Tinsley
The temperature is cool and the sun is shining bright as I walk around the lake toward the park while plotting the next chapter in my head. But as hard as I try to concentrate on my story, thoughts of Damien continue to pop into my head. Reaching up, I press my fingers against my cheek, remembering how his touch the other night made my skin feel as if it were on fire. I drop my hand, my eyes sliding to the ground as I contemplate what it all means. His touches, even the slightest ones, always made me feel like I was going to combust—something I’ve never felt with another man, and I’m almost pissed that hasn’t changed after all this time. He shouldn’t be able to affect me so strongly, and the fact that he does scares the hell out of me.
A ball whizzes by my head and lands behind me, startling me back to reality. Following close behind is the cutest little girl, her beautiful blonde curls swaying in the breeze as she runs after her ball. Bending down, I pick it up and hold it out to her. She beams up at me and reaches for her ball.
“Tank you,” she says. “I’m Sami, and I’m three.” She holds out her hand as she tries her damnedest to hold up only three fingers, and I giggle to myself.
“Hi, Sami. I’m Tinsley,” I tell her as she holds her hand out for me to shake. I take her tiny little hand in mine. Then that deep voice that used to whisper I love yous in my ear calls out, and all the hairs on the back of my neck stand up.
“Sami, you scared me. Why did you...” he scolds, fear lacing his voice. Sami looks at me and bites her little lip. I have to stifle a laugh. She looks so guilty as she rocks back and forth on her heals. I scrutinize her, taking in the blue eyes and blonde hair that look just like…Damien’s. She even has his dimple. Taking a deep breath to calm my racing pulse, I stand to my full height.
When we are face to face, my knees weaken, and it takes everything in me to keep standing. He smiles at me, though he looks nervous, and for a brief moment, I want him to wrap me in his arms like he used to, but as quickly as that moment comes, it’s gone, and all the pain he caused comes flooding back. I want to run—run far away from him and all the emotions he brings out in me. I’m still so angry, but if I don’t care about him anymore, then why? Why does it matter? Why does any of it matter? I should feel nothing. I curse myself internally, not wanting to admit what I already know is true.
“H-hi, Tinsley. I see you’ve met Sami.” Damien says as he ruffles the little blonde’s hair. She wiggles away from his hand and gives him an annoyed glare. I glance down at the little girl and smile. As much as I want to pummel her daddy, I can’t very well do that in front of her.
“I did. She’s a beautiful little girl,” I say, keeping my eyes on Sami. She gives me a shy smile and bats her long, thick lashes at me as an awkward and uncomfortable tension settles between us. I want to run home and get myself far, far away from this situation—and him—but something about that little girl tugs at my heartstrings, making it hard to leave.
“Wanna play ball with me?” Sami asks, giving me puppy dog eyes. I look up to Damien, who is grinning down at his daughter. For a minute, I wonder if he saw me and planned this little bump in. If so, it’s pretty low. I squint my eyes at him, and Damien glances over at me, then shakes his head, seeming to read my thoughts.
“I had nothing to do with this,” he says, his hands raised in surrender. And I’m inclined to believe him. I feel a pulling on my shirt and bend down, giving Sami all my attention.
“Please play with me. Daddy kicks the ball too hard and I have to chase it all the time,” she explains. How can I possibly say no to that angelic little face? Her bright blue eyes plead with me, and I give in.
“I’d love to play with you,” I tell her, then glance over at Damien. “If your daddy is okay with it and I’m not interfering with any plans.”
Reaching up, Sami takes my hand in hers. “Of course Daddy is okay with it,” Sami says, like it’s the stupidest thing for me to think her daddy doesn’t always give her what she wants. She leads me to the field, and I look to Damien over my shoulder. He tosses the ball from one hand to the other, and his eyes meet mine before he smiles like he just won something. I glare at him and turn my attention back to Sami. This is about her—not Damien. And certainly not spending time with Damien.
For the next hour, Sami and I kick the ball back and forth. A couple times, Damien joined in, but I tried to ignore him the best I could and poured all my attention into Sami. Every time she giggles, my heart swells. She is the sweetest little girl and so full of life. Damien has done a wonderful job with her.
“Sami, we need to head home,” Damien says, and she looks at me with the cutest pouty face I’ve ever seen. Running over to me, she wraps her arms around my waist and hugs me tightly. I tense for a moment, not expecting the affection, but then melt into her. This little girl could be very dangerous for my heart.
“It was nice seeing you, Tin. I think it’s safe to say Sami likes you,” Damien says with a sincere smile, and the happiness washes straight off my shoulders as I guard myself once more. I wish he would stop calling me that. I watch as Damien takes Sami’s hand and leads her to the parking lot. When they get to his truck, they both turn to look at me and raise their hands to wave bye. I wave back to Sami only. I am not getting friendly with Damien—no matter how cute his daughter is.
As I walk back to the house, my mind wanders into a territory it has no business going. If things would have happened differently, Sami could’ve been mine—mine and Damien’s. My heart aches at the thought. I kick at a rock on the sidewalk, as if it was the person who hurt me. The poor rock goes flying through the air and hits the person in front of me square in the ass. My cheeks heat with embarrassment while I try to stifle a giggle.
“Ouch!” The woman yelps. She quickly turns around, looking for what or who just hit her. When I see her face, I double over laughing.
“I’m so sorry.” I laugh. Taking a deep breath, I attempt to control my hysterics. The beautiful dark-haired girl stomps over to me until we’re toe to toe.
“Oh. My. God. Tinsley, it’s so good to see you!” Dahlia screeches, bouncing on her toes. Before I can respond, she throws her arms around me and squeezes.
“Can’t breathe, Dahl,” I choke out. She laughs and pulls back. “It’s good to see you too. I planned on calling you soon,” I tell her, smiling wide. She has grown into such a stunning woman. It’s hard to believe I used to babysit her. My nose curls at the thought. Wow. Now I feel old.
“Do you have time to grab some coffee and catch up?”
“Absolutely.”
Dahlia talks a mile a minute as we walk to Lou’s Café, and I can’t help but feed off her energy. This girl has a spunk I’m not sure I can keep up with on my best days, and it is infectious. She teeters on about her courses and a guy she’s “kinda sorta seeing”—her words, not mine.
In Lou’s, we order our coffees and take a seat by the window. Blowing the top of my coffee, I look around, noting the Café is the exact same as it always has been. The warm and squishy feeling is back in my gut at being here again. Turning back to Dahlia, I sip my coffee, then share some information of my own.
“I met your niece earlier,” I tell her, and her eyes light up at the mention of Sami.
“She’s adorable, isn’t she?” Pulling out her cell phone, she starts flipping through years’ worth of pictures. My heart aches as I see all the photographic proof of what an amazing dad Damien has been. I should’ve been in those pictures with the two of them. We made so many promises to each other—promises he had no intentions of keeping. I think that’s what hurts the most: not understanding why he’d lie to me. Why make promises you don’t intend to keep? Why be with me at all if he didn’t really love me?
“Are you okay?” Dahlia asks, and I shake my head, hoping to rid my mind of all the thoughts that keep haunting me. Dahlia has nothing to do with what went on between Damien and I, and I know that, but it’s harder to be around her than I thought it would be. Dahlia places her hand on mine, gaining my attention. “I know being back here has to be tough.” Pausing, she looks up to the ceiling, as if trying to gather her thoughts. “I know this is none of my business, but I think the two of you should sit down and get it all out. Get the answers from him you want. I guarantee it won’t be the explanation you expect.”
“To be honest, I don’t really know if I want an explanation. It won’t change anything. He lied. He hurt me worse than I’ve ever been hurt. That can’t be taken back.” My eyes begin to fill with tears and that familiar burn in my throat creeps in, but I choke it down. I refuse to shed anymore tears for this man—especially this many years later.
“I hope we can still be friends and hang out while you’re here. I’ve missed you,” Dahlia says, her voice tinged with sadness. Scooting my chair back on a screech, I stand and wrap her in a tight hug.
“Of course we can. I’ve missed you too.”