Lex laughed as I ran my soapy hands over her lower back and gripped each of her ass cheeks, my mouth nipping at her jaw.
“You beast,” she said, a giggle following after. She turned her head and stole a kiss from my mouth, smiling against me. I pulled her closer, playfully growling. “Stop it! You said we needed to leave in the next twenty minutes.” She sighed, but when I licked her cheekbone, she squirmed, laughing. “This is why I told you it was a bad idea to shower together.”
“Saves water,” I said, tilting my head to the side as I stroked the soap into her ass. “I need to make sure you’re thoroughly cleaned, too.”
Her teeth pulled at my bottom lip, I let her drag it out until her teeth released it. “Don’t you prefer me dirty?”
Fuck.
“I prefer you filled with my cum,” I said and squeezed her tight. “I prefer tainting you and then cleaning you, just so that I can dirty you up some more.”
She hummed in response and kissed me deeply. Her hands traced my biceps and slowly, stepped out of my arms until she was out of reach.
“I’m getting ready,” she hollered at me as she wrapped a towel around herself and vanished out of the bathroom.
I grumbled but couldn’t wipe the smile off my face. I couldn’t remember the last time I was this happy. A seed of doubt continued to creep in. I was losing control. I was getting too close again and I would destroy her.
As I cleaned myself, I remembered Lex’s mewls from the night before and grew hard. I didn’t have time to jack off though. I had to be at the Pit early today to train with Tegan and she’d kick my ass if I was late.
I dried myself off, tugging on my pants and stepped outside the door. Then someone knocked at the front door. I frowned, wondering who would be wanting to see me. I never had visitors here.
Another knock echoed through the apartment.
I tsked and moved forward, swinging open the door to find the last person I expected to see.
Molly Darling—now Molly Knight as it was confirmed she had married my brother at High Court while they were there. Before Fallen had ripped Tensley’s heart out.
I squared my jaw at her sudden appearance and caught sight of the shadow of a collar around her neck. The mark a high-class demon gave his wife, his partner and only a high-class demon could see it. It was to claim them, to let others know she was taken and his. Low-class demons didn’t see the need to mark their partners.
“Why are you here?” My voice held no threat, no anger, but annoyance.
She straightened her purse strap, her wide eyes scanning me quickly. “To see you. About your brother.”
I flexed my jaw, thinking of my younger brother. “The heartless king.”
She didn’t speak, simply staring back at me as if I would rip her head off. I was sure my brother filled her in on our history and my violent past since I’d only seen her once or twice before, at most. I knew my brother preferred to keep her away from me. Wise man.
“Just for a few minutes,” she urged, stepping closer.
My entire body blocked the doorway and I kept a firm grip on the door. “Not interested.” I went to shut the door and Molly jerked forward, putting her foot inside to stop the door from closing.
“Please Beau,” she whispered, her eyes finding mine and pleading.
I scowled down at her and opened my mouth, but another voice spoke.
“Beau? What are you doing?” Lex tipped her head to the side, her damp brown hair falling over one shoulder. Lex’s features softened, her cheeks burning bright red. Because it wouldn’t take a genius to figure out what she and I were doing. “Molly, what are you doing here?”
Molly bit her tongue and exchanged a look between the two of us. Lex only wore my long t-shirt down to her knees and I was shirtless with a pair of jeans on. We looked like a couple living together and that made my chest tight.
It was supposed to be just fucking and it was turning into way more than that.
Lex pulled me back by my arm and I scowled at her. “Come in, Molly.”
Molly stepped inside the apartment and I watched her eye each detail of the room. She wore a white coat, too pristine for the world Lex and I lived in. Her face didn’t hold any judgment as she scanned the room though.
Lex stood in front of Molly as I stood in the middle of the room.
“Oh my God,” Lex whispered and pressed a hand to Molly’s stomach. My eyes darted to her belly, seeing a slight bump I hadn’t noticed. She was pregnant? Tensley was going to be a father? My past flashed in front of me. “How far are you?”
“I’ll be five months in a day or two.” Molly smiled and smoothed her own hands along her belly.
My nostrils flared, and I couldn’t look away from her belly. A life I almost had. A life torn from me and now my brother, heartless, had a pregnant wife. His wife and unborn child hadn’t died for his sins. Jealousy crept up inside me.
“Beau,” Molly’s voice shook me out of my thoughts and my head shot up to meet her gaze. “I wanted to ask you about…” She glanced at Lex, whose brows had knitted in a frown. “About being heartless… about… getting better.”
My entire body stiffened at her words.
Being heartless.
I stared back at her, working my jaw.
Once a demon’s heart was ripped out, it could grow back, but it took time and nurturing. If she wanted a quick solution, I truly couldn’t offer it. I had lived in anger and fear alone. I’d been heartless and alone for a long time.
When I felt Lex’s eyes watching me, I turned to meet her gaze, a longing in her stare. Like she wanted to know the answer too.
Like she wanted to save me.
I couldn’t be saved.
I couldn’t forgive myself.
I looked away and back to Molly. “Why?”
Molly licked her lips and moved closer. “So I can help him. Make it better for him.”
I tsked. “To save him. For your own selfishness. Maybe he’s better as a beast. Maybe he wants to stay that way.”
Lex folded her arms. “Better as a beast?”
I glared at Lex, my anger, my fear eating me alive and I lashed out. “Take a walk. This has nothing to do with you.”
The moment the words left my mouth, I regretted them and winced. My fingers itched to reach out to her and hold her, to apologize. Lex blanched and then her delicate features morphed into a scowl. “Fuck you.”
It felt like whiplash, like she had dug into my chest and squeezed whatever tiny heart I had.
But I had deserved it.
Lex grabbed a bag off of the couch and stomped out, slamming the door behind her.
Molly didn’t move, staring at me as I ran a hand down my face.
A few seconds passed before Molly spoke. “Are you and her…?”
I shook my head. “No.”
But I wanted to say yes as wrong as it was. As selfish as it was.
The jealousy eating at me was too much to think clearly, it was blurring my vision.
Molly nodded, deciding it was best to steer clear of that conversation. “Beau, how much of a heart do you have?”
I sighed and turned to my kitchen. I turned on the tap and poured myself a cup of water. “Over half a heart.” It was a lie though. I could feel my heart expanding, strengthening for the last few weeks. And I knew who had caused it. Who had caused it to grow so fast when it had barely even grown after years following my demise. I took a large gulp of my water, the droplets littering on my dark scruff. I moved toward her, fixing her with a dark, steady stare. “It took ten years to get there.”
Molly’s eyes widened and the little bit of hope that had existed vanished with my words. “Ten years?”
I took another gulp and nodded. “Ten fucking years of darkness.”
Molly gripped the back of the couch for support. “What if I did something? To speed the process?”
I cocked a brow and felt a wave of anger. Of jealousy that Tensley had someone who loved him so much she was willing to try and do anything to save him. To bring him back. While I had been abandoned and loathed most of my life. “What exactly?”
She swallowed. “I cursed him to grow a heart.”
What the fuck?
My brow dropped low and I stepped forward, anger in my movements. “You fucking cursed him?”
“I was desperate.”
I swore and paced. “Well, he better fucking still be alive. You didn’t kill him, right?”
Molly shook her head softly.
I shrugged after a moment. “I don’t know how it’ll work. It may grow back faster, it may still take time.”
She fisted her hands. Time wasn’t on her side.
I looked straight into her eyes, gaze cold. I wanted to give her hope. I wanted to give her a chance to not give up, not on my brother. Despite the anger and jealousy. Tensley was my little brother. He and I had never had an easy, loving relationship, there had even been a rivalry for a long time, but I still hoped for him to heal faster than I had. No one deserved to go through what I’d gone through.
But still, still bitterness boiled in me.
“I had no Molly in my life during those ten years,” I snapped. “Because I wasn’t lucky like my brother. The woman I fell for was long dead and so was my unborn child. No one and nothing helped me, so I don’t know shit about helping someone grow a heart. All I know is the darkness and pain that followed me around all those years. And it’s still there, it never goes away.”
Molly visibly straightened as if I had slapped her, but then her features softened again. Like pity for me.
Tensley had people willing to sacrifice everything to bring him back. As for me, everyone had given up.
But there was a truth in my harsh words that rang louder than the bite they delivered. One I knew she heard, loud and clear.
Be there for him. No matter what.
Molly nodded, her eyes dropping. “Thank you, Beau.”
I sucked at my teeth and looked away as she made her way out the door. I hoped she would be able to save him quickly enough so that their child wouldn’t come to this world with a beast as a father. But I wasn’t sure.
As I stood in the dark apartment, my chest grew heavier and I clenched my hands.
I needed to find Lex. I grabbed my jacket and rushed out, doing it up as I made my way down the stairs.
As I turned the corner in the hallway, I found Lex standing by the front entrance. Her tiny body shook, the cool wind whipped at her cheeks, her wet hair now brittle from the cold air.
“Alexandra,” I said, my voice soft.
Her body froze, but she didn’t look back at me.
I stepped closer, being careful not to invade her space. I could feel the anger radiating off of her. She was pissed off.
I deserved it.
“I fucked up, okay?” I said, my breathing warring against my chest. “I’m sorry, I don’t like people prying into my relationships.”
“I know this isn’t a relationship, we’re just fucking,” she hissed back, and I caught her side profile, her lashes lined with droplets. “But you don’t have to be an asshole about it either.”
I hollowed out my cheeks and sighed, staring at the ceiling. I wasn’t ready to commit to more. I wasn’t ready to give her my soul and heart, but somehow, I felt she already had it and didn’t even know she held all the power in her tiny, kissable hands.
I moved closer, so my front flushed against her back and she shivered, a moan escaping.
“Are you that embarrassed of me?” she whispered, brokenly. “Because I’m a souleater?”
It felt like daggers were jabbed into my chest. “Fuck. Alexandra, I’m not embarrassed of you at all. I’m a fucked-up man. I’m complicated. I do and say harsh things I don’t mean and realize too late that I’ve fucked up.” I gripped her arm and turned her around, seeing her tear-stained cheeks and bloodshot eyes. My fingers touched her cheek. “But if you want me, you can have me.”
“I want you,” she murmured, her fingers toying with my t-shirt, unable to look up at me. “But why did you react that way up there?”
“Why?” I sighed deeply, staring at her, willing my answer to help. “Because I’m afraid. Afraid of what is happening between us. I can’t commit to anything more than giving you my body now. But maybe…” I leaned forward and rested my forehead on hers. “One day, I could give you more.”
Maybe all of me.
She sniffled, her fingers tightening around my shirt. “I can accept that.”
I sighed with relief and brought her mouth to mine.
I wanted to show her in a kiss that she already had most of me.
Maybe all of me already and I hated it and loved it. I wasn’t meant to be caged anymore.
But, this cage didn’t feel like such a bad place to be trapped inside.