Sienna

He was the absolute last person I thought I’d see when I opened my eyes. First off, I had to deal with the fact that I was in a hospital bed. Which only brought back the memories of the night before. The stupid decisions. The truths that tried to push themselves forward, and what the end of the night could have brought me.

I felt tired, groggy, and had a bad headache, but not from drinking. The night slowly came back to me, including hitting my head. I quickly shut my eyes and wanted to sink into the bed. Embarrassment started to set in and it wasn’t a good feeling. But one feeling that didn’t hit me? Guilt. I didn’t feel guilty about the night before. Maybe that should have bothered me more than it did, but whatever.

Kace slept sitting in a chair, his head to the side. He had his jacket balled up and jammed against his neck as some sort of pillow. There was no way in hell he was comfortable. I didn’t understand why he was with me. Or why he showed up and saved me. Or how he even knew that I was on the roof of that building. Just like the week before, he showed up out of nowhere to stop me from hurting myself.

Hurting myself.

My face burned hot as I swallowed hard. I rolled my eyes back and fought away the tears. I wasn’t going to wake up in a hospital and start to cry. I wanted to talk to a doctor or a nurse and I wanted to go home.

Kace’s head popped up and his eyes opened. He looked at me and slammed his hands on the arms of the chair and pushed forward. He pulled the chair across the floor, letting it scrape and scratch.

“Hey,” he said in a sleepy voice. “Darlin’. How’d you sleep?”

“Seriously? That’s how you’re starting this conversation?”

“What?”

“What are you doing here, Kace?”

He blinked a few times and reached for the bed. “I didn’t want to leave you alone.”

“Why?”

“Because you were feeling lonely, Sienna.”

Shit. He knows my name. I told him my name. Shit.

Worse than that, my name sounded good coming from his lips.

“Oh.”

That was the only word I could come up with.

“Hey, listen. I don’t know what happened last night. But the cops questioned me a bunch of times.”

“Why?”

“Those pills, darlin’. You took a few and you gave me one to hold. I gave it to the medics so they knew what you took.”

“Shit. They think you had them?”

“Maybe. I’m not sure. I’m not worried about it. I have nothing to hide.”

“I stole them. From someone at work.”

“Really?”

“I swear. I found a bottle in his bag. I took a few. I was going to go home and sleep the night away. But then…”

I looked down.

“Then what, Sienna? Because there’s some serious shit floating around right now.”

“Like what?”

“You’re not here because you bumped your head, okay? You took pills that weren’t yours to take. I don’t know if there’s any legal stuff coming your way for that.”

“Great.”

“Besides that… they’re going to talk to you.”

“They? Talk?”

“Doctors. About your, uh…” Kace pointed to his head.

“What?”

“I don’t know how to say it.”

“Then just say it, Kace.”

“Whether you tried to hurt yourself or not.”

“Hurt myself…”

“You took some pills and you were standing on the edge of a roof, Sienna. You were saying some stuff and that’s why someone called the police.”

“You didn’t call the police?”

“No. I was… walking. I saw some people and I saw you. I climbed the fire escape to get to you.”

“Really? You did that to get to me?”

“Yeah,” he said. “I didn’t want you to fall. Or jump.”

Or jump.

Hearing those two words broke my heart. Everything Kace was saying was right. And everything that was going to happen, I deserved.

“You don’t need to be here,” I said.

“What?”

“Kace, I appreciate what you did. Last night. Spending the night. But you don’t need to be here right now.”

“I’m not leaving, Sienna. I don’t want you to be alone.”

I looked at him. I blinked, slowly beginning to lose the battle to tears. “Why? You don’t know a thing about me.”

“Maybe I don’t need to know a thing about you,” he said. “Maybe I can see something in your eyes. Maybe nobody ever gave a damn for more than ten seconds.”

“If this is your attempt to get into my pants, that’s a lot of work, Kace. I really doubt I’m that good in bed.”

Kace grinned. “You’re not wearing pants, darlin’. Half the work is already done.”

“Jerk,” I whispered and swallowed the massive lump in my throat.

I felt a stray tear escape my eye.

Kace made a move and reached for me. He pulled me close for a hug and sat on the edge of the bed. I buried my head into his chest and felt myself let go. We were strangers to each other, and yet in some weird way, Kace understood me. He hadn’t said anything stupid and cliché yet. And he hugged me without saying a word. Because sometimes you just needed a hug. No words. Just a good hug.

It also didn’t hurt that he was built with a lot of muscle and he smelled really good.

“I’m so sorry, Sienna,” he whispered.

I broke away and looked up at him. “Sorry? For what?”

“For whatever you’re going through right now. It can’t be easy to feel the way you do at the moment. I’m sorry you felt the need to make the decisions you did last night.”

I reached up with my right hand and touched his face. “Are you real?”

“I’m real, darlin’.”

“Who the hell are you?”

“You might not want the answer to that.”

I blinked and felt this burning moment between us. I studied his eyes and his face. I thought about the night before and everything I did. I knew exactly what I was doing and why I was doing it. The end result wasn’t supposed to be me in a hospital bed staring at this gorgeous man.

“Can I ask you something, Sienna?”

“Yes,” I said.

“You don’t have to answer me, but I just…”

“Just ask me.”

“Were you trying to hurt yourself last night?”

I let a few seconds pass by.

I didn’t look away from him when I gave my answer.

I told him the truth.

One word.

“Yes.”

* * *

I stepped out of the hospital room wearing actual clothes instead of a gown, and I saw him sitting in a chair. There was something about him. The way he sat on the edge of the chair, elbows on his knees. Staring at the floor. Like he had some kind of interest in me. To him, I was a stranger. Just some drunk and high chick he found on the roof of a building. The only reason he helped me the second time was because of what happened the first. I left him hanging in suspense and captured his attention. Now, was that worth putting your own ass on the line? To me, it wasn’t.

But there sat Kace.

The second he saw me, he jumped up.

“Sienna.”

“Kace.”

“Are you okay?”

“I’m free to go,” I said, showing my wrists.

I had this image of doctors shackling me to the bed, but it wasn’t anything like that. I had to speak with a couple of doctors and explain what had happened that night. They cleared me of the concussion, but it was the other thing that they were more worried about. I clearly explained what had happened. I did not use anyone’s name or anything like that. It was simple. I’d had a bad night at work and decided to quit. I found someone’s medication and took a couple because the label said that it was for anxiety. I made some bad decisions and ended up in the hospital because I bumped my head.

Truthfully, the one thing that helped me in all of this was Kace.

He was there for me and with me.

My stay at the hospital was an extra couple of days longer than I thought it would be, but I wanted to make sure that everyone knew that my lack of judgement that one night wasn’t something I planned on doing again. Even if I didn’t admit that it was something I had thought about and wanted to have happen. The second Kace threatened to step off that roof first, it changed me. The way my heart pounded, and the visions of him falling and getting hurt changed everything in my head.

I confessed what the night meant to me. How the emotion and memories caught up with me and led to a series of bad choices. The whole taking pills thing was not my style Then or now. Or ever. It was a fleeting thing that came to me and I went with it. And I regretted it, only in the sense that Kace allowed himself to be dragged into it.

The reason why wasn’t exactly clear yet.

But I needed to take one step at a time.

I was able to leave the hospital at my own will. I had a business card in my pocket for the doctor who spent quite a few hours talking to me. She made me promise her that I would call and make an appointment. I already knew that I would casually forget to make that appointment and just live life as I always did. First thing would be to find another job. I wasn’t going back to work at that restaurant. I had no intention of going back into that restaurant ever in my life.

Or so I thought…

“I can give you a ride home,” Kace said. “Unless you want to call someone else.”

I considered it. Maria had stopped by once for a visit and I played everything off. I made her leave and told her I would let her know when I was getting out. Maria was a decent enough friend to be there and care, but not enough to pursue me when I needed it the most. Which was both good and bad.

Which meant I could either call Maria and wait, or just let Kace give me a ride.

“Yeah, sure,” I said. “I guess I need a lift home.”

“It’s been a few days, huh?” Kace asked.

“Consider it an unplanned vacation.”

“I don’t know. A hospital visit is a vacation?”

“All things considered…”

I looked at him.

Why did I trust him?

Maybe because he was the only one who saw me. Truly saw me. He hadn’t asked me any hard questions, other than the one about me wanting to hurt myself. My answer had been simple and true, but there was a lot that led up to that decision.

“Let’s get out of here,” he said.

“I’m actually a little hungry.”

“I doubt you’ll want more of the cafeteria food. We can hit something on the ride home.”

“A restaurant?” I asked.

“No. Drive-thru.”

“I like your way of thinking.”

Kace grinned. “Nothing like a greasy burger and fries to help soothe the soul.”

“Chocolate milkshake?”

“Now you’re pushing it, Sienna. I barely know you.”

He made me laugh.

I reached for his hand. “Hey. I don’t even know where to start. With thanking you.”

Kace gently tugged his hand away and touched my cheek. “No need, darlin’. And even if there was a need, not here. Believe it or not, I’m actually sick of this place myself. I’ve been staring at that same painting for hours. Days. Maybe years…”

He nodded and I looked to the painting on the wall. It was of a field of yellow and purple flowers with a red barn in the distance with two large white silos.

“It’s driving me crazy,” Kace said.

“Why?”

“It’s like a moment in suspense, Sienna. I keep staring and waiting for something to change.”

“It’s a painting, not a TV.”

“I know that.”

“So why would it change?” I asked.

“You’re stubborn, aren’t you?”

“How?”

“You’re so literal. I’ve been looking at that stupid thing for hours and it’s been playing tricks on my mind. Show a little sympathy.”

I raised an eyebrow. “Right. I’m sorry the barn scares you.”

“I didn’t say it scares me.”

“You implied it.”

“Can we leave now?”

“You’re the one worried about the painting. Do you want one of those? Are you secretly a painter? Some kind of romantic artist?”

“Actually, I sort of am,” he said.

“What?”

Kace winked. “You have a lot to learn about me, don’t you?”

Color rushed to my cheeks.

I did have a lot to learn when it came to Kace. Only because he was mostly a complete stranger to me.

A stranger that I was more comfortable with than everyone else in my life.

Which was sad. Maybe.

I didn’t miss the hospital as we exited it side by side. I didn’t even look back either. My eyes were straight ahead as Kace led the way to his truck. He opened the passenger door for me and helped me up inside as though I was actually hurting. Believe me, physically, I was fine. Emotionally… that was something else.

When Kace climbed into the truck and started it, I wasted no time in turning to look at him.

“Do you really paint or something?”

“Yes,” he said.

He put the truck in reverse.

“So tell me about it.”

“Could we talk about you for a second?”

“No,” I said. “All I’ve done is talk about me.”

He looked at me. “Right.” He put the truck into drive and navigated through the busy parking lot toward the exit.

It took him a minute before he started talking.

“I fix up junk and sell it,” he said. “It’s a hobby that’s sort of become a job.”

“Seriously?”

“Yeah.”

“What kind of junk?”

“Junk…” Kace shrugged his shoulders. “Junk, junk. Like an old mirror. I can take that and strip and sand the wooden frame down and refinish it. Take something old that I find at a flea market or a yard sale and turn it into something beautiful.”

“Wow. That sounds amazing.”

“Yeah?”

“I’m a waitress. Wait. Let me correct that. An unemployed waitress.”

“Unemployed?” he asked.

“Don’t ask,” I said.

He didn’t. It was like he knew right when to keep asking questions and when to stop.

Going home was interesting.

It wasn’t like I was in an accident and I was returning home at the grace of a miracle. And that people were waiting for me. Or that my apartment had been cleaned by someone as a way to help out. In fact, when I opened the door to the apartment, I felt embarrassed because of the smell. Not just because the neighbors and the thin walls allowed all the smells to gather in my apartment, but because I hadn’t been home and the garbage had been sitting there for days. Even though I was embarrassed, I still let Kace in. What the hell did I care? This guy wanted to see the real me, fine.

“This is my place,” I said.

“Nice,” he said as he lingered back near the door. “Do you need anything?”

“Like what?”

“I don’t know. I’m just offering.”

“Kace. Why?”

“Why what?”

“Just why? You don’t know me. I don’t know you. You find me on the roof one night, and then a week later, you save me from hurting myself. You wait at the hospital for me. You drive me home. It’s like… like you know me or something.”

“I’m just helping.”

“The strange thing is, it’s not all that weird for me.”

“Okay,” Kace said. “Maybe I should ask you why.”

“No,” I said. “I want to know why you did this for me.”

“I already told you why. Because you were alone. Both times I found you, you were alone. You were alone enough to want to hurt yourself.”

“I made a bad choice, Kace. That was it. I took some pills I shouldn’t have.”

“You said to me that you-”

“It doesn’t matter what I said in the hospital. I’m perfectly fine, Kace. I’m home. I have things to do.”

“Is this you asking me to leave?”

“No. I just don’t understand what else you need to do here,” I said.

“Right.”

“I’m sorry. I’m not trying to be mean. I’m just tired. Sleeping in a hospital sucks.”

“Yeah, I know,” Kace said.

Of course. You slept there that first night. In a chair. Sitting up. Next to my hospital bed.

I walked toward him. I saw the look in his eyes. The one begging for the story. The whole story. Pieces of me that I’d never shared with anyone else.

“I’m sorry for any trouble I caused you,” I said. “I hope the cops leave you alone.”

“I think I’m good,” he said.

“I had a bad night, okay? Some bad stuff happened and I let it get to me.”

“Just one night, huh?”

“Yeah,” I said, lying. “My boss threw food at me.”

“What?”

“Yeah. The restaurant I worked at. The owner’s daughter would sometimes show up. She’s a horrible person. She didn’t like my hair. I was holding a full tray of food and she purposely threw it at me. She hit it and the food covered me. That’s what set all that off.”

“Just that, huh?”

“Kace. Stop.”

He nodded. “Well, I’m sorry that happened to you. Nobody should have that kind of stuff happen. I guess I’ll take off then. You’re home. You feel safe?”

“I’m good.”

“Okay. If you need anything, Sienna, let me know.”

“Tell me something, Kace. Stop with the good guy routine. Stop with the hero thing. You jumped into the fire. Why?”

“Maybe because I know how it feels,” he said. “To be alone and feel like nobody cares. I was on a date, Sienna. A first date, actually. I was walking back to my truck with her and the next thing I know, I’m looking up and there you are. Standing on the edge of a roof, looking like you’re going to fall. So I ran to help you. Because something told me, and still tells me, that even if you meant to do that, you’d probably regret it.”

“What if I told you I don’t feel any regret?”

“Then I guess I’m just a total jerk for helping you out.”

I could have said something to ease the sudden tension, but I didn’t.

I watched as Kace opened the door of the apartment and started to inch back. At the last possible second, I dove forward and reached for him. I missed him, clutching at just air, stumbling out of my own apartment after him.

“Wait. Kace.”

He turned to face me. “Yeah?”

“I’m sorry for that. You saved me. I don’t know how to thank you.”

“You already said that to me.”

“I know. I’m serious. I’m just…” I put up a finger and ran back into my apartment. I got paper and a pen and gave them to Kace.

“What’s this for?”

“Your number.”

“My number?” he asked. “Shouldn’t I be the one getting your number?”

“We’ve kind of done things backwards so far,” I said, shrugging my shoulders.

“Right,” he said. He started to scribble on the paper and he folded it up. “If you do need anything, Sienna, let me know. I’m sorry I can’t answer your questions the way you want. I saw you in trouble and I wanted to help. Why? I just did. I hope you are okay. If not, call me.”

I took the piece of paper from him.

I thought about just letting him leave, but decided against it. Not without…

I jumped at him and gave him a hug.

My mind and body began to pick everything out. The way my head fit against his chest perfectly. The way my hands wrapped around his body, feeling nothing but muscle. The way he hugged me back, gently, but with the suggestion that he could easily pick me up if need be. The smell of his shirt. The feel of his shirt. The feel of his hard chest.

I broke the hug and moved to the very tips of my toes, and barely managed to plant a quick kiss on his jaw line. It was a total miss for the sweet kiss on the cheek that I had hoped to give.

“Thank you,” I said.

“Sure,” Kace said.

He left and I went back inside to my apartment.

I was alone. Again.

I shut the door and unfolded the piece of paper, wondering if he actually gave me his number.

He did.

And there was a little note under it.

The barn scared me. Don’t tell anyone.

I smiled.

That became laughter.

I covered my mouth and clutched the piece of paper tightly.

I put my back against the door as I laughed so loudly.

It only last a few seconds.

When silence fell again, my back slid against the door as I sat down.

That’s when I started to cry.