.”

His dark laugh rumbled through his chest when he turned toward the bedroom. The pure masculine allure of it crashed into me like a tsunami, forcing me to fight the carnal urges trying to overtake my logical side. Being near that man was dangerous in so many ways—to my mind, body, life—and libido. We reached the bedroom and he stood to the side, extending his arm into the room.

“Ladies first.” Then he closed and locked the door behind him.

Damon Marchetti would be the death of me one day, one way or another, I was sure of it.

With my pursed lips, arched eyebrow, and hand on my hip, my disbelief was written all over me. I didn’t even have to ask the question—he knew instinctively what was on my mind.

“You can’t blame a guy for hoping, doll.”

I put the supplies on the bed and crossed my arms over my chest. My foot tapped lightly. I’m waiting…

His outburst of laughter didn’t help. “All right, doll. I’m kidding with you. We still need to have that talk you wanted, because I’m ready to move past all this and get on with our lives together. Now we won’t be disturbed, and we can kill two birds with one stone. Actually, we can kill three birds.”

“What three would that be?”

“Having our talk, removing the glass from my skin, and having your hands all over my naked body. Winning combination if you ask me.”

He simply refused to let me stay mad at him.

I closed my eyes and shook my head. “On the bed, Marchetti. On your good side.”

He fully undressed, and I couldn’t help but notice how careful his movements were when he removed his shirt and pants. The wounds hurt more than he showed; I already knew that, but seeing it all over again sent feelings of gratitude and empathy coursing through me. Just when he stretched out in the middle of the king-size bed, the captain came over the intercom to announce our impending takeoff. I sat behind Damon with the provisions at my side and began working on his injuries.

“I had a long talk with your mom yesterday afternoon.” I waited for his reaction. Would he be surprised? Did he already know?

“Yeah, I heard about that after the fact. Seems she and my dad planned that visit behind my back. They didn’t want me involved at all.”

“Did that bother you when you found out? Being left out of the loop on important information?”

He waited a couple of extra seconds before he replied. “Yes, it bothered me a lot. At first, I felt betrayed by my own family and my men. I wanted to break everything in sight.”

“But you had to deal with it because the order came from your father, right?”

“That’s exactly right. As much as I wanted to, I couldn’t go against his orders in front of my men. I have to show him the same respect they do because one day I’ll take over the family from him. If my men saw me go against the head of the family, they’d go against me when I’m in his position.”

“Your mom explained some of that to me during our visit. She said any sign of disobedience made the family look weak to your rivals, and a weak family wouldn’t last long. If several smaller rivals banded together against a large but weak family, they could sway the allegiance of your men to get them to turn against you.”

“Exactly. The balance has to be maintained so the family’s strength and integrity remain intact. It’s the cardinal rule of our world.”

“But you broke it for me.”

“I had to, with the way the events unfolded. It was my fault. I took responsibility for it with my father. Thankfully, only he and I knew what went down, so my actions didn’t harm his reputation in the rank and file of the family. I was lucky in that. Even Benny doesn’t know everything.”

“What would’ve happened to you if the others had known?” I paused my work for a moment, genuinely curious about the inner workings of his family business.

“I would’ve been excommunicated from the family. Exiled to survive on my own.”

“Cast you out to fend for yourself? Against Lorenzo and anyone else who had a grudge against you? Your parents would’ve done that to you?” My head reeled, and my heart pounded against my chest.

“To protect the family, yes. They wouldn’t have had a choice.” His tone was matter-of-fact, but I could feel the undertow of conflicting emotions in his tensed muscles. Facing that possibility wasn’t as easy for him as it appeared.

“You risked that for me? I don’t understand any of this, Damon.” My frustration mixed with my anguish, making tears sting my eyes.

“What do you not understand, doll? Ask me whatever’s on your mind. I’m an open book.”

“Mama Lina explained your father’s orders in detail, so even though I don’t agree, I can understand why he didn’t want you to tell me anything until he knew for sure. But what I don’t understand is why you set me up the way you did.

“I needed you, Damon. I needed you more at that moment than I’d ever needed anyone in my life. And the words were on the tip of my tongue to tell you when that text came in. I had already chosen to turn to you and trust you with a situation I’d never even dreamed I’d have to face. You knew everything, but you betrayed me and stripped away any hope I had for a happy life. My heart will never be whole again. My mom died…without me by her side…at the hands of a monster. And I have to live with that now.

“Why didn’t you tell me you knew Lorenzo had tried to force me to choose between your life and my mother’s? Why didn’t you immediately step in and help me instead of hurting me even more?”

He looked over his shoulder before he gingerly rolled onto his back, keeping his eyes trained on mine, then sat up to face me. Eye to eye, I saw his torment, felt his pain, knew he had deep regrets. But I needed an answer. I had to understand why he would do that to me. Was there any explanation I could even accept? Could anything he said change my mind?

“Jillian, I don’t have a simple answer to your question. All I can do is explain a few things about my life and hope you understand, even if you don’t fully agree. For the record, even I don’t agree with what I did. I’m sure Mom told you that she and Dad don’t either. They’ve given me the hell I deserve over it. For now, all I’m asking is for you to hear me out and consider my words. Okay?”

“All right.”

“I was attracted to you from the moment I met you on the expressway. I didn’t lie, it was standard protocol to have you checked out and cover your medical expenses so nothing came back to bite us in the ass. But I was so drawn to you, I may have pushed for you to ride with me to the hospital when you didn’t have to. Then I stayed with you because I was under the spell of your beauty and charm. It’s clichéd, but you were different from every other woman I’d ever met.

“Remember when we were in the car, and you said those three women were all trying to get my attention? You felt sorry for them because they couldn’t even turn my head. Not to brag, but that’s an everyday occurrence. People know my family. They want to be part of it. Women throw themselves at my brothers and me all the time—they want the exciting life, the money, the status. Not a single one of the women I’ve dated ever cared about me, the man behind the boss’s son.

“At first, I didn’t trust you at all, but that’s par for the course in my world. We don’t trust anyone until they’ve proven their mettle. When you said you worked as a consultant at Blaine Financial Services, all my red warning flags went off. I was faced with a difficult decision. There were two possible scenarios—either you were completely innocent and truly in the wrong place at the wrong time with that wreck. Or…you worked for the Sanfratello family and were sent to infiltrate the Marchetti family. It was my job to figure out which was true. Even after I knew the answer, I had to keep you close to protect you because I’d put you in danger just by being seen with me.

“The more time I spent with you, the more I lost my edge and my grip. You got under my skin to the point I was making decisions based on what was best for you instead of what was best for the family. You don’t know how much putting the family first has been ingrained in me since birth. The stare down with Lorenzo at your office, taking a bullet for you on the sidewalk, letting you stay at my apartment before you’d been completely vetted—none of that had ever happened before. I wasn’t Damon Marchetti, the crime family capo. When I was with you, I was just Damon.

“Your apartment was wired with audio and video equipment for a couple of reasons. We needed to monitor you as a potential threat, and we needed to protect you as a potential victim. When Lorenzo showed up, he had a signal jammer in his pocket to knock out our digital video, but the backup audio equipment was old-school analog, so it picked up the entire conversation.

“When you didn’t tell me about it right away…when you didn’t come to me for help after meeting my family and saying you understood the warning I gave you about staying with me…it stung bad, I admit. The thought crossed my mind that I’d been played, though nothing about you seemed to fit that type of person. When Dad told me his suspicions about your mom, not being able to tell you fucking killed me, Jillian. That was another first for me—secrets have never been difficult for me to keep. I doubted myself more than I doubted you.

“So, I arranged that stupid fucking test with Benny’s help, thinking I’d prove two things. One, that I was still in control of myself, of the family, of my life. And two, that you were mine. That you’d come running to me and ask me to fix the problem you knew you couldn’t. Then it all backfired on me—blew up right in my fucking face, and I took my frustrations out on you.

“I can’t promise I’ll never fuck up again in my life, because we both know that’s not realistic. But I can and do promise my future fuck-ups will not be anywhere near that magnitude of stupid. I’ll stick to the lower levels of fuck-ups, like forgetting to grab a gallon of milk on my way home because I’m too eager to see you.

“I love you, Jilly, and I’ll do anything to make up for how I’ve hurt you. I promise you, on my honor as a Marchetti, I’ll never give you a single reason to doubt my love again. I’ll never give up trying to win you back.”