Trent
Christmas and New Year’s has come and gone. Beth has occupied my thoughts during the days and nights. It’s the only thing that keeps me sane. Even when Parker and I rang in the New Year at my work function, I imagined I was kissing Beth instead of her.
I decided that I would wait until after the holidays to ask Parker for the divorce. I want to make sure my children have this holiday together as a family. Even though Parker has been gone quite a bit, I made sure to make the time to decorate the tree together, build gingerbread houses, and go Christmas shopping together. I enjoyed every moment of it and by the smiles on Parker’s face, I’d say she was enjoying herself as well.
It’s the end of January and I’ve been wavering. Should I turn my children’s’ worlds upside down and divorce Parker? Then I think about how she is gone all the time anyway and the kids rely on Beth for most things. Beth would still be there in my house, but she’d be sharing my bed. Parker could still see the boys as much as she does now. Perhaps I’m living in a fantasy world. I don’t know.
I’m pulled from my thoughts by a knock on the door. “Come in.”
Porter enters and takes a seat on the black leather couch. He crosses his legs and throws an arm over the back of it.
“What’s on your mind?” I ask, suddenly annoyed that I’m not going to get out of here anytime soon.
Porter sighs heavily, like the weight of the entire world is on his shoulders. I can smell his breath from across the room. It reeks of alcohol. I just now notice how disheveled he is. His tie is undone and hanging from the shirt which has the top two buttons freed. I haven’t seen him like this except for when he’s very stressed about something. Even then it was mostly while we were studying for the bar exam.
“There’s this case that was presented to me by a client.” He pauses. I don’t rush him. Obviously what he’s about to say is bothering him.
“A woman came here today stating her underage daughter has been secretly seeing an older man. She knows they’ve had sex based on the text messages. She wants to go to the police and report the crime. However, she wanted to have legal representation first to ensure the least amount of trauma to her daughter as possible.”
Holy shit!
My heart picks up its pace and is beating a million times a minute. It feels like a shot of epinephrine was just injected through my veins. Sweat beads form on my brow. The room starts to close in on me and becomes stifling.
What the fuck am I going to do?
Porter looks down to the floor while rubbing his face. “I don’t know what to do. I can’t take this case. It hits too close to home. If some asshole was to do that to my daughter, I’d kill him. I don’t think I can remain unbiased here. I know you’re swamped with the Patterson case, but I’d appreciate if you could take this one on.”
“Is it anyone we know?”
“No, the creep is the friend of the girl’s dad. I believe he lives in one of the neighboring towns.”
I lean back in my chair with a rush of relief. My heart rate gradually decreases and my muscles turn into jelly from the tension easing. I search my mind for the correct answer to this situation. If I say we won’t take the case, Porter will wonder why. As much as it bothers him to take it, I don’t know if I can live with the pressure for the next six months to a year, which is realistically the amount of time this would take if everything moves the way it’s supposed to. Chances are this could take two years to resolve.
“Like you said, I’m very swamped with the Patterson case. Plus I have a couple other big ones coming up. I don’t know that I’m going to have time for this one. Why don’t we refer her to someone else?”
Porter looks up in my direction. “That’s just it. I don’t want to refer her to anyone else. I think we could do the best job. I want to get that son of a bitch and throw him behind bars for life. How about I take over one of your cases and you could do this one? We can have one of the junior associates do all the legwork.”
There’s no getting out of this one. Porter is determined that we take on this case. “Fine. Leave the file on my desk and I’ll take a look at it tomorrow.” I check my watch. It’s already later than when I told Parker I’d be home. “I’ve got to get out of here. Parker was expecting me a half hour ago.”
“Yeah, that’s right. It’s your birthday. Do you have any plans?”
“Other than to go home and get some more work done so I can start this new case? No.”
Porter pats me on the shoulder on the way out of my office. “Happy birthday. I’ll see you in the morning.”
I start to pack up my briefcase when my phone buzzes.
Beth: Happy Birthday. I wish I could spend it with you. I love you so much.
I’d give anything to be spending this day with her. Unfortunately, I have a big court case that starts tomorrow and I had to ensure all of the evidence was ready for tomorrow’s testimony. And Parker is expecting me home tonight to celebrate with the boys.
Me: I love you too. We’ll be together soon enough.
To say our relationship has gone to another level is an understatement. Beth and I talk several times a day. Occasionally she’ll meet me for lunch. It’s the only alone time we get together except when I come home after the boys have gone to bed and Parker isn’t home. Even then it’s only for a few moments before I send her home to get sleep for school the next day.
I pick up the last file folder and as I’m placing it in the briefcase, I notice a pink piece of paper under it. I don’t have pink paper in my office so it stands out. It also reminds me of when Parker used to stop by and leave me little love notes while I was in court.
I unfold the paper, my mind wandering to the early days of our marriage. I catch myself smiling, remembering how Parker used to run into my arms when I got home. Several times she’d be waiting in the bedroom with nothing on but one of my ties when I came upstairs to undress. Those were some really good times.
I open up the paper and the blood drains from my face. My heart races faster, my hands trembling.
There’s a picture of Beth and I when we were out to lunch. I almost drop it to the floor I’m shaking so badly.
One simple picture. That’s all it takes to throw my world upside down. If I thought it was messed up before, I was wrong. Things just got real. Who was I to think I could have a life with Beth? Anyone in their right mind would know this couldn’t work.
“Shit!”
I sweep the remaining papers of the desk with my arm. I want to throw something, but I don’t want to attract any attention. Instead, I close my black leather briefcase and leave the office to head home. I need a stiff drink to figure out what I’m going to do about this.
The drive home is short, but long at the same time. I drive faster than I should, my mind racing the entire way, trying to figure out who could have known about me and Beth. In everyone’s eyes but my own, she’s only the nanny. Men are seen with their nannies every day.
My mind starts wandering to the handholding at Christmas, to the stolen glances behind Parker’s back, to the intimate kisses in my kitchen and car. Maybe it’s Parker. Maybe she knows.
Oh God, what have I done?
I pull in the driveway and take a minute to brace myself before getting out of the car for the conversation I’m going to have with Parker. I woke up this morning thinking it was going to be the start to a new life. A happy life. Oh how I was sorely mistaken.
I enter through the large wooden front door with ornate stained glass lining the top portion. All the lights are on in my house and it’s quiet. Perhaps Beth is getting the kids ready for bed. That just gives me more time alone with scotch and my thoughts.
I throw my keys down on the entryway table and head to my office with my briefcase and the picture that seems to be mocking me with every breath I take. It’s almost like a noose is tightening around my neck. The longer this plays out, the harder it is to breathe.
I loosen my tie and turn the corner.
“Surprise!”
About twenty-five guests are crowding my living room with big smiles plastered all over their faces. Standing front and center is Parker, her blue eyes sparkling so brightly they light up the room.
She comes rushing toward me and throws her arms around my neck. “Happy birthday, darling,” she announces so everyone can hear. Before letting go, she whispers in my ear, “Put a smile on your face. You look like you just got caught with your hand in the cookie jar.” Parker pulls away and stands at my side, showing us off to our friends and family as the happy couple. This night just went from bad to worse.
I look around the room for any sign of Beth. There’s none. I don’t see my children either. Perhaps she’s upstairs with them. I can only hope to get a few minutes alone with her. Right now I’m going to have to put on my best courtroom face and mingle with people I don’t give a shit about at this very moment.
All of the guests in the room have some sort of drink in their hands. Apparently the party got started much earlier. That’s good for me.
“Thank you all for coming. What a great surprise. Please excuse me while I put my things in the office and then I’ll be back to join you.” I kiss Parker on the cheek then move down the hall.
I hope to have a few minutes alone in my office, perhaps have a bracer before putting on my happy face and mingling. Unfortunately, Parker follows me into the office and shuts the heavy mahogany door behind us.
“What’s going on with you? We have a house full of people ready to celebrate your birthday and you look as if you want no part of it. I told you I had something special planned and you’re still home an hour late.”
I put my briefcase containing the ominous picture underneath the desk and remove my tie. “I’m sorry. I have a big case tomorrow and it took longer than expected to get everything together.” My excuse is weak, one that I’ve used a hundred times lately.
Parker places her hands on my cheeks while peering into my eyes. “No, I think it’s something else. You’ve been so distant lately. You look so worn down and tired. Are you okay?” Parker lightly kisses the corner of my mouth before I can speak. Her concern seems sincere, which is totally out of character as of late.
I push her arms away and take off my jacket. “I’m fine. Just tired that’s all. This is a big case and I don’t want to blow it.” I move to my best scotch and pour myself a finger.
Parker leans against my desk with her arms to her sides, pushing her breasts up. The low cut dress she’s wearing puts her cleavage on display even more the way she’s positioned. There was a day I would have gone and buried my face in them. Not today. Not now.
“Tell me about it.”
I glance over at her, surprised that she’s interested and even more so that she’d take time away from her guests. She loves the spotlight.
I take a sip of my drink, allowing the smooth oakiness to caress my palate. “Don’t you need to get back out there?”
Parker pushes off the desk and comes toward me. “It’s your birthday. You’re far more important than anyone out there.
While I’m hearing her words, I just can’t believe they’re coming from Parker’s mouth. It’s more like something Beth would say.
“Since when?”
Parkers brows furrow, but you can barely tell since there are no wrinkles, thanks to the Botox. “What do you mean since when? You’ve always been my priority.”
I take another sip of the scotch. “Do you want to go there right now?”
Parker feigns surprise. “I’m not sure what you’re talking about, but I threw this party for you because I love you and I wanted to celebrate your special day. You’re the father of my children. How could I not love you?”
“Let’s not lie to each other, Parker. You have been increasingly more disconnected from this family for months. Hell, we haven’t been intimate in longer than I can remember. Sometimes I think the only reason we’ve been together for this long is because of the boys. We don’t act like a family, we live totally different lives. This isn’t how I want to live. I think we should consider a separation.” I wasn’t planning on this tonight, but now it’s out there. I have a chance at my freedom, a do-over of sorts.
A tear escapes Parker’s eye and she quickly wipes it away. “You’re right. Now is not the time to talk about this. I’m going to check on our guests. I hope to see you shortly.” She kisses my cheek and leaves the room.
Instead of it feeling like the ice queen kissed my cheek, her touch is tender and warm, her lips lingering a little longer than normal. I throw the glass of amber liquid against the wall, shattering it. My life is in total chaos.
I look at myself in the mirror. Another year older, but it might as well be ten. My blond hair is disheveled from wringing my hands through it. There are a few more laugh lines around my blue eyes, and my once tan skin is now pale. I look deep into my eyes to find a man that I recognize. I’m nowhere near the person I used to be. I’m not sure if this is good or bad. Hell, I don’t know up from down at this point.
The best thing to do is not to disappoint my guests. I head down the hall to the great room, again greeted by a room full of people. I grab a stuffed mushroom from the server's tray. Parker has gone all out again on this party. I swear if she ever needs a job, she’d make an excellent party planner.
“Is the brief all set for the Sanderson case?” Chad, one of the junior attorneys, asks.
I finish swallowing the bite of mushroom while studying his features. He’s got short, dark brown hair, almost black. He already has a heavy five o’clock shadow even though he came in this morning with a clean shave. “Yeah, you did an excellent job. I just tweaked it slightly, but I think the judge will lean to our side. We have a good case.”
“Do you and Matthews ever think about bringing on another partner? I like the firm and I’d like to know if I have a future.”
The smile that was on Chad’s face only seconds before has faded and he’s now all business. He’s always been eager since we brought him on. Porter didn’t want to bring more people into our practice, but we kept getting busier and couldn’t keep up with the work. We’ve thought about expanding and having offices in multiple cities. However, that takes a real commitment and would take time away from my young family and any chance Porter has to find someone to settle down with.
“Didn’t anyone teach you not talk shop at your boss's birthday party?”
“I’m sorry. You’ve just been busy out of the office lately. I haven’t had the opportunity to talk to you. I figured since you were the one who hired me, I should discuss it with you.”
The picture of Beth comes to mind. I wonder if Chad could have been the one who put it there. Maybe he’s been following me. Perhaps he’s looking to get a leg up into partnership. I have to restrain from clenching my jaw. I don’t want to overreact in case he didn’t do anything. I don’t want to raise any suspicion.
“You never know. We have a high volume of cases with more coming in every day. We may be forced to expand faster than we anticipated.”
Chad smiles, a hint of excitement shining in his eyes. “I won’t bother you any further. Enjoy your party.” Chad pats me on the shoulder then disappears into the sea of people filtering through my house.
I search the faces for the ice queen who rules my house. She’s nowhere to be found. I go hunt her down. The last thing I want is for her to be crying somewhere. I may be the one who hates her desire to throw parties and be the center of attention, but there’s no way in hell I’m taking over this little soiree.
I search the rooms downstairs and come up empty. I move upstairs and find the two older boys immersed in some video game. They barely acknowledge my presence. I swiftly move past the boys’ rooms, down the hall, and check several of the guest bedrooms. There’s no one in any of them. I get to the master suite. There’s intense whispering, perhaps an argument of sorts. I press my ear against the door hoping to discover who’s in the room. The first voice I recognize right away. It’s none other than my wife. The person she’s talking to is her brother. Funny, I didn’t see him here earlier.
“…can’t let him divorce you. It would ruin everything. You’re going to have to get back in there and smooth this over. Show him the good wife you can be,” Porter is scolding Taylor.
It’s about time someone did.
Parker is crying. “I don’t know if I can do this. It’s just wrong. My children are the ones who are going to suffer.”
“Kids are resilient. They’ll be fine. Now you need to get down there before he wonders where you are.”
I turn the door handle and push through the door. “What’s going on in here?”
Parker is visibly shaken. She quickly wipes away the tears from her reddened eyes.
“Well?” I turn my attention to Porter. “Does someone have some answers?”
“Parker was just confiding in me that you’re having some marital issues. I’d really like to not get in the middle of it. Maybe you two should talk.” Porter makes his way out of the room.
“Parker, what’s going on?”
She wipes the makeup and tears from under her eyes and then puts on her best face. “I was just caught off guard with your proclamation. I needed to process it. My brother was helping me work through it.” She smiles. Even with the quivering of her lip, I can tell she’s trying to be sincere.
This side of Parker is beautiful. She has the kindest soul, but I think she puts so much pressure on herself to maintain this image that she and her friends think she needs to have. I wish she was more like the woman she was when we began dating. That woman was real.
“It sounded like there was more than just a little consoling going on.”
“Porter was reminding me that divorce was not an option for a Matthews. We need to find a way to work this out between us. I’ll do whatever it takes. Why don’t we try some counseling?” Parker places her hands on my chest and looks into my eyes. “Please? We owe this to our boys. We owe this to us.”
I stare into her beautiful blue eyes. Parker’s tears make them look like crystal. It’s so hard to say no to this woman. That’s what I had planned to do today. I woke up this morning feeling lighter, like I was going to get my freedom back. I was going to be with someone who makes me feel more like a man. Someone who loves me for who I am and not the name or the money that goes along with it. I thought my time in a loveless marriage was over. Now Parker is begging for me to stay with her and the guilt trip about my children’s wellbeing is like a knife to the heart. What am I supposed to do?
I sigh heavily with the weight of the world back on my shoulders. “Why do you want to stay married? You don’t love me.”
“How can you say that? I’ve dedicated my life to you and this family! I’ve been the perfect wife for you.”
I think she truly believes what she’s saying. Maybe she doesn’t know what true love is. For that, I’m sad. Perhaps I’ve failed her.
“Let’s talk about this tomorrow. We have a house full of people and we should probably get back to them.”
Parker nods, her shoulders drooping in defeat.
Plagued with guilt, I lift her chin. “Hey, look at me.”
Her sad blue eyes stare back at me.
“This conversation isn’t over. We need to work through some things.” I feel bad for giving her hope, but I feel worse that I’m destroying her world even though financially she’ll be just fine without me. She doesn’t need me. I’m just arm candy to for her perfect little world. Or perhaps I’m the one trying to justify my choices. Maybe I’m just as guilty as she is.